Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. Season 3, Episode 17: The Team

After a very long wait, this week on Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. we finally get to see the debut of Daisy and her Secret Warriors. They were teased at the end of Season 2, and most viewers thought they'd make their debut early on this season, so it's about damned time they showed up. 

The Secret Warriors were quite a fun and effective little team too! It was fun watching them finally cut loose and get to use their powers against HYDRA. The way they worked together as a team was reminiscent of the "money shots" in The Avengers movies, but on a TV budget.

Unfortunately it was over all too quickly. In fact everything about the Secret Warriors moved at a breakneck pace. In the space of just one episode we saw the team come together for the first time, complete a successful mission and then be torn apart by mistrust and suspicion. Jesus, would it have killed them to let them be a team for two or three episodes before ripping them apart? What the hell's the hurry? I'd much rather have spent a few more episodes with the Secret Warriors than see Mockingbird and Hunter interrogated by Russians for an hour.

SPOILERS FROM HERE ON!

I kind of felt bad for Malick in this episode. Yes, he's a ruthless, evil bastard, but in the past couple of episodes he's seen everything he's ever worked for crumble into rubble. He lost his beloved daughter, he's been betrayed by the "god" he worshiped his entire life, and he's even seen a glimpse of how he's going to die. I was hoping he would team up with Coulson and S.H.I.E.L.D. long enough to take out Hive Ward before it's too late. I guess it wasn't to be.

I was also a bit miffed by Malick's underwhelming death. It didn't even happen on camera! We did finally get to see Daisy kill him in a very brief flashback, but still... a villain of his magnitude deserved a bigger sendoff than this.

In this episode FitzSimmons mention that Lucio's brain is completely infected and controlled by Hive's spores, but they believe the process can be reversed. Obviously this was brought up so we don't worry too much about Daisy being possessed, since she'll no doubt be purged of Hive's influence at some point. 

I'm also wondering the writers mentioned this as a potential way of flushing Hive from Ward's system, as a half-baked method of redeeming him and keeping him on the show for another season. I hope not. As much as I like hating the character, better he should go out with a bang than a redeeming whimper.

I still think Lash will have a part to play in the season finale. There's no way they brought him back a few episodes ago just so he could say goodbye to May.

Lastly, this week Marvel Studios announced they've indefinitely postponed their planned Inhumans movie. I was afraid of that, especially after they announced that Sony's allowing them to make Spider-Man movies.

The fact that Marvel Studios doesn't own the movie rights to Spider-Man, the Fantastic 4 and the X-Men is why they've given us such fun and offbeat superhero films like Guardians Of The Galaxy and Ant-Man. They'd no doubt have pumped out a Spider-Man movie every year since 2008 if they'd had the rights, denying us films about more obscure characters.

It's sort of a double-edged sword. Yes, Spider-Man's back at Marvel where he belongs, but at the cost of potentially more interesting movies.

I doubt this news will have any effect on Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s Inhuman plotline though, as filming on this season no doubt wrapped months ago.

The Plot:
In an effort to rescue S.H.I.E.L.D. from HYDRA, Daisy assembles her Secret Warriors. She signals Joey and Yo-yo (interrupting their respective plans for the evening) and picks them up in the Quinjet. Daisy explains the mission to the team and they parachute (!) from the plane.

Coulson and the others are holed up inside Zephyr One, which is inside the HYDRA base. Giyera and Lucio try to break into the plane. Suddenly the Secret Warriors burst through the wall of the base. Daisy, Lincoln, Joey and Yo-yo all use their powers to efficiently wipe out the HYDRA grunts. They then split up to look for the S.H.I.E.L.D. members.

Daisy finds the Zephyr One, while Lincoln captures Gideon Malick. During the battle Lucio freezes Lincoln. Joey stabs and kills Lucio with a piece of metal, which visibly disturbs him. The Warriors free Coulson and the others, and May flies the Zephyr out.

As the plane flies off, Giyera says he failed to deliver S.H.I.E.L.D. Hive Ward says don't worry about it, as they now have "one on the inside." Naturally we're meant to think he means Malick.

Back at S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters, Coulson questions Malick. He says he regrets brining Hive to Earth, as he's now uncontrollable and pursuing his own agenda. He warns Coulson that "a reckoning is coming," and the Inhumans on his team now serve Hive, who almost certainly infected them at the HYDRA base. Coulson isn''t sure whether to believe his mortal enemy or not, but orders Mack to lock down the base.

FitzSimmons examine Lucio's body and discover it's still warm, and exhibiting cellular activity. They put him in quarantine. Meanwhile the Inhumans are puzzled by the lockdown, and want to go home. Daisy questions Coulson, who lies and says he locked down the base because of Malick.

Gradually the Inhumans all start exhibiting twitchy behavior, and grow suspicious of one another. FitzSimmons examines Lucio's brain, and find it's infected with Hive's spores. Just then the power goes out. Mack runs down a corridor and sees the interrogation room door is ajar. He looks inside and sees Malick lying dead on the floor (!), with a S.H.I.E.L.D.-issue disintegration grenade next to him. He dives for cover as the grenade goes off, vaporizing Malick's body. Kind of an anticlimactic demise for such an important villain, but whatever. 

Coulson tries to round up Daisy and the other Inhumans in the common area, but they demand to know what's going on. Coulson fesses up and says Hive Ward can use his spores to control the minds and wills of any other Inhuman, and one of them may be infected. The Inhumans all scoff, but then immediately begin suspecting and accusing one another.

The Inhumans lock themselves in the common room. Joey's determined to get out. Lincoln agrees that's a good idea, and they should all sneak out if possible. Daisy says there's a secret elevator inside S.H.I.E.L.D. that leads to outside.

Daisy was just playing them though, and leads them all into a containment unit and locks them inside. Coulson suspects Lincoln is infected, because they found the Kree Orb in his locker. Lincoln tries to break out, but Daisy blasts him with her quake powers. 

With Lincoln in custody, Daisy feels her first time as leader of a team was a disaster. Coulson tells her it wasn't her fault, but says the Secret Warriors have to be disbanded, because they're vulnerable to Hive Ward.

Daisy goes down to the containment unit to see Lincoln. She tells him she knows he wasn't the one who betrayed the team, and she's there to bust him out. She says the two of them can escape and start new lives somewhere. Lincoln doesn't think that's a very good idea. He suddenly realizes Daisy is the one who's infected. Hive Ward infected her right after she located the Zephyr One in the HYDRA base. She's also the one who killed Malick.

