Friday, June 5, 2020

Legends Of Tomorrow Season 5, Episode 15: Swan Thong

This week on Legends Of Tomorrow, it's the big Season 5 finale!

Happily we're actually getting a proper finale here. Over on The Flash, the nationwide quarantine shut down production of that show, preventing them from filming the final three episodes of their season.

For once, Legends Of Tomorrow's shorter seasons paid off. They were able to finish filming this episode in late January, a full two months before the world-ending pandemic started.

Overall I was very happy with Season 5. It was much, MUCH better and more coherent then last year's dreadful Season 4. I was happy to see Mona had a much-reduced presence this year, which strangely enough made her far more likable when she did appear. Gary was less annoying as well, once the writers gave him a purpose and made him Constantine's magical apprentice.

I also quite enjoyed the addition of Zari's brother Behrad to the team. I don't know how they did it, but after just one episode it felt like he'd been one of the gang from the start. I'm happy to see he's sticking around for next season.

Tala Ashe continued to prove she's the best actor on the show, as she spent the season playing a radically different version of her Zari character. Zari 2.0 started out as an unlikable, tedious airhead, but by the end Ashe managed to give her depth and real emotion, turning her from a cliche into an actual person. Well done!

The highlight of the season (for me at least) was Heat Wave's story arc, in which he discovered he had a teenaged daughter. His attempts to get to know her and make up for his absence in her life was hilarious and poignant at the same time, and served to humanize his character even more. Well done again!

The only real complaint I had about this season was the producers' bone-headed decision to write Atom and Nora Darhk of the series. Especially Atom. He was the heart and soul of the show, and actor Brandon Routh played him perfectly, with charm and wide-eyed naivete. I still firmly believe that getting rid of him was a HUGE mistake, one which will eventually come back to bite the writers in their collective ass.

Speaking of departures, this episode is chock full of them— although none were really unexpected. I knew there was no way the show could afford to have two Zaris hanging around from now on, so it was no surprise that the Original Zari left. Same goes for Astra. She was a fun temporary team member, but I knew she'd take a hike the minute her story arc was resolved.

And I had a feeling that Charlie would be leaving in this episode as well. I like the character quite a bit, but once they revealed she was secretly one of the Three Fates... well, there really wasn't anything else they could do with her. What do you do with a character who's a living god?

Best of all, there was no mention of the phrase "co-captains" this week! And for that I am eternally grateful.


The Plot:
Picking up where we left off last week, the Legends have been freed from their respective TV shows, but are still trapped in Loomworld. They split into two teams to find the Loom Of Fate and destroy it once and for all.

Team 1 (consisting of Canary, Constantine, Behrad, Zari 2.0 and Astra) walks through the streets in their regular clothing, drawing stares from the drab-suited citizenry. A group recognizes them as TV stars and asks for their autographs. Constantine convinces them to hand over their clothes.

Mona and Gary run into Team 2 (consisting of Sharpe, Zari, Steel and Heat Wave). Sharpe says they need to find the Waverider, and Mona says it's likely in the Forbidden Dump, where all items outlawed by the Fates are discarded.

Mona and Gary somehow commandeer a garbage truck, and drive Team 2 to the Forbidden Dump. There, Heat Wave uses his key fob to try and locate the ship.

Team 1, now disguised as ordinary citizens, sneaks into the Loom Headquarters and knock out a couple of guards. Behrad and Zari 2.0 dispose of the bodies, while the rest of the Team looks for the Loom. In the Fates' audience chamber, citizens line up to beg them for favors. One asks for more Blue Mush, and Lachesis says she'll weave it into reality. Another asks for her favorite TV shows to come back, and Charlie says the actors are just "taking a break."

Just then Lachesis notices a group of citizens wearing Team 1's clothing, and realizes the Legends have escaped. She send Atropos to stop them. Charlie objects, but Lachesis starts her mealy-mouthed manipulation, saying that the Legends aren't her friends and it's time she grew up. She says the Legends only spread chaos and destruction, and that Charlie loosed the Encores on the world by destroying the Loom. Lachesis asks which the public would want— chaos or a lifetime of peace. Charlie realizes she's right, and meekly sits back on her throne.

Team 1 eventually finds where the Loom is housed. Powerful energies emanate from it, and Canary can even sense it despite her blindness. She tells Constantine and Astra to figure out a way to destroy it. Constantine says it'll take powerful magic to get rid of the Loom. He tells Astra she needs to form a link with the ghost of her mother Natalie, and siphon her powers. Sure, why not.

