Wednesday, April 29, 2020

Red Letter Day

If you're one of those people whose Economic Stimulus Check is being mailed to your home, have I got good news for you! In addition to the check, you'll also be receiving a personalized letter from the Embarrassment-In-Chief, donald j. trump. 

In the letter, he proudly boasts— in no uncertain terms— about the fact that he's sending you money to tide you over until the nationwide lockdown is over. Of course he left out the part where he wouldn't need to send out checks to everyone if he'd done his goddamned job properly in the first place, but that's a story for another day.

Regardless of the reason for the letter, I'm sure many citizens will be happy to receive it. It'll be a godsend to those who still can't find toilet paper in their local groceries.

Cleans Inside And Out!

You wouldn't think we'd need a government official to specifically announce this, but that's where we are these days.

This is what happens when we stop teaching science in schools.

Tuesday, April 28, 2020

The Flash Season 6, Episode 16: So Long And Good Night

Huzzah! After a five week absence, The Flash is finally back!

Back in March, The CW put both The Flash and Legends Of Tomorrow on temporary hiatus due to the viral apocalypse that's currently sweeping the world. I gotta admit I don't understand their thinking here. The entire country's on a forced lockdown. People are stuck inside their homes with nothing to do but... talk to their families (shudder!). The nation NEEDS the distraction these shows can provide!

Besides, you'd think airing new episodes during a lockdown would be a no-brainer for the network. After all, the whole nation's at home— it's not like everyone's gonna be at a ball game or sitting in a bar while The Flash airs. They've literally got a captive audience right now. Seems like new episodes would score the biggest ratings the series has ever had!v Maybe it has something to do with Sweeps Week, I dunno. 

It's also unclear what effect the shutdown will have on the rest of the season. According to reports, the show had just finished either Episode 21 or 22 when the lockdown began and production was shut down. That means there were likely one or two episodes left to film. Will they finish out the season if the lockdown is lifted in time? Or will the Season 6 just end without an actual conclusion? It's all up in the air right now.

Anyway, on with the intro!

This week on The Flash we get another dreaded filler episode, as little or nothing happens. Wait, technically that's not true. Things actually do happen in the episode, it's just that none of them matter.

We get the return of Rag Doll, who shows up for no good reason and is in serious danger of becoming as overused as the Weeping Angels over on Doctor Who. Joe gets sent off to Witness Protection for no good reason, other to inject some feels into the episode. Barry's still tapping his seemingly endless supply of energy, even though the Speed Force is gone. And of course the interminable Mirrorverse subplot goes into its fifty seventh week. OK, maybe it just seems like it.

As you've probably gathered, I am officially done with the whole Mirrorverse storyline. I didn't mind it when it initially appeared, as I thought the idea of Iris being replaced by an evil twin was somewhat interesting. But it's gone on FAR too long now, and should have been wrapped up weeks ago.

It's also maddeningly vague and ill-defined. What was Eva trying to accomplish with her new technology before her husband Joseph trapped her in the Mirrorverse? Has that ever been established? Or are they saving the answer for a big season finale reveal?

And why is Eva creating all these mirror clones? At first I thought she made them to help facilitate her escape. But this week her motivation seems to have changed, as she's using them to get revenge against her husband. 

That's it? That's what this whole storyline's about? She's not trying to take over Central City or kill the Flash? She just wants to punish her asshole husband? Wow, how... anticlimactic. 

And who's the bad guy here? Eva or Joseph? Or are they both villains? Am I supposed to feel bad for Eva and side with her? It's all so nebulous and muddled. Here's an idea— how about telling the audience what the hell's going on?

It's not all bad news though. Ralph's finally back this week, after a very lengthy absence! Huzzah! I was beginning to wonder if he was still on the show or not. Even better, we also get the return of his gal pal Sue Dearbon. I love the chemistry between these two, and it's always a treat when they show up. Give 'em their own series already!

Of course now that Ralph's back, that means we have to bump another member of the cast from the show, as Caitlin sits out this week. I'm assuming actress Danielle Panabaker may have been giving birth during this episode?


The Plot:
McCullogh Tech CEO Joseph Carver sits sipping scotch in his spacious mansion. His aide enters and says Joe West has Millie Rawlins, aka Sunshine, in custody, and is attempting to connect her to Carver and McCullogh Tech. Carver says he's not worried, as he's hired an associate to eliminate Joe. Just then we hear creepy slithery, bone-cracking sounds, and Carver says his associate has arrived. Gosh, I wonder who THAT could be?

At the West House, Joe gets a call from Chief Singh, who says Sunshine isn't talking. He tells Joe he's taking him off the case because he's too close to it (wow, I've never heard a TV cop say THAT line before!). Joe objects, and Singh instantly gives in, which isn't the least bit suspicious. Barry says he wants to help, but Joe tells him to conserve his Speed Force energy.

Cut to the Mirrorverse, where Iris has been trapped for seventeen years. OK, it just seems like this plotline's been going on that long. She's finally able to read the backwards text in the mirror world, and tells Eva she studied her theory that someone can pass through the mirror portal if their molecular structure is destabilized. She confesses to Eva that her husband is the Flash, and he could use his superspeed to phase into the mirror and get them out. 

Eva's seemingly so stunned by this revelation that she says she needs to recuperate, so Iris excuses herself. Eva then contacts Mirror Iris, and tells her that Joe is still investigating Black Hole, and the Flash will eventually help him. She says she can't have that, as she wants to destroy her husband Joseph Carver all by herself. She orders Mirror Iris to drain the last of Barry's residual Speed Force energy from him, so he won't be able to take down Carver. None of this makes any sense, but let's just move on.

Meanwhile, Ralph finally returns to the show, and is still tracking Sue Dearbon. He tells Cisco she's been hacking into various banks while their staff and security are distracted by special events. He says the First National Central City Bank is hosting a brunch, and Sue's sure to strike. He wants Cisco to help him catch her. 

That night Joe's out driving, when suddenly his car speeds up and the brakes fail. As he careens through the streets, he hears laughter coming from the engine. Hmm. I wonder what meta's flexible enough to squeeze under a car hood? He heads toward a construction site and leaps from the car (which is traveling at 120 MPH!) just before it crashes into a brick wall.

A bit later, Barry, Cecile and Chief Singh are at the crash site with Joe. He tells them what happened, and says he's sure Joseph Carver was responsible. Singh says Joe needs to go into Witness Protection for his own safety, but he refuses.

The next day, Ralph and Cisco attend the bank brunch. Cisco discreetly hacks into the security system, but is interrupted by a British woman named January Galore. She flirts with Cisco, distracting him while she does something to the security panel. After she leaves, Cisco rejoins Ralph, who says there's no sign of Sue. When Cisco tells him about the mysterious woman he met, Ralph realizes it was Sue in disguise.

They run to the server room, where they find a discarded mask of January Galore's face. They spot Sue, who waves and escapes through a convenient skylight (in a server room?). Cisco pulls a device from a panel, and realizes Sue just transferred ALL the bank's assets into her account.

At STAR Labs, Barry examines the wreckage of Joe's car. He says the saboteur would have had to be inside the engine to make the car accelerate so wildly, which is impossible. Just then he finds a red hair, and realizes it belongs to Rag Doll.

