The Flash Season 3, Episode 7: Killer Frost

Well that was a disappointing forty two minutes and twenty seven seconds.

First of all, after weeks of slow and well-paced buildup, Caitlin Snow's transformation into the Earth-1 Killer Frost is finally complete. Well, for a few minutes anyway. After a couple of lackluster attacks, Barry confronts her, tries to force her to kill him, she realizes she can't and just like that, she reverts back to normal. Yawn!

Secondly, all season long Wally's been whining and pouting because he didn't become a speedster like Jesse Quick when they were both exposed to dark matter energy. And in this episode he's sealed in a cocoon and when he's busted out-- you guessed it-- he's now a speedster. Double yawn!! 

Of course we all knew this was eventually going to happen, since Wally West is Kid Flash in the comics, but Jesus, did it have to happen in the most straightforward and pedestrian manner possible?

The worst part of the episode though was the final few seconds, in which Doctor Alchemy turns out to be the most obvious person possible. While in the hospital, Julian Albert hears Savitar's voice in his head. Uh-oh! Is Savitar coming to turn Julian into a meta, the thing he hates most in the world? Nope, in a completely shocking twist that absolutely no one could ever possibly see coming, it turns out JULIAN is really Alchemy. Triple yawn!!! 

Are you freaking kidding me? For seven episodes now the writers have been practically spraining a hamstring, dropping car-sized hints that Julian and Alchemy are one in the same. This of course course immediately convinced me that he wasn't. It's Writing 101— the most likely suspect is never the true culprit. 

Apparently The Flash producers skipped that class, because I'll be damned if they didn't go with the most blatantly obvious choice possible. "Hey, we're making it look like Julian's secretly the villain. And he IS! Hooray! Aren't we clever?"

You know, all season long the Julian hints were so blatant I was convinced he was a big red herring. I'm starting to wonder if this reveal isn't another red herring, and maybe he's somehow not THE Alchemy, but rather AN Alchemy. Like Alchemy isn't a single person, but rather a group of people, any of whom can assume his form or something.

But that would actually be clever, and the writers just demonstrated they don't know what that word means, so… never mind.

Last week many fans suspected that Wally was somehow secretly Savitar, the God Of Speed. I poo-pooed that notion, since Wally was encased in a big cocoon during Savitar's big reveal. Welp, based on the other "shocking" revelations in this episode, it wouldn't surprise me at all now if this also somehow turned out to be true.

Damn you, Kevin Smith! I know you just directed this episode and had nothing to do with the script, but I'm still holding your muumuu-wearing ass responsible for its disappointing content!

ANTI-SPOILERS AHEAD! I SAY ANTI-SPOILERS SINCE THE PLOT UNFOLDS EXACTLY LIKE YOU THINK IT WILL!

The Plot:
Picking up right where we left off last week, Barry's being choked by Savitar, the self-proclaimed God Of Speed. Barry yells for Joe to shoot Savitar. Unfortunately Joe can't see him, as Savitar is apparently invisible to non-speedsters (?). Savitar says, "Let's go for a run!" and drags Barry into the Speed Force (I think?).

At STAR Labs, the Gang spots Barry appearing all over the city at once. Apparently Savitar's faster than any speedster ever encountered, and is dragging Barry so quickly he's appearing in multiple spots at once. HR suggests that Cisco and Caitlin combine their powers against Savitar. Caitlin's reluctant to do so, since the more she uses her powers, the stronger her Killer Frost persona becomes. She's finally talked into it.

Cisco uses his power to open a breach near Barry, and he and Caitlin step through. Caitlin blasts Savitar and encases him in ice, allowing Barry to escape his grasp. Savitar breaks out of the ice and zooms away.

Back at STAR, the Gang realizes that Doctor Alchemy is actually just a pawn of Savitar. Joe worries about Wally, who's still chilling inside Alchemy's cocoon. He demands the Gang help him, but Caitlin says they know nothing about the cocoon, and releasing Wally prematurely could kill him.

Joe returns to the Central City PD and interrogates one of Alchemy's captured acolytes. He borderline tortures the guy, which I'm pretty sure is illegal. Caitlin inexplicably shows up at the CCPD (?) and tells Joe that Wally's out of the cocoon. Even more inexplicably, Joe rushes back to STAR, leaving the acolyte unguarded in the interrogation room (???).