Meanwhile, Team 2 discovers the Waverider under a mountain of trash. Why the Fates threw it away instead of just wiping it out of existence is left to our imaginations. Once they find it, Heat Wave says he's going off on his own to find Lita.

The rest of them enter the ship, and discover the Fates dismantled Gideon. Sharpe asks Zari if she can get the ship airborne, and she says they'll need a supercondoctor to transfer a massive surge of power into the Time Core to jumpstart it. She has Steel armor up and grab two live wires, using his metallic body the channel the energy. The ship starts up and shakily zooms off into the air.

Canary stands guard outside the Loom room, when she's suddenly grabbed by Atropos. As she touches her, Canary has a future vision of Atropos hurling a bone dagger and stabbing her in the chest. The two then fight, and sure enough, Atropos throws her dagger. Thanks to Canary's foresight, she's able to catch it in time. Their battle rages on though.

Back in the Loom room, Constantine tells Astra to let Natalie's power flow through her. Astra begins having flashbacks to her childhood, and the Loom starts shutting down. Suddenly Lachesis appears in her thoughts, telling her she'll never realize her full power. The Loom begins gaining strength again.

Atropos pins Canary to the floor, and pulls her life thread from her chest, saying her power comes from her. Canary disagrees, saying her power comes from her team. Just then Constantine opens the door, and Behrad and Zari 2.0 use their wind powers to blow Atropos off of Canary and into the Loom. It wraps itself around her, and Canary pulls Atropos' life thread from her chest. She shrieks in agony as the Loom consumes her.

In the throne room, Lachesis and Charlie sense Atropos' death.

Team 1 runs from the building just as the Waverider arrives. They hop aboard the ship, and activate the Time Drive. The ship makes a jump, enters the atmosphere, then falls back to Earth. Inexplicably it lands in the Forbidden Dump again. As the Legends pick themselves up, Canary realizes her precog powers are gone and she can see again.

The Legends walk around the city, which is seemingly back to normal. They find a newspaper, which indicates they jumped four months into the future. Suddenly they notice everyone around them constantly asking their smart watches what they should do. Just then they see an ad for FateWatch, and realize Lachesis found a way to repair the Loom and make it portable.

Behrad and Zari stay on the ship to try and repair it. Suddenly Behrad has a vision of ARGUS troops coming after him and Zari. He shoves her into a doorway and shuts it, as the men open fire on him. He wakes on the floor, and tells Zari about his vision. She solemnly tells him that's how he died in her timeline.

Heat Wave, Lita, Mona and Gary then enter the ship. Heat Wave's furious that they left him behind for four months, and Zari explains it wasn't intentional. Mona says when the Loom was broken, everyone's memories came flooding back, so she and Gary returned to the ship as well.

Meanwhile, the rest of the Legends return to the Loom Temple. They see it's now a History Museum, featuring exhibits such as the Hall of Bad ideas. They find the Hall Of Villains, which contains exhibits such as Vlad The Impaler, Stalin and Marie Antoinette (!). They even find an exhibit featuring themselves, aka The God Killers.

Eventually they discover the Number One villain in the Hall— Charlie herself. For some reason it's the actual Charlie on display, not a mannequin (?). They try to rescue her, but she refuses to go as her FateWatch tells her she should stay. Constantine knocks her out with a spell, and they take her to the ship.

On the Waverider, Charlie tells them that Lachesis rebuilt the Loom and restored the peace. She says she never should have destroyed the Loom in the first place, as it caused untold chaos and suffering, as well as loosing the Encores on the world. Canary realizes their four month absence allowed Lachesis to get inside Charlie's head and destroy her confidence and self-worth. She tells Charlie she's back with her family where she belongs. The others try to convince her that Free Will is a good thing, but fail miserably.

Zari tries hacking into Charlie's FateWatch. As she toes so, Behrad notices his chest bleeding in the same spot where he was shot in his vision of the other timeline. He hurriedly covers the wound before anyone sees it. Zari manages to track the FateWatch signal to the now abandoned Clotho Studios. She, Behrad, Constantine and Zari 2.0 go to investigate.

Inside the Studio, Zari 2.0 decides this is the absolute best possible time to start making out with Constantine. Brilliant. Zari radios them, saying she's found the source of the signal. It seems Lachesis didn't rebuild the Loom after all, but cannibalized Gideon and is using her to control everyone.

