The Orville Season 3, Episode 10: Future Unknown

It's the Season 3 finale of The Orville!

And what a season it's been, too! It took its sweet time getting to us (over THREE YEARS), but it was definitely worth the wait. Everything clicked this year, as the show hit its stride and fired on all cylinders.  

It still amazes me that a series that started out as a parody has now become the best sci-fi show on TV. Heck, maybe the best period! If only CBS could produce an actual Star Trek series this good.

This week's episode is an odd one, as it features no real antagonist, no actual stakes and little to no plot. It's basically eighty minutes of the characters planning a wedding. No, really!

Despite the fact that nothing much actually happens this week, it was still one of the better episodes of the season. It's a fun character study, meant as a coda to all the drama and angst of the previous episodes. 

As much as I liked this episode, I gotta admit the whole Lysella subplot had nothing to do with the main storyline, and felt like it was tacked on. In fact I'm convinced that's exactly what happened. Rumor has it we were supposed to get a regular thirteen episode season this year. Thanks to a little thing called the Covid pandemic, that plan was scrapped, and the season was cut down to a trim ten episodes.

I'll bet my bottom dollar the Claire/Isaac Wedding and Lysella plotlines were meant to be two separate episodes, but the writers were forced to mash them into one.

SPOILERS!

The Plot:
Bortus tells the Bridge crew that he and Klyden are renewing their wedding vows, and everyone's invited. He explains the ceremony will take place on Listak 3, where the two of them will strip naked and he'll chase Klyden through the forest. If he catches him, they'll share the Sexual Event and renew their bond.

The next day, the crew gathers on Listak 3 and the ceremony begins. Klyden takes off into the woods, and Bortus follows. After a lengthy and spirited chase, Bortus eventually catches Klyden and the Sexual Event begins.

They return to the others sometime later, and embrace for an unnaturally long time. The crew seem confused as to what's supposed to happen next. Eventually Gordon begins awkwardly applauding, and the others join in. Isaac observes all this with keen interest.

Back on the ship, Admiral Halsey orders the Orville back to Sargus 4 to deliver supplies to the secret research team stationed there. He recommends Mercer not send John down to the planet, considering what happened to him last time he was there.

Meanwhile, Isaac's so inspired by Bortus & Klyden's nuptials that he downloads all available wedding traditions from the computer. He then finds Claire in the Mess Hall, gets down on one knee and asks her to marry him!

A stunned Claire takes Isaac to her quarters and asks what the hell he's doing. He says based on his research he decided it was time they formalized their coupling and married. She points out that while he'll remain unchanged forever, she'll eventually grow old (well, older) and die. She wonders what he'll do then. He says he'll care for her descendants, which for some reason touches her.

That night, Claire discusses Isaac's proposal with Kelly and Talla. They ask Claire if she loves him, and she admits she does. They go over the pros and cons of marrying a Kalyon, saying Isaac would definitely commit and never leave her. Mercer enters, and they ask for a man's perspective. He says Claire should ask her kids what they think.

The next day the ship approaches Sargus 4, where the crew picks up an odd message. It's from Lysella, the woman who helped them out during their previous visit. She says she's been desperately trying to contact them for months, and asks for their help.

Cut to Mercer and Kelly in the conference room with Lysella. She says her social media-obsessed society has gotten even worse in the past year, and requests asylum. Mercer reluctantly agrees, but warns her that she can't go back if she changes her mind. Kelly says she'll help her assimilate into Union life.

In Engineering, John asks Isaac if Claire's accepted his proposal yet. When Isaac says no, John points out that she's the only woman he's been with. He says he shouldn't be so quick to "settle" and suggests he date other women to see what's out there.

The Orville finishes its official mission at Sargus 4 and leaves. Claire tells Marcus and Ty that Isaac proposed, and asks what they think. They're both all for it (I guess Marcus got over his problems with Isaac). Claire then finds Isaac and tells him "yes." He says he'll begin the wedding preparations.

Isaac then goes to Kelly's office and asks to have sex with her. A stunned Kelly politely declines, so Isaac says he'll go ask Tall instead. Kelly asks what the heck's going on, and Isaac tells her about John's advice. She says he shouldn't believe everything he's told, and to go back to planning his wedding.

Kelly then meets with Lysella, who's struggling to understand how the Union's moneyless society works. Kelly gives her a crash course in Union economic, explaining that the invention of the matter synthesizer changed everything. Once people no longer had to work for money, one's reputation became currency. If you do something that benefits society in any way— from being a scientist to an artist— you're considered rich.

Kelly then goes to Sickbay, where Claire asks her to be her maid of honor. Kelly happily accepts, but feels obligated to tell her that Isaac propositioned her. Claire immediately finds Isaac and asks him what the hell. He explains he was acting on advice from John. Claire tells Isaac she's not mad at him, as he can't help his trusting nature. She then storms into Engineering and rips John a new asshole, ordering him to stop giving relationship advice to her robotic husband.

On the Bridge, Isaac asks Gordon to be his best man. Gordon's excited, but asks why him? Isaac explains the best man traditionally delivers a humorous speech, and the crew regard Gordon as funny. Bortus then pipes up and says he's considered funny on Moclus, and insists on being best man. Isaac accepts, to Gordon's dismay.

Isaac then contacts Kaylon Primary and invites him to the wedding. Primary's confused, wondering if Isaac's being enslaved by Claire and the other biologicals. Isaac explains he's fine, and simply participating in a human custom. Primary accepts and says ALL of Kaylon will come to the wedding (!).

