Hobbled Lobby

This week craft chain store Hobby Lobby announced that despite the fact that over ninety other retailers were temporarily shutting their doors during the Coronavirus Apocalypse, they were steadfastly and defiantly remaining open for business.

Critics immediately denounced the decision to stay open, calling it dangerous and irresponsible. When asked about the situation, Hobby Lobby founder David Green responded that he chose to keep the chain open because "God is in charge."

In a note to Hobby Lobby employees, Green said his wife Barbara (who he described as a "prayer warrior") received a message from the All-Knowing Deity. Said Green, "In her quiet prayer time this past week, the Lord put on Barbara's heart three profound words to remind us that he's in control. Guide, Guard and Groom. We serve a God who will Guide us through this storm, who will Guard us as we travel to places never seen before and who, as a result of this experience, will Groom us to be better than we could have ever thought possible before now."

Yeah, that's great, Dave, but how about you close your frakin' stores anyway and maybe not needlessly kill thousands so you can keep on selling silk flowers, picture frames and jigsaw puzzles.

This doesn't surprise me a bit. I worked for Hobby Lobby briefly back in 2012 when I was "between jobs." They love to tout themselves as a devoutly Christian company, but the reality is they're just as cutthroat as any business out there— if not more so. Their holiness is all surface level at best.

As proof you need look no further than the fact that they're willingly risking the lives of every one of their employees and the community's they're in, just to keep the cash flowing and the shareholders happy.

And David? If your god really is "in control," then I'd like to speak with his manager. I have a problem with the way he's been running the world lately.

UPDATE:
I've been on lockdown and working at home for a week now. I had to venture out to my real office today for something, and on the way I passed my local Hobby Lobby. It appeared to be closed, as there wasn't a single car in their parking lot. Maybe it's up to each individual manager as to whether they close or not? Or maybe god appeared to Barbara Green again and told her to close her ferkakta stores already.