"Spring" Blog Cleaning 2020

Ever since the lockdown began, I've had several unfinished stories clogging up my Blogger queue. They're starting to bug me, so it's time to do some Spring Cleaning— even though we're well into summer.

Recently I was watching live TV (which is an ever-increasing rarity these days) and saw a commercial for Weight Watchers. Except apparently they're no longer known as Weight Watchers— they're now calling themselves "WW." They literally spoke their initials in the commercial.

That... that doesn't make any sense. The whole point of using an abbreviation is to make something quicker and easier to say. "Weight Watchers" contains three syllables. "WW," or "Double You Double You" as it's pronounced, contains SIX! That's twice as long as saying their regular name! They just made the whole thing worse

Supposedly the reason for the change is that Weight Watchers— sorry, I mean WW— is now placing less emphasis on pound loss and more on overall wellness. They've decided to focus on eating healthier, moving around more and "developing a positive mindset."

Which is all a fancy way of saying that despite WW's best efforts, Americans get bigger every day. WW decided to just give up and throw in the towel. As proof you need look no further than that "developing a positive mindset" line. That's another term for "accepting that you're fat."

R.I.P. Fred Willard, who died on May 15 at the age of 86. I don't have anything profound to say about him, other than I always enjoyed his work. He could take the slightest of underwritten roles and turn it into something funny and amazing. He'll be missed.

Ever since the execrable Justice League movie came out in 2017, fans have been demanding that Warner Bros. release the "Snyder Cut" of the film. In case you've rightly been too uninterested to care, Zack Snyder directed the film, but stepped down after the untimely death of his daughter. Joss Whedon (who directed the similarly epic Avengers) was then brought in to finish the movie.

That's the official company line from Warner Bros. People who actually worked on the film tell a different story though— one in which the studio was so displeased with the work Snyder turned in that they fired him and hired Whedon to do his best to fix it. 

There are those in the know who claim Whedon threw out a whopping NINETY PERCENT of Snyder's footage and replaced it with his own! These extensive reshoots caused the budget to balloon to an astonishing $300 million (that Warner will admit to), making Justice League the most expensive movie ever made.

When the film premiered, reaction was mixed to say the least. Fans who were dissatisfied with the final product immediately began chanting "Release The Snyder Cut" over and over, setting up online petitions and organizing email campaigns. Welp, after three years of their constant fanboy whining, it looks like they're finally getting their wish— a few weeks ago Warner Bros. announced they were indeed releasing the Snyder Cut.

Personally I don't get it. At all. Why the hell would anyone in their right mind want to see Snyder's version of the film? It was so bad they had to bring in a new director to fix it, for corn's sake! And even then, the finished product was still unwatchable. Imagine what the original must be like! Why would I want to see a movie that's even worse than a terrible one?

But for reasons known only to them, Warner's committed to this project. The studio's reportedly coughing up an additional $30 MILLION DOLLARS to finish the Snyder Cut and whip it into a releasable state— which is the literal definition of "throwing good money after bad." 

Snyder's allegedly reassembling as much of his production crew as possible to put the finishing touches on his version, and there's talk that some of the actors may return to shoot additional scenes as well!

I dunno... I have a feeling this is gonna be a case of "Be Careful What You Wish For." For those of you who can't wait to see Snyder's epic vision, go for it. I'll be giving it a hard pass.

R.I.P. Ken Osmond, who died June 7 at the age of 76. Osmond was best known for playing Eddie Haskell on Leave It To Beaver. 

Eddie was always my favorite character on that show. While Wally and Beaver did manage to get into some slight trouble each week, they were still insufferably wholesome. Eddie felt like a REAL kid. A smug little asshole who lied, cheated and bullsh*tted his way through life— just like an actual teen would do. He was a breath of fresh air in an otherwise stale show.

Oddly enough, after Beaver wrapped, Osmond found it difficult to get other acting work. So he eventually became a Los Angeles police officer! Imagine getting pulled over by Eddie Freakin' Haskell!

From the "Now I've Seen Everything Department," toy company NECA recently announced they're releasing an 8" tall Richard Simmons action figure! Let Richard whip all your other toys into shape as he sweats 'em to the oldies!

The figure comes with two different heads, both of which are equally terrifying. Body oil— so you can grease up the figure's limbs— sold separately.