The Flash Season 9, Episode 5: The Mask Of The Red Death, Part 2

This week on The Flash, we get the wrap up to the incredibly uneven and underwhelming Red Death Saga.

Wait, what? Already? The thing just started! Heck, Red Death just revealed her true identity and infodumped her back story last week! And now it's all over? What the hell?

In the past I've complained about the fact that the series gives us way too many filler episodes, in order to drag out the storylines longer than necessary. That's why I can't believe I'm saying this, but this entire story arc was way too short! It felt rushed, like they compressed ten episodes into a measly five, resulting in some extremely choppy storytelling. The story barreled along with no room for scenes to breathe or even register with the audience.

I cannot overstate just how rushed this arc felt— as if the producers couldn't wait to be done with it and move on.

As with most story arcs we've gotten in the past two or three seasons, this one started out fairly promisingly, but quickly devolved into an incoherent mess. Such is the nature of The Flash these days.

It didn't help that Red Death was a terrible, terrible choice for a Big Bad. In the comics, Red Death was really the Batman of Earth-52, who went a little nutty for reasons and stole the Flash's speed to wipe out ALL crime on his Earth.

That's a problem, as there's no real Batman in the Arrowverse. They couldn't just suddenly add a Batman, as he'd have no prior relationship with Barry— something the comic version had. So the producers created an alternate timeline Batwoman and plugged her into the part of Red Death. 

That didn't make any sense either, as this ersatz Batwoman had no connection to our Flash either, making the audience wonder why she had such a beef with him and wanted to destroy him.

So why bother using Red Death at all then? Why not pick one of the thousand other villains in the DC Universe to use as the Big Bad here? 

It didn't help that Red Death's motivation changed multiple times over the course of the arc, often within the same episode. iIn fact I'm still not entirely clear on just what she was trying to accomplish.

I don't think the writers quite understood the character they cobbled together either. Last week she told Iris she was from an alternate timeline, one that's apparently existed for decades. That's usually not how such things work, and it felt more like she's from another Earth in the Multiverse— which isn't supposed to exist anymore.

The rushed storyline also resulted in a ton of sloppy writing this week. For example, the REAL Batwoman shows up just in the nick of time in the third act, with absolutely zero explanation as to where she's been. Not even a quick, simple line of clarifying dialogue! There's also no mention of what happened to Red Death's Bad Rogues, who seem to have just sneaked offscreen while no one was looking and are still out there somewhere. Sloppy!

Worst of all though is the way the whole Red Death storyline was wrapped up. For weeks now the show's been building her up as this deadly, marrow-freezing ultimate threat. And then in this episode she's knocked out with one punch. Literally! It's the most underwhelming and unsatisfactory ending I've ever seen. 

Lastly, there's the jaw-droppingly appalling way the writers resolved the Joe & Cecile storyline. For the past month now, the two have been trying to decide whether to leave Central City or stay. 

Incredibly, this episode solves their dilemma by having Joe & Jenna move away, while Cecile stays behind and visits them on the weekend. And Cecile happily goes along with this plan!

Seriously? We'll talk about this more in depth below, but Jesus Jetskiing Christ, what moron on the writing staff thought it'd be a good idea to have assassinate Cecile's character by having her gladly move away from her family for the most narcissistic reason possible?

It's honestly one of the most appalling storylines I've ever seen on a TV show. 

On the barely perceptible plus side, Gorilla Grodd makes a brief appearance this week, so that was good. 

Anyway, on with the complaining.

SPOILERS!

The Plot:
The red lightning continues striking all over Central City, causing damage and chaos the series' budget can't afford to show us.

At CCPD, Kramer enters her office and sees Murmur sitting at her desk like a January 6th rioter. The evil Rogue holds up Kramer's Flash signal device and shows it to her for some reason (?). Just then a red blur speeds through the station, knocking out (or maybe killing, I dunno?) all the officers.

Kramer sees Red Death, Boomerang 2.0, The Fiddler and Rainbow Raider standing in the middle of the station with some sort of hardware. Red Death orders Boomerang 2.0 and Murmur to take the tech to the roof and let her know when it's ready.

Kramer then dusts off her powers and mimics Rainbow Raider's emotion-controlling abilities, causing him and The Fiddler to experience intense terror. Red Death is affected as well, but throws off her fear and slaps meta dampening cuffs on Kramer. Red Death hisses to Kramer that she's going to show her what true justice looks like. 

At STAR Labs, Team Flash is upset that they were forced to leave Chillblaine behind when they escaped from Red Death's lair last week. Jaco says now that they've destroyed Red Death's Cosmic Treadmill, she'll be coming for them. Barry, who still hasn't recovered his speed, says they need to be ready for her. Goldface points out they don't even know how to find her, and Barry says he knows someone who can.