Kelly takes Lysella to the Holodeck, er, I mean Environmental Simulator, where she shows her various breathtaking planets. She then gives her a tour of the ship, including Engineering. Lysella says her planet would be better off with all the Union's technology.

Kelly says it doesn't work that way, as her people have to learn to work together to become better before they can handle all the cool tech. Lysella says she feels bad that she got a better world handed to her instead of having to work for it. Kelly asks her to help plan Claire's bachelorette party, hoping it'll make her feel better.

Gordon goes to Engineering, where he whines about the best man thing to John and Mercer. Suddenly the Egg Salad Sandwich appears! The one Gordon had John sent three months forward into the future back in Twice In A Lifetime. Gordon's delighted to see the sandwich again, as he picks it up and eats it. He says he feels better already and walks out. John comments on what a weird place he works in.

Kelly, Claire, Talla & Lysella then plan the bachelorette party. A sullen Lysella walks over to the synthesizer and orders a glass of water. She says there are entire countries on her world with no access to clean water, and even one of these machines could change the entire planet. She asks why they can't just share their tech with other worlds.

Kelly tries explaining that it's not that simple, and they have laws against playing god. She points out that if someone had given synthesizer tech to 21st Century Earth it would have been a disaster and even destroyed society. Lysella doesn't understand and goes to her quarters.

Cut to Isaac's bachelor party, where the guys are all having a horrible time. Bortus dresses up as Elvis (!) and sings a medley of songs, which puts everyone to sleep except for an enthusiastic Klyden. In contrast, the bachelorette party is jumping, as the gals enjoy a Kaylon male stripper (!!!). Talla asks Kelly where Lysella is, and she says she's having a hard time adjusting to Union life.

Sometime later Kelly gets a visit from Lysella, who says she made a mistake and wants to go back home.

Kelly meets with Mercer, Claire and Talla and tells them Lysella wants to return to Sargas 4. Talla says it's too late, as she's seen too much of their society. Kelly agrees, but says even if she told her people what she saw, no one's likely to believe her. Mercer sighs and approves her leaving, but says this is it— no more do-overs.

Kelly and Talla escort Lysella to the Shuttlebay. Lysella tells them goodbye and boards a shuttle. Suddenly an alarm sounds, and Talla orders her to hand over her bag. Talla looks inside and finds an electronic pad filled with schematics for the synthesizer and environmental simulator. Talla says at least she didn't steal any weapons specs. Kelly asks Talla to let her handle it, and tells Lysella to follow her.

Kelly takes Lysella back to the Simulator, and calls up a recreation of planet Gendel 3 in 2235. Lysella notes it looks nearly identical to her own world. She then fast forwards the simulation to 2240. Suddenly the world's a lifeless, barren hellscape.

Lysella asks what happened, and Kelly explains, "We did." She said early Union explorers acted much like missionaries, sharing their technology with lesser-developed worlds like Gendel 3. She says this skipped the growing pains that all worlds have to go through, resulting in wars over the tech. As a result, within just five years nine billion people were killed in the conflict. She tells Lysella she can still go back if she wants, but she has to let her world advance at its own pace.

On the Bridge, Bortus detects a massive fleet of Kaylon Spheres approaching. Isaac pipes up and says the Kaylons are his wedding guests, as he invited the entire planet. Mercer tells Talla to inform Union Central so they don't detect the fleet and freak out.

Claire comes to the Bridge and asks Isaac if he's insane, as they can't possibly seat EVERY Kaylon on his planet. Isaac contacts Kaylon Primary and says they can only accommodate a few Kaylons, and will broadcast the ceremony to the rest. Primary says that'll be acceptable.

Cut to the wedding, which takes place in a wooded glen that's apparently inside the Environmental Simulator (I think?). The biological guests are seated on one side, while a squad of Kaylon sit awkwardly on the other. Isaac's there in his holographic human form. Claire enters, as Marcus walks her down the aisle.

Mercer performs a VERY familiar sounding wedding ceremony, noting how they've all watched Claire and Isaac's relationship grow through good times and bad. Claire and Isaac then recite their own vows. Claire says Isaac's touched her in a way no human ever has, and she can't wait to spend the rest of her life with him. Isaac says he can't reciprocate her feelings, but hopes their coupling will improve her efficiency. Mercer then declares them man and wife.

At the reception, we see Lysella's decided to stay as she congratulates Claire. She credits Kelly for helping her figure out her place in the Union.

Mercer marvels at the Kaylons mingling with the crowd, an tells Kelly it's hard to believe they were trying to kill one another just a year ago. He then gets an alert that a shuttle's docked and "she" is on her way. Kelly asks what that's about, and Mercer says it's a surprise.

Just then Alara enters the party and she and Claire embrace. Talla greets Alara, who asks how she's doing in her old job.

Bortus then calls for silence as he gives his best man speech. His jokes are all examples of typical Moclan humor, consisting of direct and offensive statements, offset by stating, "All kidding aside." After several of these jokes fall flat, Claire whispers to Isaac, who thanks Bortus and asks Gordon to take over.

A stunned Gordon then gets up and performs a set that goes over much better with the crowd. He then belts out yet another song, as Mercer and Kelly look on. Mercer tentatively takes Kelly's hand, and the two exchange a glance.

In a post credit scene, a maintenance man vacuums the Bridge. He shuts off the lights when he's done.

