Monday, May 23, 2016

This Is Why Al-Qaeda Hates America: Frosty Paws

You know how when you watch the news and see a story about al-Qaeda and they're always out in the streets chanting, "Death to America?" Did you ever wonder, "Gosh, what's their problem? Why do they hate us so much?"

It's because of things like this.

I saw this this past weekend in my local grocery store. Introducing Frosty Paws, the frozen treat for dogs! Frosty Paws are sugar-free and each cup comes packed with high-quality protein. It comes in Original Vanilla Flavor as well as Peanut Butter.

Look, I love dogs as much as the next guy. Maybe even more. If I could have my way, I'd have a whole house full of dogs. I'd rather spend time with dogs than most people I know.

That said… do we really need an ice cream treat formulated specifically for our canine friends? These are dogs we're talking about, after all. You know, the animals who live with us and drink out of the toilet and eat their own vomit and poo?

I feel kind of embarrassed when I think about all the starvation and malnutrition in the world, and we're making ice cream for dogs.

Plus, America's currently the 9th fattest country in the world. Do we have to give our dogs diabetes as well? 

One last thing. In my local supermarket, Frosty Paws are sold in the dairy case, right next to the ice cream sandwiches and sherbets for people. I have to wonder how many people out there saw these, thought the dog on the box was a regular old cartoon mascot, bought Frosty Paws for themselves and ate the entire box while binge-watching Orange Is The New Black?

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