Saturday, February 1, 2020

Legends Of Tomorrow Season 5, Episode 2: Meet The Legends

It's the Season 5 premiere of Legends Of Tomorrow. Yay, I guess. OK, the season actually began last week, with Crisis On Infinite Earths, Part Five. But that was the last part of a massive crossover, and as such wasn't reeeeeeally a Legends episode. So I feel like THIS is the actual, true premiere.
But I digress. After a dull and lackluster first year, Legends Of Tomorrow rallied and completely turned itself around, giving us an amazing Season 2 and 3. It quickly became my new favorite show, as it was like a live action Silver Age comic book, with all the craziness and insanity that implies.

And then Season 4 happened.

The first eight episodes of Season 4 were fine. Not quite as good as Seasons 2 & 3, but perfectly satisfactory. Then the last eight episodes aired. Woof! I dunno what happened, but the back half of the season became a completely different show. It was all I could do to slog through to the season finale.

Part of the problem was the sudden prominence of the Time Bureau. and its interest in magical creatures. This inexplicably became the focus of the show, rather than patrolling and fixing the timeline.

Hank Heywood's story arc was another serious misstep. When Hank first appeared at the beginning of Season 4, there was something sinister about him. Later we find out he was rounding up magical creatures from the Time Bureau, and it was implied he was using them to build a supernatural army for his own nefarious purposes.

Then according to the writers, Tom Wilson, who played Hank, was "such a sweetheart in real life" that they couldn't bear to go through with that storyline, and changed course midstream. Instead of being an evil mastermind, Hank turned out to be a lovable doofus who was stealing supernatural creatures to populate a magical theme park to make his grown-ass son Steel happy. No, really!

Are you fraking kidding me?

Jesus Christ, why stop at metaphorically emasculating Hank? Why not just literally cut his balls off as well?

It also didn't help that the show suffered a severe and very obvious budget cut in Season 4. Not only did the episodes look cheap, but the characters stopped using their powers altogether. Hell, even White Canary stopped fighting bad guys, as if they couldn't afford to hire a stunt coordinator! What an awesome idea— a superhero show with no superheroes on it!

But the biggest (heh) problem with Season 4 was no doubt the ever-expanding cast. Just look at this screencap from the season finale. I'll save you the trouble of counting— there're a whopping ELEVEN members on the team! Eleven! That's just too freakin' many. There should only be six of them. Seven at the absolute most. Eleven is just way too many to deal with.

Apparently the writers must have felt the same way, because in this week's episode they seemingly get rid of at least four of them. One (Nora Darhk) makes a brief cameo, but doesn't even have a line of dialogue. Charlie disappears in the opening minutes, as if she's got a cab waiting. Mona's booted off the team as well at the end, and Constantine may or may not have exited.

Not happy about Charlie and Constantine's possible departures, but Mona's exit is a good start. 

Now that I think of it, Meet The Legends definitely felt like a return to form for the series. The story was quirky without being too silly, the characters didn't go anything overly stupid and everyone actually used their powers. All in all a good outing. 

Let's just hope it lasts though. I'm giving you fair warning here, Legends Of Tomorrow. You're on probation with me right now. Keep up the good work and we'll be fine. Start pumping out Season 4-level episodes again though, and I'm done with you.


The Plot:
After publicly saving the world from Neron in the Season 4 finale, the Legends are world famous— their faces are plastered all over magazine covers, TV and social media. We see that director Kevin Harris is now onboard the Waverider, filming a documentary about them.

Ava Sharpe, former Director of the Time Bureau explains that Congress shut down the organization, and wanted to impound the Waverider as well. She begged them to let the Legends continue to protect the timeline, but the government complained about their lack of transparency. To remedy that, Sharpe invited the documentary crew on board.

The film crew captures Steel basking in the spotlight of course, even though he feels like something's "changed." That of course would be Zari, who was wiped out of existence in the season finale and replaced with her brother Behrad.

As for the rest of the crew, Mona's now Heat Wave's literary agent, as he continues to write romance novels under the pen name of Rebecca Silver. Gary Green has become John Constantine's apprentice. Charlie becomes "bored" and takes the Jump Ship off on a joyride. And Gideon, the Waverider's AI, is experiencing some sort of glitch that causes her to speak gibberish.