Thoughts:
• The episode begins with Isaac strolling through the ship on his daily rounds, to the tune of Ann-Margaret's Bachelor In Paradise.

Note the way the various crewmen smile and greet him as he walks through the corridors. Compare that with the season premiere, where everyone resented him and gave him the stink-eye as they passed. I guess they're all OK with him after last week's episode, where he created a weapon that could wipe out his own people everywhere in the galaxy.

• Isaac synthesizes a banana and swings by Sickbay, where he gives it to Claire.

This is a callback to A Happy Refrain, where he noted that she "becomes cantankerous after sixteen hundred hours when she hasn't eaten" and brought her a banana. It's his robotic way of making sure she's "operating at peak efficiency."

• The Orville then travels to Listak 3 for Bortus & Klyden's Kazh'gahl. Bortus describes the ceremony to the crew:

Bortus: "When we arrive on the planet's surface, Klyden and I will disrobe. Once we are fully bare, thus unified with our natural surroundings as we were at birth, Klyden will flee into the forest. Shortly after, I will follow in pursuit. If I catch him, we will share the Sеxual Event there among the trees. Our mating vows are thus formally renewed and sanctified in the eyes of Moclan tradition."

Several things here:

First of all, Listak 3's apparently another one of those Southern California Forest Planets we've seen numerous times on the show.

I assume Bortus & Klyden are holding their Kazh'gahl ceremony here because they've renounced their Moclan citizenship back in Midnight Blue, and are likely no longer allowed on their home planet.

That's gonna make it tough when it's time for their Ja'loja, as they're supposed to return to same spot on Moclas every year for their annual urination.

Secondly, at the beginning of the ceremony, Bortus and Klyden are both clad in traditional Moclan robes. As usual, these outfits are festooned with dozens of hexagons, which must be the favorite shape of every Moclan.

Thirdly, get a load of the crew as they witness the ceremony. Jesus, guys, could you have possibly arranged yourself any more stiffly and awkwardly?

Lastly, Bortus and Klyden disrobe, and we see they're both wearing little sumo-like loincloths (thank the Maker!).

Wait, what? Didn't Bortus say they both had to be fully bare to be unified with their surroundings or something? Not that I really wanted to see their junk mind you, but why the sudden modesty act? Is it because their daughter's there watching?

• At one point during the chase, Klyden picks up a huge boulder and hurls it at Bortus.

Jesus Christ! Look at the size of that thing! I bet it easily weighs three hundred pounds, if not more— and Klyden tosses it like it's nothing. Looks like Xelayans aren't the only race with super strength! Did we know Moclans were this strong before now?

By the way, note that Klyden isn't pulling his punches here as he deliberately throws a giant rock at his mate. Earlier in the episode Kelly wonders why Klyden wouldn't just let Bortus catch him, since that's the whole point of the Kazh'gahl. Bortus explains that their "marriage" would be considered a sham if the chase was false. So Klyden really is trying to injure Bortus here!

• This is possibly my favorite shot in this episode! Klyden peeking out from behind a tree and lumbering away makes me laugh every time I see it.

• This scene reminds me a lot of the Speeder Bike chase in Return Of The Jedi. But with 200% more alien ass crack.

• Bortus eventually catches Klyden, and the two of them share the Sexual Event (offscreen, thank goodness!). They make their way back to the clearing, where they stop and embrace. 

I loved the looks on the crew's faces, as the embrace goes on a little too long and they glance around awkwardly, unsure of what to do next.

• As fun as the Kazh'gahl scene is, it occurred to me that it was completely unnecessary. It's there solely to instigate the plot by inspiring Isaac to propose marriage to Claire. There was no real reason to include it though— the writers could have just had Bortus mention he was renewing his vows with Klyden, and then that could have sparked Isaac's actions.

As such the only reason the entire ceremony sequence in the script is to give us a couple yuks by laughing at Moclan culture, as well as padding out the episode's runtime.

• I love this shot of the Orville gliding past an electric blue nebula. That's something we rarely if ever saw in any version of Star Trek, as virtually every shot of the various ships were set against plain old empty black space. Nice to occasionally see some cool interstellar vistas. Well done, The Orville!

• Admiral Halsey orders the Orville to deliver supplies to the undercover science team on Sargas 4. He politely but sternly suggests that Mercer not send John down to the surface this time.

This is a callback to the events of Season 2's Majority Rule, in which John was part of an Away Team on Sargas 4 and was almost lobotomized after the public downvoted his actions.

I gotta wonder why the Union still has a research team on Sargas 4 in the first place? It's one of the most dangerous planets in the galaxy, as they've already lost two researchers and came close to a third getting his mind fried. It's a horrible, repressive dystopia ruled by social media. What more could they possibly learn about it?

• Inspired by Bortus & Klyden's renewal of vows, Isaac studies various Earth bonding customs. He then barges into the Mess Hall, gets down on one knee and proposes to a stunned Claire. He even presents her with an engagement ring!

OK, I'm assuming the whole ring thing is a relic of a bygone era at this point. Thanks to matter synthesizer technology, Union citizens can order up anything they could ever possibly want or need— for free! Objects like diamond rings would no longer have any monetary value like they do in our society.

• For any cosplayers out there planning on building an Isaac costume, this is probably your best look yet at his new fingers.

• Jaysis, the title sequence doesn't kick in this week till the 10:35 mark! I honestly thought they'd forgotten about it.

