Hover, Schmover!

An Open Letter To The Manufacturers Of So-Called "Hoverboards:"

Dear Manufacturers:

Please stop calling the above devices "hoverboards."

Besides looking goofy and traveling only slightly faster than walking, at no time do they perform any action even remotely close to hovering. 

Look at that thing! It's got wheels, for corn's sake! A hoverboard would have no need for wheels. It would hover.

How is this not false advertising? Please refrain from marketing your devices this way and change the name immediately.

Signed,
Everyone Who Ever Watched Back To The Future Part II

Back To The Future Part II Countdown

I first posted this a few years ago, but it's worth a second look.

We are now only THREE short years away from the year 2015, in which a good part of the movie Back To The Future Part II takes place.

While it's certainly an enjoyable movie, it was waaaaaaaay off in it's prediction of the future. According to the movie, in just three years we should have:

• Anti-gravity
• Flying hover cars
• Hover car conversion kits for older non-flying car models
• Automated gas pumps that pump the gas (or whatever fuel flying cars use) for you
• Skyways, complete with hovering traffic signs
• Hover boards
• Rocket-powered hover board boosters
• Automated hover-tech news cameras
• Self-drying clothing
• Self lacing Nike shoes
• Affordable bionic replacement parts (Biff's grandson didn't seem like the type who would have 6 million dollars to spend on elective bionic upgrades)
• Hydrating ovens
• Voice activated home controls for security, lighting and entertainment
• Self-walking hover-technology dog leashes
• Hover back braces (to hang you upside down and relieve your back pain)
• A Weather Bureau that can actually control the weather (!)
• A lawyerless justice system
• The Miami Gators baseball team
• Pepsi Perfect (whatever that is)
• Double neckties for men
• Clear neckties for men
• Goggles that can display information on the inside of the lens, such as incoming phone calls and TV shows
• Wall-sized TV screens that can display multiple channels at the same time
• Indoor fruit and vegetable gardens
• Window blind TV displays
• Thumb-pad door controls
• Dust-repellent paper for books
• Holographic 3D movies
• FIFTEEN more "Jaws" movies (Oy gevalt!)
• Holographic outdoor movie ads (can we assume by this that the movies of 2015 are also holographic?)

This list is just off the top of my head. I'm sure there were some things I missed or forgot about.

Interestingly enough, the world of 2015 still has fax machines and newspapers! Faxes are pretty much obsolete already in our time, and newspapers are barely hanging on. Marty's future also seems to have totally missed the smart phone revolution. There wasn't a cell or smart phone in sight. Maybe with the communication goggles Marty Jr. was wearing, personal phones became obsolete?

Anyway, we'd better get busy! We've got a lot of stuff to invent!

Back To What Future?

Last week I was laying on the couch watching TV and Back To The Future Part II came on. I was too lazy to get up and do something else, so I laid there and watched it again.

It occurred to me while watching that although the movie is enjoyable, it's waaaaaay off when it comes to predicting the future. By this point the first half of it takes place only 6 years from now, in 2015. If the movie's technology is going to come true, then in just 6 short years we need to hurry up and invent:

• Anti-gravity
• Flying hover cars
• Hover car conversion kits for older non-flying car models
• Automated gas pumps that pump the gas (or whatever fuel flying cars use) for you
• Skyways, complete with hovering traffic signs
• Hover boards
• Hover board rocket-powered boosters
• Automated hover-tech news cameras
• Self-drying clothing
• Self lacing Nike shoes
• Affordable bionic replacement parts (Biff's grandson didn't seem like the type who would have 6 million dollars to spend on elective bionic upgrades)
• Hydrating ovens
• Voice activated home controls for security, lighting and entertainment
• Self-walking hover-technology dog leashes
• Hover back braces (to hang you upside down and relieve your back pain)
• A Weather Bureau that can actually control the weather (!)
• A lawyerless justice system
• The Miami Gators baseball team
• Pepsi Perfect (whatever that is)
• Double neckties for men
• Clear neckties for men
• Goggles that can display information on the inside of the lens, such as incoming phone calls and TV shows
• Wall-sized TV screens that can display multiple channels at the same time
• Indoor fruit and vegetable gardens
• Window blind TV displays
• Thumb-pad door controls
• Dust-repellent paper for books
• Holographic 3D movies
• FIFTEEN more "Jaws" movies (Oy gevalt!)
• Holographic outdoor movie ads (can we assume by this that the movies of 2015 are also holographic?)

This list is just off the top of my head. I'm sure there were some things I missed or forgot about.

Interestingly enough, the world of 2015 still has fax machines and newspapers! Faxes are pretty much obsolete already, and newspapers might last for 6 more years, but I wouldn't want to bet on it. Marty's future also seems to have totally missed the cell phone revolution. There wasn't a cell phone in sight. Maybe the cell phone was replaced by the communication goggles Marty Jr. was wearing?

Anyway, we'd better get busy! We've got a lot of stuff to invent!

Image copyright Universal Studios.