Sharpe tells the others not to mention the late Oliver Queen around White Canary, lest she get icky sad feelings. Canary and Atom return to the ship, fresh from the Crisis On Infinite Earths crossover. Canary's less than pleased to see the film crew and refuses to talk with them.

Just then Gideon detects a Class 5 time quake, and the team takes off to Imperial Russia in 1917. There they spot Grigori Rasputin being laid to rest in a cemetary, but as he's lowered into the ground he bursts out of his casket. The Legends retreat back to the ship.

Meanwhile, Constantine and Gary arrive at a New York apartment, where a woman's young son has been possessed. Constantine starts performing an exorcism, but realizes the demon inside the kid is an old friend of his named Masher. The two then go out for drinks.

Steel gives everyone a history lesson on Rasputin. He says he had a strange hold over the Czar and his family, which worried Prince Yusupov. The Prince and his friends then decided to assassinate Rasputin to save the country. Steel says that now that Rasputin survived the attempt on his life, he may try to kill Yusupov. Steel thinks he can keep that from happening by reasoning with Rasputin. Mona wants to deliver a fake love letter from the Czarina to Rasputin to calm him down. Heat Wave and Sharpe just want to kill him.

Sharpe, Steel, Atom, Heat Wave, Sharpe and Mona all go to Rasputin's manor. As you can imagine, their efforts go horribly wrong. Rasputin senses Steel's heart's been broken, so he hypnotizes him. Steel sees vague images of Zari, though he doesn't know who she is because time travel. Heat Wave intercepts the love letter Mona wrote and is impressed by her prose.

Sharpe shoots Rasputin in the shoulder, but he pulls the bullet out and announces God has spared him again. Heat Waves blasts him with his flame gun, but he repels it with his bare hand. Sharpe orders a retreat, and the team hightails it out of the manor.

Elsewhere, Masher says Constantine's friend Astra has released the worst souls in history from Hell. Constantine thanks him for the info, then exorcizes Masher and tells Gary to warn the Legends.

On the ship, Canary tells the film crew she doesn't want to be a celebrity. Behrad tells her he examined Gideon and she's suffering from "phantom data." Constantine calls in and tells Canary about the evil souls thing. He says they can't be killed in any normal manner, because "their chits are still in Hell," whatever that means.

The Legends return to the ship, and Canary asks them what they were thinking by attacking Rasputin. Atom tells Canary they organized the mission to make things easier for her in her grief. She says she already has one dead friend and doesn't need more, and tells them she's pissed that no one thought to ask how she was doing. Sharpe says they didn't want to remind her about Oliver, and Canary asks if she honestly thought she might forget about his death.

Behrad tells Canary that Gideon is processing data from a different timeline. Just then they receive a message from Rasputin, and realize they left Kevin the director back at the manor. Rasputin tells them he's going to kill the Romanovs, which will make him an immortal czar. Canary decides to take Behrad with her to deal with Rasputin.

Canary and Behrad disguise themselves and sneak into Rasputin's manor. The Czar and his family arrive, and Canary realizes Rasputin's poisoned the food. She and Behrad knock the food from their hands, revealing themselves.

Rasputin takes mental control of all the guards— including Behrad— and orders them to attack Canary. She begins fighting them off.

Back on the Waverider, the Legends watch Rasputin's camera feed. Sharpe figures Canary wants to handle it alone, and says they should let her. Atom asks the others if they're really going to stand by while their Captain battles Rasputin and his hordes.

Canary continues to fight the guards. Suddenly Anastasia arrives, and reveals she's really Sharpe in disguise. She hurls a knife into Rasputin's chest, and he says she'll have to do better than that. At that moment the other Legends burst in and begin attacking him. Canary shoos the Czar's family out of the manor to safety.

Canary and Sharpe begin fighting the guards back to back. They argue as they fight, but eventually kiss and make up. Rasputin then takes control of several of the Legends and orders them to attack Canary and Sharpe.

Suddenly Canary grabs a miniaturized Atom out of the air, and hurls him into Rasputin's mouth. This somehow breaks his hypnotic hold over Atom, and he comes to and wonders where he is. He enlarges to normal size, causing Rasputin to explode from within. Ewww.