Hard cut to Cecile lying on a table in the Lab, hooked up to some technobabble device. Joe's there with her for some reason— emotional support, maybe? Chester uses the device to boost Cecile's telepathy, and tells her to scan the city for intense hatred— the kind generated by Red Death.

Cecile quickly locates her at CCPD, but then also senses someone else. She begins hyperventilating and gasps that Chillblaine's still alive at Red Death's warehouse.

Barry tries to talk the Good Rogues into rescuing Chillblaine, but they refuse, pointing out that he betrayed them all. Khione pipes up and says she'll go with Barry, even though she doesn't have any powers. This shames the Rogues into helping Barry after all.

At CCPD, Boomerang 2.0 and Murmur set up an antenna to hack into the station's satellite. Kramer says Red Death will never get through their firewall, but she types on a laptop at superspeed and instantly punches through. Red Death tells Kramer she should be thanking her, as she'll eliminate all crime be being judge, jury and executioner.

Red Death then somehow creates hundreds of clones of her armor that she controls remotely, in order to police the city. These Sentinels march around ordering people to stay in their homes.

Chester scans the Sentinels and says they're psychic energy manifestations that are somehow created by Red Death. He says she must be getting a major boost in her powers to control them all, and starts scanning for a source. Khione wants to go with Barry to rescue Chillblaine, but he forbids it, saying he doesn't want to lose her like Caitlin and Frost.

Allegra and Goldface teleport to Red Death's warehouse for some reason— I guess to stand watch outside it? Meanwhile, Barry, Hartley and Jaco teleport inside the place. They find Chillblaine alive, chained up and completely unguarded. Just as Jaco says the whole thing feels like a trap, Red Death zooms in and knocks everyone out— except for Barry. She steals the last of his speed, leaving him helpless.

Red Death begins monologuing to Barry, saying her Sentinels will allow her to eliminate all crime everywhere. He tells her he'll find a way to stop her, but she says he's already made it possible for her to succeed. She shows him a vision of Grodd, standing alone in a forest. She says Barry promised to help Grodd find his fellow sentient apes, but then abandoned him after the Crisis. She then came along and offered to help him in exchange for amplifying her psychic powers.

Barry snaps out of the vision and sees Red Death's gone. So why didn't she kill him and the Good Rogues while they were out? Good question!

Cut to STAR Labs sometime later, where we see Chillblaine lying in a coma in the Med Lab. Barry tells Team Flash that everything so far was all part of Red Death's plan— she planted the vision of Chillblaine's location in Cecile's mind, knowing it would lure them to the warehouse, where she could... taunt him, I guess.

The Good Rogues tell Barry it's all over, as Red Death's won. They decide to leave and spend what little time they have left with their loved ones.

Khione tells Iris she feels useless, as she doesn't have any powers. Iris gives her a Patented The CW Pep Talk®, telling her she has a purpose but just needs to find it. Khione wanders into the Med Lab and tells Chillblaine she wishes he'd wake up. She kisses him, and a puff of superchilled air is shared between them as he finally comes to.

Barry stares out the window at the red lightning, also feeling useless. Joe enters and gives him an epic Patented The CW Pep Talk®, saying he's always had the gift to bring out the good in everyone. He then tells Barry he & Cecile are thinking about leaving Central City, and Barry gives him a Patented The CW Pep Talk® as well, telling him his "power" is to inspire others. Jaysis. Somehow Barry's own words make him realize what he needs to do.

Chester scans for Grodd and finds him in the Serengeti. Barry teleports there to talk with the massive telepathic ape. Grodd rages at Barry for abandoning him, and says Red Death's the only one who can help him locate his tribe. Barry tells Grodd that once he's served Red Death's purpose, she'll turn on him. He gives Grodd a Patented The CW Pep Talk®, saying he's a hero deep down inside and asks him to help save the world.

Back in Central City, chaos erupts as looters roam the streets. The Sentinels encounter a looter and straight up fry him with their eye beams. At STAR, Chester monitors the situation and sees the Sentinels have spread all over the world.

Suddenly Chester detects a surge of psychic and Speed Force energy coming from the Serengeti. It spreads around the world, wiping out the Sentinels. Red Death's at CCPD, where the psychic blast causes her to double over in pain. Kramer sees that as her cue to nope out of there, and escapes through an air vent (?).

Red Death recovers, and realizes her psychic boost from Grodd is gone. She screams in anger, blaming Barry for foiling her plans again. She zooms to the center of town and shrieks for Barry to face her.

Barry appears, causing Red Death to ask how he got his speed back. He explains that three years ago he gave a spark of his speed to Grodd for some complicated plot reason, and the giant ape gifted it back to him.