• Claire's outraged by Isaac's proposal until he tells her that if they marry, he'll look after her children and subsequent descendants long after she's gone. For some reason this completely changes her mind about marrying him, as she finds the sentiment "beautiful." 

Eh, I guess so? She's completely smitten by his pledge, but to me it seems more clinical than romantic. I guess Claire's a practical and pragmatic type of gal.

• Claire then discusses Isaac's proposal with Kelly and Talla. They make up a pro & con list, citing that Isaac would never leave or cheat on Claire, he's super strong, would never argue and is "good in an emergency," whatever that means.

This is also the scene in which we get the best line of the episode, when Claire says, "Wouldn't we all be happier if we just accepted people for what they are instead of being disappointed with them for what they're not?"

Words to live by, Doc!

• As the Orville approaches Sargas 4, they intercept a distress signal from Lysella— the young woman who helped them save John back in Majority Rule. A couple things here:

First of all, Lysella's been calling the ship for months on a comm scanner frequency. Apparently when they brought her aboard the Orville to help save John, she must have secretly palmed a communicator when no one was looking. Pret-ty sneaky, sis!

Note that Mercer nor any of the others seems pissed that she stole futuristic technology that could have drastically altered her society if it'd fallen into the wrong hands. In fact no one ever even mentions it!

Secondly, what are the odds that Lysella just happens to contact the ONE Union ship she's aware of right as it enters her planet's orbit? Astronomical, I'd say. In fact it's so unlikely it nearly torpedoes the episode. It goes way beyond coincidence and skirts the border of bad writing territory.

Lastly, there's a big time jump that occurs right after Lysella asks for help. Gordon asks Mercer, "So when I see her wavin' us down, just... pull over?" We then cut to Lysella already on board.

 Obviously there's a big chunk of episode missing here, as the crew must have pinpointed her position from her comm scanner, sent a cloaked shuttle to the surface, picked her up and brought her aboard.

Note that we didn't really need to see any of that, but it's worth noting that they skipped right over it.

• Lysella then meets with Mercer and Kelly, and asks for asylum. She says the situation on her world's deteriorated greatly since she last saw them:

Lysella: "Captain, your friend almost died because my planet voted him down. And it's only gotten worse. I've lost two friends this past year because they said or did things that the Feed didn't like. Everyone's scared and paranoid because nobody trusts each other. And the only time anyone feels like they belong to something larger than themselves is when they're part of a mass downvote. They can't come together unless they're targeting somebody."

Wow, sounds pretty familiar, eh?

Social media's simultaneously the best and worst thing our society's ever invented. It started out innocently enough, as a way for people to connect with old friends and make new ones. Unfortunately it's been perverted into a cesspool of hate and uniformed opinions, giving a voice to EVERYONE— whether they deserve it or not.

Our world is well on its way to becoming just like Sargas 4.

• All through this episode I had to keep reminding myself that Lysella's a Sargassian, and not a human from 21st Century Earth. She certainly looks and acts like one of us!

• This is probably mean, but... what was up with Lysella in this episode? In every scene she acted like she was stoned or drunk or both. I can't tell if Giorgia Whigham just isn't a very good actress or if she was on some heavy medication during filming.

• I think I've brought this up before, but it's worth a repeat. Check out Yahphit here in Engineering— note how he's pushing buttons on a console, even though his "face" is far below it.

Clearly he's somehow able to sense his surroundings without any eyes. Maybe he's got some kind of optical cells in his pseudopods, and uses them to "see" the buttons he's pushing.

• Claire tells her boys about Isaac's proposal, and they give her their blessing. Marcus in particular tells her that if Isaac makes her happy, then she should go for it. 

That's quite a change from the beginning of the season, when Marcus actively despised Isaac, didn't want to stay on the same ship as him and even wished him dead. He's definitely come around since then!

• In all the various Star Trek series, we were repeatedly told that the Federation no longer uses money and that citizens don't need jobs to survive. Unfortunately the creators of those shows were never quite able to figure out just how that would actually work, giving us the vaguest of explanations as to how such a world would function.

TNG came closest to describing it in The Neutral Zone, when Captain Picard told an unfrozen 20th Century stockbroker that humans no longer pursued wealth, but instead worked to better themselves.

The Orville's Union features a similar moneyless society, which Kelly attempts to explain to Lysella:

Lysella: "So, wait... if nobody has to have a job, then why do you guys all work?"

Kelly: "The right work can be satisfying for other reasons besides compensation. It's funny, with all the technology and all the different alien cultures... this is still the part that newcomers always have the hardest time adapting to."

Lysella: "I mean, it's just so basic. You have a job, you survive. You don't, you starve."

Kelly: "Used to be that way on Earth too. Until the invention of the matter synthesizer. It was the single most transformative moment in our history. When all your material needs are provided for at no cost, it changes the entire game."

Lysella: "So then... why don't you guys just lay around all day and do nothing?"

Kelly: "Well, it's... sort of frowned upon socially. But more important than that, it's no fun. See, on your planet, currency is money. In the Union, it's reputation. So if you do something, anything, that benefits our society, and you work hard at it, you're rich. And that could be anything from being a great scientist, or a great doctor, a great chef, or a great waiter. It's all valued."

Lysella: "That's amazing."

Kelly: "Or maybe you want to study a field of research. Learn all you can about history, physics, literature, or art. Just for your own pleasure. That's a respected life too. The only life considered poor is one that's wasted on apathy."