Caitlin then slips into full Killer Frost mode, freezing the security camera and interrogating the prisoner herself, threatening to kill him unless he tells her where to find Alchemy. The acolyte tells her the only one he fears is his Dark Lord Savitar. Several cops begin beating on the door, and she fills the room with icy fog and escapes. She sees Julian Albert in the hall and captures him.

Joe returns to STAR Labs, sees Wally's still in his cocoon, and realizes Caitlin's a big fat liar. He receives a call saying the CCPD was attacked, and Julian was taken hostage. Meanwhile, inside a cold storage warehouse (natch), Killer Frost forces Julian to figure out how to track down Alchemy, hoping he can take her icy powers from her. He finds two people in Central City who recently googled the name "Savitar." While Killer Frost is monologuing, Julian sends out a distress call on his computer.

The STAR Labs Gang picks up his signal and Barry races to the warehouse, where he confronts Killer Frost. When Julian sees the Flash, he yells for him to capture her. Barry lands a superspeed punch on his chin, knocking him out. I gotta say, that was pretty satisfying. Barry pleads with Killer Frost to come back to STAR with him. This enrages her, and she accuses Barry of ruining everyone's lives with his time travel shenanigans. She even reveals that Barry's the reason Cisco's brother Dante is dead in this timeline. She may be crazy, but she ain't wrong. She then stabs Barry in the leg with an icicle and leaves.

Barry limps back to STAR Labs. Cisco, who was listening in to Killer Frost's accusations (damn Barry's radio ear wings!) asks him if she was lying about Dante. Barry says it's true, which devastates Cisco. They figure out the addresses of two of Alchemy's acolytes. Joe and HR stake out one of the homes, while Cisco takes the other.

Killer Frost appears at the home Cisco's watching. She threatens the acolyte, who tells her that Alchemy can't take away her powers, and that Savitar has great plans for her. She rushes outside, where she's confronted by Cisco. She fires deadly icicles at him as he ducks behind a tree. Barry shows up and she kisses him, nearly freezing him solid. Cisco uses his vibe powers to knock out Killer Frost. Barry begins rapidly vibrating to warm himself up.

Killer Frost wakes up in the Secret Super Jail inside STAR Labs. Barry asks if there's any way to save her, and Cisco says, "Sometimes when things get broken, they can't be fixed." Burrrrrrrn! Meanwhile, Joe loses his mind and forces HR to help him free Wally from his cocoon. They crack it open, causing a huge explosion that frees Wally. He stands in the middle of the lab, vibrating so rapidly it's hard to see him. He zips away into the night. Joe asks Cisco if he can save Wally. He says since Wally's metamorphosis wasn't complete, his bio-chemistry is likely out of whack. The only person who can save him is Caitlin Snow.

Barry releases Killer Frost from her cell, and says he needs her help. He tells her she'll have to kill him to leave the lab. She forms an icicle and starts to stab him, but can't do it. And just like that, she reverts back to Caitlin. That was easy!

Caitlin says Wally's mind and body are vibrating at different speeds (?), causing him to be disoriented. She whips up a serum to synchronize all his parts. Joe says Wally's likely at his childhood home in Keystone City, and somehow arrives there in minutes (maybe Barry ran him there?). He distracts the rapidly-vibrating Wally, while Barry sneaks up and injects him with the serum. Hooray, Wally's cured. That was easy too!

Back at STAR Labs, Wally's running around in the Speed Lab or whatever it's called. He's excited and exhilarated by his new powers. Barry gets a call from the hospital, informing him that Julian is awake. Barry rushes over and pleads with Julian not to tell the police that Caitlin was the one who abducted him (does Julian even know who she is?). Julian agrees to keep his mouth shut— in exchange for Barry quitting his job as a CSI. Barry reluctantly agrees.

Later in the hospital, Julian hears Savitar's voice in his head. He runs out of the hospital and sees Savitar before him. Apparently Julian can see him, even though he's not a speedster. Savitar says, "You can't get away. There's nowhere I won't find you. Only together can we bring about my return. Become Alchemy!" Julian goes to the CSI lab, opens a drawer and pulls out his Doctor Alchemy mask, as nationwide, the audience performs a huge, collective facepalm.