At CCPD, Joe interrogates Millie Rawlins, but she refuses to talk. Just then Rag Doll emerges from a small file box in the back of the room. He attacks Joe, who shoots back at him. Rag Doll rapidly twists his body, which somehow causes the bullets to fly back right at Joe.

Just then Barry enters and speeds across the room, plucking the bullets out of the air. He reaches for the last one, but his rapidly draining speed gives out and he can't grab it in time. The bullet hits Joe in the arm and he collapses in pain. Barry says he's sorry he wasn't fast enough, then turns to see that both Rag Doll and Sunshine are gone.

Joe gets bandaged up and starts to head back to work. Barry tells him maybe he should go into Witness Protection, as he can no longer protect him. Joe refuses, so Barry makes him a deal— stay inside STAR Labs while he hunts for Rag Doll. Joe reluctantly agrees. 

Mirror Iris enters, and Barry tells her what happened. She sees his watch is glowing red, meaning he's somehow using Speed Force energy at that moment. She says he needs to step up and protect her father, trying to guilt him into using the rest of his residual speed.

That night, Joe paces the halls at STAR. He comes to a decision and takes off his badge and lays it on a table (another TV cop cliche!). He then pays a visit to Joseph Carver at his home. He tells Carver he knows he sent Rag Doll to kill him. Carver blatantly admits it, and Joe pulls out his phone, indicating he's been recording their conversation. Carver pushes a button on his watch that fries the phone and erases the message.

Carver he's worse than Joe can possibly imagine, and threatens Cecile and Baby Jenna. Joe then punches Carver in the face and leaves.

Back at STAR, Barry scolds Joe for running off and confronting Carver alone. Joe says he's terrified he won't be able to protect his family. Once again Barry suggests Witness Protection.

Sue meets with a financial advisor to discuss investing the millions she just stole. They're interrupted by Ralph, who asks to speak to his "associate" Sue alone. He tells Sue he knows she's been putting the stolen money into her parents' bank account. He figures they must have a terrible secret and are being blackmailed by Carver. He asks her to let him help. Despite the fact that the two have been antagonists since they met, Sue suddenly softens and says she can tell Ralph's a good person. She gives him the diamond she stole from Black Hole and tells him to look into it.

Allegra visits Cecile in her office. She says she heard about the attacks on Joe, and that Carver will target Cecile and Jenna next. She assures Cecile that if Carver tries anything, he'll have to go through her first (how reassuring!). 

Nash enters, having apparently eavesdropped, and says he'll protect them as well. Allegra, who's still weirded out that Nash had a fatherly relationship with her doppelganger, rolls her eyes and leaves. Nash follows, apologizing and asking how he can fix things between them. She says he can't, and to get lost.

Allegra enters the Citizen office, but discovers the lights won't work. She looks up and sees Rag Doll clinging to the ceiling. He drops down onto her, just as Nash enters. Rag Doll throws Nash across the room, knocking him out (convenient!). Allegra fires a blast of UV rays at Rag Doll, blinding him. She tries to run out, but he manages to grab her.

Cecile's telepathy senses Allegra's pain, causing her to double over. Just then Rag Doll crashes through the transom, grabs Cecile and says he's going to make her suffer.

At STAR, Joe bursts into the lab and shows Barry a video that Rag Doll sent to his phone. It shows Cecile tied up in a Central City warehouse. Barry uses the phone to track Cecile's location, then grabs Joe and speeds him to the warehouse.

Rag Doll instantly attacks Barry, who tells Joe to run. Rag Doll jumps into a series of pipes to escape, and Barry tries to flush him out. Joe finds Cecile tied to a chair inside a room. He opens the door, which activates a timed bomb strapped to the side of her chair. Joe tries to help her up, but she says it's a pressure bomb that will go off if she so much as moves.

Barry continues searching for Rag Doll. He slithers out of one of the pipes, wraps his arms around Barry and starts crushing him. 

Joe calls Allegra and says he needs her help to diffuse a bomb (?). He wakes and asks Joe to describe the bomb to him. Joe reads off the name and serial number, and Nash uses his gauntlet to research the bomb. He says diffusing it is easy— all Joe has to do is take off a panel and cut the green wire. Joe pulls off the panel and sees there are numerous wires inside— all green.

Joe comes to a decision and pushes Cecile off the chair and takes her place. His action causes the bomb's clock to momentarily speed up, costing them a minute. 

Barry somehow manages to grab a wrench and shoves in into the eye hole of Rag Doll's mask. He releases him and slithers back into the pipes. Barry bangs on the pipes, causing Rag Doll to crawl back out. Barry uses the meta dampeners to cuff him to one of the pipes. 

Barry tells Rag Doll that Black Hole can't help him now. Rag Doll says Black Hole's not paying him— he's just trying to make Joe suffer. He mentions that any second they'll all suffer with a boom or something. 

Barry figures out he means a bomb, and speeds into the room where he finds Joe in the chair. Joe tells him to get Cecile to safety. Realizing there's no time to argue, Barry zooms her back to STAR Labs (I think). In the warehouse, Joe reaches down and grabs a green wire. Barry then runs several blocks back to the warehouse (????). He finds Joe staring out a window, having apparently pulled the correct green wire. He tells Barry he's ready to go into Witness Protection.

Later that night, Joe says goodbye to Barry and Cecile. Barry promises Joe he'll bring down Black Hole and Carver as soon as he can so he can come back home. Singh leads Joe to an SUV, which drives off with him.

Singh enters his car and looks into the rear view mirror. Eva's face appears in the mirror, and she says he's done well by taking Joe out of the picture. GASP!

Carver gets a call that Joe's gone. He then discovers a large gift in his living room. When he opens it, he sees it's a full length mirror. Eva appears in it, saying Carver's a hard man to get a hold of. She says she wanted to use her discoveries to help the world, but he trapped her in the Mirrorverse and corrupted her work. She demands an apology from him.

Carver says threats are for real people, not phantoms, and smashes the mirror. He looks down and sees Eva's smiling face in the shattered pieces.

Barry returns to his apartment, where Mirror Iris is waiting. She's livid that he let her father enter Witness Protection without giving her a chance to say goodbye to him. She demands to know where he is, but Barry says he honestly doesn't know. She tells him to use his superspeed to search the city for Joe—in an effort to get him to use up the last of his power.

Barry says he can't, so Mirror Iris tells him to get the hell out. He tries to talk sense into her, but she refuses to listen. He exits the apartment, as his watch glows red.

• The episode begins with a shot of Joseph Carver's stately brutalist-style home, somewhere on the outskirts of Central City. Since all the Arrowverse shows are filmed in Vancouver, it's a good bet this house is located somewhere in British Columbia, right? Wrong!

This is actually a piece of video stock art from Getty Images— one that anybody can download for a small fee. Smart! It was probably far cheaper to just nab a shot off the internet than having a film crew schlep out to a location for half a day.

I suppose even though this is clip art, the house could actually be in Vancouver, but it seems unlikely.

• By the way... are we still calling this the Arrowverse, even though the Arrow series has wrapped up?

• In the previous episode, Caitlin gave Barry a special watch that monitors his powers, so he doesn't use up his residual Speed Force energy too soon. It glowed green when he wasn't using any speed, but red when he used a lot. Got it.