Sharpe suggests shutting down Gideon, but Charlie says that'll only cause widespread panic. Astra says Lachesis would only find another way to control the public. The Legends ask Charlie to help take out Lachesis, but she refuses and storms out.

The next day, Lachesis herself is giving a guided tour of the Museum (?). She tells the patrons how her sister Charlie unleashed pain and suffering on the world, and that Lachesis imprisoned her and restored order. She gestures to Charlie's display, where she's seemingly sitting again. She asks her if she's accepted her fate, and "Charlie" throws back her hood, revealing she's really Astra. Gasp!

Astra asks if Lachesis ever really loved her as a daughter after she found her in Hell, or if she just wanted a replacement for Charlie. She dares Lachesis to strike her down, but she refuses. Lachesis asks why the public should believe Astra.

Suddenly Canary answers, "Because it's the truth," as we see the real Legends have somehow replaced their display in the Museum. Lachesis tells the patrons that the Legends are the world's most notorious criminals. Canary admits they've made mistakes, but says they generally make things better in the long run.

Just then Zari's trying to figure out how to shut down Gideon. Zari 2.0 gets impatient with her hacker nonsense and simply unplugs the AI.

Lachesis senses Gideon's down, and tells the Legends if they want chaos, that's what they'll get. She takes out a handful of soul coins and blows on them, which somehow animates the villain displays in the Museum and turns them into Encores (just go with it). Lachesis then makes a hasty retreat. Canary says they can't let the Encores escape, or they'll destroy the city. They arm themselves with makeshift weapons from the Hall Of Bad Ideas and begin fighting.

Back on the Waverider, Lita finds Charlie sulking. She tells her that chaos isn't such a bad thing, as she was born after her father time-traveled and knocked up her mother at a class reunion. She says life is messy, and that's what makes it beautiful. Amazingly, her words get through to Charlie.

Charlie and Lita enter the History Museum, and toss Hell Weapons to the Legends. They use them to kill the Encores for good. Charlie then grabs a Hell Weapon and goes after Lachesis.

Lachesis goes to the Studio and orders Gideon to reboot, but nothing happens. Charlie enters and is seemingly about to kill her sister. Instead she gives her a hug and says she forgives her. Lachesis says she was a god, but now she's a mortal with nothing. Charlie says that's all the more reason not to waste the one life she has, and walks out.

The Legends return to the Waverider, and Behrad manages to restore Gideon. Suddenly Behrad begins bleeding again, and Zari says it's her fault. She says her timeline— in which Behrad died— is trying to overwrite this one
. The only way to save him is for her to go back into the Air Totem.

Zari and Steel then have a moment, as she says she'll miss him. As they kiss, he says at least this time he gets to remember the woman he loves. Zari says goodbye to Behrad and the others. She then dissipates and enters the Totem on Behrad's wrist. Charlie says she could use a drink.

Cut to 1977, as the Legends watch Charlie performing with her old band The Smell. Constantine asks Astra what she's going to do next. She says she's going to hang out in the House Of Mystery for a while. She gives him his soul coin back.

After the set, the Legends exit the club and head back to the ship. Charlie says she won't be going with them, as her storyline's finished, er, I mean because she's decided to stay put. Canary's sad to see her go, but tells her she's always welcome back on the ship. As the Legends walk away, a beam of light shines down on Canary and lifts her into the sky, completely unnoticed by the rest of the team.

• For the past several weeks I've been making predictions as to what would happen in the season finale. I'm usually terrible at this sort of thing, so let's see how I did.

In The Great British Fake Off, I predicted Charlie's fate (heh): 

"I'm still enjoying the Loom Of Fate storyline, mostly because I'm not quite sure where it's going and because they're moving it along at a brisk pace. The only downside to this arc? Once it's over, I have a feeling Charlie will leave the ship, as there'll be no reason for her to stick around any longer. I hope not, as I like Charlie and actress Maisie Richardson-Sellers, but her departure feels inevitable at this point."

Welp, I was spot on with that one. As we see this week, Charlie does indeed leave at the end of this episode. Sad, but it wasn't too hard to figure out. As I said, once the Loom storyline wrapped up there was nothing left for the character to do.

Showrunner Phil Klemmer commented on her departure, saying: 

“This was something that was well over a year in the works. We knew that Maisie was wanting to make her mark as a filmmaker on her own, and so that allowed us to craft a story that would, hopefully, make for a satisfying conclusion. The finale was sort of all about her. For me, it’s so bittersweet, bringing it back to that punk club and The Smell… The good thing is that people are allowed to come back and have come back.”

