Aqua Dude!

Get a load of this new statue of Aquaman from Sideshow Toys:

Apparently Aquaman is now being played by Jeff Bridges. Look at it! If that ain't The Dude, then I'll eat my hat.

Yeah, well, you know, that's just like your opinion, man.

The Walking Dead Season 6, Episode 15: East

You're doing it again, The Walking Dead. For the second time this season, you start out with three or four fast-paced, compelling episodes, and then the plot engine starts sputtering and wheezing, and we get week after week of filler, as it limps toward the finale. 

Why do you keep doing this to us? And why do we keep falling for it?

Nowhere was this stalling more evident than in East. Actually one could argue that this week's episode was less filler, and more about setting up the various pieces on the board in preparation for the final move, aka the big reveal of Negan. Either way, it doesn't make for a very compelling forty five minutes of television.

Apparently there must be a gas leak in Alexandria that's affecting all the residents, causing them to all lose several dozen IQ points. Especially Carol. She doesn't want to kill anymore, so she leaves the protective walls of Alexandria and drives off into the Savior-infested wilderness, where she'll surely be forced to kill. Wha…?

Rick must have been affected by the gas leak too. He knows from bitter experience who's lurking outside the walls, yet he leaves the place he's supposed to be defending to find someone who doesn't want to be found, and… I guess drag them back, kicking and screaming. Yes, it's much better to risk six people than it is to write off one.

If that wasn't enough, his hubris in this episode is absolutely jaw dropping! He even lies in bed practically beating his waxed chest about the fact that he's not worried about the Saviors, saying "the world is our and we know how to take it." I suppose the writers are trying to set him up for a huge fall here, but there were less blatant— and less astoundingly stupid— ways to go about it.

The rest of the cast fell victim to the gas leak as well. Daryl goes off looking for vengeance against Dwight, who killed a woman he barely knew or ever even spoke with. Then Glenn, Michonne, Rosita and Morgan all take off into certain danger, leaving the home they've worked so hard to create unprotected, to again, find someone who doesn't want to be there. Brilliant!

Obviously the writers cooked up this half-baked episode because they need Negan to confront the characters away from Alexandria, and the only way they could think to do this was to make everyone act as stupidly as possible. But they went too far and made their actions too face-palmingly stupid. To the point where they're no longer characters, but mindless chess pieces. And why should I care what happens to chess pieces?

Congratulations, The Walking Dead! You've managed to make me not give a sh*t who you kill off next week! Well done!

Carol's abrupt and offscreen change from badass warrior to limp noodle has me kind of worried that the writers may be setting her up for her comic book death. 

See, in the comic, Carol was NOTHING like she is on TV. Comic Book Carol was a meek and traumatized housewife, thrust into a horrific world she couldn't handle. Rick was with Lori, who was still alive at that point, and Carol offered to be one of his "sister wives." A shocked and repulsed Rick said, "Um, no thanks," which apparently sent Carol over the edge. She then committed suicide by walker— literally walking up to a zombie and hugging it, letting it bite her in the shoulder.

I hope that's not where this sudden new Carol is heading.

SPOILERS, I GUESS!

The Plot:
We flash back a bit this week as we see Carol packing her bag and sneaking out of Alexandria. If you'll recall, she "just can't kill anymore," so she's heading outside the walls where she'll be forced to kill every day. If you understand any of that, then you're a better blogger than me.

The next day life goes on in Alexandria. Rosita and Sasha guard the walls. Maggie and Glenn take their last shower together. Rick lies in bed with Michonne, bragging about how they can handle anything the Saviors can throw at them, practically begging the screenwriting gods to smite him.

Daryl rides off on his bike, leaving Alexandria shorthanded. Glenn, Michonne and Rosita see him do so, and instead of reporting to Rick as they should, they drive off in pursuit, leaving Alexandria even more shorthanded. Rick finds out Carol left and he and Morgan immediately go after her, leaving Alexandria shorthanded infinity.

Carol drives down a deserted road in her Mad Max: Fury Road car, and is attacked by— you guessed it— a truck full of Saviors. They fire on her car and stop her. She gets out, raises her hands and begs them to just walk away as once again she either really hyperventilates or just pretends. The Saviors refuse to back off, so she guns them down with some sort of psychically controlled machine gun she has stuffed up her sleeve. She runs off into the woods. 

Rick and Morgan find the site of Carol's massacre. They see her tracks and follow her on foot. One of the Saviors, who's not quite dead yet, exits the truck, picks up Carol's discarded rosary and staggers after them.

Glenn, Michonne and Rosita travel to the spot where Dr. Cloyd was killed last week. They find Daryl's bike hidden in the bushes and begin searching for him. They find him, and Glenn begs him to come back. Daryl says he can't and leaves. Rosita, for reasons known only to the writers, goes with him. Glenn and Michonne head back to their car, but are captured by Dwight and a gang of Saviors (Jesus, how many men does Negan have, anyway?).

Rick & Morgan continue the Search For Carol. Morgan says Rick didn't prevent a war with the Saviors, but started one, which is absolutely true. They find a barn surrounded by walkers, and see a man run off. Rick of course tries to shoot him, but Morgan hits his arm to make him miss. Morgan tells Rick to go back to Alexandria, and promises he'll find Carol.

Rick arrives back home. He asks Abraham if Michonne or anyone else is back yet, but the answer's no. Enid shows up to remind us she's still on the show for some reason. She gives Maggie a haircut, and she loves it so much she potentially has a miscarriage.