This week though the device has seemingly transformed into a mood watch. All through the episode, every time Barry gets angry the watch glows yellow, then eventually bright red. Wait... that's not how it's supposed to work! Why the hell would he be tapping Speed Force energy when he gets mad? Are we supposed to believe he angers at super speed?

• For years now, Team Flash has used Extrapolators to open portals in space and instantly travel from one location to another.

Unfortunately, the Extrapolators no longer function after the Multiverse was destroyed in the Crisis.

Oddly enough, over on Legends Of Tomorrow the team is equipped with Time Couriers. These devices can open portals in time as well as space, allowing the Legends to travel to any place in any era.

Maybe Team Flash should give the Legends a call and see if they can spare a couple of Time Couriers!

• Man, this show is positively obsessed with clue/conspiracy boards. Iris & Team Citizen made one earlier in the season in Marathon, and now this week Ralph's cobbled one together to try and find Sue Dearbon. Like I said before, what is this, the 1950s?

Has anyone ever made one of these things in real life? I'm gonna guess no, and this is one of those things that only happens in movie and TV shows.

• Ralph suspects Sue will show up to rob the First National Central City Bank during their upcoming Investors Brunch. I love that the Bank's website designer actually included a photo of a salad, as if the investors might not understand what foods they might encounter at a brunch.

• Rag Doll slithers under the hood of Joe's car in order to sabotage the engine. As Joe takes a leisurely drive, there's light jazz playing on his car stereo. Hilariously, the second Rag Doll cuts the brakes and causes the car to accelerate, speed metal blasts from the speakers. I guess he changed the radio station while he was at it? 

To be honest I'm not sure the music was supposed to be coming from the stereo, as it continues once the car explodes.

• If his speedometer can be believed, Joe's car is traveling at over 120 MPH when he jumps out. So Joe's dead now, right? It's unlikely anyone could survive landing on the pavement at that speed.

It's also abundantly clear that his car isn't going anywhere near that fast, especially when we see him turning corners on city streets.

And what happened to Rag Doll? Did he crawl out from under the hood a second before the car crashed and exploded?

• We get an establishing shot of the First National Central City Bank, as Ralph and Cisco stake out the brunch in hopes of finding Sue.

Oddly enough the bank looks a LOT like the John A. Wilson building in Washington DC! Identical, in fact.

• Cisco only agrees to go to the brunch if there'll be waffles. Once they get there, Ralph says it looks like they only have apple fritters. 

He's not very observant for a detective, because as the scene begins we clearly see someone loading their plate with piping hot, delicious-looking waffles.

This may have been meant as a joke, but I'm honestly not sure.

 At the brunch, Cisco hacks into the bank's security system before he's interrupted by a woman named January Galore.

We briefly met Ms. Galore earlier this season back in License To Elongate. Once again, I'm assuming her name is an homage to Pussy Galore, the most famous Bond girl from the James Bond franchise.

• Of course January Galore turns out to be Sue Dearbon in disguise. So where the hell is she getting these elaborate, lifelike masks that are indistinguishable from the real thing? Is she a special effects makeup artist as well as a high tech bank robber?

This brings up an interesting question— IS there an actual January Galore? Was that really her at the charity ball in License To Elongate, or was it Sue in disguise? Is January Galore an alias she uses to infiltrate high society functions?

• I gotta say it was great to see Sue again as always. Actress Natalie Dreyfuss brings a breath of fresh air to the show whenever she appears, and I hope she becomes a regular soon. She'd definitely be a better addition to the cast than Chester or Allegra!

• For a superhero, Ralph has some pretty poor reflexes. After Sue digitally robs the bank blind, she reaches up and fires some sort of cable, escaping through a convenient skylight. Ralph stretches his arm out to try and catch her, but misses her by a good second and a half.

Why the hell did he stretch his arm straight out when she was obviously zooming upward? And once he missed her, couldn't he, oh, I don't know... simply raise his arm up toward the ceiling?

And why the hell is there a skylight in a server room in the first place? Don't such rooms generally require a darkened and cool environment?

• This is some heavy-grade nitpicking, but whatever. After cleaning out the First National Central City Bank, Sue rushes to Cleary Capital Investments to open an account. Thing is, an establishing shot of the building shows it's well after dark, probably around 8 or 9pm. 

Is that really a thing? Do investment bankers have office hours that late? Told you it was heavy-grade!

I suppose it's possible that Sue could have made a special appointment and the place agreed to stay open for her. But there's no reason to have to come up with excuses for the writers. All they had to do was splice in a DAYTIME establishing shot of the building, and everything would have been fine!

• When Sue first met Ralph (in A Girl Named Sue) she played him like a fiddle, locking him in a vault, using him to steal a priceless diamond and even framing him for robbery. framed him for robbery. 

She's equally vicious toward him at the beginning of this episode as well, robbing the First National Central City Bank right under his nose, and taunting him as she gets away.

But then in the second act Ralph confronts Sue and says he knows her parents are being blackmailed by Joseph Carver, and that she's been robbing banks to get them out of trouble. When she says what of it, he simply asks her to let him help.

And just like that, her attitude toward him completely changes! She says she thinks he's a decent guy, and actually treats him like a friend. Wow, that was easy! Talk about turning on a dime!

• At CCPD, Joe interrogates Millie Rawlins, aka Sunshine. If you'll recall from her first appearance in The Exorcism Of Nash Wells, she's a meta who can control sunlight and use it as a weapon. 

When I first watched this scene I thought, "Woah, Joe's got her sitting in a room with sunlight clearly streaming through the windows!" It looked like she just had regular cuffs on, so any second I expected her to fry him with a blast of light.

Then when Rag Doll attacked Joe, Millie ducked down and you could see she the glow of the meta-dampening cuffs around her wrists. The glow's only visible for a split second though, and very easy to miss. Whoever directed this episode needed to establish the meta-cuffs a big better.

• Oh my god— Joe actually did the "Cop Takes Off His Badge And Lays It On The Table Thing" to go confront Carver as a private citizen.

• Supervillain Landing! Sorry about the quality, this was the least blurry frame I could capture.

• When Rag Doll first appeared, he was a freaky contortionist who could squeeze his body through any opening or stuff himself into an impossibly small box. Suddenly in this episode he's stretching his arms and wrapping them around his victims like ropes. He pretty much has the same powers as Elongated Man. So when the hell did that happen? Did I miss an episode or something?

• Sometimes the writing on this show just baffles me. After dispatching Rag Doll, Barry finds that Joe's switched places with Cecile and is now sitting on the bomb. Joe orders Barry not to worry about him, and to get Cecile to safety. With no time left to argue, Barry zooms her out of the building. 

It appears that he deposits her a block or so away. Yet when he races back to try and save Joe, we're treated to an overhead shot of the city as Barry runs several dozen blocks back to the warehouse!

Why the holy hell did he take Cecile so far away? Did he really think the small C4 bomb under Joe's chair would have a radius of several miles?

• After the bomb incident, Joe agrees to go into the Witness Protection Program until the Joseph Carver mess is straightened out. Why's Joe being written out of the show again? Last time he disappeared it was because actor Jesse L. Martin hurt his back in real life. Is Martin having more health problems?