Lincoln tells Daisy to fight it, but she says she's happier than she's ever been. Lincoln refuses to go with her, so Daisy leaves without him. She grabs the Kree Orb and all the Terrigen crystals from the lockup. She then uses her powers to collapse the hanger onto Zephyr One. The ceiling collapses on Coulson and the others. Daisy walks out unharmed.

Meanwhile Hive Ward tells Giyera that it's time to find Daisy, or Skye, as he still calls her. Giyera mentions that Malick was a billionaire, and they have access to his fortune. Hive Ward suggests they spend it.

Thoughts: 
• In the comics, the members of the Secret Warriors were introduced in 2008, in Mighty Avengers #13, and they appeared as a team for the first time in Secret Invasion #3.

The initial membership was Nick Fury, Daisy Johnson, Yo-yo, Stonewall (the son of the Absorbing Man, who's appeared a couple of times on the show), Eden Mesi (a teleporter), Sebastian Druid (son of Marvel Comic character Doctor Druid) and Alexander Aaron (son of Ares, God Of War).

• Interesting to see two Spanish-speaking members on a superhero team. That's gotta be a first.

• Last week we found out that the name of the first Inhuman was "Alveus." This week we find out that's Latin for "hive."

I still think "Alveus" sounds like an allergy medicine.

• I very much enjoyed the interrogation scene between Coulson and Malick, which was a goldmine of great lines:

Malick: "Oh no, Mr. Coulson. It is a god. It’s just not ours.” 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------  

Malick:  “I believed that I could resurrect a god. But instead I freed the Devil.”

 --------------------------------------------------------------------------  

Coulson: "So I hunted down and murdered Grant Ward. Not to serve any good. Not to serve any belief. I wanted revenge. I wanted to feel him die."
Malick: That's the sin that gave your Devil new life. 

  --------------------------------------------------------------------------  

Coulson: "Tell me how to stop him."
Malick: "This god has outlived..."
Coulson: "I've met gods. Gods bleed."

 --------------------------------------------------------------------------  

Malick: I never saw my last rodeo being with S.H.I.E.L.D."

• During the interrogation, Malick says Coulson doesn't know what it's like to be brought up in faith. Coulson says, "We we're C and E Catholics."

OK, I admit I had no idea what that meant, and had to look it up. A "C and E Catholic" is one who only attends Mass on Christmas and Easter. I don't think that's a purely Catholic thing— I think all religions have their C and E members.

• I was definitely surprised by the reveal that Daisy was the infected Inhuman. My money was on Lincoln, especially after he revealed a ton of backstory last week, something which generally spells doom for a character.

Everything Old Is New Again

Last year when I reviewed Star Wars: The Force Awakens, my biggest complaint with it was that it was pretty much a remake of the original film, Star Wars: A New Hope. Virtually everything in The Force Awakens has an analogue in the Original Trilogy. There's even a third Death Star that needs blowed up!

I didn't just imagine that. In an interview earlier this week JJ Abrams actually admitted copying the original:

“The weird thing about that movie is that it had been so long since the last one. Obviously the prequels had existed in between and we wanted to, sort of, reclaim the story,” Abrams said. “So we very consciously—and I know it is derided for this—we very consciously tried to borrow familiar beats, so the rest of the movie could hang on something that we knew was Star Wars.”

Basically, they felt they wanted to give audiences a reminder of what made Star Wars great. Something simple and familiar. And then, Episodes VIII and IX could have the freedom to get weird.

“This movie was a bridge and a kind of reminder,” Abrams said. “The audience needed to be reminded what Star Wars is, but it needed to be established with something familiar, with a sense of where we are going to new lands, which is very much what 8 and 9 do.”

Yes, I can certainly see why Abrams needed to remind the public just what Star Wars is. Because lord knows, in the past thirty nine years there have been no animated TV series, comic books, novels, reference books, newspaper strips, magazines, video games, plush toys, action figures, board games, prop replicas, t-shirts, bedspreads, pillowcases, rugs, posters, art prints, pajamas, outerwear, hats, costume replicas, museum exhibits, shoes, jewelry, toasters, waffle makers, makeup, shampoo, soap, soup, dog toys, Lego sets, coffee, coffee creamer, tea infusers, bike helmets, lawn ornaments, Christmas decorations, Christmas tree ornaments, chopsticks, clocks, watches, towels, cake pans, cakes, key rings, phone cases, guitars, oven mitts, gloves, necklaces, belts, kites, toy cars, backpacks, cardboard cutouts, headphones, bandaids, skateboards, underwear, dishes, mugs, glasses, lunch boxes, furniture, toilet seats, purses, wallets, dog bowls, model kits, cereals, soups, candies, facial tissues, trading cards, DVDs, blu rays, CDs, and even theme parks based on the property.

Thank you, JJ Abrams, for reminding me that Star Wars exists. 

The Flash Season 2, Episode 18: Versus Zoom

Welcome to that wonderful time of the year in which serialized TV shows finally stop wasting time and gear up for their big season finales. Like this week's The Flash, for instance. After months and months of setup, this week we finally get the origin of Zoom, aka Jay Garrick, aka Hunter Zolomon.

It's a very convoluted origin, one that I haven't quite been able to sort out. Why it's almost like the writers came up with a bunch of cool story beats for Zoom, then had to figure out how to link them together in a reasonable manner!

This episode hammers us over the head with the similarities between Barry Allen and Hunter Zolomon, who both witnessed traumatic events in their childhoods. But because Barry had a familial support system to take him in he became a hero, while Zolomon had no one and became a crazed villain.

That's a very simplistic view of psychology there. I'm sure there are millions of people out there who had horrible childhoods and turned out just fine. Conversely there are millions  who would have been much better off away from their families. Just because this is a comic book show, that shouldn't excuse it for such frivolous pop psychology.

I have to say I'm not happy with this week's revelations regarding Jay Garrick, the Earth-2 Flash. Jay made his debut in 1940, was one of the first superheroes of Golden Age comics, and  a major part of DC's history. Turning him into a villain does a grave disservice to a heroic character, and undoes over seventy years of comic book history. It feels like a slap in the face to comic fans. It's like suddenly saying Superman is a serial killer and villain. Whoops! Sorry, bad example. DC already did that with Man Of Steel.

I'm hopeful that Zolomon didn't tell us his entire story here, and that the writers have a plan up their sleeves to redeem Jay. Maybe Iron Mask will turn out to be the real Jay Garrick somehow, and the real Earth-2 Flash will take his rightful place on the show.