Glenn and Michonne are tied up in the Savior's camp. Glenn sees Daryl and Rosita creeping around in the bushes, and starts shaking his head "no." Suddenly Dwight appears behind Daryl, the master tracker and woodsman, and says hi. He shoots Daryl as blood splatters the camera and the screen cuts to black.

Thoughts:

• Wow, that may have been the shortest cold open yet.

• As the Saviors threaten her, Carol somehow mows them all down with a machine gun that's concealed in her sleeve. I'm still trying to figure out how Carol was able to slip her hand inside her coat sleeve and somehow fire her machine gun. It doesn't look like there's enough room in the sleeve for both a gun and an arm (see photo above).

Maybe when she appeared to be mending her jacket, she was actually rigging up some sort of triggering mechanism in her sleeve?

• As of this episode, Rick's people have now wiped out a whopping SIX different groups of Saviors. Daryl obliterated the motorcycle gang, Rick & Co. killed the Satellite Crew in their sleep, Carol and Maggie killed the All Girl But One Team, plus the backup they called, Daryl and Rosita killed off almost all of Dwight's Group, and now Carol just wiped out the Truck Team.

As I keep saying, this is not how it happened in the comic. There Negan attacked Rick & Co. out of the blue, which made his brutal actions all the more shocking. Here on the series though, Rick's been poking the Negan hornet nest for weeks, practically begging to be stung. It's going to be hard not to see Negan's eventual retaliation as somewhat justified.

• During the "Day In The Life" shots, we see a nude Rick and Michonne in bed, as well as a nude Glenn and Maggie showering together. In both cases, the women's naughty bits are demurely and safely obscured, either by sheets or fogged glass.

Isn't it odd that this series has no problem depicting a veritable parade of over the top gore and violence on a weekly basis, but the idea of showing a woman's breast or even a butt is strictly forbidden?

• What is it about Johnny Cash and zombies? The Dawn Of The Dead remake opened with Cash's The Man Comes Around, while in this episode Carol snuck out of Alexandria to the tune of It's All Over.

• Is there no leader in Alexandria? I assumed it was Rick, since everyone seems to defer to his judgement. But in this episode most of the main cast decides, without checking with him first, to wander out of Alexandria in the middle of a crisis, when they should be doing everything in their power to protect it. If he is the leader, he's a damned ineffective one, and has zero control over his people.

• Glenn stupidly drives away from his pregnant wife and the relative safety of Alexandria. As he does so, he watches her in the rear-view mirror as she recedes in the distance. The foreshadowing here was about as subtle as a brick. Glenn might as well be wearing a red shirt, because I'll be very surprised if he ever returns.

• The only interesting part of this episode was Rick and Morgan's discussion as they searched for Carol. Morgan says he heard that Rick banished Carol from the prison for killing Karen and David, who were infected with a virulent plague. Rick says if that happened today, he'd thank her or even do it himself.

It was a good look into just how much Rick has changed the past few seasons.

• Late last year the fans lost their collective minds over the fact that actress Lauren Cohen, aka Maggie Greene, appeared at an award show with short hair. 

Bloggers around the world instantly claimed this was proof positive that Maggie would be killed off before the end of the season. According to their reasoning, her haircut meant she was no longer contractually obligated to keep the same appearance, ergo she was off the show. Welp, this episode proves that theory was nothing but bushwah, as are 99% of the ideas presented on the internet. 

She could still die, of course, but if she does it won't have anything to do with her hair.

• I totally called it! Last week I said the death of Dr. Cloyd was the writer's way of getting Maggie to the Hilltop, where she'd eventually become their leader, as in the comic.

Lo and behold, this week Maggie begins having complications in her pregnancy, which will no doubt lead to Enid helping her get to the Hilltop and their one and only obstetrician.

• This next bit actually applies to thousands of movies and TV shows, not just The Walking Dead. We see Glenn and Michonne being held captive in the Saviors camp, their hands and feet bound, with cloth gags in their mouth. Glenn sees Daryl and tries to warn him that Dwight's right behind him, but due to his gag can only croak out a weak, muffled moan.

That's not how a gag works! It cannot muffle sounds! You can demonstrate this yourself. Take a preferably clean handkerchief, open your mouth, and stretch it tightly across your face. You can even tie it in the back if you like. Now try to speak. Yes, your speech will be somewhat distorted, and you won't be able to form certain words, but you will be able to yell something— almost as loud as if you didn't have a gag in your mouth.

• At the very end of the episode, Dwight greets Daryl and then shoots him, as CGI blood splatters the screen. Shocking! The screen then fades to black, and we hear an obviously dubbed Dwight say, "You'll be alright."

I would bet practically anything that the original version of this scene was just the smash cut to black, but nervous and jittery AMC executives demanded they add in the "alright" line. We can't leave the massive Daryl fanbase hanging now, can we? That would mean something of consequence might have actually happened in this episode.

• So next week is the big super-sized Season 6 finale. I have this horrible feeling the episode is going to troll us all, and Negan won't show up until the final couple of minutes. 

He'll appear in the final seconds, say he has to send a message to Rick, raise his barbed wire-covered bat Lucille over his head, and bring it down as the show smash cuts to black. We'll then have to wait until October to find out who got the bat to the head. I hope that's not the case, but the show's been screwing with us like this all season. Remember Glenn's fake-out death? And how the non-ending of the mid season finale, as Sam endlessly repeated "Mom?"

I hope I'm wrong, but I can definitely see them pulling something like this.

Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. Season 3, Episode 13: Parting Shot

This week on Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. we take a break from all the various storylines we've been following, so the show can set up a new spinoff series. Yep, this week's episode is a goddamned backdoor pilot. Just like The Kelly Kids on The Brady Bunch, or Assignment: Earth on the original Star Trek.