• At the end of the episode we see that Chief Singh has apparently been replaced by one of Eva's mirror clones. I'm not exactly sure when this happened, but it must have been between episodes because we never got to see him taken over.

Welp, there goes my theory!

See, back in The Exorcism Of Nash Wells, I noted that Singh was acting suspicious and squirelly after Joe suggested there was a mole inside CCPD. I said that based on his actions, it was clear the writers wanted us to think it was Singh. I thought that was a bit too obvious though.

Instead I thought the mole would turn out to be Corber, the female officer who popped up in A Girl Named Sue and became a semi-regular character on the show. There was literally no reason for her character to exist, other than to be the one who betrays CCPD.

Eh, looks like I was wrong about all that. Corber turned out to be a red herring, and Singh really is the mole. Meh. Better luck to my deductive reasoning next time!

• In the tag scene, Joseph Carver discovers a full length mirror's been delivered to his house. Of course when he unwraps the mirror, his wife Eva appears in it. Based on their reactions, it's heavily implied that this is the first time they've spoken to one another since she became trapped in the Mirrorverse six years ago.

That doesn't make a lick of sense. We see all through this episode that Eva can appear in ANY mirror, anywhere in Central City (and probably on Earth). So you're telling me that for the past six years she's sat in the Mirrorverse stewing, and it never once occurred to her to appear in his medicine cabinet mirror and speak to him?

This Week's Best Lines (most of which go to Ralph):
Ralph: "I need a hacker who can set up a net to help catch her, somebody who can monitor the security feed. Somebody who speaks bandwidth and knows binary."
Cisco: "Mm, I'm not sure you know how hacking works."
Ralph: "Please. I've seen You've Got Mail several times."

Ralph: "Okay, the investors' brunch is in full swing. Now, you go get us eyes on that server room. I got to tinkle."
(Cisco gives him a long, hard look.)
Ralph: "Yeah, I heard what I said."

Sue: "Hi, Slick. You miss me?"
Ralph: "Almost as much as I miss Fredrico, my tapeworm."

Ralph: "Still up to your old tricks? Swiping diamonds and pearls?"
Sue: "Oh, you like Prince? Me too."

(Cisco discovers a flash drive plugged into the bank's server system.)
Cisco: " If this is what she used, she has access to ALL the bank's financial holdings."
Ralph: "Oh, well... It's only several... billion... dollars."

Ralph: "Then let me help you."
Sue: "I barely know you."
Ralph: "You know everything that matters."
Sue: "For the record, I didn't enjoy tricking you. Okay, I enjoyed it. But, honestly, I felt pretty crappy afterwards."

"In These Uncertain Times"

Ever since I got a Roku four or five years ago, I've pretty much stopped watching "live" TV. Sure, I'll catch the occasional network show, such as The Flash, Legends Of Tomorrow or The Orville (when it airs once a decade). But for the most part, it's streaming for the win here at Stately Canada Manor!

As a result of all that streaming, I don't see a lot of commercials anymore, so I have no idea what's going on in the world of TV advertising.

Last week I watched live TV for the first time since the viral apocalypse lockdown began, and HOLY CRAP! For two hours, literally EVERY commercial I saw had a coronavirus theme! EVERY. One.

I bet I heard the phrases "In these uncertain/difficult/unprecedented times," "We've always been there for you," "Now more than ever," "We're still together even though we're apart," and of course, "We're here to help" at least a hundred times.

And every commercial was exactly the same. Somber piano music playing over shots of empty streets, followed by images of families huddled together in their warmly lit homes, along with scenes of hospital staff and delivery workers risking their lives while doing their jobs. All accompanied by a reassuring voiceover, telling us that everything will be OK.

The astonishing repetition became hypnotic after a while.

It doesn't take a genius to see right through these ads. Look just below the surface of all these, "We've got your back" messages, and you'll see companies that are hanging on by a thread, and desperately need us to continue buying their products.

I get it. But you're not my friend, Verizon Wireless. You're not gonna overlook it if I can't pay my bill this month, or send me a care package when I run out of food. Not even in these uncertain times.

Sunday, April 26, 2020

Legends Of Tomorrow Season 5, Episode 9: Zari, Not Zari

Huzzah! After a five week absence, Legends Of Tomorrow is finally back!

Back in March, The CW put both Legends and The Flash on temporary hiatus due to the viral apocalypse that's currently sweeping the world. I gotta admit I don't understand their thinking here. The entire country's on a forced lockdown. People are stuck inside their homes with nothing to do but... talk to their families (shudder!). The nation NEEDS the distraction these shows can provide!

Besides, you'd think airing new episodes during a lockdown would be a no-brainer for the network. After all, the whole nation's at home— it's not like everyone's gonna be at a ball game or sitting in a bar while Legends airs. They've literally got a captive audience right now. Seems like new episodes would score the biggest ratings the series has ever had!

Maybe it has something to do with Sweeps Week, I dunno. Anyway, on with the intro!

We got another great episode this week, as Legends continues to knock it out of the park. So far this year's episodes have been much, much better than those of the dreadful Season 4. Lets hope they keep up the quality.

There was a LOT going on in this week's episode— so much so it's hard to remember it all. The main plotline was the appearance of Charlie's sister Atropos, one of the Three Fates of Greek myth (along with the reveal that a previously established character is the third of the god-like sisters). 

Atropos turned out to be an awesome adversary— one who's definitely gonna give the team a run for their money. I gotta say I've been enjoying this Loom Of Fate storyline immensely— probably because they haven't dragged it out too far (yet!) and are moving it along at a brisk pace. Other Arrowverse shows could learn a thing or twelve from this (I'm lookin' at you, The Flash, what with your interminable Mirrorverse storyline that refuses to wrap up!).

This week we also get the welcome (but all too brief) return of the original version of Zari. I liked her character quite a bit, so I was genuinely upset when she was seemingly wiped out of existence at the end of last season.

And I was less than happy with her replacement, Zari 2.0. She was shallow, vapid and annoying, and even though I understand that was the writers' intent, it didn't make her any less aggravating. I have to admit though that Zari 2.0's slowly starting to grow on me, as her character continues to develop.

I'm wondering if the reveal that the original Zari still exists in some form could be setting up her possible return? Time will tell, I guess. 

I also enjoyed this week's Heat Wave subplot, as he attempted to win over his snarling teenaged daughter. As one of the two longest-serving characters on the show, he's probably undergone the most change and growth. I'm happy the producers continue to try new things with his character, rather than simply write him off the show (cough Atom cough).

This week's episode also contains a very strange sort of-crossover with Supernatural, of all shows. It's very bizarre, goes absolutely nowhere and there's no reason for it to be here. The less said about it the better.

I don't want to get into spoilers in the intro, but this episode also gave us the shocking and unexpected death of a main character— that comes just one episode after Atom and Nora Darhk were needlessly and senselessly written out of the show. Jesus, Legends writer! What did we ever do to you? You guys really know how to hurt your audience, don't you?

Speaking of Atom, this is the first episode we've gotten since his untimely departure. As I've said over and over all season, Atom was the heart and soul of the show, and I think it was a HUGE mistake to get rid of him. I was honestly worried how the series would fare without his wide-eyed optimism, and if I'd even continue to watch it without him.

Welp, so far, so good. Surprisingly this was one of the best episodes of the season— even without the presence of Atom. Let's hope the writers can keep up the good work.