In that same review, I went on to predict what would happen with Constantine and Astra:

"I also have a feeling Constantine may not be around much longer either. I guess it all depends on what happens with the Loom, Astra and her mom Natalie. Constantine and Natalie were once a couple, so if he manages to resurrect her, I could easily see him riding off into the sunset with her."

"I can't imagine she'll (Astra) stick around after her Mom's resurrected in the season finale though, so I wouldn't get too attached to her."

OK, so I was completely wrong about Constantine running off with a resurrected Natalie. We didn't get anything even remotely like that. But I did correctly predict that Astra would leave at the end of the season (even though I got her motivation wrong).

Last week I discussed the Tarazi siblings, and what would happen with them:

"My gut instinct says that either Zari 2.0 will volunteer to hang out inside the Air Totem, which will restore Original Zari to her rightful place on the team, or the two Zaris will merge and form yet another version with qualities of both characters."

"As for Behrad... who knows? I like the character quite a bit, and would hate to see him go. I don't think they'll kill him off, since they finally restored him this week. But it seems unlikely they'd have two characters who share the same power. Most likely he'll leave the show and go back to business college, where he's supposed to be."

Welllll... I didn't do so well here. As you can see, I predicted that Zari 2.0 would enter the Air Totem. Instead it's the Original Zari who does so. I guess I get partial credit for bringing up the possibility of entering the Totem at all.

It didn't take a genius to figure out that at least one of the Zaris had to go. Those "doubling FX" are a nightmare to set up and shoot, not to mention time-consuming and costly. There's no way in hell they could afford to keep them both on the show.

As I said, I didn't think they'd kill Behrad, and I was glad to see I was right. Despite the fact he's only been in a handful of episodes, I like the character quite a bit. I was way off base about him possibly going back to Business School though.

• I wasn't a fan of the new opening title when it debuted at the beginning of the season. That said, I gotta admit it's grown on me over the past fifteen episodes, and I actually like it now.

• This episode continues last week's dystopian theme (for the first half, at least), complete with propaganda posters placed everywhere. The posters all feature slogans such as "Compliance Is Strength," "Choice Is Chaos," "Accept Your Fate" and "We Can Always See You."

Those are all VERY similar to the ones in George Orwell's 1984, which featured slogans such as "War Is Peace," "Freedom Is Slavery," "Ignorance Is Strength" and of course, "Big Brother Is Watching You."

Hey, if you're gonna swipe, swipe from the best!

• Whenever a TV show features an episode in which the villains win and reshape the world in their own image, the writers ALWAYS have to throw the heroes a couple bones to give them a fighting chance to win. Call it "Stacking The Deck Syndrome."

And so it is with this episode. For no good reason, the Fates scuttled the Waverider in the Forbidden Dump, instead of wiping it out of existence like they should have. And we know they could have, as Lachesis makes a comment about "weaving something into the fabric of time."

Of course if the Fates had erased the Waverider, then the Legends would never have been able to beat them.

• The Legends find the Waverider buried under an impossibly small pile of trash in the Forbidden Dump. 

Seriously, watch Heat Wave in this scene— he climbs ten feet at the most, and uncovers the side of the ship! The ship's at least thirty or forty feet high— there's no way in hell it could be hiding under that puny mound of garbage! 

I suppose we could be generous here and say maybe the ship's partially buried in a deep pit that we just can't see. I suppose we could say that, but I don't see why we should. Even that wouldn't explain why we can't see the ship's rear vertical fin!

• After Heat Wave finds the ship, he tells the others he's going off to find Lita. Last week we saw Lita and her mom Ali were alive and well and living in the same apartment in Loomworld.

Later in the episode, Heat Wave returns with Lita, and only Lita. So what happened to Ali? Why didn't he bring her along? Wouldn't he want to protect her as well? I guess he's got no further use for the mother of his child and told her to go F herself.

• Was there any good reason for Steel to take his shirt off for the "Powering Up The Ship" scene, other than to inject a little beefcake into the proceedings? No? I didn't think so.

Was he afraid channeling energy through his body would burn up his shirt? If so, then why didn't he take off his pants as well?

• Nice attention to detail: When the Waverider's buried in the Forbidden Dump, you can see hundreds of bags of trash outside the forward windows.

