Helpful Hints For Males

Lately every time I go to the grocery store I see a male of the species carrying a shopping basket like the example on the left. And when I say "every time" I don't mean once a few months ago like I usually do when I rant about something like this; for once I mean literally every time.

We're not talking about someone dressed like Oscar Wilde mincing and gadding about the store here. Nope, every time I see a guy doing this it's always inexplicably Manny McShirtstain and his five o'clock shadow that grew in six hours early.

Someone needs to set these poor deluded males straight, and stat! So please to indulge me as I relay a helpful hint. Gentlemen: stop carrying your shopping baskets like you're Scarlett O'Hara gathering wildflowers to make a daisy chain to put around the neck of your pet cat Mr. Whiskerson. Carry it like a man! Arm straight down to your side! The way your dad did, and his dad before him. The way members of the Greatest Generation carried baskets in WWII!

When did this become acceptable behavior? I have to assume once again this is the fault of our touchy-feely school system. I'll bet dollars to donuts that they stopped teaching helpful gender basics decades ago; things like the proper way for a man to look at his fingernails or the masculine way to check and see if there's something stuck to the bottom of his shoe. Laws no, we can't be assigning proper gender behavior to children here on Planet Kumbaya.