Sunday, July 8, 2012

Secret Super Villain Headquarters!

Every so often when I'm out and about I take a shortcut through a nondescript industrial park here in town. Amid the rows of nondescript shoebox-like buildings lining both sides of the street is this magnificent structure.

What could it be? When was it built, and for what purpose? Why is it seemingly empty? It looks like a product of the 1960s or perhaps even the 1970s, but who knows? It's been sitting there ever since I've lived here, which is a good fifteen years now.

In all that time I can't remember ever seeing any signs of life around it; no cars in the lot or lights inside. As near as I can tell it's been forsaken by the original owners.

The only conclusion I came come to is that it's some sort of abandoned super villain lair. Most likely it belonged to Doctor TötenTod (there's a lot of Germans around here), a genuine certified super villain and evil genius who held the city in thrall for a few hours way back in the Sixties. As everyone knows, the Doctor was defeated by Evansville's one and only superhero, Captain Cando (pronounced as the peppy "Can Do," not the sarcastic "Can Dough" as some wags have suggested).

Obviously Doctor TötenTod was captured and incarcerated before he could train his death ray on the city, leaving the lair to sit empty and idle? Who knows what kind of evil technology might be sitting inside, just waiting to be activated once again?

Was the building always a super villain hideout, or did it have an earlier purpose? I can't say, but the awning covered entrance located on the side looks a lot like that of a restaurant.

Maybe before it was an evil lair it was the city's premiere dining establishment. An elegant and posh restaurant for the cream of Evansville society, featuring a revolving dining room atop its lofty tower, offering discerning patrons a breathtaking view of the surrounding industrial park from a dizzying fifteen feet off the ground.

Whatever it is or was, I hope someone recognizes and appreciates its bold and unique architectural lines and turns it into something soon. As you can see it's beginning to fall into disrepair. I'd hate to see it collapse or worse yet, be torn down to make way for yet another cracker box of an office building.

So c'mon, millionaire investors! Don't let this unique piece of architecture fall by the wayside! Buy it and turn it into something. Who wouldn't want to work in a cool place like this every day?

Or if there are any super villains of the comic book or Bond-ian type, here you go: a genuine secret headquarters with personality and style! It's got an unobstructed 360 degree view of the city, perfect for spotting approaching super heroes flying through the sky. The spacious rooftop features plenty of room to install your death ray apparatus. Plus there's ample parking for your minions' convenience!

Save the Secret Super Villain Headquarters before it's too late!

1 comment:

  1. Hmm...address on door reads "999." Could it be that the former owner's henchman is a bumbling fool and installed it upside down?


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