Thoughts:
• At the beginning of the episode, Savitar has his massive hand around Barry's throat as he lifts him above his head. Unfortunately Savitar's invisible to Joe, who only sees Barry seemingly floating in mid-air.

Last week Joe and the SWAT Team couldn't see Savitar as he zipped around the room, but I assumed that was because he was moving to fast for a non-speedster to see. In this episode Savitar's stands still for several seconds as he hold Barry off the floor, and Joe still can't see him.

Unless Savitar's somehow standing still really fast, his invisibility must be caused by something besides superspeed.

• Cisco uses his power to open an intra-dimensional breach, which apparently takes a lot out of him. Caitlin examines him back at STAR Labs. Here's their exact conversation:

Caitlin: "Um, Cisco, the MRI I did of your brain shows changes in the capillary morphology similar to that of a mini-stroke. I wouldn't try an intra-dimensional breach like that anytime soon"

Cisco: "Okay, okay. Mini-stroke? You can't just gloss over that like that, okay? What does that... what does that mean? Am I gonna have this migraine for the rest of my life?"

Caitlin: " It means you should take a few aspirin and you'll be fine."

Wow. He has a mini stroke and she prescribes a goddamned aspirin? That can't possibly be right, can it?

Well, I looked it up, and it turns out Caitlin's right! A transient ischemic attack (TIA) or mini stroke, occurs when part of the brain experiences a temporary blood flow. It's technically not a stroke, but causes stroke-like symptoms that usually disappear within twenty four hours. TIA can be treated by a variety of drugs, including… aspirin!

• The STAR Labs Gang is puzzled when they hear the name "Savitar." HR nonchalantly says it's the Hindu God Of Motion. When they wonder how the hell he could possibly know that, he says he remembers if from a crossword puzzle.

Well, HR must have had trouble finishing that particular puzzle, because the name is actually spelled "Savitr." Additionally, there's more to him than HR knows. Savitr is a benevolent god who guards "that which is in motion or stationary." So it sounds like he's a good deity, not a violent and avenging monster.

By the way, at the risk of offending any Hindus out there, if your religion contains a god of motion, that's probably a sign it has more deities than absolutely necessary. Some sources say there are a whopping 33 MILLION gods in the Hindu pantheon (!).

Did you catch the Frozen Easter Egg in this episode?

When Killer Frost abducts Julian, she takes him to a cold storage warehouse. There's a semi trailer parked in the loading bay that reads, "Ledded Goh Frozen Foods." Eh? Get it? "Ledded Goh?"

• Killer Frost visits one of Alchemy's acolytes and threatens to kill him unless he tells her what she wants to know. Oddly enough, this "acolyte" lives in a nice suburban home, and even has a wife and children!

I guess he gets up in the morning, kisses his wife and kids goodbye, takes the train into the city, enters his secret temple, clocks in, dons his robe and puts in a solid eight hours of worshiping his false god.

Somehow when I hear the word "acolyte," I think more of a monk or someone who denies themselves Earthly pleasures. Not a guy with a 54" TV in his den.

• I already covered by disappointment with the "Julian is Alchemy" thing above, so I won't beat that dead horse again. I will say though that this shot of Iris perfectly matches the expression I had when I learned the "shocking" reveal.

It Came From The Cineplex: The Huntsman: Winter's War

The Huntsman: Winter's War was written by Evan Spiliotopoulos and Craig Mazin, and directed by Cedric Nicolas-Troyan.

Spiliotopoulos has written a ton of direct-to-video Disney sequels, such as The Jungle Book 2, The Lion King 1 1/2, Tarzan II, Cinderella III: A Twist In Time and The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning. Apparently he's the go-to guy when you need a quick followup to a popular fairy tale film. He also wrote the screenplay for the 2014 Hercules (the one starring The Rock), proving he's a sadistic bastard who hates humanity.

Mazin previously wrote Rocket Man, The Specials, Scary Movie 3 and 4, School For Scoundrels and The Hangover Part II. It looks like Mazin also hates the human race and is trying to hurt us all deeply.

Nicolas-Troyan was the special effects supervisor for Snow White And The Huntsman. This is his first time in the director's chair.

Confusingly, The Huntsman: Winter's War is both a prequel AND a sequel to Snow White And The Huntsman. The first half hour or so takes place years before the original film, while the rest happens shortly after. It's like the Godfather 2 of fairy tale movies. In structure, that is. Definitely not in quality.

