Saturday, March 18, 2017

Ha Ha Ha HELL No!

This week Universal Studios announced they're making a new CGI animated film starring everyone's favorite psychotic cartoon character, Woody Woodpecker.

The film appears to be a mix of live action and CGI. Oddly enough it's being made for Brazilian audiences, and according to Hollywood insiders, is unlikely to premiere in the U.S.

I have no doubt this will be a quality production. It's being directed by Alex Zamm, who's last theatrical. feature was the 1998 Carrot Top vehicle Chairman Of The Board (!). How can it miss with a visionary like that at the helm?

I was going to comment on the timeliness of this film, as kids today all just love Woody, who's first cartoon premiered back in freakin' 1940!!! I doubt one kid in ten thousand has even heard of the character!

But then it occurred to me that studios have had great success with CGI versions of vintage properties the past few years, such as The Smurfs, Alvin And The Chipmunks, Yogi Bear and Mr. Peabody and Sherman. Unfamiliarity with the characters doesn't seem to hinder box office success when it comes to kids' movies.

Lastly, get a load of this closeup look at the CGI Woody! Dear god... kill it with FIRE! What the hell is up with that mottled texture on his beak? Does part of the film's plot involve Woody spreading some sort of bird flu among the Brazilian populace? 

This is a perfect example of why some characters should NOT be rendered in realistic three dimensions!

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