To The Orville's credit, this is the best explanation of a cashless economy that we've gotten so far. Sadly it still doesn't make a lot of sense. No matter how lofty a society's ideals are, somebody's still gotta make sure things are running smoothly, or clean shit off the sidewalks. I can't imagine anyone in the 25th Century devoting their life to those tasks if they didn't have to.

• Nothing profound to say here, I just like this cool alien in Sickbay with three mouths (and tongues). And when he talks it sounds like a chorus of voices!

I love that that the show features these awesome looking background aliens, but I wish we'd get some main characters who looked like this. That'd probably be prohibitively expensive though, so it's unlikely to ever happen.

• When John finds out about Isaac's proposal, he tells him he shouldn't be so quick to marry Clair and should play the field before committing. To that end Isaac then asks Kelly to have sex with him. She tells Claire, furiously marches into Engineering and rips John a new one:

Claire: "If you ever again give Isaac a single tidbit of personal advice, even if it's about what cologne to use, I will come down here and I will eat your little punk ass for breakfast with a glass of grapefruit juice. You got me?"

OK, it's a funny scene, but I kind of wish she'd said something besides "eat your ass for breakfast." That phrase conjures up images best left unimagined!

• Kelly shows Lysella the Holodeck, er, I mean the Environmental Simulator. If we ever invent one of these, it's a given that people are gonna die inside it. Not by accidentally conjuring up something deadly or anything like that— they'll just stay inside the thing until they starve or die from having too much fake sex.

• Isaac asks Gordon to be his best man at the wedding. Gordon's touched, and happily accepts (but is ultimately usurped by Bortus of all people). 

Wait, is this the same Gordon who secretly harbored resentment toward Isaac a few episodes back? I guess he got over that like Marcus did.

• Apropos of nothing, I bet it's tough for actor Mark Jackson to walk down steps in the Isaac costume without killing himself. There's no way he can see very well through that nearly opaque helmet, so it's a wonder he doesn't trip and fall down the stairs in every take.

• Isaac contacts Kaylon Primary and invites the ENTIRE population of Kaylon-1 to his wedding:

Isaac: "I would like to invite you to my wedding." 

Primary: "Please clarify." 

Isaac: "I would like to extend an invitation to you to attend my marriage to Dr. Claire Finn."

Primary: "What is... a marriage?" 

Isaac: "It is a ceremony during which one organism acknowledges their intent to service another for the duration of their mutual existence." 

Primary: "You describe enslavement. Are the biologicals attempting to place you into servitude as our Builders did?" 

Isaac: "Negative. It is a shared commitment. Doctor Finn will be my wife." 

Primary: "For what reason do you require our presence?" 

Isaac: "It is customary for biologicals to request the presence of other biologicals for the event. I am attempting to adhere to their custom." 

Primary: "An odd custom." 

Isaac: "Indeed. Dr. Finn has invited numerous guests. Therefore, I am expected to do the same." 

Primary: "Do you wish all units to attend?" 

Isaac: "That would seem reasonable." 

Primary: "Very well. We will assemble the fleet. A reduced defensive contingent will remain on Kaylon. All other units will attend."

A few things here:

First off, as humorous as this scene is, it's a prime example of sacrificing characterization for the sake of the joke. When Isaac invites Primary to the wedding, he asks, "What is... a marriage?" Wait, what? 

The Kaylons were created by the humanoid Builders to be their servants and workers. There's no way in hell the Kaylons didn't witness at least one wedding during their servitude. I suppose it's possible the Builders might not have had marriage, but it still seems a little iffy.

To make things even worse, Primary then says he'll bring the ENTIRE Kaylon race to the wedding, and Isaac says that'll be fine. C'mon, writers! The Kaylons are robots with computer minds. Even if they have no idea what a wedding is, simple logic would dictate their whole population couldn't attend a ceremony!

This is clearly a case of deliberately dumbing down the characters in order to make a joke work.

Lastly, Primary thinks marriage sounds like enslavement. HAW! I know plenty of people who would agree with that sentiment. Plus I think it's funny that he automatically goes there right off the bat. It's been hundreds of years since the Builders enslaved your race, Primary! Let it go already!

• Kelly takes Lysella on a tour of the ship, including Engineering. I feel like they probably shouldn't be standing that close to the Berylium Sphere, er, I mean the Quantum Core. Maybe there's a force field around it to protect observers?

• Kelly asks Lysella about her planet, and she replies:

Lysella: "It's not like the people are bad, they're not. It's just... once you get so used to a messed-up way of doing things, it's hard to remember how to be any other way. Everyone's just so angry at everyone else. Some of them have the right to be. Others... just get off on it."

Wow, that all sounds REALLY familiar (cough FOX News cough). And yet another reason why it's hard to remember Lysella isn't from 21st Century Earth!

Kelly then drops some societal wisdom on Lysella (and the audience as well):

Lysella: "If we had all this... we could be better people."

Kelly: "It doesn't quite work like that. You gotta flip it. You get all this by becoming better people. Trust me, your planet is not ready for a quantum core. Based on what you've told me, they'd probably blow each other to bits. But once they learn to work together, to really live with each other and develop a genuine investment in each other's growth... that's when it gets good. Step one is learning not to sweat the small stuff and focus on the big goals. You tend to find they're all the same. Your planet still needs to make that leap of commonality."

Ah, if only our own world could get its act together like the one in this show!

• Gordon goes to Engineering, where he bitches to Mercer and John about Isaac not picking him to be his best man:

Gordon: "I'm so pissed" 

Mercer: "If you had to choose, would you say you're more or less upset about this than about the Kaylon invasion of Earth?"