The Flash pulled this crap for most of the first half of its second season, as it pretty much became The Legends Of Tomorrow Prequel Show. I doubt that'll happen here, as this seems to be a one-and-done setup, but it's still annoying.

So now we know how Mockingbird and Hunter are going to ride off into the sunset and into the pilot for their own series. I'm skeptical about the whole thing. Removing these two characters from Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. is a terrible, terrible idea. Mockingbird and Hunter were part of the reason the series turned around and became watchable in its second season. Mockingbird's one of the few characters on the show who has an actual personality, and Hunter's the source of any and all humor. Getting rid of them is going to leave a huge hole in the series, one I'm worried can't be filled.

Plus a series about two non-superpowered ex-secret agents on the run sounds dull as hell to me. That's what made the first season of Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. such a snooze fest. It didn't start to pick up until Marvel realized people wanted to see actual superheroes in their superhero show. 

But I was dubious about Agent Carter when I first heard about it though, and it turned out pretty good, so who knows? Maybe The Mockingbird And Hunter Show or whatever it's called will be worth a look after all.

Maybe if we're lucky their pilot won't get picked up, or if it does it'll be cancelled after a few episodes and the two characters will come back home where they belong.

As for this episode, it wasn't much of a setup. It was slow, needlessly complicated and boy was it talky. Honestly I didn't understand a lot of it, at least on a first viewing. Plus I don't get why Mockingbird and Hunter's actions are suddenly such a big deal, and absolutely must be punished. Nothing they did in this episode is any different from anything EVERY character on the show has done many, many times before. There were no repercussions then, so why now? Other than so they could get disavowed and skip over to their own show, that is?

SPOILERS!

The Plot:

The episode opens with Mockingbird in custody in Moscow, accused of killing three Russian government agents. Her interrogator asks her what she and Hunter were doing in Moscow in the first place. 

We then get the dreaded  "34 Hours Ago" flashback, to shortly after last week's episode, in which Mockingbird and Hunter were stowing away on Malick's plane, headed for a meeting in Russia. Malick's plane lands and they follow him to a decommissioned power plant in Siberia. 

They contact Coulson on Zephyr One. He suspects Malick is building an Inhuman army in the plant, and says to find out for sure what he's doing, but not to kill him, as that'll cause an international incident.

Mockingbird and Hunter observe the plant. Hunter says this is the first time they've spent along together in years. They see Malick's men moving an Inhuman into the plant. They're about to go investigate when they're surrounded by Malick's guards. They pretend they're lost, and were simply hunting for mushrooms (in the middle of the night?). Quite rightly, the guards don't buy their story, so the agents knock them out. Mockingbird hears radio chatter that the Russian Cabinet Ministers are arriving.

Mack, May and Daisy land in a Quinjet, and Mockingbird and Hunter board and fill them in. Mockingbird's the only one fluent in Russian, so she gets to infiltrate the plant. May takes Hunter with her.

Mockingbird sneaks into the plant, knocks out a guard and dons his uniform. Mack and Daisy enter a security room and monitor the situation. May and Hunter find the body of the Russian Prime Minister's personal attache. 

Meanwhile, Petrov tells Malick he still wants to create a reservation for Inhumans, and the Prime Minister's against it. He says General Androvich, the Minister of Defense who's secretly and Inhuman, killed the Prime Minister's attache. Petrov wants Malick to smooth things over with the Prime Minister. Malick says he can't get involved, because the matter's now bigger than any one nation. He suggests letting Androvich "take care" of the Prime Minister. The whole thing's very complicated, so don't worry about trying to understand it, or we'll be here all day.

Coulson realizes Malick is staging a coup. Mack sees Androvich on a security camera, and notices something odd about his shadow. Coulson detects the Russian Prime Minister's plane heading for the plant. He suspects Malick is setting up the Prime Minister to be killed, and tells the Team to protect him at all costs.

Eventually they figure out that Androvich can project a sentient "shadow" of himself. The Prime Minister arrives and argues with Petrove. Hunter takes him away, while Daisy, Mockingbird and Mack battle Androvich. His shadow form attacks Mack and knocks him out. Mockingbird and Daisy try to fight it, but their weapons go right through it, as it can alter its density at will.

Hunter rushes the Prime Minister out of the plant, killing Petrov along the way. The shadow appears in front of them. Mockingbird tracks down Androvich and kills him, which causes the shadow to dissipate. Hunter and Mockingbird are taken into custody.

President Ellis discusses the two with the Russian Prime Minister. Ellis says the PM should be happy his life was saved, but he says now he has to explain why three members of his cabinet are dead (two of which were trying to kill him). The PM says someone's got to pay and it won't be him. Despite the fact that this sort of thing has happened pretty much every week on the series since it started, this time it's suddenly a big deal, and Mockingbird and Hunter are facing execution.

Coulson meets with Mockingbird and Hunter and says he's arranged an escape route for them. They refuse, saying they're prepared to sacrifice themselves to protect S.H.I.E.L.D. Coulson realizes he can't talk them out of it. Coulson and Ellis tell the interrogator that Mockingbird and Hunter don't work for S.H.I.E.L.D. and are simply what they say they are-- a pair of lost and confused tourists.

Back on the Zephyr One, Coulson explains to the rest of the team that Mockingbird and Hunter are now free, but they've been disavowed, and can never speak with the rest of the cast or be agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. again (uh-huh). 

