Monday, February 27, 2017

And The Oscar™ Goes To...

Did you catch the 89th Academy Awards show last night? You know I was parked in front of my set watching for the entire seven hour broadcast! Yep, every year around this time I catch me a bad case of Oscar Fever!

As always, the Oscars were filled with enough pageantry and spectacle to entertain even the most jaded viewer.

Of course the highlight of the evening was the announcement that the 1988 film Hell Comes To Frogtown won the 2017 Oscar™ for Best Picture! Congratulations! The late Roddy Piper would be proud!

The win stunned the audience, particularly since it wasn't listed among the nine Best Picture nominees. The twenty nine year old film tells the heartwarming story of Sam Hell, the last fertile human male living in a post apocalyptic wasteland populated by mutated, intelligent humanoid frogs. Hell is captured by a group of warrior nurses who have to transport him across a dangerous desert to a human outpost, where he'll help repopulate the species.

Veteran actors Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty presented the Best Picture Oscar™ before the puzzled, murmuring audience in attendance. Sandahl Bergman (who played Spangle in the film) and Julius LeFlore (who played the villainous frog-man Squidlips), the last surviving members of the cast of Hell Comes To Frogtown, made their way to the podium and accepted the Award.

Said Bergman, "I'd like to accept this award on behalf of the remaining cast and crew of Hell Comes To Frogtown, and I know that if Roddy hadn't died in 2015, he'd be proud to see the film finally get its due after twenty nine long years. #notmypresident!"

Although the film's win was a complete surprise to oddsmakers, it wasn't as big an upset as the award for Best Supporting Actress, which went to Hymen Goldblatt, a chiropractor from Schenectady, NY.

Seriously, Academy Award producers! You had one goddamned job. Best Picture is the most important part of the whole ferkakte show, and the reason everyone tunes in. Is it really that hard to hand someone an envelope a movie title in it?

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