Back on the Waverider, the Legends seal Rasputin's liquefied remains in empty condiment jars to keep him from magically reconstituting. Steel tries taking pieces of various photographs to recreate the face of his mystery love. The rest of the team toasts their success.

Cut to the Legends onstage, as we realize we've been watching Kevin's documentary. Canary sighs and thanks the audience for watching their film. She hands the mike to Sharpe, who realizes Canary really hates the spotlight, and comes to a decision. She says, "Of course, none of it was real." The others join in, pretending it was all a hoax. The audience begins booing and leaving. Kevin is stunned, saying the Legends have ruined him.

Back on the Waverider, Heat Wave hands Sharpe a Faberge Egg he stole in Russia, which will finance the Legends for years. Constantine arrives and draws a mystic containment circle on the floor. As Canary and Sharpe watch, he drinks a jar of Rasputin's remains. He says he's going back to Hell to check out the other souls that were loosed, and disappears.

Heat Wave compliments Mona on her writing, and says he's turning the title of Rebecca Silver over to her, so he can return to petty theft. Mona says she can't write onboard the Waverider, and promptly leaves.

Steel and Behrad scrub Gideon's memories of the phantom data. Behrad leaves, and Gideon tells Steel she found a message for him in the data. He asks to see it, and a hologram of Zari appears, asking him to find her.


 Amazingly, the Legends all used their powers in this episode— something we haven't seen on the show in a lonnnnnng time (OK, so Charlie didn't use hers, but I'm not counting her as she was hurried offscreen in the opening minutes). Enjoy it while you can though, because they likely won't do it again till the season finale. Those superpower FX are expensive!

• The episode begins with a montage illustrating the Legends' fame after the Heyworld incident. 

In order, we see an assortment of newspapers and magazines featuring the team, news footage of Wixtable the dragon from the ever present Channel 52, an assortment of YouTube reaction videos watching clips of the Legends, a Japanese whiskey commercial starring Steel and a shot of Heat Wave presenting the Best Picture Oscar. 

It ends with another assortment of images, including Canary & Sharpe with Barack Obama, Mona starring in an anti-fur ad (I guess?), paparazzi footage of Atom getting out of a car and a shirtless Behrad on another magazine cover.

Wondering who all's featured in the reaction videos? Clockwise from upper left we have Emily from Free Bicycle Tours, Eric and Aaron from Blind WaveAdam from Abnormally Adam and Tre and Tasha from Married2theReal.

I'm familiar with Blind Wave & Married2theReal's videos, but have no clue who the others are.

No doubt when Tasha saw herself featured on Legends she uttered her catchphrase, "I'm TIRED, y'all!"

Lastly, I have to assume Barry remembered Canary after she and the other Legends saved him from Gorilla Grodd back in Guest Starring John Noble.

• During the footage of the Congressional hearing with Senator Wellington, we see a news ticker across the bottom of the screen. The ticker reads: 

— Astronauts Jack Faust And Ichiro Lestrapes First Humans To Walk On Mars.
— Dragon Girl Still Trending #1 Worldwide Across Social Media Platforms.
— Ryan Reynolds To Star In Detective Beebo Live Action Film.

Note that the first line says, "First HUMANS To Walk On Mars." That's because in this Post-Crisis world of Earth-Prime, Mars is inhabited by Green and White Martians. Prior to the Crisis the planet was most likely uninhabited. Not sure why there'd be such a major space mission right after the Crisis, but there you go.

Not sure what Dragon Girl refers to. The last line though is a reference to the fact that Ryan Reynolds voiced the titular character in the live action Detective Pikachu movie last year.

• As the documentary crew interviews the various Legends, they're each labeled with short descriptions...

Ava Sharpe. Former Director Of The Time Bureau. Clone.

I honestly forgot about the clone part till they mentioned it again!

So I guess now that the Time Bureau's been disbanded, Sharpe's a full-time member of the Legends and is living on the ship with Canary. Eh, I dunno if I like that idea. Do we really need another plain old human on the team? Her only "power" is a good right hook. We've already got one ass-kicker on the Waverider in Canary, so Sharpe feels a bit redundant. 
Hopefully they can find something for her to do this season besides stand around on the bridge and look worried.