The Plot:
We begin in 1977 London, three days after the events of Season 4's Dancing Queen. Charlie's just left her band The Smell and joined the Legends. The Smell's going on without her, playing at a club called The Hole. A strangely dressed woman enters the club and begins annihilating the patrons, obviously looking for someone. 

She approaches The Smell and effortlessly kills Gilly and Ian. Declan, the third member of the band, tries to run but stumbles. The woman interrogates Declan, saying she's looking for Clotho. Declan somehow realizes she means Charlie, and says she left the band. The woman says Clotho can't outrun her fate (heh) and begins glowing. Declan sees her true form and screams as he's incinerated from inside.

On the Waverider, Zari 2.0 wakes to find she's in bed with Steel. When she asks what the hell, Gideon pipes up and says she sleepwalked into Steel's quarters. Steel's happy to see her, but Zari 2.0's unnerved by the situation and rushes out.

Constantine finds Charlie and says they need to get busy and find the next piece of the Loom Of Fate. Gideon interrupts and tells Charlie she has bad news— her former bandmates were slaughtered right after she left (odd that she's just now finding out about it forty three years later, but whatever). Charlie's shaken by this, and White Canary tells her they'll find the Encore who did it and make them pay. Charlie says it was no Encore, but her sister Atropos— another of the Three Fates.

Constantine says they need to recover the Loom now more than ever, but a visibly upset Charlie tells him to piss off and leaves. Canary tells Constantine to find out everything he can about the god-like Atropos, so they don't rush in blindly when they attack. He agrees, and Canary heads for the Bridge. As soon as she's gone, he casts a location spell and discovers there's a piece of the Loom near Vancouver, British Columbia (wow, what a coincidence!). He takes the Jumpship and heads for Canada.

Cut to Hell, where Atropos visits the shop of the Coin Maker, who turns out to be her sister Lachesis— the third of the Three Fates. GASP! Atropos says she's looking for Clotho, who's going by the name of Charlie these days. Lachesis says Constantine is currently traveling with a companion named Charlie. She gives her Constantine's coin, and says she can use it to track him.

Canary discovers Constantine took the Jumpship, and scolds Gideon for not alerting her. Gideon says Zari 2.0 hacked her system and put her on "snooze." Charlie agrees to help Canary look for Constantine, and they use a Time Courier to open a portal to Vancouver.

Meanwhile, Sharpe finds Heat Wave in the Mess Hall with a headless teddy bear. He says he tried to give it to his daughter Lita, but she tore it up and threw it back at him. He says the only solution is to erase Lita by going back in time and preventing his past self from impregnating Ali.

Sharpe wisely says that's a horrible idea, and suggests an alternate plan— using time travel to insert Heat Wave into key moments in Lita's life. Is that really any better?

Canary and Charlie trudge through a wooded area of Vancouver looking for Constantine. They stumble across a sign stating that the Supernatural TV show is filming in the area, in what has to be the weirdest crossover ever. 

Charlie explains how she used to weave the fate of every person on Earth, while her sister Lachesis would measure the length of each life and Atropos would kill everyone when they reached the end of their allotted days. She warns Canary that Astropos enjoyed ending every single life.

Back on the Waverider, Zari 2.0 hallucinates a cat prowling the halls (referencing the time when the original Zari was transformed into a feline). She tells Behrad she's seeing things, and he invites her to play videogames with her to relax. She easily beats him, and says she's never played a videogame before and feels like she's being haunted by someone who's controlling her. She clutches Behrad's arm, which somehow causes her to fire a blast of wind across the room.

Back in the woods, Constantine comes across a seemingly abandoned 1967 Chevy Impala. He opens the trunk for some reason, and finds a desiccated corpse inside. Just then Canary and Charlie walk up. Canary sees the "corpse" and says it and the car are props from the Supernatural show. Canary's angry that Constantine went off on his own, and he justifies his actions by saying they need to find the Loom pieces before Atropos does.

As Constantine and Canary bicker, Charlie hears the voice of Atropos in her head, saying she's coming for her. Just then there's an explosion in the distance, and they realize it's the Jumpship exploding. Charlie says Atropos destroyed the ship, stranding them there. Canary collects weapons from the car trunk, and they head out to find Atropos. Charlie hears her sister's voice in her head again, and sneaks away from the others.

On the ship, Behrad tells Zari 2.0 she's not being haunted. He explains that when the Legends saved Heyworld, they altered the timeline and Zari turned into Zari 2.0. He says she must be experiencing "echoes" of the original Zari, which is why she has hacker knowledge and can use the Air Totem.

Cut to Central City in 2004. Ali returns from the hospital with the newborn Lita, and finds Heat Wave and Sharpe in her house. When she asks what the hell's going on, Heat Wave says he brought a crib (from Victorian England!) for his daughter. Ali then asks if he busted out of prison, and Sharpe explains that she's his parole officer and arranged a special visit. She then takes a photo of the "happy family."

We're then treated to a montage as Heat Wave uses time travel to insert himself into the major events of Lita's life. Sharpe's there as well, documenting everything with a Polaroid camera.

Back in the woods, Charlie encounters Atropos. She accuses Charlie of destroying the human race by giving them free will. Her berating causes Charlie to revert to a child. Atropos demands Charlie lead her to the Loom fragment. Just then Canary appears and attacks Atropos. She easily pins Canary, but Constantine casts a wind spell that blows Astropos back. Canary grabs Kid Charlie and they run off.

Once they're clear, Charlie reverts to adult form and says Constantine's now dead, as no human could survive a battle with her sister. Canary assures her that Constantine will be OK, as he always finds a way out. Just then he shows up and Charlie hugs him. Constantine gives her an odd look.

Right on cue, we cut to the real Constantine, who's lying near death on the forest floor.

On the Waverider, Zari 2.0 says the original version of her sounded like a much cooler person, and worries that Behrad and Steel liked her better. Behrad suggests she go into the Air Totem and chat with their ancestors to get her head straight. When she asks how she can possibly do that, of course he says "drugs."

Back in Central City, Heat Wave goes to Ali's house and presents Lita with a scrapbook of all the times they shared. Lita says it doesn't mean anything, as he still bailed on her the minute those big events were over. She slams the door and tells him to get lost.

Sharpe says she's sorry that her idea didn't work, and suggest Heat Wave simply apologize to Lita. He thinks about it for a few seconds, then returns to Lita's house.

In the forest, Canary, Charlie and "Constantine" stumble across a spooky swamp. Charlie says the Loom piece is hidden inside a twisted, gnarled tree in the center of the bog, and goes after it. Suddenly the zombified remains of the Supernatural film crew rise up and begin attacking.

Canary and Charlie fight off the zombies while "Constantine" watches. Charlie manages to get to the tree, reaches inside and pulls out the Loom piece, which is disguised as yet another ring (?). "Constantine" then reverts back to Atropos and throws her bone daggers at Charlie, pinning her against the tree. When she sees Charlie's bleeding, she realizes she's now mortal and calls her pathetic.

Just then Canary attacks Atropos. It's a short fight though, as the Fate begins glowing and blasts Canary across the swamp, seemingly killing her. Atropos then tells Charlie all she has to do is apologize and she'll restore her. Charlie says no way, as she enjoys being a Legend. Atropos says so be it, and takes the ring.