• I'm kind of going to miss Lachesis on the show. She was a great villain, and her mealy-mouthed, conniving powers reminded me of Wormtongue in The Lord Of The Rings. Just listen to the way she expertly manipulates Charlie here:

Lachesis: "Clotho... I have let you play your childish game long enough. It is time to grow up and face the music."
Charlie: "The Legends are my friends."
Lachesis: "Are they? Time and again they have sown chaos into this world."
Charlie: "Well, sometimes they screw things up for the better. I mean, think about it. Encores, that wasn't their fault, and they've been mopping that up all year."
Lachesis: "That's true. The Encores are not the Legends' fault. They're yours. Ambitious villains are the product of the chaos you birthed. Look at these people now! Do you see a future Joseph Stalin amongst these lambs? Of the three of us, you always loved these mortal creatures best. What do you think they would want? More choices or a lifetime of peace?"

See? She's the perfect villain— one who can literally talk anyone into anything. In fact that's kind of her superpower.

• Loved the fight between Canary and Lachesis. Look at that back flip! Now that is a quality stunt! I don't know if it's a budgetary thing or what, but it's been a quite while since we've gotten any decent fight scenes on the show. It's nice to see Canary cut loose like this.

• By the way, did we ever find out for sure just how Canary survived her initial battle with Atropos? Most fans (myself included) assumed it was due to her being a Paragon or because she'd died a couple times already. Did the writers ever confirm the reason, or did it get shuffled to the side and forgotten?

• In last week's review, I jokingly said, "Here's a wild idea: what if the Tarazi siblings both stay with the show and become the Legends version of the Wonder Twins! Form of... a waterspout! Shape of... a ring-tailed lemur!"

Welp, I can't believe I'm saying this, but that's exactly what happened in this episode! OK, so they didn't turn into water or ice, but they did share their power! As the Legends battle Atropos, Behrad uses the Air Totem to fire a blast of wind at the god. He then grabs Zari 2.0's hand, and their power's doubled as she begins blasting away as well! Cool! I hope they continue doing this next season.

• Extreme Nitpicking Alert: Both Lachesis and Charlie sense Atropos' death. Charlie correctly clutches at her chest, which makes perfect sense. Every time we've seen someone's life thread pulled from their body, it always comes from the chest. 

For some reason though, Lachesis grabs her stomach. Wha...? It's almost like they didn't explain to actress Sarah Strange where the life threads come from, or where she should grab herself.

• After the Legends destroy the Loom, they jump ahead four months and find the world's inexplicably still under Lachesis' control. They visit the local History Museum for clues, and find this helpful brochure. 

As always, the Arrowverse Prop Department is on point here, as the brochure looks exactly like one you'd find in any museum across the country. It even has a map of the Museum's layout! Well done, guys!

• Lachesis' History Museum contains, among other things, a "Hall Of Atrocities."

Was that a shoutout to Demolition Man? Not only did that movie feature a museum with a similarly-named Hall Of Violence, but the entire world had evolved to eliminate anything even remotely dangerous or unhealthy, ala the Hall Of Bad Ideas.

• Inside the Museum, the Legends visit the Hall Of Bad Ideas. Among the exhibits on display there:

The Flat Earth Theory. Eh, I'd say that's more of a stupid, STUPID idea than a bad one.

It's tough to see here, but the text on the exhibit reads:

"Even though humans discovered the Earth was a sphere circa 300BC, there was a small but noisy contingency of conspiracy theorists who believed a spherical Earth was an expensive and complicated lie purported by NASA and the lizard people who were supposedly controlling humanity."

"As with most accusatory trend-based belief systems, the burden of proof was put on the establishment to disprove their theory. The establishment promptly ignored them. Ironically, the Flat Earthers produced failed proof after failed proof in defense of their theory. However, like zealots the world over, they either skewed their data or ignored it altogether when it failed to support their views."

— Spring Shoes. Seriously? Weren't those a fad way back in the 1950s? Did they really pose a public threat here in 2020?

— Glitter. Welp, I'd disagree if I could!

Cigarettes. Meh. C'mon, you're not even trying here! Why not say drinking bleach is a bad idea while you're at it?

By the way, I checked and couldn't find any examples of Red Robin cigarettes in the real world. There was an Ogden's Robin brand in the 1930s though.

— Shake Weights. You know, these might very well be an effective piece of exercise equipment. But if you ever saw the informercial for them, you'll know why they were a baaaaaaaaad idea.

— Energy Drinks. I wholeheartedly agree with this. Vile, nasty swill, all of them.