Gordon: "I'm madder about this."

HAW! I love this exchange!

Although if I was Gordon, I'd probably be madder about the fact that I had a wife and kid in the 21st Century, but they vanished from existence when my best friend wiped out that timeline— but hey, that's just me.

• Just then we get the triumphant return of the Egg Salad Sandwich, as it appears before Gordon's stunned and amazed eyes! 

If you'll recall, back in Twice In A Lifetime, John and Isaac announced they'd altered the Aronov Device so that it could transport the entire ship backward or forward in time. Gordon helped him demonstrate this by synthesizing an egg salad sandwich and sending it three months into the future. 

I KNEW would reappear at some point in the series, most likely in the season finale. And here it is. Apparently this episode takes place exactly three months after Twice In A Lifetime!

By the way, is... is that a schematic of the Aronov Device on the panel behind Gordon? I thought it was destroyed in Twice In A Lifetime?

• The guys then attend Isaac's bachelor party in a simulation of a Las Vegas lounge. Unfortunately Isaac's lack of emotions results in a bland and lifeless wingding.

Also, note that once again the crew's casual outfits have been toned WAYYYYYYY down this season. In fact their clothing doesn't look all that different from ours here in the 21st Century. Compare that to Seasons 1 and 2, where the crew wore some truly egregious and outlandish ensembles.

• Speaking of outfits, it looks like Ensign Brosk (in the middle) is wearing a leisure suit! I haven't seen one of those since the late 1970s!

And Klyden's wearing a 1950s bowling shirt!

• Bortus then takes the stage, dressed like the King. OK, back in Midnight Blue I said Dolly Parton's cameo was the weirdest thing the series had ever done. I may need to amend that statement.

Bortus demands silence as he belts out several Elvis ballads in a slow, dirge-like manner. Mercer and the others are bored to death by his set, and even comment on how bad he is. Wait, hold up...

Back in A Tale Of Two Topas, Bortus performed a concert in the Shuttlebay, and the entire ship couldn't wait to rush down there to hear him sing for several hours. He even received a standing ovation when he was done.

So which is it, writers? Can Bortus sing well or not?

• In contrast, the ladies are having quite the swingin' bachelorette party. Lots to cover here:

First of all, it's implied this party's going on at the same time as the guys'. I guess that means there's more than one Environmental Simulator on the ship, which makes perfect sense.

Wait a minute, who's that guy behind Kelly? I thought a bachelorette party was for ladies only? I guess by the 25th Century they're not as strict about such gender constructs?

I love this four armed alien waitress at the party (even if she is HIGHLY reminiscent of the Twi'lek race over in Star Wars). Once again I wish we had more alien-looking regular characters like this.

Claire then lets her hair down and frolics with a simulated Kaylon Male Stripper! Yet another thing I never expected to see on this show!

• Lysella finally decides she can't deal with life in the Union, and asks to go back to her horrible Social Media Planet. Kelly, Mercer & Talla then discuss whether to let her go:

Talla: "Isn't it too late?"

Kelly: "Ed, what do you think?"

Mercer: "Well, she's... been here a lot longer this time. She's seen a lot more." 

Kelly: "True. Although it's still just a story once she's back home."

Mercer: "Well, you're the one that's been spending time with her. Let me ask you this: If you had to make this call on your own, what would you do?"

Kelly: "Look, this girl is just confused. She's young, she thought she was choosing adventure, but... her conscience is pouring a little cold water on it."

Talla: "What about the risk?"

Kelly: "My opinion? She's not an engineer. I mean, we found her working in a cafe. It's not like she can go back and build a Simulator just because she's seen one. She could describe it, but I'm sure every fiction writer could too. Even if anyone believed her, they'd still have to figure it out for themselves."

Kelly makes some pretty good points about Lysella being unable to recreate the advanced tech she's seen on the Orville. Telling someone about Quantum Drive is one thing, but explaining how it works is quite another!

Also, Kelly says, "I'm sure every fiction writer could describe a Synthesizer." Note that she doesn't say SCIENCE fiction writer. That brings up an interesting idea— do they even have science fiction in the world of the Union? Probably not! Sci-fi is all about aliens, spaceships, time travel and other dimensions. They have all that stuff in their daily lives! There'd be nothing for a 25th Century sci-fi author to write about!

• Cut to the Shuttlebay, as Kelly and Talla see Lysella off. There's that goddamned Pteradon parked right in the way again, where every incoming shuttle has to maneuver around it! Someone, please move that freakin' thing!

• As Lysella boards the shuttle that's to take her home, an alarm suddenly sounds. Talla searches Lysella's bag and finds she's trying to steal a comm scanner loaded with specs for a Matter Synthesizer and Environmental Simulator.

Wait, didn't she already steal a comm scanner during her first visit to the Orville back in Season 1? Why didn't the shuttle alarm go off then as well? Maybe this time Talla suspected Lysella might try to take something, and secretly activated the alarm system.

• Kelly takes Lysella to the Simulator and shows her a panorama of Gendel 3, which was once much like her world.

She then forwards the sim five short years, and suddenly the planet's a barren wasteland. Several things here:

First off, Kelly explains why the Union adopted the Prime Directive, er, I mean laws about cultural contamination:

Kelly: "This is Gendel Three... five years later."

Lysella: "What happened?"

