When Burritos Are Outlawed...

Take a look at some of the hard-hitting, gritty crime that happens on the mean streets of my hometown of Evansville, Indiana. Yep, crime doesn't sleep here in the River City. We see it all. Robbery. Murder. Assault with a burrito...

(cue needle scratching across an LP sound effect)

Yes, you read right, a burrito. Because when burritos are outlawed, only out... ah, you can fill in the rest.

Jesus Christ, did a human right the above article? It reads like it was generated by some kind of computer algorithm. Is "Jill Lyman" a real, flesh and blood person, or does is "Digital Content Manager" the name of the program that wrote this thing?