Flowbee. Definitely agree. I've been cutting my own hair for over two decades now, and I've never once utilized a vacuum cleaner to do so. Cuttin' hair ain't that hard, people!

— Pogo Stick. I assume the Fates outlawed these because of the potential for personal injury? Again though, when's the last time anyone ever saw a kid on a pogo stick?

• The Legends check out the Museum's Hall Of Villains, which, as you might expect, features the worst of humanity. Among the exhibits is Marie Antoinette, who we met earlier this season in A Head Of Her Time. In that episode, Marie was played by Courtney Ford—who also played Nora Darhk on the show before the producers sh*tcanned her and her husband Brandon Routh (aka Atom).

Amazingly, it appears that Marie's once again played by Ford here! Wow, that was... unexpected! After her ill-timed and shortsighted dismissal, I'd have thought she'd be fed up with the Legends producers and wouldn't want anything to do with them or the show. 

Apparently that's not the case, and she was willing to return for a cameo. Good for her! She's definitely a bigger person than I am, as I'd have told them to piss off.

Note that even though I'm 100% sure that's Courtney Ford playing Marie here, her name doesn't show up in any cast list I can find online. Odd.

• The Legends also have a display in the Hall Of Villains, where they're described as "The God Killers." Take a good long look at this display, kids, because it's one of the few times you'll ever see both Canary and Steel in their actual superhero costumes!

• Eventually the Legends discover the number one criminal in the Hall Of Villains— it's Charlie, aka The Loom Breaker. Thing is, this isn't just a mannequin or wax figure. It's the real live Charlie herself!

This brings up a ton of questions. Does Charlie have to sit in this chair twenty four hours a day? Apparently so, since the Legends break into the Museum after hours. Does Lachesis feed her regularly? Does she get bathroom breaks? Does she sleep sitting up in the chair?

I get that being turned into an exhibit is her punishment for breaking the Loom, but... this is one of the silliest things I've seen in an already silly series.

• At one point the Legends stage an intervention to try to convince Charlie that Free Will is a good thing. For some reason they do this by displaying various pop culture items, like The Beatles' White Album and a Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again DVD.

Look closely at the left of the screen during this scene and you'll spot a stuffed Beebo in the room! I still say Warner Bros. would clean up if they sold plush Beebos on their website!

• Canary takes a stab at persuading Charlie into embracing Free Will by listing the Legends' chaotic pasts. She says, "Anyway, think about all the people on this ship. Think about how they came to be together. Yeah, Nate's crazy conspiracy theory. Mick's turn as a futuristic bounty hunter. Zari and B's dystopian future. You in that disco outfit." 

There's a lot of Legends history in that paragraph!

I'm assuming "Nate's crazy conspiracy theory" is a reference to Steel's first appearance in Out Of Time. In that episode, Steel began noticing tiny changes in the timeline, which led him to believe the Legends were involved. He and Oliver Queen (don't ask) then piloted a submarine to the submerged Waverider, where they woke Heat Wave from stasis. He told them the other Legends had been scattered across time for reasons, and they used the ship to visit different periods and rescue them.

"Mick's turn as a futuristic bounty hunter" refers to Season 1's Left Behind. In that episode, Captain Cold seemingly killed Heat Wave, but he was found by the Time Masters, who took him to the Vanishing Point. There they healed his wounds and brainwashed him into becoming Chronos, a bounty hunter who relentlessly pursued the Legends.

"Zari and B's dystopian future" is a reference to the fact that the Tarazis originally came from the year 2042, in which ARGUS had turned America into a dystopian police state (sounds familiar!).

"You in that disco outfit" is a nod to Season 3's Here I Go Again, in which the Legends— dressed like members of ABBA— return from an unseen mission in which they had to steal an 8-track cassette from Napoleon. Although I should point out that it was VIXEN who appeared in that episode. Charlie didn't join the show till Season 4. Whoops!

• Why the hell is Lachesis giving guided tours of her own Museum?

I get that at this point in the story the Loom's destroyed, her powers are gone and she's now mortal. But the public doesn't know that! As far as they're concerned she's still a living god, one to be worshiped and feared. Seeing her play tour guide seems beneath a deity, and makes it look like she doesn't have anything better to do.

• Did... did Zari 2.0 just break the fourth wall in this scene? Yes. Yes she did!

• Wow, who thought Lita would turn out to be the one who'd save the day? She gives Charlie a Patented The CW Pep Talk®, which gives her the gumption to stop feeling sorry for herself and defeat Lachesis.