SPOILERS!

The Plot:
We flash back to "many years ago" on Earth-2, where young Hunter Zolomon hears his parents, James and Ashley, arguing. James is an abusive psycho who's just come back from a war. He makes Hunter watch as he shoots his mother right in front of him. Hunter's then sent to an ominous-looking orphanage, his only possession his dad's metal, Flash-like army helmet.

In the present on Earth-1, Barry's trying out the tachyon enhancer he got from Eobard Thawne to increase his speed. He makes a test run and goes four times faster than normal (well, normal for him). He's confident he's now fast enough to defeat Zoom. The only problem is the STAR Labs Gang closed all the breaches to Earth-2. Barry asks Harry for help reopening one, but he refuses, saying it's too dangerous. Sounds like good advice to me!

That night Barry tells Joe about wanting to travel to Earth-2 to stop Zoom. Joe agrees with Wells that it's a terrible idea. Wally comes home to do his laundry, and drops a huge hint about how much his college room and board costs, which sails right over Joe's head.

Barry gets an idea— if Cisco can develop his Vibe powers to match those of his doppelganger Reverb, he can theoretically open a breach into Earth-2. Cisco tries, but only manages to open a small breach (don't worry, Cisco, it happens to all guys now and then). On Earth-2, Zoom senses the breach and runs to it. Cisco hears him, gets spooked and stops.

Harry visits Joe and asks if he's making any progress in finding his daughter Jesse. Joe says nope, but they'll eventually find her. Why are characters on TV shows always obsessed with finding people who don't want to be found? I'm lookin' at you, The Walking Dead. Joe tells Harry that he thinks opening a breach to Earth-2 is a bad idea as well, but knows Barry will never give up trying. He asks Harry to help Barry.

Later Barry tells Joe that Wally wants to move in. Joe excitedly fixes up a spare room for his son. Wally seems happy when he sees the room, and calls Joe "Dad" for the first time ever. If this was an ABC Family show, the audience would've all cooed, "Awwwwwwww!" during this scene.

Back at STAR Labs, Cisco says he's scared that developing his Vibe powers might "turn him to the dark side," like Darth Vader. Barry gives him a patented The CW Pep Talk, and Cisco agrees to try and open a breach again. Caitlin offhandedly mentions Hunter Zolomon, Jay Garrick's Earth-1 doppelganger (man, it's getting so you need a program to follow who's who and which Earth they're from on this show). Harry suddenly pipes up and says that Hunter Zolomon was a convicted serial killer on Earth-2. Apparently he never noticed that Zolomon and Jay Garrick look exactly alike, and is just now connecting the dots.

Cisco tries opening the breach again. He succeeds this time, and Zoom emerges. Zoom chases Barry through the city and is impressed that he's apparently increased his speed. The Flash lures Zoom back to STAR Labs, where life-sized cardboard cutouts of Hunter Zolomon's parents pop up, distracting him long enough for Barry to fasten a high-tech boot to his foot, trapping him.

Barry begins scolding Jay/Hunter/Zoom, telling him that he didn't need to lie to them— all he had to do was ask and they'd have done anything they could to help him. Zoom taunts Barry by telling him they're not that different. Barry could have easily become like Zoom after seeing his mother die. Zoom then vibrates the boot off his foot and zips away. Barry searches frantically for him, but he's gone.

Back at the West house, Joe discovers Wally's missing. There's a note burned into the wall of his room that reads, "Your speed for Wally." Zoom's kidnapped Wally!

Over on Earth-2 we see Wally's now in Zoom's dungeon. Iron Mask tries to communicate with him by tapping on his cage, but Zoom appears and tells him to knock it off. He tells Wally the only person who can save him now is the Flash. This confuses Wally, since as far as he knows, he's never met the Flash before.

Barry tells Joe he's going to give Zoom what he wants to save Wally. He goes to STAR Labs, where Cisco vibes and tells Zoom that Barry's agreed to the deal. Zoom appears inside STAR Labs, which means he could invade Earth-1 anytime he wanted. Wha...?

Zoom hands over Wally. Caitlin asks Zoom how he managed to make it look like he killed Jay Garrick in front of them. He gives her a very contrived and convoluted explanation, saying the Jay he killed was a "time remnant from an abandoned timeline," which is another way of saying "A wizard did it." Barry asks who Iron Mask is, and Zoom expertly dodges the question by saying, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

Harry then sets up a speed force siphon for Barry, who for some reason is determined to hold up his end of the bargain. Barry gets on the treadmill and begins running, as his speed is drained. Harry hands the siphon to Zoom, who injects himself with it. He then starts killing the now powerless Barry, but Caitlin yells for him to stop. He then zips away with her, presumably back to Earth-2.

Thoughts:
• I'm betting it's no coincidence that there's a "versus" in this episode's title, considering DC's Dark Knight V Hopeman is still in theaters as of this writing.

• Something occurred to me this week— every episode of The Flash begins with a voiceover stating "My name is Barry Allen, and I am the fastest man alive."

Up until this episode that was a big fat lie. The Reverse Flash was faster than Barry. Zoom was a lot faster until now. Heck, Trajectory ran so fast the Speed Force disintegrated her! This week Barry's statement is finally, probably true.

• In the flashback to Hunter Zolomon's childhood, his parents are James and Ashley. In the comics, Ashley Zolomon is Hunter's wife, not his mother. Holy Oedipus!

• Note that the Earth-2 flashback takes place "Many Years Ago."

I'm assuming they did this instead of saying "Twenty Five Years Ago" in order to obfuscate just how old Hunter Zolomon is. Why they'd want to hide his age, I have no idea.

• When young Hunter Zoloman is taken to the orphanage, a stern looking nurse says "Follow me. And don't dawdle!" I see what you did there, The Flash writers.

• As Barry tests out the tachyon enhancer he got from the Reverse Flash, he runs so fast he seemingly generates a small wormhole, enters it and then exits a second or two later. When he arrives at STAR Labs, he says, "What... how long was I gone?"

Fans of CBS's Supergirl will understand what all that was about. In World's Finest, the Flash accidentally paid a visit to Supergirl on her parallel world. He's even wearing the tachyon enhancer in that episode when he first meets her, which is a nice bit of continuity and cross-network synergy (Oh god, did I just use the word "synergy?").

CBS owns The CW, so a crossover between the two series was inevitable. Actually I have no idea why Supergirl is on CBS in the first place. It would make much more sense for it to be on The CW.

