The King's Gambit

History was made this week as Charles III was crowned King Of The United Kingdom, in an elaborate two hour ceremony. This is the official portrait of the newly-minted King.

Wow. Rarely have I seen a man who looked more awkward and uncomfortable than Chuck there. Eh, I guess I should cut him a break. After all, it's his first day on the job. 

Of particular interest are the trappings of his office that he's holding there. In his right hand is the Sovereign's Sceptre, while his left hand's holding the Sovereign's Orb.

Nice try, Chuck, but you ain't fooling me! That's the freakin' Holy Hand Grenade Of Antioch, as described in the Book Of Armaments:

"And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large chulapas. And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."

Apparently the Holy Hand Grenade is an important and priceless relic of the kingdom, as it briefly adorned Queen Elizabeth I's casket as she lay in state last September.

Good to know the crown is keeping the realm safe from the deadly Rabbit Of Caerbannog.