Mockingbird and Hunter sit in a bar somewhere and plan their first ever vacation. A waitress brings them a shot from an "admirer." They look around and spot Simmons. Soon they receive several more drinks, and spot Fitz, Mack, May and Coulson. Mockingbird tells Hunter that this is the "Spy's Goodbye." The gang all raise their glasses and toast them, despite the fact that they're not supposed to acknowledge them in any way ever again, and file out.

Malick is shooting skeet at his palatial mansion (I guess). His daughter, who we've never seen or even heard of before, appears and asks how things went in Russia. She asks when she's finally going to get to meet Hive Ward.

Thoughts:

• Not a lot of thoughts about this episode, so this'll be quick.

• Oh good, it's another "34 Hours Earlier" episode. I hate, hate, HATE these. It was an interesting storytelling technique the first thousand times I saw it on TV and in movies, but it's starting to wear a bit thin.

• When he's being interrogated, Hunter says his full name is Amadeus Ravenclaw Hunter. It's really Lance, but no one ever calls him that, and I like this fake name much better.

• Simmons tells Daisy and Mockingbird that Androvich's shadow creature is made of sentient dark matter. Two things here. First, that's obviously a tie-in to the dark matter that was a big plot point on Season 2 of Agent Carter. And it's supposedly a big deal in Marvel's upcoming Doctor Strange movie. Secondly, that's real good science there, Gemma! She makes this incredibly intuitive leap and posits this theory after observing the creature for all of five seconds.

• For all his immense size, Mack is one of the most useless fighters ever. He gets knocked out AGAIN this week. He needs to start training with Agent May, STAT!

• Oh, I get it! The title refers to the "Spies Goodbye" that everyone gives to Mockingbird and Hunter. Groan.

• The teary "Spy's Goodbye" the cast gave to Mockingbird and Hunter felt a bit hollow to me, and didn't seem like it'd been earned. Do the various agents really care all that much for these two? If so, they've never really shown it before. Last week Daisy and Mockingbird got into a heated discussion over Inhuman rights, and May flat out told Hunter that the two of them were definitely not friends.

Then suddenly in this episode Daisy and May can barely hold back the tears as they put on brave faces for their banished comrades. Talk about retcons!

• So who's Malick's daughter? She seems to know pretty much everything he does, so he obviously keeps her in the loop. And she's anxious to meet Hive Ward. I have no idea where they're going with her, but obviously her sudden addition is going to have something to do with him.

We're Doomed!

Welp, looks like we're doomed. 

In the 2007 movie I Am Legend, Robert Neville (played by Will Smith) is the sole human inhabitant of Manhattan, after a vampire plague infects the city.

As Neville wanders about the post-apocalyptic ruins of the Big Apple, he walks past a movie theater displaying a large movie poster that looks suspiciously like the one for Batman V Superman.

Guess what movie just premiered this week? Yup. Batman V Superman.

We're doomed! Better start boarding up your doors and windows at night to keep the mutated vampires out!

The Flash Season 2, Episode 16: Trajectory

This week's The Flash was a typical villain-of-the-week episode that seemed like it was full of revelations, but didn't actually do much to further the overall plot.

This episode also gives us the series' first female speedster in Trajectory. I'm kind of worried they may be overloading the show with speedy characters. In addition to Barry we've already got Zoom and the Earth-2 Flash running around, and now there's a third. Plus given their names, it's pretty much a given that Wally West is going to become Kid Flash at some point, and don't be surprised if Harry's daughter becomes Jesse Quick.

So how many speedsters are too many?

This episode also featured a rather heavy-handed metaphor for the evils of steroid abuse. Barry even spouts a few of the pat excuses many athletes use to justify their steroid use, saying "Everyone else is cheating, so why not me?" and that he's simply trying to "level the playing field."

The show raises some good questions about the subject, but or course doesn't bother to answer them. Unless you count what happens to Trajectory. Don't take steroids, kids, or you'll develop a split personality and run so fast you literally disappear! Stay in school!

SPOILERS!

The Plot:

In order to defeat Zoom, Barry starts training to become faster. He and the Star Labs Gang decide the best way to do this is for him to try and jump over a deep ravine. He jumps, but falls short and plunges into the ravine. Luckily he's caught by Cisco's net-equipped drones.

Back at STAR Labs, Harry's daughter Jesse is struggling to adjust to life on Earth-1. Cisco suggests she join Team Flash for a night on the town. Harry's not happy with her going out, and gives her a high-tech wristband for "protection."

Team Flash, and Jesse, whoop it up at a club that seems to have no trouble admitting underage patrons. The Team drinks to Jay Garrick, who was seemingly killed by Zoom a few episodes ago. Wally and Iris show up at the club as well. Wally and Jesse hit it off. Iris and Barry talk about the fact that their Earth-2 counterparts are married. Jesse's wristband keeps dweedling, and when she fiddles with it, she inexplicably hears an audio entry from Harry, admitting he killed the Turtle in order to boost Zoom's speed

Suddenly the club is invaded by a speedster who robs everyone on the dance floor. Barry runs after him, but the new supervillain is much faster and gets away.

The next day, Iris' editor Scott Evans believes the Flash is responsible for the superspeed robberies, and orders Iris to write an article slamming him. Of course she knows the Flash wasn't responsible, but can't reveal how, so she's stuck writing the thing. Jesse tells Harry she knows he killed the Turtle and was working with Zoom. He tries to tell her it's not what she thinks, and he did it to save her life. Naturally she doesn't believe him and storms off.

Team Flash debates on who this evil speedster may be, and how they got so fast. Caitlin mentions Velocity-9, and Barry's furious that he's just now finding out about it. Cisco vibes and sees a vision of Zoom. Before he can mention it, the metahuman alarm sounds, as the evil speedster attacks again. Barry zooms off to confront them, and sees she's a masked young woman. She zips away again.