Barry & Red Death then have an epic battle as they zoom through Central City, hurling Speed Force energy at one another. She manages to hit Barry with a blast, stunning him.

The Good Rogues then appear and attack Red Death with their various powers. She manages to take them out yet again with her speed. She's about to deliver the killing blow to the incapacitated Barry, when a Batarang flies out of nowhere and stabs her in the chest, shorting out her armor and apparently nullifying her speed (?).

Batwoman then appears and tells her evil doppelganger to knock it off. The two then kick and punch each other for a while, trading quips. 

Red Death pauses to taunt Batwoman, but Barry swoops in and strips her of her armor at superspeed. Batwoman then knocks her out with one punch. Well that was anticlimactic!

Back at STAR, the REAL Ryan Wilder, aka Batwoman, schmoozes with Team Flash. They thank her for her timely help, and Barry tells her that the evil Ryan is now in ARGUS custody.

In the Lounge, Joe tells Cecile he has an idea. He says he still wants to get out of Central City and give Jenna a normal childhood. But he knows that the city needs Cecile and her powers to protect it. So he comes up with a solution— he and Jenna will move, while Cecile stays. He says Cecile can do all her superheroing from Monday through Friday, and then spend the weekends with him and Jenna.

Amazingly Cecile goes for his plan. What the hell?

Two weeks later, Cecile invites Team Flash (and Chillblaine) to a going away party for Joe. He gives a heartfelt speech about how they're all family right before deserting them. Chester and Allegra finally kiss, ending their interminable Will They/Won't They/Who Cares drama. Chillblaine says he feels out of place, but Barry tells him he's part of the team now.

Suddenly Iris almost faints and says she feels funny. Khione calmly says it's probably because she's pregnant, much to Barry & Iris' surprise.

Thoughts:

• Last week Red Death's Cosmic Treadmill turned the skies AND the lightning over Central City red. In this episode it's suddenly just the lightning that's crimson. Why the difference? Good question!

Once again, this whole "Red Skies Over The City" thing would have been the perfect opportunity to finally address Barry's long-prophesied disappearance. I'm assuming the writers have abandoned that storyline now, since it was kind of resolved in the Crisis.

• At CCPD, Kramer enters her office and sees Murmur in her chair, sans the creepy mask. 

Was there any good reason for her to expose her face this week? No? I didn't think so.

I was a little surprised to see that Michelle Amar, aka Murmur, looks like she's fifty years old here— if not older! I figured she was much younger than that. The old gal's pretty spry for her age!

In real life, Alexandria Wailes (who plays Murmur) is forty seven, and doesn't look anywhere near as old as her character. So what was the point of making her up like a senior citizen?

Also, last week I pointed out that Murmur used sign language to "speak," since her lips are sewn shut. But I noticed her fellow Bad Rogues were signing to her as well, making me wonder if she was supposed to be a deaf-mute.

Welp, looks like the answer is yes! Alexandria Wailes is actually deaf, and since actors can only play what they are these days, that means Murmur is too!

Lastly, as I mentioned a couple weeks back, how the hell does Murmur eat with her lips sewn shut? I guess maybe there's just enough room to stick a straw or a Slim Jim through.

• Red Death and her band of Rogues infiltrate CCPD, where they incapacitate everyone but Kramer. While Red Death's blathering about something, she scans them and mimics Rainbow Raider's powers, making them all feel overwhelming terror.

Wow, it's been so long since Kramer used her powers that I'd completely forgotten she's a meta mimic! Maybe she should have absorbed The Fiddler's sonic power instead, and knocked out everyone with a sound blast.

• At CCPD, there's a brief exchange between Rainbow Raider and The Fiddler:

The Fiddler: "Nobody gets in or out... alive."
Rainbow Raider: "Now you're playing my tune."

Comedy Ahoy!

• For the past few seasons, showrunner Eric Wallace has been determined to make Iris a major part of Team Flash— one who's every bit as important as Barry himself.

As proof, note this not-so-subtle shot here, in whch her outfit is the same shade of red as Barry's costume. Heck, the boob window in her top even simulates his Flash symbol!

• Goldface wins the Nicknamer Of The Episode Award. This week he refers to Allegra as "Lite-Brite," Chillblaine as "Chill-lame" and also as "Six Pack Blondie."

• At CCPD, Red Death attempts to hack into the station's satellite. A couple things here:

Do most police stations have their own private satellite that they launched into orbit? Pretty sure I know the answer to that one.

Second, Red Death tries gaining control of the satellite by tapping away at Kramer's laptop at superspeed (as evidenced by her blurred hands above). I guess maybe she's trying every possible password combination in a few seconds? