Monday, June 2, 2014

This Week In Movie Posters

Check out this character posters for the upcoming movie Sin City: A Dame To Kill For, featuring actress Eva Green. Va va va Voom! Unfortunately the MPAA, that ultra secret rating organization that knows what's best for each and every one of us, has banned this poster, claiming it's too risqué.

Because god knows if the general public ever caught a glimpse of a gauzy boob on a movie poster, this would happen.

In the words of the MPAA themselves, they banned the poster "for nudity-- curve of under breast and dark nipple/areola circle visible through sheer gown." Mercy, their description of why they banned it seems more R-rated than the poster itself. 

Note that typically they have no trouble with the fact that Green is holding a gun; their beef is strictly with her breasts.

Dimension Films, distributer of the film, has decided to rework the poster to meet with the MPAA's standards. Pussies.

Next we have the poster for the soon to be released Nicholas Cage film Left Behind. A few things here.

First of all, didn't Super-Christian Kirk Cameron already make the hell out of these movies back in the 2000s? Didn't he do a whole series of them? Left Behind, Left Behind 2: Even Behinder and all those? So why are they making them again already? Because bible movies are hot this year? Because these literary masterpieces demand a proper Hollywood budget?

Second, why do so many of these religious films involve the end of the world? The entire Left Behind series is about the Rapture and the End Times. Earlier this year we had Noah, another religio-disaster film. Cage himself even starred in 2009's Knowing, a disaster of a disaster film with ill-advised religious overtones. Jesus, why are Christians so obsessed with the destruction of the world? Aren't there any nice stories in the bible?

Lastly, take a good long look at Nicholas Cage's face on this poster. What first day on the job graphic designer picked that headshot to paste onto someone else's body? His befuddled expression makes it look like for all the world like someone ran up and snapped his photo while he was waiting in line at the bank.

If you've ever wondered what someone would look like if you hit them in the face with a fish, look no further than this expression right here.

Chad Michael Murray, seen behind Cage, looks similarly confused by his presence on the poster as well.

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