The movie features an A-List cast including Emily Blunt and Jessica Chastain— both of whom ought to know better than to sign up for something like this. Chris Hemsworth and Charlize Theron were reportedly paid $10 million each to reprise their roles, so that may have had something to do with the quality cast.

So let's get to the question everyone's no doubt asking— why the hell is there no Snow White in this Snow White sequel? There doesn't seem to be any clear answer. There are rumors floating around alleging that Universal fired actress Kristen Stewart (who played Snow in the first film) because she had an affair with Rupert Sanders, the (married) director of the first film. Others claim the studio never had any plans to use Stewart in any sequels, intending all along to spin off Chris Hemsworth's Huntsman character into his own franchise. Who knows what really happened? 

If I had to guess I'd say they dropped her because of money. Believe it or not, four years ago when Snow White And The Huntsman was made, Kristen Stewart was the highest paid actress in Hollywood (the bloom's definitely off that particular rose now). It would not surprise me if they just couldn't afford to bring her back this time out.

Whatever your feelings about Kristen Stewart's acting talents, there's no denying that the absence of Snow White leaves an awkward hole in the film. The writers feel the need to address her truancy, explaining that due to the influence of the Magic Mirror, she's "not well" and unable to participate in the proceedings. This is realized through the magic of a couple of brief clips from the first film, and a body double seen only from the back (shades of Ed Wood and Plan 9 From Outer Space!). 

This feels like a slap in the face to fans of the character (and to Stewart herself, I suppose). In the first film, Snow White went from a lowly prisoner to the badass commander of an entire army. She even killed Queen Ravenna singlehandedly! And now we're told that she's holed up in her castle, overcome by an obsession with a stupid mirror? Better they should never have mentioned her at all.

I have to admit, I remembered absolutely nothing about the original film. I know I saw it, as I wrote a review of it four years ago. Apparently it was so spectacularly unmemorable that every aspect of it faded completely from my mind. I watched it again right before seeing the new film, and I swear it was like seeing it for the first time.

SPOILERS, I GUESS.

The Plot:
Many years before the events of the first film, the evil Ravenna (played by Charlize Theron) hoodwinks a King into marrying her, then kills him and inherits his kingdom, because every gal needs a hobby. We also discover that Queen Ravenna has a younger sister named Freya (played by Emily Blunt), who she loves so much she never talked about her at all in the first film.

Freya has a secret and forbidden affair with the Duke of Blackwood. Ravenna finds out about the affair, and that Freya is pregnant. She learns the child will grow up to become "fairest of them all," something Ravenna cannot abide. Shortly after Freya gives birth, Ravenna uses the Jedi Mind Trick or something on the Duke, compelling him to kill his own daughter. Well, that took a dark turn, didn't it? When Freya finds her dead child, she flies into a rage, which wakens her dormant ice powers. She kills the Duke and flees into the north.

Elsa, er, I mean Freya uses her powers to build a massive ice palace in the north. She sends out regular raiding parties to capture children, training them to become deadly warriors. Among these abducted children are Eric and Sara. She warns her child army that love is forbidden in her kingdom, because it only leads to misery and heartache. Well, I can't argue with her there.

Time passes. Seven years before the start of the first film, Eric (played by Chris Hemsworth) and Sara (played by Jessica Chastain) have grown up to become Freya's two best warriors. Eric's a master with an axe, while Sara's an expert archer. They're also secretly in love, and vow never to leave one another's side, brazenly tempting the screenwriting gods. Sara gives Eric her heirloom medallion, announcing they're now "married." Freya finds out about their forbidden love, and zaps a large ice wall between them. Eric watches helplessly as Sara is seemingly killed on the other side of the wall by a fellow huntsman. Riddled with grief, Eric escapes the ice palace. He then wanders the realm, drowning his sorrows with massive amounts of booze.