Sharpe returns to the Waverider, where Gideon reports that the Jumpship crew isn't responding. She and Steel leave the ship to search for them.

Meanwhile, Behrad gives Zari 2.0 some Lyoga root, so she can enter the Totem. As the drug takes effect, she finds herself in some gauzy realm where she encounters the original Zari. She says she's been chilling inside the Air Totem since the timeline was changed, and asks how things are in the real world. Zari 2.0 says Behrad's living on the Waverider and their parents are alive.

Zari, who was in love with Steel, asks how he's doing. Zari 2.0 says he's fine, but she isn't attracted to him as it would be weird to hook up with her brother's best friend (?). She fears Zari is disappointed in her. Zari says on the contrary, as she's happy that Zari 2.0 gets to be with her family.

Back in the forest, Charlie's still pinned to a tree. One of the zombies comes for her, and at the last second Canary miraculously comes back and kills it. Charlie says Atropos is headed for the Waverider to collect the other piece of the Loom.

Sure enough, Atropos makes her way onto the ship. Behrad sees her, hides and calls Sharpe. She tells him to wake Zari 2.0 and get out of there. Sharpe and Steel then find the real Constantine. He seems dead, but then suddenly wakes up, saying he used the forest plants to heal himself (?). That doesn't make any sense, but let's just move on.

Behrad tries to wake Zari 2.0, but she's still zoning out inside the Totem. Atropos enters and asks where the Loom fragment is. Before he can answer, she spots it. Behrad tries to stop her, but Atropos threatens to kill Zari 2.0 unless he gets out of the way. Realizing he's out of his league, he steps aside and she grabs the ring out of its protective case. She puts the ring on and revels in the power that washes over her, much like a certain purple-skinned alien in another franchise.

Suddenly Behrad attacks her with the Hell Sword, but Atropos easily disarms him. She then stares intently at him and, sensing he's from an alternate timeline, says, "You don't belong here." She reaches into his chest and pulls out a glowing strand, representing his lifeline. She cuts the strand and Behrad instantly collapses and dies.

Canary and the others arrive just in time to see his demise. Canary tells Sharpe to get the ship in the air so Atropos can't escape. She then grabs the Hell Sword and chases after her, confronting her in the Cargo Bay. Atropos is surprised to see Canary's still alive, and wonders how she survived seeing her true form (as does the audience).

The two then battle it out. Canary stabs Atropos with the Hell Sword, but she shrugs it off, saying she can't be killed. Canary grabs onto something as she orders Gideon to open the Bay doors. The air's sucked out of the Bay, pulling Atropos with it. Unfortunately she grabs Canary by the foot at the last second and hangs on. She brandishes one of her bone daggers and raises it, intending to kill Canary again.

Suddenly Charlie rushes in, grabs the Hell Sword and cuts off Atropos' hand. She's sucked out of the ship, but seemingly teleports away. Her hand disappears as well, but oddly enough leaves the two rings behind (?).

Inside the Air Totem, the two Zaris hug. Zari tells Zari 2.0 to come back soon, and bring Behrad with her next time. Zari 2.0 wakes, and sees a solemn Steel and Sharpe standing in front of her. She sees Behrad's body and rushes to it. She's inconsolable as she grieves over his body for hours.

Cut to the Med Bay, where Constantine's recovering. Zari 2.0 enters and accuses him of getting them into this mess that killed her brother. She asks if the Loom can bring back Behrad. Constantine says yes, once they find the last piece. A very determined Zari 2.0 tells him she's not letting him out of her sight until he brings her brother back to life.

• First off, an update. In my review of the previous episode, Romeo V. Juliet: Dawn Of Justness, I made a prediction, saying:

The Coin Maker is totally another of the three Fates, isn't she? I'd bet your money on it! She has to be, right? Otherwise why would she be so interested in the Loom, and instantly start manipulating Astra into seeking it?

In Greek mythology, the three Fates were Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos. We already know that Charlie is Clotho. So if the Coin Master really is a Fate, which of the other two is she?

Obviously she's Lachesis The Allotter. According to legend, Lachesis was sometimes called the apportioner, and decided how much life each person was allowed. That sounds a LOT like what the Coin Maker does, what with her little watch-work coins that determine the lifespan of the people they represent. Stay tuned to see if I'm right.

Well, we stayed tuned and for once I was spot on, one hundred percent absolutely right! Not only is the Coin Maker a Fate, but she really is Lachesis! Yay for me!

Before I sprain my arm patting myself on the back, it wasn't that hard to figure out. The Coin Maker appeared around the same time the whole Loom business started, and shortly before Charlie revealed she was a Fate. Since Charlie was one of three, it made sense that the other two would eventually show up. There honestly wasn't a very long list of suspects, so... I guessed Coin Maker!

• Atropos arrives in 1977 London, looking for her sister Clotho, aka Charlie. She walks into a punk rock club, and within two seconds slaughters all the patrons. So what was the point of that? Presumably she wants to know Charlie's whereabouts, but how's anyone gonna supply that info if they're dead?

• Atropos enters the club and kills Ian, Gilly and Declan, the remaining members of The Smell. We've seen these three before, back in Dancing Queen. It appears they got all the same actors back for this episode. Cool!

• As of this episode, the images of Atom and Nora Darhk (or I guess she's Nora Palmer now) have been discreetly removed from the wacky opening credits. I wonder if they'll remove Behrad from next week's?

• Zari 2.0 wakes in Steel's bed, having sleepwalked there. When she seems appalled by this, he reminds her that they were a couple in the original timeline. She says, "Don't start with the 'dream girl' crap!"

Wait, did I miss an episode or something? When did Steel ever tell her about original Zari, and how they accidentally altered the past?

Either the writers forgot they never established this, or Steel and Zari 2.0 discussed it between episodes while we weren't watching.

• Um... why do the Legends have the mask of Katana from the execrable Suicide Squad movie in their Library (seen there on the shelf behind Charlie)? Please don't tell me that mess is part of the Arrowverse!

• After learning that Atropos killed her old band mates, Charlie refuses to help Constantine find the other pieces of the Loom. He says fine, then casts a location spell that literally points to where the next piece is hidden. 

Wait, what? If he's been able to do that all along, then why the hell did he need Charlie to help him find the pieces in the first place?

• Constantine's location spell indicates the next Loom piece is in Vancouver. Wow, what are the odds of that? The exact same place where all the Arrowverse shows are filmed!

• Atropos visits her sister Lachesis, aka the Coin Maker. She says she's having trouble finding Clotho, as she's now going by the "vulgar, mortal" name of Charlie. Lachesis says Charlie's currently teamed up with a group of time travelers. Oddly enough, Atropos seems surprised by this and says, "A time traveler. That's how Clotho has eluded me."

At first I couldn't understand why Atropos was so stunned by the idea of time travel. After all, she first shows up in 1977, then spends the rest of the episode in the present day. She's clearly able to travel through time herself!

But the second time I watched the episode a thought occurred— what if she isn't a time traveler, and has been searching for Charlie for the past FORTY THREE YEARS? Atropos' immortal, right? Four decades would be nothing to her. The more I think about it, the more I'm certain that's what's happening here.