Nate Heywood. Superhero, Amusement Park Impresario, Historian. Raised From The Dead.

First of all, I love Steel's pompous attitude here, as adopts a scholarly demeanor for the camera. Complete with tweed jacket and a pipe!

Second, the writers actually remembered that he has a doctorate in history! That's right— technically he's Doctor Nathaniel Heywood! I thought they'd forgotten all about that. They must have read his Arrowverse wiki page.

Ray Palmer. The Atom.

So much for his secret identity!

Every time I see Atom now it makes me sad, as I know he's not long for the show. For dubious reasons known only to the producers, both he and Nora Darhk are being written off the series. This is a huge mistake if you ask me, as Atom is the heart and soul of Legends.

Behrad Tarazi. Ship's Technician. Future Man.

A lot to unpack here.

First of all, hats off to the actors in this episode. Shayan Sobhian is instantly likable as Behrad, and a fun addition to the team. He almost made me not miss Zari. Almost

Kudos to the rest of the cast as well, for selling the idea that Behrad has been part of the Legends all along, when in fact this is his first full episode. That probably wasn't easy, so well done!

In case you came in late and wondered who the hell Behrad is and what's going on: In 2021 (that's next year!) ARGUS established a dictatorship over America (!). Years later, Behrad and his older sister Zari joined the Resistance against ARGUS. 

Behrad became a vigilante who wielded his family's mystical amulet, which gave him wind powers. In 2042 ARGUS raided Behrad's home, killed him and took the amulet.

Zari then duped the Legends into helping her break into ARGUS, where she stole the amulet back. Heat Wave and Vixen managed to convince Zari to join the Legends.

In Season 4, the Legends created Heyworld to show humanity that magical creatures were nothing to fear. As a result of this, ARGUS never took over the world, and Behrad was never killed. He then joined the Legends instead of Zari, and everyone's memories changed to reflect this, as from their point of view Behrad's been part of the team for years.

When we first see Behrad, he's in his quarters (I think) smokin' his bong. When he spots the documentary crew he hurriedly uses his Wind Totem to blow away the thick haze of smoke hanging over his head, then tucks the bong under the couch!

Despite the fact that he appears to be twenty-something, Behrad was actually born in 2020. In fact at the beginning of this episode he visits his newborn self in the hospital nursery!

Lastly, why is Behrad's last name Tarazi? Shouldn't it be Tomaz, like his sister Zari? Is this some Muslim naming convention or is it a time travel glitch?

Charlie. Shapeshifter. Likes To Party.

I love Maisie Richardson-Sellers as the fun and freewheeling Charlie, way more than I ever did as the dull and stiff Vixen. Unfortunately she's literally shoved out of this episode in the opening seconds. I'm honestly surprised one of those old-timey Vaudeville canes didn't appear and yank her off the set!

So what's going on here? Is Charlie gone for good? Did we just witness her unceremonious exit from the series? I hope not!

Rumor has it that Richardson-Sellers took time off from the series to star in a movie in South Africa (?). But isn't that why actors sign contracts? To keep them from going AWOL when a better gig comes along? Hopefully she'll be back soon.

Mona Wu. Lycanthrope. Former Vegetarian.

There are a lot of fans out there who can's stand Mona, and hated it when she became part of the team. For the record I didn't mind her, but I'll be the first to admit she's a character who works best in small doses. And I wasn't a fan of her Wolfie persona mostly because the makeup looked cheap and horrendous.

all that said, I was kind of sorry to see her apparently leave the show for good at the end of this episode. Especially when it seemed like the writers finally figured out how to use her properly so she wasn't annoying.

Gary Green. Former Villain.

Like Mona, a lot of fans can't stand Gary and wish he'd just go away. I feel the same about Gary as I did Mona— he's fine in small doses, but as a regular, not so much. It looks like the writers may have figured that out, hence the fact that he's been relegated to Constantine's assistant in this episode.

Oddly enough, Canary, Heat Wave and Constantine don't get onscreen captions or descriptions. Strange.