The movie then jumps completely over the events of Snow White And The Huntsman, which I'm sure can't possibly confuse the audience. It's now several months after that film. Snow White's husband King William meets with Eric in the forest. He says Snow isn't doing well, as she's become obsessed with Ravenna's magic mirror. It seems the mirror's now talking to her (?), much like the One Ring. William ordered the Mirror taken to Sanctuary (the magical fairy realm from the first movie) for safe keeping. Unfortunately the Mirror was stolen en route. William asks Eric to recover the Mirror and make sure it gets to Sanctuary. Eric agrees. William sends two dwarves, Nion (played by Nick Frost, reprising his role from Snow White And The Huntsman) and his half brother Gryff, along with Eric. I guess due to downsizing throughout Snow White's kingdom, they couldn't afford to send seven dwarves this time.

At an inn, Eric and the dwarves are attacked by Freya's hunstmen. They're rescued by a mysterious, hooded figure with a bow and arrow. Gosh, I wonder who that could be? Turns out it's Eric's "wife" Sara, who's not dead after all! Gasp! She's furious with Eric, who she saw leave her for dead when Freya erected the ice wall between them. Eric tells her that's not what happened, swearing he saw her killed. He figures out that in addition to physically separating them, Freya caused each to have visions to emotionally drive them apart.

Sara doesn't buy the whole "magic visions" thing, and feels betrayed by Eric. The two spar for a while in an effort to eat up some screentime, and of course eventually reconcile, to absolutely no one's surprise.

Just then the four are caught in a snare by two female dwarves named Bromwyn and Doreena. Eric convinces them to help find the Magic Mirror. Despite the fact that Nion and Gryff hate all dwarvish women and think they're hideous, they warm up to these two diminutive ladies very quickly.

The group tracks the Magic Mirror to a goblin city, and after an underwhelming battle with the very gorilla-like goblin king, manage to steal it back. They take it to the borders of Sanctuary. Unfortunately before they can stash it there, Freya appears with her army. She reveals that Sara was working with her the whole time to get the Mirror. Gasp again! Nion and Doreena attack, but Freya freezes them solid and has them hauled back to her castle so they can be thawed out at the end of the movie. Whoops! Spoiler Alert! Eric tries to stop Freya, but Sara fires an arrow into his chest, seemingly killing him.

After Freya leaves with Sara, Gryff and Bromwyn see that Eric is still alive. Sara, the expert archer, deliberately shot an arrow into the medallion she gave him, making it appear she killed him. They head for Freya's palace to rescue Sara.

At the palace, Freya looks into the Magic Mirror and asks it who's the fairest of them all. The Mirror seems to melt, and transforms into Ravenna. Apparently seconds before she died in the first film, she uploaded her soul into the Mirror, and has been chilling inside until now. She begins making plans to kill Snow White and invade her kingdom, blatantly trying to usurp Freya's kingdom. Rwarrr! Cat fight!

Eric, Gryff and Bromwyn sneak into the ice palace. Eric's captured by Freya's huntsmen, and Ravenna sentences him and Sara to death. Eric manages to convince the huntsmen to revolt. Ravenna starts sprouting black spidery arms, which is a new power for her, and uses them to kill several of the huntsmen. Freya erects another ice wall to protect her and Ravenna. Eric and the others then simply start climbing the wall to get over it (a concept Donald Trump doesn't seem to understand).

Meanwhile the two sisters start arguing again. Freya realizes that the Duke killed their child because Ravenna zapped him with a spell (because she couldn't stand the idea of the child becoming more beautiful than her). Freya then turns against Ravenna, joining forces with Eric and Sara. Ravenna stabs Freya. Before she dies, she freezes the Magic Mirror, and Eric shatters it with his axe, causing Ravenna to shatter. Freya sees Eric and Sara embrace and says they're lucky, and then dies.

Freya's child army is freed, and Eric, Sara and the dwarves live happily ever after, until the next movie. Of course we see a gold-coated bird fly overhead, implying that Ravenna will be back yet again.

Thoughts:
• Rarely have I seen a franchise that rewrites or outright ignores major events the way this one does. In order for this film to work, it has to negate much of what happened in the first movie. The biggest of these retcons is Freya The Ice Queen herself.

In Snow White And The Huntsman, Queen Ravenna had a very intimate relationship with her brother Finn. In fact they seemed more like lovers than siblings (gross). She even used her immortality powers to keep him young (well, young-ish) and alive far past his natural age. Ravenna even spoke about how Finn had has been at her side since they were children.

Note that never once in the first movie does Ravenna ever mention having a younger sister. Freya is a completely new character who's grafted onto this story to serve as a fill-in for Ravenna until she reappears. Retcon!