That said, Lita's words make little or no sense (at least to me). She tells Charlie, "You got to get over yourself. So 49% of life is crappy. Fine. 51% isn't. And that's the 2% that's worth fighting for."

Wait, what? OK, I get what she's trying to say here, but I've read her line two dozen times and it still doesn't sound right. Why's she fighting for "that 2%?" According to her, Non-Crappy Life already outnumbers Crappy Life. So why quibble over two percent? To make 53% of life non-crappy? See what I mean? Am I just incredibly dense and missing something here?

Wouldn't it have made way more sense if she'd said, "98% of life is crappy. Fine. 2% isn't. And that's the 2% worth fighting for."

• At one point Lachesis takes out a handful of soul coins and blows on them. This somehow causes the exhibits in the Hall Of Villains— which are presumably just mannequins— to become Hell Encores and attack the Legends. Sure, why not?

On any other show I'd probably write 10,000 words on how preposterous this is. But this is Legends Of TomorrowIf nonsense like this bothers you, then you'll be better off finding another show to watch.

• Constantine's attacked by two Encores who come at him from opposite directions. Naturally he does what any warlock would do— he avoids them by casting a spell and magically spinning through the floor, causing the Encores to stab one another!

As much as I loved this scene, I guess it never occurred to Constantine to simply... step two feet to the left.

• Wow, Heat Wave just killed the Encore of Charles Manson!

• Charlie has a final confrontation with her sister Lachesis, who says now that the Loom Of Fate has been destroyed (again!), she's lost her godly powers and become mortal.

Wait a minute... Charlie broke the Loom thousands of years ago and hid the pieces on different Earths. Yet she was still able to shapeshift! That means Lachesis and Atropos likely still had their powers as well. How could that be though if the Loom was broken? Whoops!

I guess we're meant to think "broken" and "destroyed" have two different meanings here. When Charlie broke the Loom, the Fates somehow retained their powers. Then when the Legends permanently destroyed it, they lost them forever. 

That or the writers just goofed up.

• So what happened to Lachesis? Charlie leaves her sitting forlornly in the middle of the now defunct Clotho Studios, and that's the last we see of her. Now that she's no longer a god, I guess she'll be starting a new life as a middle aged woman somewhere? Hey, maybe she could become a museum tour guide! She has the experience!

• Speaking of Heat Wave, is actor Dominic Purcell OK? He spends at least half this episode sitting down. He's sitting when the Legends try to convince Charlie that Free Will is a good thing (although to be fair, most of the other Legends are lounging in chairs here as well).

A bit later when the Legends confront Lachesis, if you look closely you can see him in the background, dragging a chair across the room right before he sits in it.

Then during Zari's big emotional farewell, he's sitting yet again!

Did he hurt his back or something, and needs to sit? Was he ill during this episode, and was too worn out to stand for long periods? Or did he just say, "F*ck it, why stand up like an idiot when I can sit?" Whatever's going on, hopefully he's OK. He appeared in several fight scenes this week, so I guess he can't be in too bad a shape.

• Zari realizes her presence is fracturing the timeline and killing Behrad, so she has to go back into the Air Totem. She then has a tearful farewell with Steel as the two share a final moment.

For a second or two I honestly thought he might go into the Totem with her, so the two of them could live out their lives together inside it. Why not? Steel's literally had bupkis to do all season, other than stand around and spout inane drivel like "Scoots McGoots."

It's clear at this point that the writers have no earthly idea what to do with the character, so why not get rid of him?

• Man, how great is Tala Ashe's acting in this episode? In the third act she realizes her presence is killing Behrad and she has to go. She then tearfully says goodbye to the Legends, completely selling the idea that this is her final episode and she's leaving the series— even though she's remaining on the show as a different character!

Now THAT'S acting! For a minute she had me convinced I was watching two completely different people. I honestly don't know how she did it.

• Late in the third act, the Legends time travel to 1977 London where they watch Charlie perform with her old punk band The Smell. There's a LOT to unpack in this scene, so let's get cracking:

First of all, this was the perfect end to Charlie's storyline. When we first met her back in Season 4's Dancing Queen, she was the lead singer for The Smell. Now her storyline's taken her right back where she started. It's a perfect little circle for her character arc.

Secondly, let's not forget that THIS is what Charlie looked like when we first saw her. Later on she took the form of Vixen to taunt the Legends. Constantine then cast a spell to remove her powers, freezing her in that form.