• At one point Gary hands "his" card to the documentary cameraman, and we see a phone number at the bottom. Oddly enough it's not the typical fake "555" number used in all TV shows and movies.

Turns out you can actually call the number! If you do, you'll hear an answering machine message that says the following:

Gary: "You've reached John Constantine's Demons Defeaters And More. If this is a true demonic emergency and you are in immediate mortal peril you've called the right number. Unfortunately we've stepped away from the phone so you'll have to leave a message. And remember our merch shop is now open! So get your official John Constantine Demon Defeater t-shirts, with artwork by Gary Green. And also, to whoever is prank calling us and muttering eternal curses, it's scary, and it's making me wet my bed so it has to stop."
Constantine: "Gary, why do we have all these boxes of t-shirts! Did you take my credit card again?"
Gary: "Gotta go, leave a message, muhahaha!"
Operator: "Sorry, but the user's mailbox cannot accept more messages."

• When the Legends detect the Level 5 timequake, Atom sets a course for 1917 Imperial Russia. We then get a very cool shot of the Waverider exiting the time stream.

As near as I can tell this is the first time in the series that we've seen this first person cockpit view of time travel!

• Once the Legends arrive in Russia, they witness the burial of Grigori Rasputin. And his subsequent resurrection, as he smashes his way out of his coffin!

Much of this episode revolves around Rasputin's alleged indestructibility. At one point Atom even says, "Rasputin was notoriously hard to kill. It took cyanide, a gun and drowning before he stayed dead."

As you might imagine, this is all a load of crap. Or at the least an exaggeration.

As mentioned in this episode, Prince Yusupov became concerned with Rasputin's unhealthy influence over the Czar and his family. In order to
 remedy the situation, Yusupov and several co-conspirators decided to kill Rasputin. Yusupov invited him to a dinner party at his estate, and offered him tea cakes laced with cyanide. Supposedly Rasputin gorged himself on the cakes. 

When that didn't kill him, Yusupov allegedly offered him poisoned wine. Again, Rasputin guzzled the tainted treat and asked for more. Frustrated, Yusupov left the room to get his revolver. When he returned, Yusupov shot Rasputin in the chest, seemingly killing him.

Yusupov checked to see if he was really dead. Rasputin then reportedly lunged at him and began digging his fingers into Yusupov's neck. Rasputin then fled the estate, followed by the conspirators. They fired wildly at him, and one of their shots hit him in the head, killing him.

Yusupov had two servants wrap Rasputin's body in carpets and chains and dump it into the Neva River. Legend (heh) has it that a group of villagers fished his body from the river, and found he was still alive!

Yeah, most of that's a load of bull. 
According to the official autopsy, no traces of cyanide were found in Rasputin's body. He was killed by a single gunshot wound to the head, and his body wasn't recovered from the river for several days after it was thrown in.

Despite the fact that it's not true, Rasputin's alleged indestructibility makes for a nice story here. There's even an explanation for it, as he can't be killed because his "chit is still in Hell."

• Rasputin's also indirectly responsible for the most-used film credits of all time. Have you ever watched the end credits of a movie and seen the disclaimer that states, "This is a work of fiction. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental?" Have you ever wondered why that's there, even in an obviously made-up movie? You can thank Rasputin and Prince Yusupov for it!

As we know, Rasputin had an unhealthy influence over the Czar and Czarina of Imperial Russia. Prince Yusupov and others became concerned about this, fearing for the future of their country. Yusupov then took matters into his own hands and killed Rasputin.

Years later in 1933, MGM released a Rasputin biopic. As with most such movies it was a load of crap and played fast and loose with the facts, particularly about Yusupov. After reading the script, an MGM researcher warned the studio that Yusupov, who was still alive, could sue for defamation of character. The researcher was promptly fired, and the studio went ahead and made the movie.

Sure enough, Yusupov saw it and became enraged. He couldn't really complain much about how it depicted him, since he was admittedly a murderer (who was pardoned by the Czar). So he had his wife Irina Yusupov sue the studio on the basis that it defamed her (by erroneously implying she was raped by Rasputin).

Irina won the lawsuit and MGM had to pay her $125,000, as well as cut out the offending scene and take the film out of circulation for decades.

Immediately after this case, MGM and every major studio began slapping the "This is a work of fiction" disclaimer on everything.