• Constantine lands the Jumpship in the forest and begins looking for the Loom fragment. I'd honestly forgotten that they built a full-sized ship prop for the show! It looks pretty cool— too bad they don't haul it out of storage more often.

• As Canary and Charlie traipse around in the woods, they come across a sign stating Supernatural's filming in the area. A bit later they discover the Winchester brothers' iconic car abandoned in the middle of the forest. And after that, the zombified remains of the shooting crew.

What the hell? Was there a point to any of these elements that I'm missing? The entire thing was completely superfluous, and could have easily been cut from the episode without altering the plot one bit. 

As I said in the plot summary, this has to be the most bizarre crossover ever! Heck, you can't even properly call it a crossover, as the characters from the two shows never actually meet. Instead the Legends just see props from the Supernatural show. I really don't get it.

By the way, that sign that Canary finds nailed to a tree? I wouldn't be surprised if that's an official notice the Supernatural crew posts whenever they go on location! It looks too real and official to have been mocked up by the Legends prop department.

Given the fact that so many of The CW's shows are filmed in Vancouver, it's a wonder the various film crews aren't constantly stepping on each other as they shoot in various locations. In fact it wouldn't surprise me if the Legends crew actually did stumble onto the Supernatural shoot, and decided to just leave it in as a plot element. I can't think of any other reason to include it!

• While watching this episode, it occurred to me that a lot of the Legends seem to have substance abuse problem! Heat Wave's rarely seen without a beer in his hand. Behrad's into pot and psychotropic drugs. And Charlie spends a good part of this episode sucking on a flask. Get these people some help, STAT!

• Atropos finds the Jumpship and destroys it. Canary immediately tries to contact the Waverider, but there's no response. She says, "Dammit, with the Jumpship gone the comms are down."

Is that really a thing? I'm pretty sure the team's contacted the Waverider before without the Jumpship being anywhere around. That's the whole point of the comms, right? To be in constant touch with Gideon on the ship?

• On the Waverider, Zari 2.0 begins experiencing flashes of the original Zari's life. She even hallucinates a cat wandering the corridors, from the time Zari was turned into a feline back in Season 4's Legends Of To-Meow-Meow.

Amazingly it looks like they took the trouble to bring back the same cat— or at least a reasonable facsimile. 

Eh, what am I saying, all cats look alike anyway. Yeah, I said it! Come at me, cat lovers!

• After seeing the cat, Zari 2.0 finds Behrad and says, "I think I may be losing it, and not like when I saw Tupac's hologram at the 2044 Grammys."

Remember that Zari 2.0's actually from the year 2044. Jesus Christ, will people still be talking about Tupac twenty four years from now? I guess it's possible. People still obsess over Elvis, and he died in 1977!

• Ali's surprised when she comes home from the hospital and finds Heat Wave and Sharpe in her house. Heat Wave sees the baby, and Ali says, "Mick, meet your daughter." He bends down, takes a look at the newborn infant and says, "Lita."

Keep in mind that even though Heat Wave's seen Lita before, from Ali's perspective this is the first time he's ever seen her daughter. Oddly enough she doesn't say something like, "How the hell did you know that's what I named her?"

Writing 101: Any time you have a surly, antisocial character, just thrust a newborn baby into their arms for guaranteed yuks!

• I enjoyed the montage of Heat Wave "editing" himself into Lita's past. In 2007 he reads her one of his Rebecca Silver novels (Heatwaves, appropriately enough) as a bedtime story.

In 2009, Lita loses a tooth and finds a huge wad of cash under her pillow, courtesy of the "Tooth Fairy."

In 2011 he practices soccer with her, and she wins a trophy.

In 2012 they go trick or treating. Heat Wave dresses in his old costume, while Lita's hilariously decked out as a mini Captain Cold!

In 2013, he uses his flame gun to fire up her science project volcano (setting off the house's smoke alarm in the process).

Finally in 2018 Heat Wave poses with Lita and her prom date. Unfortunately he scares the poor guy so badly he wets himself and runs away.

• After the montage, Heat Wave puts all the photos in an album and presents it to Lita. She throws it back at him, hissing that he still bailed on her the second the major events of her life were over.

Jesus Christ, Lita! What the hell do you want from your dad?

When she first met Heat Wave, she said she hated his guts because he was absent the whole time she was growing up. I'll give her that one, even though technically he didn't even know he had a daughter until 2020.

But now that he does know, he's going to extreme lengths to make up for his absence— to the point of using time travel to be there during the important moments of her life. Amazingly this STILL isn't enough for her.

In my mind this makes Lita a bigger jerk than Heat Wave ever was! He's legitimately trying his best here. I think she needs to give her Old Man a break!

• Several times during this episode it's mentioned that Charlie is now mortal. Hmm. Was that ever established before now? I know Constantine cast a spell that froze her in the form of Vixen (even though she eventually regained her shapeshifting powers), but I didn't realize it made her human as well. I thought she was still an immortal supernatural being with morphing abilities. 

Why would the spell allow her to keep the shapeshifting powers but not her immortality?

• I really liked Atropos in this episode. She's a formidable villain, has an awesome look and an actual personality. Too bad she'll probably be killed off at the end of the season.

• Charlie senses Atropos and confronts her in the woods. They then have the following conversation:

Atropos: "Hello, Clotho. Look at you, alone, after destroying our family."
Charlie: "Look, I didn't do it to hurt you, all right?"
Atropos: "We took care of you, and you took everything we had."
Charlie: "People deserve to be free."
Atropos: "And what have they done with this freedom you gave them?"
Charlie: "They got women the vote. They invented punk rock."
Atropos: "Introduced mass genocide, nuclear bombs, pollution, systematic incarceration. 
Charlie: "No, I didn't..."
Atropos: "And after all you did to help them, how did they thank you? By locking you in prison."

I love this exchange, as it's very well written and Atropos actually makes a convincing argument. That said, I'm pretty sure humans were asshole long before Charlie destroyed the Loom! It's not like ancient civilizations were any better than ours!

 Atropos' constant berating causes Charlie to morph into her child form. Curiously, her clothes shrink to fit her as well. I never really thought about it before, but that means Charlie's always naked! Her outfits are actually part of her body!

Also, when Clotho reverts to child form, she looks like a young version of Vixen. I guess that makes sense, since Clotho/Charlie is stuck in the form of Amaya Jiwe.

• Canary attacks Atropos, but gets her ass handed to her by the god. Canary tells Constantine she needs help, so he scavenges the forest floor to find hemlock, a toadstool and blood, then ingests it all and casts a wind spell.

Why does so much of his magic seem to involve eating gross stuff?

By the way, once he fuels up with the magic ingredients, he utters a spell in Latin. According to closed captioning, the spell is "Te vocare, veni in auxilium mihi." Sounds impressive, right? Eh, not so fast. 

If you can believe Google Translate, that phrase means "You call, come in to help me." Yeah, that doesn't make a lot of sense. I'm assuming the writers use Google or some other translation site to come up with the incantations, but have no idea what the results actually say. I have a feeling all of his spells consist of similar gibberish.

• Unbeknownst to Canary and Charlie, Atropos disguises herself as Constantine. A couple things here:

First of all, the fact that Atropos morphed into Constantine means Charlie's not the only one with shapeshifting powers— apparently ALL the Fates can do it!

