Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Do Unto Others

This week controversial torture porn director Eli Roth, best known for Cabin Fever and the Hostel series, announced that he's tapped an unlikely source to write the screenplay to his next film—  Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson.

The movie, titled Home Invasion, tells the harrowing story of a family of four who are brutally slain by murderous invaders.

In a recent interview, Robertson outlined his gruesome story. "Two guys break into an atheist's home," said Robertson. "He has a little atheist wife and two little atheist daughters. Two guys break into his home and tie him up in a chair and gag him. And then they take his two daughters in front of him and rape both of them and then shoot 'em and they take his wife and then decapitate her head off in front of him. And they can look at him and say, 'Isn't it great that I don’t have to worry about being judged? Isn't it great that there's nothing wrong with this? There's no right or wrong, now is it dude?"

Robertson gleefully continued describing his horrific tale, saying, "Then you take a sharp knife and take his manhood and hold it in front of him and say, 'Wouldn't it be something if this was something wrong with this? But you’re the one who says there is no God, there’s no right, there’s no wrong, so we’re just having fun. We're sick in the head, have a nice day."

Roth is reportedly extremely pleased with Robertson's script, and eager to begin the project, which should be completed by... just a second. What's that? Really? Are you kidding me? 

Ahem. Sorry about that, folks. It would seem I'm in error. Apparently Robertson's comments were not part of a horror script he's writing for Eli Roth. His ghastly and luridly detailed scenario was actually part of an annual Christian prayer breakfast held last week in Florida.

Jesus Christ!

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