• When Steel shows up at Rasputin's mansion, he seems to take the documentary film crew in stride. At first I thought it was a little unrealistic that he'd accept such "futuristic" technology so easily. Then I realized the episode takes place in 1917, and movies were a thing long before then. Of course Rasputin had probably seen a film camera before!

• Behrad gives Canary a drawing of her, Oliver and Laurel in an effort to cheer her up. Damn, he's quite the artist!

• For some reason Atom adds an "Atom-Cam" to his helmet in this episode. Um... don't cops generally point their body cams away from themselves, in order to record their interactions with suspects? What the hell's the point of Atom having his camera face him?

I will admit it's kind of a cool and unusual angle though. Too bad he just now thought of it, a couple episodes before he leaves the show.

• A few months before Avengers: Endgame premiered, internet wiseacres began theorizing various ways the heroes could defeat Thanos. One of the most popular involved Ant-Man shrinking himself, flying up Thanos' butt and then enlarging again to explode him from within.

In the third act, Atom's tossed into Rasputin's mouth, grows to normal size and obliterates him from inside— just like the Thanos PlanThere's absolutely no doubt in my mind that this scene was a wink & a nod to that Endgame meme.

• Because Rasputin's "chit is in Hell," he's apparently still alive even after being blowed up real good by Atom. Yuck.

I get that his various bodily tissues and parts are still living, but how far does that go? His brain's probably in several different containers. Is... is he still conscious in those jars?

Metahumor Alert! During the Q&A after the premiere of the documentary, the Legends decide they don't want to be celebrities anymore. To that end, they claim the whole film was faked, torpedoing their fame.

Sharpe: "Come on, time travel? I mean, it's the biggest hoax in history. Am I right?"

Atom: "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's obvious that this is all fake. How could Rasputin speak English?"
Kevin: "You told me it was temporal linguistic dysplasia."
Behrad: "I mean, if we had so much as coughed, our modern germs would have wiped out half the population."
Steel: "Why wouldn't we just find baby Hitler, and make him wrestle baby Stalin? Think about it."
Mona: "The special effects were kind of questionable."

Heat Wave: "Shut up! It's not real!"

Note that every point the Legends list here— such as language, disease and sketchy FX are issues the fans have raised about the actual series. I see what you did there, Legends writers!

• All through the episode, Sharpe frets about the Legends' government funding being cut off, implying they'll have to disband if that happens. Luckily their money problems are solved when Heat Wave steals a Faberge egg worth fifty million dollars and gives it to Sharpe. Again, lots to unpack here.

I still don't understand why the Legends need money in the first place. It was never an issue at all during the first two seasons, and only became a thing once Rip Hunter created the Time Bureau. What expenses could they possibly have? They live on a time ship that contains a Star Trek replicator— one that can instantly materialize food, clothing, medicine or anything else they might ever need.

But let's be generous and say they do need money. There are literally dozens of ways they could raise some capital. They've got a time machine, for corn's sake! They could easily go back a couple of decades and buy up all the Microsoft stock they could get their hands on. Or deposit a hundred dollars in a bank in 1800, then collect the millions in interest in 2020. They could even take a page from Back To The Future Part II and use time travel to bet on sporting events. Get the idea? Money should NOT be an issue for these people!

Lastly, that Faberge Egg might be worth $50 million, but only if they can find someone willing to shell out that much dough. I guess they could take it to an auction house?

• At the end of the episode, Heat Wave tells Mona he's giving up writing because "it's getting in the way of his thieving." He then hands his Rebecca Silver pen name over to her and asks her to take over his romance novels.

I dunno if that's such a good idea. Mona may be a great writer, but Heat Wave's already been outed as Rebecca Silver. Won't the public be pissed if they find out there's yet another person behind the name? How many different authors will they be willing to put up with?

• Once Mona becomes the new Rebecca Silver, she says she can no longer stay on the ship. She claims she has to experience love and heartbreak before she can write about it or something, and literally runs off the ship!

So I take it this is Mona's last episode. It was an odd swan song there was no buildup to it at all. One minute she's there, and the next she says she's gotta go, like she can't wait to get out of the studio!