• During the speed enhancement test, Barry says he can go even faster. Cisco excitedly urges him to do so. Is that a good idea? A few episodes ago in Trajectory, the supervillain of the same name augmented her speed and ran so fast she literally disintegrated. Shouldn't Cisco be worried that Barry could do the same?

• OK, I said Zoom's origin was convoluted, and I wasn't kidding. Here it is, as near as I can figure it:

Young Hunter Zolomon was traumatized when his father shot his mother right in front of him. He was then sent to an orphanage. After his release, he apparently became a serial killer, something which is rare on Earth-2, racking up twenty three confirmed murders. He was then sent to the St. Perez Mental Asylum For The Criminally Insane.

While there, Zolomon was subjected to horrific shock treatment "therapy." During one of his treatments, the Earth-2 Harrison Well's particle accelerator exploded. The dark matter from the particle accelerator combined with the electricity from the shock treatments, giving Zolomon super speed, and turning him into an "unstoppable monster."

Zolomon then used his powers to get a peek at Earth-1, and saw the Flash. He then became the Earth-2 Flash, aka Jay Garrick, to give people hope so he could "rip it away from them" as Zoom.

Is that it? Did I get it right? Zolomon began dressing up as both the Earth-2 Flash AND Zoom, as part of his insane plan? This show's starting to make my head hurt.

• I'm betting that the St. Perez Mental Asylum For The Criminally Insane was named after legendary comic book artist George Perez.

• Caitlin casually mentions there's no Earth-1 Jay Garrick, but there is a Hunter Zolomon. When Harry hears this he immediately recognizes the name. He then gives them a very detailed account of Zolomon's origin story, including his childhood, how he got his superpowers and how he became Zoom.

Um... why is Harry just NOW telling them all this? And how did Harry not realize that Jay Garrick and Hunter Zolomon are the same person? He even says that due to media coverage, Zolomon was instantly recognizable on Earth-2. Yes, Zolomon looked like a crazy homeless person with wild hair and a beard, but still... none of this is making any sense.

• Iris breaks her date with her boss Scott. She tells Caitlin that she cancel because dating your boss is a horrible idea, but because she's seen that she and Barry are married on Earth-2, and in the future on Earth-1.

So she's resigning herself to a life with Barry not because she loves him, but because she thinks it's her "destiny." Got it.

• Cisco's afraid to fully develop his Vibe powers, fearing he'll turn to the "dark side." He references Star Wars by saying, "It's like I'm Anakin Skywalker. I got the midi-chlorians. I've got the goods. The force is strong with me. That is something I can feel. But if I start opening breaches into other worlds, doing all this other crazy stuff Reverb was doing, then... what if this is how I become Vader?"

Cisco, Cisco, Cisco. A true Star Wars fan would never mention midi-chlorians. We all agreed it would be best to never speak of them again.

• Barry gets Zoom to follow him to STAR Labs in order to capture him. Once there, he uses cutouts of Zolomon's parents to distract Zoom long enough to capture him.

How the hell did the STAR Labs Gang— who live on Earth-1, mind you— manage to make high quality, professionally shot, full sized cardboard cutouts of Hunter Zolomon's parents, who lived on Earth-2?

• Why would Barry think that chaining Zoom to the floor with just one "boot" would be enough to hold him indefinitely? Especially when he knows Zoom can vibrate through anything?

• Zoom kidnaps Wally and throws him into his dungeon on Earth-2. Zoom says the only person who can save him now is the Flash. Wally's confused, saying the Flash doesn't even know him. Zoom says that the Flash "cares about someone who cares about you." It was very considerate of Zoom to phrase his sentence in that convoluted way to help preserve Barry's secret identity.

• Several weeks ago the STAR Labs Gang closed all the breaches to Earth-2. This was a Big Deal, as it trapped Zoom on Earth-2 and eliminated his threat forever. Then in this episode Zoom demonstrates he can still travel between Earths at will.

So... why hasn't he done so until now? Professional courtesy? Was he waiting for just the right moment?

• Caitlin asks Zoom how he managed to seemingly kill Jay Garrick in front of them, since they're the same person. Zoom says the Jay they saw die was an earlier version of him, plucked from an abandoned timeline. He says it wasn't easy to convince this younger self to let Zoom murder him "for the greater good." I would think not! Surely there was a better explanation for this.

• When Barry asks Zoom who's the Man In The Iron Mask, he says, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you." I don't know… at this point I'd believe anything, and be happy with any answer instead of all this coy crap.

A few weeks ago I predicted that Iron Mask would turn out to be the real Jay Garrick somehow. I'm still standing by that prediction, mostly because I hope there's still an actual heroic Jay over on Earth-2. One who's not just the alter ego of a psychotic villain.

• Barry agrees to Zoom's deal, and gives him his speed in exchange for Wally's life. Once they have Wally back, the rest of the characters tell Barry he doesn't have to go through with it, but he insists, saying he's a man of his word.

Why? Zoom's a psychotic serial killer and all around asshole. Why honor a bargain made with a madman? No one's going to care if he backs out of a deal with Zoom.

• As Harry slowly and deliberately prepared the Speed Force Extractor, I expected him to sabotage it somehow. Maybe rigging it so it would actually steal Zoom's speed and give it to Barry. But no.

• Harry got all the best lines this week.

When Joe asks Harry how to use the Zoom blaster, he says, "You aim it and then you pull the trigger."

As he hands the Speed Force Extractor to Zoom, he coldly says, "One day I'm going to knock that smug expression clean off your face."

Why Do They Call Them Comics: The Family Circus, Hi & Lois, Henry, Dennis The Menace

Sounds like TV and the media, with their unrealistic portrayals of beauty and masculinity, have already seeped into poor Jeffy's head. He's developed an unhealthy case of "negative body image" before he's even in kindergarten!

Over at the Flagston home, an apathetic and disinterested Hi and Lois passive-agressively argue over whose turn it is to provide basic care for their own flesh and blood. Meanwhile, poor Trixie wallows in her own filth.

I'm assuming Henry is one of those legacy strips that's been taken over by a new creative team. Especially since it debuted in 1932, when creator Carl Anderson was already sixty seven years old!

Take a look at Henry here. notice his lack of hair, odd facial structure and abnormally large forearms and calves. I've always had a sneaking suspicion that Henry was really one of Popeye's many secret love children. A girl in every port and all that.

Obviously Mr. Wilson isn't a regular viewer of AMC's The Walking Dead. If he was, there's no way in hell he'd ever close his eyes while Dennis stood nearby holding a baseball bat.

