Things I Just Don't Get...

You know, I try to keep up with all the things the kids today like, such as pogs, Alf and the Rubik's Cube. But hip as I am, even I can't keep up with all the new trends. Sometimes I just don't understand what's going on.

Some Things I Just Don't Get (Houston, we have a title!).

For example, this. I just don't get this, at all. Not the slightest bit.

Oh, I understand it, mind you. I get that it's a tattoo and you hold it up to your face and it faintly looks like you sort of have a mustache, from a distance. I get the what. I don't get the why.

Is it a joke? Is it supposed to be funny? Should I be "laughing out loud" right now, as all the kids say? If I were to walk through a college campus in Anytown, USA, would I see scores of "with it" students walking around with their fingers under their noses, showing off their hilarious mustache tattoos?

Is it one of those things that everyone is in on but me? Is it like back in high school, when all the popular kids would take a random word, like "doorknob," and try and convince me that it was a cool new term of approval, as in, "Yeah, that party was so doorknob!" And then they'd get me believing them so that I'd walk up to someone and say, "Hey, did you watch Laverne & Shirley last night? It was doorknob!" And then they'd all bray like donkeys at my faux pas. Is that what this is?

That's it, isn't it? The entire internet is in on this stupid meme, and you're all out there just holding your breath hoping that I drive over to the bad part of town and hand my keys to some thug to save him the trouble of stealing my car, go into the tattoo parlor and get one of these things permanently inscribed into my finger. Then I'll be so anxious to show off my hilarious new body art that I'll walk around all day with my mustachioed finger under my nose, and that's when you'll all start roaring with laughter.

Dream on, suckers! I figured it out! Now excuse me while I go into the kitchen and eat a spoonful of cinnamon.