Kelly: "We did. When the early Union explorers reached out into space, they acted more like missionaries than observers. Not in the religious sense— there was no proselytizing or anything like that. But they wanted to help. When they got to Gendel Three, they found a divided world, bristling with nuclear weapons, continents sliced up by national borders. So they landed. They revealed themselves, their technology, everything. They figured it was the right thing to do, that maybe they could help this planet skip over the nasty growing pains that all worlds seem to have to go through. But they couldn't control the spread. Nation-states fought each other, wars broke out everywhere, because they all wanted to use the advancements for personal gain and for political dominance. They wiped themselves out in five years. Nine billion people. Gone."

Once again, that all sounds WAYYYY too familiar. I have no doubt every bit of that would happen here on Earth if anyone ever invented Synthesizer technology. Unless every nation had a Synthesizer, they'd kill one another for the chance to possess it. 

There'd also be numerous manufacturing industries that'd be eliminated by a Synthesizer, and would do whatever it took to suppress knowledge of the device.

Also, note that Kelly mentions "continents sliced up by national borders." That implies that 25th Century Earth no longer has individual countries, and operates under a singular world government. It's a nice idea, but I honestly don't see it ever happening for real.

We then get what may be the first ever jump scare in The Orville, as one of the inhabitants of Gendel 3 leaps out at them.

I'm not sure if this is just what the Gendelians normally looked like, or if this is some kind of irradiated mutant.

Lastly, an observation: The Union seems to like attaching numerals to planet names. Heck, this episode features both Sargus 4 and Gendel 3. I get the idea— they're the fourth and third planets from their respective suns. But do the inhabitants of those worlds use those names? Does Lysella call her world "Sargas 4?" I doubt it. No more than we call our planet Sol 3.

I'm betting her planet is called Sargus 4 in the Union Astronomical Database, and the inhabitants have a completely different name for it.

• Isaac's wedding guests then arrive, as Bortus announces 4000 Kaylon ships are approaching.

It's definitely a cool shot, but wait a minute— earlier Primary told Isaac he'd bring the entire population (save for a small defensive fleet to watch over the planet) to the wedding. Last week in Domino, Admiral Perry wanted to build a super weapon that'd kill "all ten billion Kaylons." 

Seems unlikely that they'd all fit on just 4000 measly ships! Somebody's math is off somewhere.

• The wedding then begins in the Simulator, with Claire's guests on one side, and Isaac's on the other. I wonder if it's weird for the Kaylons to be sitting? Remember, back in Identity, Part 1, Mercer noted that there didn't seem to be any chairs on Kaylon-1.

Ty then enters the grotto, serving as ring bearer. Jesus, look how big he's getting!

That's what happens when you cast kids on a show, and then go THREE FREAKIN' YEARS between seasons!

Marcus then walks Claire down the aisle. Note that she didn't pick either of the dresses she was trying on earlier, as this is yet a third choice. 

And I see you there in the background, Big Vested Black Guy, checking out Claire's ass!

• We then see Mercer presiding over the ceremony. Lots to cover here:

First of all, Isaac's in his holographic human form for some reason. I'm one hundred percent certain Claire put him up to that. Seems like a pretty risky move though, especially with a couple hundred Kaylons sitting in the audience. They seem to think anything a Biological does automatically constitutes enslavement, so I could easily see them misinterpreting Isaac's appearance here and raising a fuss about it.

Secondly, I'm not a fan of the Orville crew's dress uniforms. In addition to being downright ugly, they're structured oddly too, which has the unfortunate effect of making the guys look fat and bloated!

Plus they're VERY similar to the ones worn by Picard & company in the less-than-stellar Star Trek: Nemesis. 

I've always hated those particular uniforms, as they made the Trek crew look like waiters with Picard as the maiter d'. These Union versions are just as bad.

And why do some of the crew get the dress uniforms and others (like Ensign Turco behind Ty and Marcus) don't? Methinks they could only afford them for the main cast!

• Mercer then says a few words before performing the ceremony:

Mercer: "One of the great privileges that has always been bestowed upon ship's captains since the days of the ancient seafaring vessels, is the honor of uniting two people in matrimony."

If those opening remarks sound familiar to you, there's a good reason for it— they're virtually identical to ones said by Captains Kirk and Picard in their respective series!

In the TOS episode Balance Of Terror, Kirk married a couple of crew members we'd never seen before, saying, "Since the days of the first wooden vessels, all ship's masters have had one happy privilege— that of uniting two people in the bonds of matrimony."

Then in the TNG episode Data's Day, Picard wedded Chief O'Brien and Keiko Ishikawa, saying, "Since the days of the first wooden sailing ships, all captains have enjoyed the happy privilege of joining together two people in the bonds of matrimony."

Pretty darn close to Mercer's speech! Clearly his was a loving homage to the two Trek ones.

Lastly, I'm about to throw a big bucket of cold water on this episode's wedding scene. The whole notion of ship captains being able to marry couples is a bunch of hooey, cooked up by Hollywood screenwriters for story convenience. There's absolutely nothing in a maritime license that grants captains the authority to perform weddings, and the US Navy even has statutes prohibiting it. 

There've even been cases where couples at sea insisted on being married by their captain, and courts later declared their weddings invalid!

A captain can marry people IF he also happens to be a judge, mayor or clergyman. But a captain only? Nope! 

I suppose we could be generous here and say that by the time the 25th Century rolls around, the law will allow captains to perform weddings, but it's a stretch.