Who do you think came up with the idea to get Dennis out of the house on his mother's birthday? Dennis, or his father? His horny, sex-starved, "starting to regret ever having children" father.

It Came From The Cineplex: Criminal

Criminal was written by Douglas Cook and David Weisberg, and directed by Ariel Vromen.

Cook and Weisberg are (or I guess were) very sporadic writing partners, having penned The Rock in 1996 and Double Jeopardy in 1999. That appears to be the last year they wrote anything until now. Cook died in 2015, meaning Criminal was the last film he worked on. What a legacy!

Vromen is an Israeli filmmaker who previously directed a trio of films no one's ever heard of: Rx, Danika and The Iceman.

Criminal feels like a throwback to the sci-fi action films of the 80s and 90s. Think Total Recall and Universal Soldier and you'll have the right idea. It's the type of film Van Damme or Schwarzenegger would have made in their primes. In fact I could easily imagine Cook and Weisberg coming across the unproduced Criminal script in their file cabinet, dusting it off and updating it for the new millennium. 

Scratch the surface of this film and it's pretty much Robocop. The hero is a law enforcement agent who's tortured and brutally killed by a criminal. His mind is placed into another body— admittedly an organic one this time, instead of a robot. The hero's memories begin bubbling to the surface, and he remembers his family and former life. He even vows revenge on the man who killed him!

The idea of a procedure that raises the intelligence of a patient is also similar to the 1968 film Charly, which was based on the novel Flowers For Algernon by Daniel Keyes. It's the story of a intellectually disabled  baker who becomes a genius after an experimental procedure.

Ryan Reynolds stars in the film for a few minutes, and oddly enough this is the second movie he's made in the past two years that deals with memory transfer. In 2015's Self/less, Ben Kingsley plays a dying man whose memories are implanted into a healthy young man played by Ryan Reynolds.

Supposedly Criminal is a huge box office flop, grossing less than $6 million in its opening weekend. I'm not surprised. I go to the movies every weekend, and I never saw ANY marketing for the film before it opened. Not one single trailer or poster. In fact I didn't even know it existed until the day I saw it. C'mon, guys, I know marketing and advertising is expensive, but if you want people to see your movie, you've got to let them know it's out there.

SPOILERS!

The Plot:

A hacker who calls himself "The Dutchman" writes a wormhole program (whatever that is) that can override and activate the nuclear weapons of every country (riiiight). The Dutchman becomes spooked when anarchist Xavier Heimdahl wants the program for his own radical agenda. The Dutchman contacts the CIA, offering them the program in exchange for asylum and $10 million dollars.

CIA agent Bill Pope (played by Ryan Reynolds) stashes the Dutchman in a safe house in London. Pope's on his way to deliver the money to the Dutchman when he realizes he's being followed. He hides the money just before he's captured by Heimdahl's thugs. Heimdahl tortures Pope, demanding to know where he hid the Dutchman. Pope refuses to tell and Heimdahl kills him (allowing Ryan Reynolds to happily exit the movie so he can film Deadpool).

CIA supervisor Quaker Wells (played by Gary Oldman) is desperate to find the Dutchman before Heimdahl does. He contacts experimental neurologist Dr. Franks (played by a very miscast Tommy Lee Jones), who's working on a procedure that can transfer memories from one subject to another. Dr. Franks, who I'm sure wasn't named after "Frankenstein," knows the perfect recipient for Pope's memories—  a deadly, unstable criminal named Jericho Stewart (played by Kevin Costner).

Franks admits he's never performed the procedure on a human subject, but says Jericho is the perfect candidate, due to a childhood head injury that left him with an undeveloped frontal lobe. In other words, there's plenty of room for an extra mind inside Jericho's noggin. Franks performs the operation and implants Pope's memories into Jericho's head. Wells asks Jericho where Pope stashed the Dutchman, but he has no idea what he's talking about, meaning the experiment failed. Furious, Wells tells his agents to "dispose" of Jericho.

As the agents drive him away, Jericho figures out what's happening. He manages to kill his captors and fake his own death. Jericho then begins having flashes of Pope's memories, seeing a bag of money and a book by George Orwell. He makes his way to Pope's house and enters. Inside he finds Pope's wife Jillian (played by Gal Gadot) and ties her up. He experiences more of Pope's memory flashes, which prevents him from harming Jillian or her daughter Emma. He steals a few valuables and leaves.

Meanwhile the Dutchman gets tired of waiting on the CIA, so he contacts the Russian government to sell his program to them. Wells desperately wants to find him before that happens. Jericho tracks down Dr. Franks and asks him to help relieve the memory flashes. Franks realizes the operation was a success, as Pope's memories are beginning to dominate Jericho's mind. In fact Jericho is now much calmer and more rational, thanks to Pope's thoughts.

Wells discovers Jericho is still alive, and attempts to bring him in. Heimdahl sends his agent Elsa to capture him as well. Jericho doesn't trust either group and escapes by driving his car off a bridge. He injures his leg in the crash, and makes his way (undetected, mind you!) back to Pope's house. Jillian pulls a gun on him, and he manages to convince her that he has Pope's memories. After Emma befriends the "nice man," Jillian lets him stay the night. Jericho begins remembering "his" experiences with Jillian and Emma, and for the first time in his life feels actual human emotions.

The next morning Jericho remembers where Pope stashed the money— behind a George Orwell volume in the rare books collection of the University Of London, where Jillian works. He uses her credentials to enter the library and retrieve the money. He's then captured by Heimdahl, who somehow knew exactly where he'd be (there's a lot of that in this movie). Heimdahl threatens to kill Jillian and Emma unless he tells him where the Dutchman is hiding. Jericho manages to escape yet again.

Unfortunately Pope's memories are beginning to fade from Jericho's mind. Dr. Franks estimates they have less than forty eight hours before they disappear completely. He believes he can stabilize the memories (despite having never performed this operation on a human before), but only if Jericho allows him to operate again.

He finally remembers that he stashed the Dutchman in Jillian's office. He goes to get him, but is followed by Elsa. She takes the Dutchman's flash drive (which contains the wormhole program) and shoots him in the head. Jericho then brutally kills her with a lamp and retrieves the drive.

Jericho drives to the airfield where Heimdahl is holding Jillian and Emma, just as Wells and the rest of the CIA arrive. Wells pleads with Jericho to give him the flash drive, but he hands it over to Heimdahl in order to save his "wife" and "child." Heimdahl then flies off with the drive.

