Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Thanks A Lot, Deadpool!

WonderBlog Powers, Activate! Form Of... An Angry Blogger! Shape Of... An Outraged Comic Fan!

The Deadpool movie has been out for less than a month as of this writing, and in that time it's racked up over $300 million dollars. And that's just here in the States. Worldwide it's closing in on $700 million! Astonishing!

This is absolutely unprecedented for an R-rated film, which theoretically prevents a good chunk of the movie-going public from seeing it (I say theoretically, because there are a lot of Parents Of The Year out there taking their five year olds to see this incredibly violent and profane film).

Naturally Deadpool's huge box office numbers are attracting the attention of every studio executive in Hollywood, all of whom are eager to duplicate its massive success.

A few days after Deadpool's premiere, James Gunn (director of Guardians Of The Galaxy) took to the interwebs, saying he's worried that Hollywood will learn the wrong lesson from the film's success and begin pumping out subpar, R-rated clones. Said Gunn:
"After every movie smashes records people here in Hollywood love to throw out the definitive reasons why the movie was a hit. I saw it happen with Guardians. It “wasn’t afraid to be fun” or it “was colorful and funny” etc etc etc. And next thing I know I hear of a hundred film projects being set up “like Guardians,” and I start seeing dozens of trailers exactly like the Guardians trailer with a big pop song and a bunch of quips. Ugh."
"So, over the next few months, if you pay attention to the trades, you’ll see Hollywood misunderstanding the lesson they should be learning with Deadpool. They’ll be green lighting films 'like Deadpool' – but, by that, they won’t mean 'good and original' but 'a raunchy superhero film' or 'it breaks the fourth wall.' They’ll treat you like you’re stupid, which is the one thing Deadpool didn’t do."

Gunn is absolutely right here, as well as eerily prophetic. In fact, just a scant twenty four hours after he posted his rant, 20th Century Fox announced that their upcoming Wolverine 3: Even Wolverinier will be rated R!

And in even worse news, this week Warner Bros. announced that their upcoming Batman V Superman, which is rated PG-13, will be rated R when it comes to home video. Yep, you heard right, an R-rated Batman and Superman.

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh... That was the sound of the tattered remains of my soul leaking out of my body.

Jesus Jet-skiing Monkey Farting Christ On A Pogo Stick! If ever there was a superhero who should never, never, EVER star in an R-rated film, it's Superman! 

Superman was the grandfather of all superheroes. He stands for Truth, Justice And The American Way! He saves airplanes falling from the sky and knocks planets back into orbit, but isn't too busy to rescue a cat from a tree. He's the perfect do-gooder superhero. He's... well, he's super!

Superman and his adventures should be suitable for all ages. He was never meant to be a violent, neck-snapping psychopath. And yes, I know he killed in the comics in his early days, but that was before his character was nailed down. And I'm sure he's busy killing now, in today's blood-soaked and rape-filled comics. But that's not the Superman I grew up with, nor the one I want to see in a film.

Superman is not that complicated. He's pretty darned simple, and yet somehow Warner Bros. has completely missed the point of the character in his own film a couple years ago, and they're doing it again now.

Wolverine I can see being R-rated. After all, he's got freakin' knives that come out of his hands, and he swings 'em around disemboweling people left and right. His actions practically scream "R."

I don't like the idea of an R-rated Batman, but he's been going down the grim and gritty path for many years now, ever since Frank Miller's seminal comic The Dark Knight Returns, which seems to be the inspiration for Batman V Superman. So while it doesn't make me happy, an R-rated Batman isn't totally out of the question.

But an R-rated Superman? Absolutely, positively not.

In happier news, this week Marvel Studios brought a small amount of well needed order back to the cosmos, when they announced they have absolutely no plans to ever make an R-rated superhero movie. Good for them.

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