• "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope!"

I was pissed at the end of last season when they erased Zari and replaced her with Behrad. I knew she'd eventually be back of course, but it still irked me that we'd have to deal with some stand-in for half a season.

Now that I've seen Behrad in action though, I actually like him! I'm hoping they'll find a way to keep both him and Zari on the show.

• This Week's Best Lines:
Steel: "See, when you are a superhero slash amusement park impresario, slash historian that rises from the dead, your dance card tends to get pretty full. For two full minutes, I was not alive. That changes you, man."

Canary: (seeing the documentary crew on the Waverider) "And what if I wanna talk about something in private?"
Sharpe: "It's not a problem, that's what the confessional interviews are for!"

Mona: "Is this a timequake?"
Sharpe: "See, I knew the timeline was still in jeopardy. What do we got? Time pirates, time terrorism, time sex tourism?"
Behrad: "Jeez, Ava, you could be a supervillain if you applied yourself."

Steel: "All right, Legends, put on your babushkas because we are rushing into Russia!"
Canary: "And now you're copying my thing."

Gary: (seeing the possessed boy Edgar) "What's wrong with him?"
Constantine: "His PJs, for starters. Do people really wear matching pajama sets?"
Gary: (enthusiastically) "Yes!"

(Sharpe writes a condolence card to Canary, but throws it away when she overhears her say such things are awkward)
Sharpe: "My condolence card wasn't awkward. 'Dear Sara, I'm sorry the vigilante you slept with when he was already dating your sister died. Some say it's better to have loved and lost, but I hope you never loved him at all.'"

Rasputin: "You know, your aura is quite strong."
Steel: "I get that a lot. I rotate hair products."

Constantine: "Hail the Waverider, will you? I need to warn the Legends."
Gary: "Uh, but what about Edgar?"
Constantine: "Ah, you know, give him the usual."
Gary: "One taxi and a lollipop. Coming up."

Canary: "Look, I already have one dead friend on my plate. I'm good there. And you know, none of you self-absorbed mega stars even bothered to ask me how I was doing."
Sharpe: "Look, Sara, I told them not to mention Oliver, okay? I thought you wouldn't want to be reminded."
Canary: "REMINDED? What, did you think that I could just forget that my friend died?"
Sharpe: "No, I look, I know things have been crazy around here."
Canary: "Crazy around here? You still have no idea what I saw out there."
Steel: "What did happen?"
Canary: "Countless Earths died. I became a paragon and traveled back to the big bang. We restarted the universe and now no one even remembers what we've changed."
Sharpe: "It's a lot to process."

Sharpe: (reading her own performance review) "'Agent Sharpe lacks a delicate touch and is extremely deficient at relating to people.' That is straight from my Time Bureau personnel review. Pretty harsh... I wrote that review."
Rasputin: (appearing on the Waverider's viewscreen) "Is this thing on?"
Kevin: "Oh, yes we're rolling, Mr. Rasputin, sir."
Rasputin: "Good. Get out. Now what was it that man with the hair product said? Yes, you are not big deal until you're big deal on camera. You are going to make me big deal, Mr.
Kevin Harris."
Canary: "They left the director behind?"

Rasputin: "Tonight will be a night that you can remember!"
(He lets loose with a feeble laugh.)
Rasputin Follower: "That that doesn't sound right."
Rasputin: "What?"
Follower: "The laugh, you need to nail the laugh before we kill the Romanovs and take the throne."
Rasputin: "It's a work in progress."

(Canary throws the shrunken Atom into Rasputin's mouth. Atom wakes inside his gut.)
Atom: "Guys? Where am I? What happened?"
Canary: "Don't think Ray, just enlarge!"
Atom: "Why's it so dark in here? Am I in a lake? A lake that smells like pierogies?"
Sharpe: "Ray, do it, get big now."
Atom: "Embigify! Your atomic number is up."
Canary: "Now, Ray!"
(Atom grows to normal size while he's inside Rasputin, causing the monk to explode.)
Atom: "Size matters! Oh no. What did what did I do?"
Steel: "You found your catchphrase, Ray!"

Sharpe: (to Canary) "You know, sometimes what happens on this ship really would be hard for an audience to follow."

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