Wells sarcastically congratulates Jericho for dooming the world. Jericho tells him to relax— apparently while we weren't looking, he had the Dutchman reprogram the drive, so any missile launched will target the source. Sure enough, Heimdahl launches a couple of (nuclear?) missiles at strategic targets, but they zoom toward his plane instead, killing him.

The film ends with Jericho standing on the beach where Pope and Jillian spent their honeymoon. Apparently Dr. Franks operated on him again to try and stabilize Pope's memories in Jericho's head. Jillian cautiously approaches Jericho, unsure whether her husband's still in there or not. He gives her Pope's secret "I love you" sign, signifying the operation was a success. Apparently she's OK with the idea of hooking up with a stranger who has her late husband's memories. Wells offers Jericho a job with the CIA.

Thoughts:

• Who the hell named the characters in this film? We've got Jericho Stewart, Quaker Wells, Hagbardaka Heimdahl (!) and Pete Greensleeves. Those aren't names, they're a series of random words strung together.

Sometimes filmmakers will give a character an unusual moniker in order to avoid a lawsuit. If Hannibal Lecter had been called Joe Johnson, you can bet someone out there with that name would have taken offense and sued the studio for defamation of character. I think this film is safe from any such lawsuits. Unless Hagbardaka Heimdahl is a much more popular name than I'm aware of.

• This film has one of the most comic book-y cast I've seen in quite a while.

Ryan Reynolds has been in five comic book films— he played Hannibal King in Blade III, Deadpool in X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Hal Jordan in Green Lantern, Nick Walker in R.I.P.D., and most recently Deadpool again in Deadpool. Kevin Costner played the idiotic Pa Kent in the detestable Man Of Steel. Gary Oldman was Commissioner Gordon in Batman Begins, The Dark Knight and The Dark Knight Rises. Tommy Lee Jones was Agent K in all three Men In Black films, Two Face in Batman Forever and Col. Chester Phillips in Captain America: The First Avenger. Alice Eve was in Men In Black 3. And Gal Gadot was most recently Wonder Woman in Dark Knight V Hopeman.

It's like The Avengers of thought-transference movies! On the other hand, there've been so many comic book movies in the past ten years or so that any cast is likely to feature a few actors who've been in one.

• Back in the 1950s, radiation was the go-to plot device in sci-fi movies. A lizard the size of a skyscraper? Radiation did it. Giant ants terrorizing the desert? Blame radiation. 

These days stem cells have replaced radiation as the all-purpose "scientific" catalyst. In Criminal, Dr. Franks explains that he's stimulating the stem cells in Jericho's undeveloped frontal lobe so they'll accept Pope's memories. Ah, good ol' misunderstood stem cells. Is there anything they can't do?

• Quaker Wells must be the CIA's worst supervisor ever. Literally every decision he makes is the wrong one, as he blunders his way through the entire film, always one step behind Jericho. I have no idea how he manages to keep his job.

• Somehow I just don't see Tommy Lee Jones, with his world-weary attitude and hangdog expression, as a scientist specializing in theoretical neurology. A detective, sure. A cowboy, definitely. But a scientist? Not so much.

• Dr. Franks says he's never tested his memory transfer technique on humans, so everything that happens to Jericho is new ground. Yet late in the film Franks somehow knows that Pope's transferred memories will begin to fade after forty eight hours, AND if he can somehow stabilize them before that happens, they'll become permanent.

I have to ask— just how in the holy hell can he possibly know all that? I guess he might have observed something similar happen with a lab rat, but… it seems like he's making some awfully unscientific guesses here.

• We're told that Jericho is a dangerous and deadly sociopath "without the capacity to feel empathy or emotion." So of course it only makes sense to use him as a human storage bin for a dead CIA agent's classified memories. What, was Charles Manson unavailable? Why would anyone in their right mind (heh) think this was a good idea?

The film tries to smooth over this bump in the plot road by having Dr. Franks claim that Jericho suffered an injury to his frontal lobe that makes him the perfect candidate for the operation. According to Franks, only one person in ten million has this condition. Nice try, movie.

• I know a person surrenders most of their rights when they go to prison, but can the government really force them to undergo dangerous, experimental surgery against their will?

• When we first meet Jericho, he's locked in a prison cell, wearing a collar around his neck. The collar's attached to the ceiling by a thick chain. Oddly enough there doesn't seem to be much slack in the chain. In fact it looks like it's impossible for him to sit or lie down.

Yeah, he's a criminal, but surely they don't make him stand in the center of the room like that twenty four hours a day? Did they maybe just raise the chain during the CIA's visit, to limit his mobility?

• After Jericho escapes CIA custody, he begins experiencing Pope's memories. He immediately makes a beeline for Pope's house. Later when he's injured, he heads there again to treat his wounds. He waltzes in and out of the house in broad daylight, totally undetected.

This is completely unbelievable. The movie takes place in London, one of the most heavily surveilled countries there is. There's no way in hell the CIA wouldn't have Pope's house under major video surveillance. That's the FIRST place the CIA should have looked. 

• So about the ending— it's implied that Dr. Franks operated on Jericho and managed to stabilize Pope's memories. It's further implied that Jillian is now in love with this simulation of her late husband— and Jericho's in love with her.

Bill Pope is dead and gone, but his memories live on inside Jericho's head. Is Pope's soul in there as well? Has Jericho now become Pope? Is there any part of Jericho still left? Is a copy of Pope just as good as the original? These are all excellent questions. Too bad the writers have neither the talent, time or interest to explore them further.

Criminal feels like a sci-fi film from the 90s that's just now making its way into theaters. It has an unlikely premise, along with the usual action movie plot holes and illogic. There's some interesting ideas about memory, consciousness and the self somewhere in the movie, but unfortunately they're buried deep down under the half-baked action setpieces. Worst of all it lacks any kind of spark to elevate it above average. I give it a C+.

Legends Of Tomorrow Season 1, Episode 11: The Magnificent Eight

This week on Legends Of Tomorrow the cast gets to play Back To The Future III as they travel back in time to the Old West.

I was very much looking forward to this episode the minute I heard it would feature Jonah Hex. For some reason I've always liked the character, and hoped the show would do a better job with him than the dreadful 2010 movie of the same name. Fortunately this version of Hex was much better, and actor Jonathon Schaech did a pretty darned good job (even if it did seem like he was trying to out-gravel Heat Wave in the vocal department). In fact I wouldn't mind if Hex became a regular part of the Waverider crew next season. He's already aware of time travel, and it might be fun to have a Legend who's not from the same period as the others.