The first time we meet Eric in Snow White And The Huntsman, he's a hopeless drunk who's trying to drown his grief after the death of his beloved wife. At no time does he ever imply that she was anything other than a normal stay-at-home wife.

The Huntsman: Winter's War tramples all over that continuity by revealing that Eric's wife Sara is a skilled and accomplished huntsman, just like him! We also see that they were never actually wed in the traditional sense. Sara placed her medallion around Eric's neck, pronouncing them "man and wife" herself, without the benefit of clergy. And their "marriage" apparently lasted for a couple of hours at most, before Sara was seemingly killed. Recton again!

In Snow White And The Huntsman, Finn taunts Eric by telling him that he raped and murdered his wife (yikes!). This enrages Eric so much that he kills Finn. In The Huntsman: Winter's War, we see that Finn did no such thing. In fact he doesn't even appear in the film at all! As far as we know he never even met Sara! I suppose we could say that Finn lied in the first movie just to mess with Eric— he is a sadistic bastard after all. If that's the case, then his little joke backfired, as it caused him to get killed. Did someone say retcon?

In the first film the Magic Mirror contained a passive "Mirror Man" entity whose sole function was to always tell the truth. It's also implied that only Ravenna can see the Mirror Man, as Finn saw her seemingly talking to herself. In this film the Mirror is an evil, corrupting presence that compels anyone who gazes into it to kill everyone around them. In essence it's now become the One Ring, from The Lord Of The Rings.

I suppose I could be generous and say that Ravenna, who's stored her soul in the Mirror, has taken it over and is the one handing out these orders. It still seems like a major retcon to me though.

As I said, the script has to bend over backwards (and how) in order to work.

• I'm sure the fact that this movie features an Ice Queen with wintery superpowers has absolutely nothing to do with the phenomenal success of Disney's Frozen. Nope, all purely coincidental!

Seriously, Freya IS Elsa here. They might as well have gone all the way and just made her a CGI animated character.

• Missed opportunity: At no point does any character in the film tell Freya the Ice Queen to "Let it go."

• In a related note, Eric's wife Sara has wavy red hair, is an expert archer, and is suspiciously similar to Merida from Disney/Pixar's Brave.

• In the first film, Ravenna becomes Queen by marrying Snow White's father and then killing him. She does the same thing in the prequel part of this film. It's implied that she's done this many times before, tearing through kingdom after kingdom like a swarm of locusts through a field.

So just how big is this realm? You'd think after usurping eight or ten thrones over the years, news of her little scam would spread. Seems like after a while kings would start recognizing her and turn off the lights and pretend they're not home when she comes a knockin.'

• Liam Neeson is the narrator of the film. They get their money's worth out of him too, as he's forced to spout a ton of expository dialogue to set up the story, and then explain that we're jumping over everything that happened in the first film, as we go from prequel to sequel. I'm surprised he didn't lose his voice after all that narration.

• Chris Hemsworth's faux Scottish accent is much better this time around. Well... maybe not better, but at least it's consistent this time. It came and went quite a bit in the first movie.

• In Snow White And The Huntsman there were eight dwarves, played by an amazing group of character actors, including Ian McShane, Bob Hoskins, Ray Winstone, Toby Jones, Eddie Marsan, Johnny Harris, Brian Gleeson and Nick Frost.

Apparently the studio could only afford one dwarf from the first film this time out, as Frost is the only actor to reprise his role.

• In the first movie the "Little People Of America" organization complained because Universal Studios cast actors of normal stature as dwarves and digitally shrank them, instead of hiring actual little people. I didn't hear a peep out of them this time out. Maybe they finally gave up complaining about such methods after The Hobbit films?

• When Eric first hooks up with Nion and Gryff, they go on and on at length about how much they hate all dwarf women, who they consider hideous and repulsive. Later we meet two female dwarves, Bromwyn and Doreena. The thing is, they're nowhere near as ghastly as the males implied. In fact they look about like everyone else in the film. Then minutes after the male dwarves meet the females, they start shamelessly and awkwardly flirting with them.

So... I guess the joke is that the males were exaggerating? Is that it?

• At one point Sara betrays Eric by revealing she's really working with Freya. She shoots him with an arrow and he falls dead to the ground.