• After the ceremony, Mercer announces a special unexpected guest is coming. To no one's surprise, the mystery person turns out to be our old pal Alara!

While it was definitely nice to see her again, I'm kind of over her departure by now. After all, it's been over THREE YEARS (in real time) since she left the show!

• Was there some kind of on-set tension between Halston Sage (Alara) and Jessica Szohr (Talla)? I noticed when the two met, they never actually appear in the same shot together— all their dialogue was shot separately and edited together. Maybe it was just a directorial choice, and I'm lookin' at horses and seeing zebras.

• I won't ask why Alara had to leave the ship and return to the high gravity of Xeleya in order to keep her super strength, while it doesn't seem to be an issue for Talla. 

Talla's clearly older than Alara, so maybe her strength's set in by age, I dunno.

• Bortus then gives his long-awaited wedding toast, which predictably goes horribly wrong. His toast consists of him making awkward and hurtful observations, which he attempts to offset with a mechanical disclaimer:

Bortus: "I will now give the wedding toast. In human tradition, this consists of a series of good-natured jabs, followed by earnest wishes. Doctor Finn, many crew members have privately frowned upon your mating with Isaac. They feel it will not succeed. All kidding aside, I wish you well. Isaac, you betrayed us. Your actions caused the destruction of many ships and the deaths of many people. All kidding aside, congratulations on this day. Doctor Finn, I do not believe an artificial life form is capable of properly raising your children. He will most likely fail in this attempt. All kidding aside..."

• Gordon eventually takes over toasting duties. After his comments, he belts out yet ANOTHER song. This is at least the fourth time he's sang this season. I swear Scott Grimes must have insisted on a contract rider guaranteeing he'd get to sing every other episode.

By the way, the song Gordon sings is Secret Of Life by James Taylor. Even though I'd never heard it before, I knew it was a James Taylor song without looking it up. It sounded like Gordon was either deliberately or unconsciously doing a Taylor impression.

During Gordon's song, the crew all smile and beam at him. At one point Lysella even lays her head against Alara's as they listen.

I was gonna ask why the hell the two of them are suddenly so chummy, as they literally met just two minutes ago. But then I remembered that Alara was part of the Away Team back in Majority Rules, and actually met Lysella then. So they DO know one another! Once again, The Orville's continuity is on point!

Also during Gordon's song, we see Marcus and Topa are sitting next to one another. This is the second time in two weeks now that they've been chummy with one another.

I'm calling it right now— when (not if) Season 4 rolls around, Marcus and Topa are gonna be a couple!

• During Gordon't song, Kelly slowly reaches over and slowly takes Mercer's hand in hers.

The two then exchange a meaningful glance, surrounded by the heightened emotion and festoonery of the wedding ceremony.

Bleagh. I've stated many times before that I'm NOT a fan of Mercer and Kelly as a couple. They work best as colleagues and professionals, and pairing them romantically again would be a huge misstep in my opinion. Hopefully we don't see the two of them rekindle their relationship next season.

• We then get an amazing beauty pass of this season's incredibly detailed ship model, as it sails off into the void. It's the perfect capper to the episode and the season as a whole— and could also serve as the final shot of the series as well. 

I'm hopeful we'll get more seasons of this amazing show though, and that this won't be the last time we see the ship!

• Speaking of which— shortly after this episode aired, someone on The Orville's staff posted this after credits scene, which was only available online. In it, a lone crewmember sweeps up the Bridge, and shuts off the lights as he leaves the room.

That was certainly... ominous. It definitely has an air of finality to it, as if the producers are letting us know this is the end. I half expected Ferris Bueller to come out in his bathrobe and tell us all to go home.

I dearly hope this isn't the end of the series, and that it's greenlit for Season 4. Against all logic and reason this show's become the best sci-fi series on TV right now, leaving the actual Star Trek shows in the dust.

I swear to Thor, if subpar vomitous crap like Puke-Hard, er, I mean Picard gets another season and The Orville doesn't, I will burn Utica to the ground.

• This Week's Incongruous 21st Century (And Earlier!) References:

This season's been light on the references, but we actually got a few this week.

At Isaac's bachelor party, Bortus dresses as Elvis— complete with pompadour, outrageous sideburns and rinestone-encrusted white jumpsuit. Apparently the King is still well known in the 25th Century.

Then over at the gals' bachelorette party, they dance to Aretha Franklin's RESPECT.

• This Week's Star Trek Swipes:
During the Kazh'gahl ceremony, Klyden picks up a massive boulder and hurls it at Bortus. That was very similar to the Gorn chucking a giant rock at Captain Kirk in the TOS episode Arena. 

The whole Lysella subplot is VERY reminiscent of the TNG's The Neutral Zone. In that episode, the Enterprise-D crew encountered a trio of 20th Century humans who'd been cryogenically frozen. Data thawed them out, and the three of them had a tough time adjusting to life in the future.

One of the 20th Century resurrectees had been a stockbroker, and was horrified to find out that people in the 24th Century no longer used money, and had trouble understanding how high finance worked in the future. Pretty much the same way Lysella was confused about the Union's economy.

TOS had a wedding ceremony in the episode Balance Of Terror, while TNG did the same in Data's Day. And over on Voyager, Tom Paris and B'ellenna Torres were married in Drive.

As mentioned earlier, the Orville crew's dress uniforms are nearly identical to the ones seen in Star Trek: Nemesis.

And Mercer's opening wedding remarks are very similar to ones spoken by Kirk and Picard in their series.