Back at STAR Labs, the Gang questions Barry about the speedster. He says her costume wasn't thrown together and looked very high tech. Caitlin admits she outsourced parts of Velocity-9 to her old friend Eliza Harmon at Mercury Labs, and wonders if she knows anything about it. She visits Eliza and asks if there've been any recent robberies or security breaches there. Eliza assures her the evil speedster didn't get anything from her.

Iris really doesn't want to write the Flash slam piece, and invites Scott for coffee to discuss the matter. As she tries to convince him the Flash isn't a supervillain, he begins putting the moves on her, clearly thinking they're on a date. When she deflects his awkward advances, he pouts and leaves. For some bizarre reason, Iris looks intrigued.

At Mercury Labs, we see Eliza holding a vial of Velocity-9, as we realize she's the evil speedster after all. She does her best Gollum impression as she argues with herself over whether to inject it or not. Her evil side wins, she takes the drug and speeds away. Meanwhile at STAR Labs, Barry sees Caitlin's stash of Velocity-9 and thinks about taking it himself, saying he's the only speedster who's playing fair and not "cheating." Harry tells him he's an idiot if he takes it, especially after what it did to Jay. Barry wisely smashes the vial.

Just then Eliza shows up in STAR Labs and throws the Flash into the Secret Super Jail. She calls herself Trajectory (oy) and demands more Velocity-9. When Caitlin says there isn't any more, Trajectory threatens to kill Jesse. Harry pleads with her to not harm Jesse, and whips up some more. Trajectory suspects a trap, so she injects Jesse with the drug to test it. Jesse doesn't drop dead, so Trajectory shoots up and speeds away.

Cisco releases Barry from the jail cell. Just then Jessie has a seizure from the V-9. Harry gives her a transfusion of his own blood to clean it out of her system. Despite this, she's still pissed at him (he did kill a guy, after all). Caitlin says she added a tracer to the V-9, so they can detect Trajectory. They see she's running back & forth on a bridge, trying to somehow destroy it with superspeed.

Barry zooms to the bridge as it crumbles. He manages to whisk everyone on the bridge to safety, seconds before it collapses. He's now separated from Trajectory, who's on the other side of the river. Barry realizes he's going to have to run faster than he ever has to make the jump to get to her. I guess it never occurs to anyone for him to simply take another route around the bridge, or run across the water as we've seen him do several times before. He begins running at Mach 3.3 and jumps across the river and punches Trajectory. She starts to take another hit of V-9, but Barry gives her an impassioned speech, saying the STAR Labs Gang can help her get off the juice. For a second she looks like she may take him up on his offer, and then shoots up anyway.

As she zooms off, Barry notes that her speed lightning is turning blue. She runs faster and faster, until she disintegrates, leaving only her costume behind.

Back at STAR Labs, Harry finds a recording from Jesse, who says she's leaving to explore their new world, and not to try and find her. Barry tells the Gang that Trajectory's lightning was blue, just like Zoom's. Harry says maybe Zoom is dying, just like Jay claimed to be, and needed the V-9 as a cure. That gets them all to wondering if Jay could be Zoom. Cisco touches Jay's helmet, and has a vision of Zoom unmasking. He sees Jay's face. The Gang's now caught up with the audience, who's known this for weeks now.

Thoughts:

• As the episode opens, Barry's training to increase his speed by running and leaping across a deep canyon. I'm at a loss to understand why he thinks leaping a thousand feet will improve his running speed.

• Jesse, who's from Earth-2, sits in STAR Labs catching up on Earth-1 pop culture. When she hears that Beyonce is a famous singer, she says, "Wait, that doesn't make any sense. They mean Senator Knowles?"

Oy gevalt. I can't imagine any universe in which something like that could happen.

• At the dance club, Jesse starts to take a drink. Barry says she's underage and takes it from her. So if she's underage, what's she doing in there in the first place? Fake Earth-2 I.D.?

• When Wally arrives at the club, Barry introduces him to Jesse. Barry awkwardly struggles to explain their familial relationship, saying, "This is Wally. He's my foster or step... adopted..." before finally giving up and saying he's his new friend.

I'll make it easy for you, Barry. You're not related to Wally in any measurable way. He's your foster dad's son. The end.

• Of course Caitlin would take her purse with her out onto the dance floor. Do women really do that? If she didn't do this though, she wouldn't have immediately known her purse was stolen after Trajectory zoomed through the club.

• I honestly forgot about this until Jesse brought it up this week— a few months ago in Potential Energy, Harry killed the Turtle to see what made his time-stopping power tick, as a potential way to slow down Zoom. 

So I guess we're all OK with the fact that Harry's a cold-blooded murderer? Yes, yes, his back was against the wall and he was doing it to save Jesse, but still… he killed a guy!

The rest of the STAR Labs Gang doesn't know about it yet, but Jesse does. I don't know how things work on Earth-2, but here that makes her an accessory to murder!

• When Cisco's alarm goes off, he tells Barry that the "Bad Flash" is coming up on Fifth and Everett.

I can't tell if this was one of the show's ubiquitous comic references or not. There was a comic artist named Bill Everett, but he mostly worked for Marvel. DC has a character called Amazing Man, whose real name is Will Everett, so maybe it's a reference to him.

Or maybe it's just a random name for a street!

• A few episodes back I marveled at how Caitlin was able to manufacture several versions of the Velocity drug in what seemed like just a few hours. A drug that alters a persons very DNA to grant them superspeed.