Of course he's not really dead, since they're trying to set up a franchise with him as the star. Seconds after Freya and Sara leave, Eric comes back to life. Apparently Sara actually shot the medallion (the one she gave him) around his neck, which only made it look like she killed him. Wha…?

We clearly see the arrow sticking out of his chest after he falls. But when he wakes up, he yanks it out of the medallion, which is all of an eight of an inch thick. How the hell could an arrowhead stick into something that thin? Even worse, he holds up the medallion and there's no hole in the middle!

The only way any of this could work is if Sara shot him with a novelty suction cup arrow.

• Snow White And The Huntsman featured some interesting creature designs, such as trolls and fairies. Here we get some goblins who look pretty much like hairless gorillas. Oh, and Freya rides some half polar bear, half snow leopard thing, that's realized through the magic of circa 1995 CGI.

In fact everything in this film feels scaled down and smaller. The budget for the first film was $170 million, while this one was a mere $115 million, so that's no doubt why everything looks cheaper here.

The Huntsman: Winter's War is a completely unnecessary prequel/sequel hybrid that has to overwrite much of the first movie in order to work. It feels like a desperate attempt to set up a franchise by shifting the focus to the Huntsman character, who's honestly not all that interesting. I give it a C.

Let It Go UPDATE!

Previously on Bob Canada's BlogWorld:

Last week I predicted that sometime in the next month, some company somewhere would come out with a Sexy Elsa costume from Disney's bafflingly popular movie Frozen, despite the fact that it's a film targeted to little girls.

Well that didn't take long. The Sexy Halloween Costume Industry did not disappoint, and came through. Boy, did they come through!

Erotic lingerie company Yandy just released not one, but 2, count 'em TWO, Sexy Elsa costumes.

They even made a Sexy Anna costume for girls with less self esteem.

They don't actually call them Sexy Elsa and Anna though, as that would trigger a knock on their door from the Disney Attorney Squadron. They're calling the costumes "Ice Girl" and "Norwegian Maiden," but it's patently obvious who they're supposed to be.

See? Told you I did! I totally called this whole sorry situation.

And god help us, but they're even making a gender-bending Sexy Olaf costume, for those who feel the world isn't disturbing and horrifying enough. 

I suppose we should thank our lucky stars they put the carrot on her nose.

Let It Go!

OK, I haven't seen any Halloween costumes for 2014 yet, mainly because none of those temporary costume stores have popped up yet around here. So I have no idea what kind of costumes are out there.

But I'm officially calling it right now: At some point in the next month there will be a Sexy Elsa costume from Disney's inexplicably super popular hit Frozen. It's pretty much a given. And why not? What little girl wouldn't want to dress as a slutty knockoff version of her favorite super powered heroine?

Myself, I don't know from Frozen. I'm still hoping we get a Sexy Annie Wilkes from Misery.

A Public Service Announcement For Grandmothers Buying Videos For Their Grandkids

Grandmothers: In just a few weeks your grandkids will be asking you to buy the movie Frozen for them on home video. Be warned that the video store, with its miles of similar DVD covers, can be a frightening and confusing place. So before you venture out to purchase it, study the following carefully.

This is Frozen. It was released by Disney in 2013 and is loosely based on Hans Christian Andersen's story The Snow Queen. 

It's the story of Elsa, who possesses cool snow-generating powers, and her younger sister Anna. After a jealous argument, Elsa plunges the city of Arendelle into Eternal Winter. When Anna sacrifices herself to save Elsa, she realizes love is the key to controlling her powers (sheesh) and the Winter Curse is lifted.

This is the 2010 film Frozen. It's the heartwarming (heh) story of three stupid college students who become stranded on a ski lift hundreds of feet above the frozen ground after the lodge closes down for the week. The three friends realize the horror of their situation as darkness falls, the temperature plunges and a pack of ravenous wolves prowls the ground beneath them. 

They then have to choose between slowly freezing to death on the ski lift, or being torn to pieces by the hungry wolves below.

See? They're practically the same movie! No wonder you're confused!

To muddy the waters even further, the 2010 Frozen stars Emma Bell, while the 2013 Frozen stars the voice of Kristen Bell. Baffling!

Be advised that your grandchildren will most likely be pestering you for the 2013 Frozen. If you buy them the 2010 version, the state may ban you from seeing them again.