On the original Star Trek, whenever the crew travelled back in time they would do everything in their power to avoid changing history. Not Legends Of Tomorrow, baby! This series has completely dispensed with the notion of protecting the timeline, as every character consistently stomps all over history and grinds it right into the rug. Even worse, time travel "expert" Rip Hunter seemed powerless to stop them, offering only token objections to his team's history-altering actions.

Last week the Legends got into a moral argument over whether it was right to kill a child destined to become the next Hitler. They ended up letting him live and he grew up and killed millions of innocent people. This week Hunter thinks nothing of gunning down the leader of a gang that threatens a tiny western town. So letting a kid grow up to murder millions is just fine, but an outlaw who kills forty or fifty people must be stopped at all costs. Got it. 

Brandon Routh continues to impress me as Ray Palmer, aka the Atom. He gives the character a sense of decency and earnestness not unlike that of Superman. That's not really surprising as he played him in 2006's Superman Returns. It wasn't Routh's fault that the movie stunk on ice, as he was easily the best part of it. I thought he was a worthy successor to Christopher Reeve, and it's too bad he didn't get another shot at the character. Fortunately he's been given a second chance at playing a superhero here.

SPOILERS!

The Plot:
The Waverider travels to the Old West town of Salvation in 1871. According to Rip Hunter, Salvation is a "temporal blind spot," which will allow them to hide from the Hunters until they figure out what to do. Naturally the Legends don't want to stay put in the ship and pass up an opportunity to screw up the timeline. Against Hunter's objections, they venture out of the ship to explore the Old West.

Their first stop is a saloon, or course. Hawkgirl runs into an older woman who seems familiar to her. Professor Stein surprises everyone by playing poker with a few rough looking locals. He manages to piss them off by consistently winning. When one of the toughs pulls a gun, Captain Cold shoots him dead. A barroom brawl then breaks out (of course) between the Legends and the townsfolk. It's broken up by Jonah Hex, ex-Confederate soldier and cowboy.

Hex turns out to be much smarter than he looks, and figures out the Legends are time travelers. He surprises them further when he says he needs to talk to Hunter. The Legends take him back to the Waverider. There Hex greets Hunter, and says his old jacket looks good on him, implying the two are old friends. Hex tells Hunter that Cold killed a member of the Stillwater Gang and they'll be sure to take out their revenge on Salvation. Atom, who turns out to be quite the fan of Westerns, volunteers to stop the Stillwaters.

Meanwhile, Hawkgirl decides to ride off and find the mysterious woman she met in the saloon. White Canary goes along with her. Atom and Hex go to the jail, to discuss the Stillwater situation with the Sheriff. Inside they find he's abandoning his post, as he hands his badge to Atom (!). Eh, I'm sure something like that couldn't possibly change history, Atom! Stein returns to the saloon to get info on the Stillwater Gang. While there he sees a woman crying, and she tells him that her young son Bertie is dying. Stein goes with her to visit Bertie, who has consumption. Naturally Stein vows to help them, which again, couldn't possibly alter the timeline.

Jeb Stillwater and his gang enter Salvation. Atom tells them to leave, and when Jeb pulls his gun, Cold shoots it out of his hand. The Stillwaters leave, as the townspeople cheer. Again, more potential history changing there. Hex warns them that they Stillwaters will be back, and the Legends won't always be there to protect them. He tells  Hunter that Salvation could become another "Calvert." Curious, Stein looks up Calvert and finds it was a small town in Oklahoma. Hunter once stayed there after becoming a fan of the Old West. He protected the town for a while, but as soon as he left it was attacked by outlaws, and all the inhabitants were slaughtered. Pretty much the same situation as Salvation.

Stein throws temporal caution to the wind and has Gideon synthesize medicine for Bertie. He injects him with the drug, which seemingly cures him in minutes. Um... that's not how medicine works.

Hawkgirl and Canary find the mysterious woman's cabin. She's none too happy to see them, threatening them at gunpoint. Hawkgirl realizes that the woman is really a previous incarnation of... herself! Old Hawkgirl relents and tells Young Hawkgirl about herself. She says in this particular life she met Hawkman in 1830, but he was killed by Vandal Savage some time later. She says she tried to find love again, but could never get over Hawkman. She warns Young Hawkgirl to not even try hooking up with anyone else. Uh-oh! That doesn't bode well for her relationship with Atom.

Meanwhile Hex tells Atom he knows where the Stillwater Gang's camp is. Atom and his posse, which consists of Cold, Heat Wave, Jackson and Hex, ride into the camp and capture Jeb Stillwater. As they ride out, one of the Stillwater boys captures Jackson. Atom and the others are forced to leave him behind.

Back on the Waverider the Legends try to figure out how to get Jackson back without returning Jeb. Hex suggests a duel with Jeb. Amazingly Hunter volunteers. I guess he figures at this point the timeline is irreversibly hosed, and killing a guy a few decades earlier won't make any difference.

Hunter and Jeb Stillwater face off at high noon. Both men draw, but Hunter's a little quicker, and kills Jeb. Now leaderless, the Stillwater Gang slinks away. Just then the Hunters arrive. You know, those dreaded living weapons of the Time Masters. They fire on the Legends, who use their powers to attack and... completely destroy them in the space of about thirty seconds. That was easy! Before dying, one of the Hunters says the Time Masters are through dicking around, and are sending The Pilgrim after the Legends.

With the treat of the Hunters gone, the Legends can leave the temporal blind spot. Hunter says goodbye to Hex, while Bertie thanks Stein for saving his life. Stein discovers Bertie's real name is Herbert George Wells. Oy.

On the Waverider, Hunter warns the others about The Pilgrim, who specializes in going back in time and assassinating her targets when they're kids. We see her appear in 1990 and apparently kill a young Heat Wave...

Thoughts:
• The comic book version of Jonah Hex first appeared in DC's All-Star Western #10 in 1972. He was created by John Albano and Tony DeZuniga.

Hex was raised by Apaches and was eventually rescued by the American cavalry. When the Civil War broke out, he joined the Confederate army. Eventually he decided he didn't care for slavery, and surrendered to the North. The Northern Commander tried to get him to betray his Confederate comrades, but he refused. He escaped custody and tried to warn his friends, but the Northern Commander followed him and slaughtered Hex's former Confederate outfit.

Later he went back to his former Apache tribe, and was challenged to a tomahawk duel by a jealous rival. Hex was accused of cheating, and the Apache chief branded his face with the "mark of the demon" as punishment. After that he became a bounty hunter.

