It's The Cheesiest, Er, Metalist!

This week Kraft Foods announced they were voluntarily recalling over 240,000 cases of their Macaroni & Cheese Dinners, staple of sullen loners and latch-key kids everywhere.

The dinners were reportedly being recalled due to the cheese packet contained inside, which was described as "gritty and flavorless no matter how much water, milk and butter is added," as well as a "bag full of fluorescent orange bitterness and regret dust."

The recall will affect more tha... hold on a second. I'm being told that the real reason for the recall is that the dinners may contain pieces of metal. That's metal, not bitterness and regret dust.

Please disregard my earlier comments.