Welp, now we know how she was able to invent the drugs so quickly— she outsourced them to her pal Eliza at Mercury Labs! 

This reminds me of Star Trek: The Next Generation, in which we found out that Scotty gained his reputation as an engineering miracle worker by constantly exaggerating his repair time estimates!

• Eliza must have been a freakin' genius. Caitlin cautiously gave her a small part of the Velocity-9 recipe, and she not only correctly deduced what the drug was for, but was able to figure out the missing ingredients and reverse engineer it!

• So Caitlin's pal Eliza Harmon is secretly the super-speedster Trajectory, which may be one of the dumbest super-names I've ever heard. I guess after eighty years of comics, all the good names have already been taken.

Trajectory's a character from the comics, but there she had a completely different origin. Eliza Harmon was given speed powers by Lex Luthor, as part of his "Everyman Project" that was designed to replace Superman. She died shortly after receiving her powers.

• Eliza suffers from Comic Book Schizophrenia,™ as she has two distinct personalities— one good, the other bad— and literally argues with herself. She even sees her evil personality in the mirror! Any second I expected her to say, "Nasty Allenses. Tricksy! False! We hates it forever!"

• Unlike Barry, who simply has to quickly wriggle into his super-suit whenever he becomes the Flash, Trajectory has to braid her hair into aerodynamic cornrows and apply raccoon makeup to her eyes before donning her mask and costume. 

• When Iris' new editor Scott Evans was first introduced, it was like the show was trying to create their own poor man's J. Jonah Jameson, of Spider-Man fame. Evans even hates the Flash and labels him a villain, just like good ol' JJJ! 

Unfortunately Evans was never anywhere near as memorable as Jameson. He did have the potential to be a thorn in Iris' side though, as he was something of a blustering asshole. Then suddenly in this episode he thinks Iris is hitting on him, only to literally sulk like a hurt child when she rejects him. Annnnnd in one fell swoop his character is destroyed forever.

• Hmm. Evans is suddenly on a big kick about the Flash being held responsible for his actions. I'm sure it's totally a coincidence that this plotline is happening just a few days before the big premiere of DC's Dark Knight V Hopeman.

• Is Iris thinkin' about sleeping with her boss? Bad idea, Iris.

• Jesse has a violent reaction to Velocity-9, and Harry says a transfusion is the only thing that can save her. Barry asks what her blood type is, and Harry says PZ, which is apparently a thing on Earth-2.

PX? So are Harry and Jesse even human? Or do they just look like us? What else is different inside their bodies? Two hearts? No spleen? Unidentifiable organs?

• There's a female speedster in DC comics called Jesse Quick. I'm betting we just saw her origin story here. Despite the fact that Harry gave Jesse a transfusion to clean the Velocity-9 out of her system, she's no doubt still going to develop superspeed at some point in the season.

• Barry manages to temporarily stop Trajectory. She starts to shoot up again, and he pleads with her not to take the Velocity-9. When she does so anyway, he looks to the heavens in frustration and rolls his eyes. Maybe if he'd skipped all those theatrics and used his speed to punch her in the face a couple hundred times, she'd still be alive.

• Near the end of the episode Trajectory runs so fast she literally disintegrates.

I thought disappeared simply because she went too fast, and either burned up or was consumed by the speed force. But Caitlin says it's because the Velocity-9 caused "cellular degradation" in Trajectory's body. Cellular degradation? Hmm… Sounds like someone on the writing staff used to work on Star Trek: Voyager!

• At the end of the episode, Jesse decides she just can't stay around anymore, and runs off to find her place in this new (to her) world.

Sigh… yet another episode in which a character seemingly leaves their series forever. The same exact thing just happened earlier in the week over on The Walking Dead.

I hate these storylines and find them tedious. It's lazy writing, done as a last resort when the producers can't think of anything else to do with a character. Worse yet, no matter how many times the character tells their loved ones they're never coming back, the audience knows damned good and well that the character's going to eventually return.

• Jesse takes a bus (hope she's got some Earth-1 money!) out of town. The side of the bus is labeled "Midway Bus Lines," which is most likely a nod to Midway City, where the comic versions of Hawkman and the Doom Patrol live.

The bus also says it's going to Opal City, which was home to Starman and Elongated Man.

The Walking Dead Season 6, Episode 14: Twice As Far

Sigh... it's an old, old song I've sung many times before. After three or four  very strong and action-filled episodes, The Walking Dead follows them up with slow-moving filler and side quests as it waits around for the season finale.

I'm getting really tired of TV series that are written around their mid season breaks. It reminds me of the way comic books are written these days. 

Way back in the before time, comic book writers let their stories dictate their length. Short stories were told in one issue. Longer stories were told over the course of three or four issues. The world made sense.

But a few years ago things began to change. Comic publishers started reprinting stories in trade paperbacks. It was decided at some point that five issues was the perfect length for one of these trades. Overnight, comic writers began "writing for the trade," stretching and padding their stories into five issues, whether there was enough content or not, just so they could fit into the trade paperback format.

And that's exactly what's happening on The Walking Dead, and all serialized TV shows in general. They're being "written for the trade." Storylines are now designed so there're two finales— one in the middle of the season, and one at the end, whether it flows naturally or not. Never mind if there's not enough story to fill the episodes prior to the finales. Just stretch and pad what content you have until it fits!

Twice As Far is definitely a result of this padding. Yes, a character dies, but other than that nothing much of interest happens, the storyline isn't furthered in any significant way, and it's obvious this is filler episode, one you could probably skip if you're binge-watching. Feh! 

MASSIVE SPOILERS FROM HERE ON! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!