Secondly, kudos to Matt Ryan for the way he plays Atropos posing as Constantine. It's subtle, but it's clear that he's not the real deal. Actors make a living portraying wildly different parts, but it's gotta be hard to play another version of the same character. Maybe he got some pointers from Tala Ashe.

• Speaking of Tala Ashe, she does double duty as well in this episode, playing both Zari and Zari 2.0! She does an amazing job as always, effortlessly giving the two characters completely different personalities and mannerisms. I had absolutely no problem believing I was looking at two separate people. Well done!

• So with Behrad's help, Zari 2.0 enters the Ancestral Realm located inside the Air Totem. A lot to unpack here. 

First of all, she finds the original Zari inside the Realm, where she's apparently been chilling since the timeline was changed. I don't know what the producers have planned, but this would be the perfect way to get the original version of Zari back on the show. All she has to do is switch places with Zari 2.0 and return to the real world.

I kind of hope that's not where this is going. I wasn't a fan of Zari 2.0 when she first appeared— mainly because I really like Zari and didn't want to lose her. But this new version's grown on me over the season, as she's gradually become less shallow and more of an actual person.

It's also possible they'll use the Ancestral Realm to restore Behrad. He mentioned he's visited it before, so maybe there's some sort of echo of him there that could be manifested in the real world. Hey, it's Legends Of Tomorrow, so nothing's off the table here.

Lastly, whoever decorated the Ancestral Realm was obviously influenced by the interior of Jeannie's bottle on I Dream Of Jeannie.

 Canary pulls a bunch of weapons from the trunk of the Supernatural car, and says they can use them to fight Atropos. So... apparently the Supernatural cast uses REAL weapons in their fight scenes, and not harmless prop ones. Yikes!

• So I guess Charlie hid the second Loom piece in the Swamp Of Eternal Stench from the movie Labyrinth

Why do movie and TV bogs always have strategically placed flames burning in them? There was a swamp a few miles from my house when I was a kid, and I never once saw pockets of open flame in it.

• Just a reminder to those who may have forgotten— a few episodes back, Charlie said she destroyed the Loom Of Fate and hid the pieces in various places around the Multiverse. Apparently this swamp used to be on another world, but ended up here on Earth Prime after the events of Crisis On Infinite Earths.

• As the Legends trudge through the swamp, the zombified corpses of the Supernatural film crew begin attacking them. Several things: 

First of all, I have to assume Atropos wiped out the crew while we weren't looking. Does that mean everyone she kills becomes a zombie, or did she reanimate these particular bodies so they'd get rid of Charlie and Canary? Why go to all that trouble? She knows where the Loom piece is at this point. Why not just wave her hand and disintegrate the two Legends? Is she trying to kill them with style?

Secondly, when one of the zombies comes at Charlie, Canary throws a shuriken at it. The weapon lodges in the corpse's chest and it falls over "dead." A few seconds later more attack, and Charlie eliminates one by hitting it in the stomach with a stick, while Canary takes one down by tossing a duffel bag at it (!). Hmm. Typically, movie and TV zombies require a head shot to destroy their brains and "kill" them. I guess these zombies aren't typical!

It's not until a good five minutes later, after Atropos leaves Charlie for dead, that Canary actually stabs a zombie in the head like she's supposed to.

• Canary attacks Atropos, who shows her true form and blasts her across the swamp. Miraculously, Canary somehow survives this fatal burst of godly energy.

So how's Canary still alive? Why was she able to withstand Atropos' power? Is it because she was one of the seven Paragons, who stood at the Dawn Of Time and rebooted the universe in Crisis On Infinite Earths? Is it because she's already been dead before, and was revived by the Lazarus Pit? Did the fact that she once wielded the Spear Of Destiny save her? Because she was a temporary Totem Bearer who helped form the giant Beebo? Or is it something more?

I'm sure we'll find out next week. There are also rumors that this encounter with Atropos is going to give Canary some sort of superpowers. Great! I look forward to seeing her not use them every week on this show!

• Last week when Charlie said she disguised the Loom pieces, I assumed each one would take the form of a different object. Instead all three parts look like gold rings. Meh.

• Atropos barges onto the Waverider and steals the Loom ring from its protective case. The ring begins to glow as she puts it on her finger, next to the one she already has.

Hmm... an evil, god-like being placing magic glowing rings on her fingers to make herself all powerful. I feel like I've seen that before, but I can't quite remember where.

• In a truly shocking and heart-wrenching scene, Atropos kills Behrad by yanking his lifeline from his chest and severing it. This is made all the more horrifying by the brutal and emotionless way in which she dispatches him.

Wait a minute though... earlier in the episode, Charlie said she used to weave the lifelines of everyone on Earth, Lachesis would determine their length and Atropos would kill those who reached the end of their strands.

Charlie destroyed the Loom Of Fate and hid the pieces though, meaning this is obviously no longer the case.

So what's Atropos pulling out of Behrad's chest then? It looks for all the world like a lifeline, but how can he have one if Charlie's no longer weaving 'em? Whoops!

Despite this hiccup, I hate to see Behrad go. From his first appearance, the writers somehow made him seem like he'd been a member of the team since the beginning. And actor Shayan Sobhian made Behrad instantly likable. 

This is Legends Of Tomorrow though, so I'm not too worried about Behrad's fate. I'm sure he'll end up back on the show sooner or later. Maybe Zari 2.0 will sacrifice herself to restore him, and then we'll get the original Zari back. They could even become the Arrowverse's version of the Wonder Twins (even though they're siblings several years apart)!

• Near the end of the episode, Canary battles Atropos in the Waverider's Cargo Hold. At one point it looks like Astropos reaches into her forearm and pulls out one of her bone daggers! Eww...

• When Zari 2.0 discovers Behrad's dead body, she marches into the Med Bay and hisses that she's gonna be right at Constantine's side until he fixes his mess and brings her brother back from the dead.

Dayum! Determined Zari 2.0 is one scary-ass woman! I'm impressed!

This Week's Best Lines (most of them go to Zari 2.0 this week):
(Zari 2.0's appalled when she wakes in Steel's bed.)
Zari 2.0: "I'm still trying to process how I spent the last five hours in... what is this, 200 thread count?"

Zari 2.0: "We didn't hook up."
Charlie: "It doesn't have to be a walk of shame if you enjoyed it. But, if you are walking at all, you didn't enjoy it enough."
Zari 2.0: "Gross, Charlie."

Lachesis: "Welcome back, sis."
Atropos: "Lachesis."
Lechesis: "You smell of that slowly dying world filled with apathy."

Zari 2.0: "Behrad, I don't know how to play video games! But it's like I'm being haunted by someone who does, someone who dresses like a teenage boy and makes me do awful things, like eat donuts and... cuddle with Nate."

Zari 2.0: "Okay, let's just get something straight. There is only one Zari Tarazi. I filed a trademark."
(Are they ever gonna explain why her family name changed from Tomaz to Tarazi?)
Zari 2.0: "It's weird to have to share the spotlight."
Behrad: "Says the older sister to the younger brother."
Zari 2.0: "Right. Sorry."

Zari 2.0: "Ooh, ooh. I feel high already. Is it too late to detox?"
Behrad: "That's the fun of drugs. You can't un-take them."
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