Even though Hex disagreed with the Confederate army's philosophy, he must have liked their uniforms, as he incorporated elements of them into his personal look.

Amazingly in the 1980s, Hex was briefly transported to a post apocalyptic future and became a Mad Max-style hero. Man, the coke must have been flowing freely during the Me Decade…

• In this episode we find out that Jonah Hex and Rip Hunter have a history (heh) together. Hunter's even wearing one of Hex's old coats! This probably also explains why Hunter's weapon of choice is a ray gun that looks for all the world like a six shooter. 

• Jonah Hex is always drawn with a trademark strip of skin stretched over his mouth, the result of an enemy maiming him.

Doesn't it seem like his injury would look about a hundred percent less horrific if he just snipped that hunk of skin in half and trimmed it back a bit?

• In the saloon, Professor Stein plays poker with a couple of rough looking cowpokes. He wins several hands, which surprises Cold. Stein explains that his father was a gambler and a hustler, and taught him a few tricks on how to win at cards. 

Note that he says all this at normal volume as he's sitting directly across from the increasingly angry and disgruntled cowboys. There's no possible way they can't hear his smug boasting. Does this seem like a good idea?

• Heat Wave must be the world's biggest lightweight when it comes to alcohol. In the saloon, Canary tells him she could drink him under the table any day. He growls, "Line 'em up." Naturally a fight breaks out in the saloon, and literally two minutes later (I counted!) we see him passed out on the bar, dead to the world. That was quick!

• Ugh. During the brawl a man's thrown over the bar, and we hear him utter the infamous Wilhelm Scream. As I've said before, it was a fun little Easter egg or in-joke the first 47,000 times it was used, but its expiration date ran out on it long, long ago. 

If Donald Trump promised to outlaw the Wilhelm Scream in movies and TV shows, he'd have my vote. That's how much I'm starting to hate the Wilhelm Scream.

• Suddenly in this episode ALL the Legends are expert marksmen. Even Jackson, who I have to imagine has never fired a pistol in his life, manages to shoot a gun out of the hand of one of the Stillwater gang. Impressive!

• Atom introduces himself to Salvation's Sheriff as "John Wayne." I'm betting this was a shoutout to Back To The Future III, in which Marty McFly adopts the name "Clint Eastwood."

• There's a business on Salvation's main street called Kubert's Barber Shop. That's no doubt a nod to legendary comic book artist Joe Kubert. He drew a series of covers for one of Hex's various comics.

• Stein meets a woman named Sarah Neal, whose son "Bertie" is bedridden with consumption, aka tuberculosis. This entire sequence is a goldmine of illogic, poor writing and historical inaccuracy.

First of all, Sarah tells Stein that the boy's doctors have given him only a day or two to live. Note that they discuss this just a few feet from Bertie's bed, while he lies listening to them. Once again, Stein's got a big mouth!

Stein refuses to let the boy die, and has Gideon synthesize streptomycin to cure his TB. He brushes aside Hunter's very legitimate concerns that he's polluting the timeline by curing a child with a medicine that's not from this era. 

Stein then injects Bertie with the drug. Literally a few minutes later the kid's out of bed and even eating! I don't know a lot about tuberculosis, but I'm betting it takes more than ten minutes to cure it.

At the end of the episode, Sarah and Bertie thank Stein again for his help. Bertie reveals his name is really Herbert George Wells. Yep, that H.G. Wells, author of The War Of The Worlds and many other early masterpieces of sci-fi literature. Wah-wahhhh.

It's supposed to be a cutesy scene, but as you might expect by now from this show, much of it is woefully inaccurate. H.G. Wells was born in England in 1866, which would make him only five years old when the episode takes place in 1871. His father, Joseph Wells, was a shopkeeper and profession cricket player, and struggled throughout his life to support his family. It's unlikely they would have been able to afford to send Bertie to the U.S. just because he "always wanted to see the American West." In fact there's no evidence that Wells ever visited America as a child, and he certainly never had TB.

They did get a couple things right though— Wells' mother was really named Sarah Neal, and she did call him Bertie. 

By the way, I'm not some Wells scholar— I found out all this info with about thirty seconds of googling.

• By the way, the subplot of Stein traveling back in time and interacting with a famous author is VERY similar to the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode Time's Arrow. In that episode Data's accidentally sent back to 1893 and meets Samuel Clemens, aka Mark Twain.

• The creators of this show really need to decide how they feel about altering the timeline and stick with it. All through this episode Rip Hunter grouses at the other Legends, warning them that their careless, history-changing actions will have dire consequences. He especially butts heads with Professor Stein, who refuses to let a young boy die when he has the power to save him.

But it turns out Stein was right. If he'd listened to Hunter and let history take its course, then H.G. Wells would never have grown up to write his influential novels, and the world would be a much different place.

Changing history's either good or bad, guys. Pick a side and go with it.

• 1870s Hawkgirl says that her version of Hawkman went by the name of "Hannibal Hawkes."

There was a Western hero in DC comics called Nighthawk, whose real name was Hannibal Hawkes. Supposedly Nighthawk was the reincarnation of Prince Khufu, aka Hawkman! 

Nighthawk had a female partner called Cinnamon, who was the reincarnation of Princess Shayera, aka Hawkgirl. 

On the left is the comic book version of Cinnamon. On the right is what I have to assume is supposed to be the TV series' version of the same character. Um... apparently life in the Old West is very hard on the human body.

The writers on this show many not know how to google Bill Gates or H.G. Wells, but by god they know their DC comic history!

• Welp, the Hunters sure turned out to be a huge fizzle! 

Last week Heat Wave ominously warned the Legends that the Time Masters were dispatching the Hunters, their most ruthless and unstoppable assassins, and the only sane thing to do was run.

This week they show up and the Legends kill all three of them in the space of sixty seconds! That was certainly anticlimactic!

It didn't help matters that the Hunters all looked like really bad cosplayers.

• Heat Wave says the Time Masters are through screwing around, and have activated the Omega Protocol. This means they're sending The Pilgrim after them, and she aims to kill them all in the past, before the became Legends.

At the end of the episode we see The Pilgrim sneak up behind a boy mesmerized by a house fire. So... did The Pilgrim just kill Heat Wave? How many times can this show almost kill him?

• As usual, Captain Cold wins the Line Of The Week Award.

In the saloon, one of the cowboys accuses Stein of cheating and pulls a gun on him. Luckily Cold shoots the cowboy dead first. Stein says, "You... killed him." Cold replies, "You're welcome!"