Saturday, August 25, 2018

It's Official— We're A Nation Of Pussies!

This week New Line Cinema studio caused an uproar with a teaser trailer to its upcoming new horror film The Nun. The prequel tells the origin of Valak, the demonic nun from The Conjuring 2.

The trailer's similar to those internet videos that were all the rage ten or fifteen years ago. You remember how they worked someone would send you what appeared to be a funny dog or cat video, and while you were watching, suddenly a scary face would appear on the screen and shriek.

This new The Nun trailer which is all of seven seconds long is similar to those earlier ones.

It starts out with a black screen, and what appears to be a volume control being adjusted for some reason (?).

Then at the six second mark, this screaming face of the titular Nun pops up. That's it! That's all there is to it!

Apparently this horrific abomination is the most terrifying thing modern YouTubers have ever seen, and has caused many a pair of pants to be soiled.

Here's just a sampling of their complaints about the trailer:

Jesus wept.

These dainty pantywaists were so distressed and traumatized by the trailer they began voicing their outrage to YouTube. They agreed that it was too scary (!!!) and pulled the trailer.

So it's come to this. We've somehow become a society of milksops who're so delicate and fragile that we can't handle someone popping up and shouting, "BOO!" 

If these pantywaists can't handle a simple little YouTube video, they're really gonna crumple into a ball when their boss yells at them for screwing up a report or missing a deadline.

The Pussification of America is now complete. Well done, Helicopter Parents!

Any day I fully expect to see a mother lose custody of her child for buying them a Jack-In-The Box, a husband arrested for putting on a mask and scaring his wife and an uncle fined for asking his nephew to pull his finger.

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