The Plot:

Exciting things are happening in Alexandria. Olivia organizes the food inventory. Carol sits on her porch, brooding over her crucifix. Morgan finishes building his jail cell. Exciting! 

Rick asks Morgan what the hell he's doing. He says he built the cell so Rick would have a place to incarcerate any future murderous psychopaths, instead of killing them. Based on the size of the cell, Morgan must not expect to ever house more than one prisoner at a time.

Dr. Denise Cloyd tells Rosita and Daryl about an apothecary she found on a map. She says it may not have been looted, and could be filled with badly needed medicine. She insists on going with them. They reluctantly agree to take her along. They drive for a while until they encounter a fallen tree in the road, and walk the rest of the way. They find the apothecary and enter.

Elsewhere, Abraham and Eugene investigate an abandoned foundry. Eugene says bullets have become a precious commodity, and he believes he can make new ones. A walker approaches and Eugene insists on killing it himself, to prove he's adapted to the world or something. He fumbles with the zombie a while until Abraham steps in and kills it. Eugene throws a tantrum, and Abraham tells him he's on his own and leaves, proving both these grown men are really six years old.

Meanwhile at the apothecary, the group hits the jackpot as they find it stocked full of drugs. As Daryl and Rosita pack up the supplies, Dr. Cloyd finds a keychain labeled "Dennis." She wanders into the back room, finding an immobile walker and the remains of a dead baby in a bloody sink. Or at least I think that's what she sees. Honestly it's hard to tell. Whatever she sees freaks her out and she runs outside. Rosita says they tried to tell her she wasn't ready for life outside the walls.

As they walk back to the truck, Daryl sees the keychain and asks Dr. Cloyd about her late twin brother Dennis. She says he had a dangerous combination of fearlessness and anger. Daryl says he sounds like his own brother. Denise sees a cooler in a walker-filled car and for some reason decides it must be full of unimaginable treasure, and has to have it. She opens the door, grabs the cooler, and somehow ends up with the walker on top of her. Rosita moves in to kill it, but Denise finally gets the upper hand and stabs it in the head, I guess to prove she could do it.

She opens the cooler and finds it's full of sodas. Rosita says she's stupid for risking her life like that. Denise starts ranting about how Daryl and Rosita are stronger than she'll ever be or something, as an arrow suddenly goes through the back of her head and out her eye. Yikes!

Several Saviors then appear, with Eugene as their hostage. The leader of this group of Saviors is Dwight, the skinny guy who stole Daryl's crossbow and motorcycle several episodes back. A lot's apparently happened to Dwight since then, as the entire left side of his face is now horribly scarred. Looks like Negan wasn't pleased that he ran off.

Daryl recognizes Dwight and says he should have killed him when he had the chance. Dwight agrees, and orders Daryl to take them back to Alexandria, or he'll start killing them. A terrified Eugene sees Abraham skulking nearby, behind some oil barrels. He creates a distraction by calling out Abraham's presence, then bites Dwight in the crotch. Abraham fires on the Saviors, as Daryl and Rosita kill several more and take their guns. The gunfire attracts a group of walkers, and Dwight, who's managed to free himself from Eugene's jaws, orders a retreat. Daryl gets his crossbow back. He starts to chase the Saviors, but Rosita calls him off, as Eugene's been shot.

Cut to Eugene waking up in the Alexandria infirmary. He tells Abraham he wasn't selling him out, just creating an opening. Abraham apologizes for doubting Eugene's survival skills. Abraham then goes to Sasha's house and says life's too short in this world, and she invites him inside. Daryl buries Dr. Cloyd as Carol watches, looking thoughtful.

The next day Tobin finds a letter from Carol explaining she's leaving because "she can't love anyone because she can't kill for anyone," whatever the hell that means. She says not to come looking for her, advice that will no doubt be ignored next week.

ONE LAST SPOILER WARNING! I'M NOT KIDDING! PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK!

Thoughts:

• Wow, this week we get a rare Rosita-centric episode. Actually I think this is the first ever episode to give her more than a couple of lines. She was a fairly major character for years in the comic, and has been criminally underused on the show ever since she was introduced.

Of course this sudden spotlight on her all but guarantees she'll likely die in the season finale...

• Morgan finishes building his jail cell, and given the amount of screen time it's received, it's sure to become an important set in seasons to come.

Oddly enough, the cell door features a working lock. How the hell'd Morgan manage to construct that? A couple weeks ago we saw him welding bars together, which is perfectly within the realm of possibility. But a lock? I don't see how he could make something like that by himself, and I doubt there are many jail supply stores around the Alexandria area.

• During their little spat, Eugene tells Abraham he had full control of the situation. Abraham scoffs at him, saying, "You'd have better luck picking up a turd by the clean end!" 

Oh, Abraham. I'm going to miss you after Negan kills you.

• Speaking of Abraham and Eugene, here's a small sampling of the sparkling repartee in their big scene:

Abraham: You about ready to spill the pintos on what the hell it is we're doing here? 

Eugene: We're gonna manufacture bullets here. I've been chewing the cud on this for a few days now. The Hilltop's dry, our supply's finite. So not only are bullets vital for defense, but per the law of supply and demand, a full cartridge is now the coin of the land. 

Abraham: Making bullets from scratch. 

Eugene: Spent casings, but the innards are all us. And by us, I mean me. 

Abraham: And you think you can do that... here? With just this? 

Eugene: Well, the digs will require a thorough scrubbing. We'll have to scare up a hella ton of lead, but, yes. I most definitely almost certainly think I can do that here. 

