Thursday, December 13, 2012

One More Way The World's Going Straight To Hell

Last weekend I did the smart thing and ordered all my Xmas gifts online. No running from store to crowded store for me when I can shop in the comfort of my own home and have the gifts hand delivered by a guy in brown shorts!

My packages arrived yesterday and as usual were swaddled inside several feet of protective bubble wrap. But there's a sinister new development in the world of online shopping. I'm speaking of... unpoppable bubble wrap!

You can poke and squeeze and smash this new breed of wrap from now until St. Swithin's Day and not a single bubble will come anywhere near popping. Unlike old school fun wrap that burst with a satisfying pop, when you squeeze one of these bubbles the air just oozes into its neighboring compartment. When you let go in bitter frustration, it flows right back to its original position.

All I have to say is why?

What sick and twisted Retired To Argentina Nazi War Criminal Bastard thought this would be a good idea? What else did he invent? Unexpectedly Collapsing Crutches? Aluminum Foil Underwear? Intermittent Brakes?

I'll bet you anything this horrible new bubble wrap is somehow cheaper than the old kind. Some corporate budget committee probably found that this new version is .002¢ cheaper per square foot than the regular kind and immediately adopted it in order to save a few bucks and inflate the CEO's golden parachute.

Sigh... just one more way the universe is going straight to hell.

1 comment:

  1. The possibility of future generations of children not ever knowing the joy of poppable bubble wrap is unfathomable to me. This weighs heavily on my heart.


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