So when she went back to The Smell at the end of this episode, wouldn't they have thought she was an impostor and told her to piss off? How'd she convince her old band mates that she was really Charlie when she has a completely different face now?

Lastly, in this scene Charlie sings a rousing, punk rock cover of the Mr. Parker's Cul-De-Sac theme! Fitting.

• The Legends don period-appropriate attire when they watch Charlie sing with her band. So... how the hell did Astra stuff her impressively huge mane of hair under this tiny wig? I don't see any possible way it can all be under there, no matter how much she compresses it.

Or... maybe her normal Astra hairdo is the wig?

By the way, note how at the end of the episode, Charlie's back with her old band, Canary can see again and Zari 2.0 got her brother Behrad back. Everyone got what they wanted except for poor Astra. She only agreed to hook up with the Legends in order to resurrect her mom, but sadly it didn't happen. Why's she the only one who didn't get their wish granted?

I must say, she seems to be taking it very well here. Maybe there's hope for her after all.

• Astra appears to be leaving the show as well, telling Constantine she's thinking of hanging out in his House Of Mystery, er, I mean manor for a while. More importantly she gives him his soul coin as rent, and to signify she's forgiven him.

So does this mean Constantine's soul is no longer damned? Does he no longer have to worry about going to Hell once he dies? Given the significance they place on this action, it kinda seems like it.

• I'm assuming the tractor beam that pulled Canary into the sky either prevented her from calling for help or muffled the sound of her voice. Either way, somehow the rest of the Legends remained completely oblivious to it.

• So based on this final shot, I'm assuming Canary's been captured by aliens, and the Legends will spend at least half of Season 6 in space. Which aliens kidnapped her though remains to be seen.

This Week's Best Lines:
(The Legends split into two teams to find both the Loom and the Waverider. There's a version of Zari on each team.)
Sharpe: "Any luck finding the Loom?"
Constantine: "Yeah, I think we found it, all right."
Zari: "Yeah, well, our ride is still very much MIA, so don't destroy the Loom until we find the ship."
Zari 2.0: "She has a weird voice, right?"

Zari 2.0: "Sara, I've got eyes on Charlie Fate and Hippie-Mom Fate. No sign of Psycho Fate."

Atropos: "You bear the scars from out last encounter."
Canary: "My scars only make me stronger."

(Behrad mistakes Original Zari for Zari 2.0.)

Behrad: "Oh, um, I thought you were... Zari."
Zari: "I... I am."
Behrad: "No, I mean, totally. I know. Uh, it's just... it's weird.
Zari: "Yeah, I... I know. Tell me about it. Yeah, I'm hanging out with myself, and myself, it has the hots for John Constantine."
Behrad: "You caught that, too?"

(The Legends try convincing the brainwashed Charlie that Free Will is a good thing.)
Steel: "Okay, I know you think free will is a bad, scary thing. So we did think free a little dumpster diving, to give you some counterpoints. Two words... The Beatles. Right, they taught an entire generation that even during war and tragedy, we can still make beauty."
Charlie: "Whilst also inspiring Charles Manson to commit some of the most brutal murders in history. Also, they let Ringo sing a song about an octopus."
Steel: "Damn it. Okay."
Canary: "Just get out of the way."
Mona: "Mamma Mia! 2. A celebration of free love, reckless abandon, and following your bliss, even if that bliss means creating a two hour ABBA-palooza where Cher plays Meryl Streep's mom."
Charlie: "Weren't the Legends almost murdered by Napoleon because of ABBA?"
Gary: "Two words... Octopus's Garden." 
Charlie: "Gary, no."

Behrad: (looking at a map of Clotho Studios for the Loom) "All right, uh, no windows, thick walls. That's where I'd stash my artisanal, world-altering apparatus."

Zari: "Working on Giddy without me?"
Behrad: "We tried comming you this morning, but you didn't answer."
Zari: "Oh, uh..."
Zari 2.0: "Broken eye contact, flush cheeks? Mm!"
Zari: "I mean, that's not fair. I can't keep a secret from myself."
Behrad: "What are we keeping a secret?"
Zari 2.0: "Well, bro, when a man and a woman love each other very much..."
Behrad: "Are you talking about sex with Nate? That's not a secret. Now, you and John, that's a secret!"
Zari 2.0: "Behrad!"
Zari: "Behrad, nice."

(At the end of the episode, Heat Wave finally pays attention and sees the two different Zaris.)
Heat Wave: "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, there are two of them?"

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Related Posts with Thumbnails
Site Meter