Wednesday, December 22, 2021

Holiday Repost: Weird Retro Xmas Ads

I first posted this Xmas entry ten long years ago, so I figured it's worth a repeat. 

The only explanation I can come with for the existence of these Xmas ads is that it had been a long, hard year at the Ad Agency and the Art Director just didn't give a frak anymore...

Cigarettes were apparently a popular gift back in the time when you could advertise them. There are dozens of Xmas-themed ads like this one. Giving out smokes for Xmas was so popular they even made special holiday cartons, complete with pre-printed gift tags!

It might seem tacky, but a carton of cigarettes is certainly not a cheap gift; these days it would set you back at least 60 bucks.

You know what else guards against "Throat-Scratch?" NOT SMOKING, THAT'S WHAT!

Even Actor/Former Governor/Future President Ronald Reagan got in on the act. Here we see him addressing a pile of coffin nails to all his Hollywood pals.

It's a known fact: Depression and thoughts of suicide increase dramatically during the Holiday Season. So what better gift for the sullen loner on your list than their very own handgun?

That's a pretty ominous note too, lying there next to the pistol. And who exactly wrote it? The guy who bought the gun? Or one of the many voices in his head?
This year everyone in the Compound got their very own rifle, and it was the best Overthrow the Government Day, er Xmas ever!

In a survey, nine out of ten serial killers indicated that they absolutely loved this campaign.

Dear Lord, could this ad be any more disturbing?

Aw, what could be more adorable than an innocent little girl leaving milk and cookies for Santa. Right in front of a roaring fireplace.

Looks like Frosty sleeps with the fish sticks.

A brand new Hoover vacuum cleaner is the perfect gift for your paraplegic wife.

This poor family of wretches has apparently been without proper head support for a very long time. Dad's positively in ecstasy as he paws at that new pillow. Little Suzie is even ignoring her brand new doll so that she can cop a feel off of that stuffed sack of Nirvana.

Eyes front, Santa. 

He's so desperate to get her up on that ladder that he's making up reasons for her to do so. Why else would he be handing her presents to lodge into the tree branches, twelve feet off the ground? Who's going to be able to reach those?

You know, whenever I get the urge to play with my model train set I always strip down to my underwear.

Somehow it just doesn't feel like the Xmas season to me until I listen to the Six Million Dollar Man Christmas Adventure Album.

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