Abraham: That, my friend, is some damn fine genuine outside-the-box thinking. 

OK, their semi-formal, faux witty dialogue is kind of amusing, but… no human being talks that way. They sound like aliens who've just assumed human form, who think that's how people actually talk and are trying to fit in. 

• So Daryl has no problem with the gears on a motorcycle, but can't get the hang of a stick-shift truck?

• On their mission, Daryl, Rosita and Dr. Cloyd find a tree in the middle of the road and are forced to walk the rest of the way. Rosita wants to take a shortcut along a set of railroad tracks that go through the woods. Daryl says, "Go whichever way you want. I ain't takin' no tracks." 

Who could blame him after the events of Season 5 ? I'd be leery of tracks too after the whole Terminus incident.

• As soon as Dr. Cloyd started talking about her alcoholic parents and her twin brother Dennis, I knew she this was her last show. It's the old Walking Dead Backstory Curse, which states that the minute the show starts to flesh out an underdeveloped character, they're doomed to die. They haven't used it much the past couple of seasons, but it was in full effect in this episode.

• Dr. Cloyd gets a surprise arrow through the eye as she's ranting about something to Daryl and Rosita. She even tries to finish her sentence ("wake… up") before collapsing! 

For some reason I don't quite understand, the writers altered this scene from the way it happened in the comic. See, in the comic, Abraham and Eugene went out on a scouting mission and discovered a foundry that could be used to manufacture bullets, just like they did in this episode. On the way home, Abraham gets shot in the head with an arrow by the Saviors, right before they attacked Alexandria.

I'm not sure why the show changed this incident, but I assume it's because they've got something bigger planned for Abraham (like a meeting with Negan). 

• Don't feel too bad for Dr. Cloyd. Even if she hadn't died here, she was still doomed. In the comic she was bitten on the arm by a walker, but refused treatment so she could save the life of her boyfriend Heath (she wasn't gay in the comic). She died of her injury shortly afterward and was put down by Michonne before she could reanimate.

• One last thing about Dr. Cloyd's death. A couple of years ago, Walking Dead fans complained that the series was killing off all its black characters, as it was seemingly only allowed one person of color at a time.

With Dr. Cloyd's death, people are actually complaining that the series is similarly killing off all its gay characters. 

Jesus Jetskiing Christ! Don't people have enough problems without deliberately looking for new things to fuel their outrage?

I guess all these complainers conveniently forgot that Tara's still on the show. And Aaron. And Eric. Gay characters, one and all. And if the show follows the comic, the recently introduced Jesus is gay as well. By my count that makes at least four gay characters left. So why all the outrage? Does belonging to a minority group mean a character should be shrouded in walker-proof armor?

• A few episodes ago in Knots Untie we met Dr. Carson, an obstetrician who lived in the Hilltop colony. The episode took great pains to awkwardly introduce him to the audience, only for him to disappear immediately afterward.

Welp, now we know why they went to all that trouble. Alexandria's one and only doctor was just killed off, so Maggie will need an obstetrician. She'll now have to travel to the Hilltop, and will likely end up staying there and becoming their new leader— just like in the comic.

• Immediately after Dr. Cloyd is killed, Dwight and a group of Saviors surround Daryl and Rosita. We've seen Dwight before— he had a run- in with Daryl back in Always Accountable in which he captured him and appropriated all his gear.

Dwight's gained a nasty looking burn scar since we last saw him, no doubt a sample of Negan's brutal form of punishment. His scar looks much less gruesome here than it does in the comic, which is disappointing. 

In the comic it appears his left eyelid is gone, so he's constantly squirting Visine into his eye to keep it from drying out. I'm betting that simulating a lidless eye would involve some green screen and CGI and would probably cost too much on a weekly basis. So instead we get Medium Rare Dwight instead of Well Done Dwight.

• Dwight tells Daryl he hasn't quite gotten the hang of his stolen crossbow yet, because it "kicks like a bitch." Is that true? Do crossbows really kick? I've never shot one, but I've shot a bow before, and I don't remember there ever being a noticeable kick to it.

• Dwight implies that the Saviors know where Alexandria is. I'm assuming they've just now learned of its location (from a certain person at the Hilltop), or else they'd have invaded long before now.

• Eugene, who's being held hostage by the Saviors, saves the day when he leans over and bites Dwight hard, right on the dick. It seems iffy that he'd be able to clamp his teeth onto anything through Dwight's denim jeans, but I'll give the show this one.

• This episode marks the FOURTH time someone from Rick's crew has murder-death-killed a group of Saviors. If the writers are trying to play up the Saviors as a threat, this is not the way to go about it. At this point they look about as dangerous as the Little Rascals. I'm sure that'll all change once Negan finally shows up in the season finale, but still.

The Saviors are bad news, there's no doubt about that. But at this point they've only managed to kill one of Rick's people, while his crew has killed thirty or forty of Negan's. At this point when Negan finally appears and starts killing Alexandrians, it's almost going to look justified.

• Back in Alexandria we see Sasha on a guard tower, standing watch over Alexandria. Given the fact that Dr. Cloyd just got a surprise arrow through her eye, is it really a good idea for Sasha to be standing there all exposed like that? Shouldn't they have some sort of shield to peer through?

• At the end of the episode, Carol decides she can't stay in Alexandria another minute and has to go on walkabout or something to do some half-baked soul searching. Yawn. The old "I Can't Stay/Don't Come Looking For Me" subplot. How many times have we seen that before?

Carol's leaving seems less like character development here and more like the writers trying to figure out something for her to do. And are they having her leave again so she can play Calvary and rescue everyone again, like she did at Terminus?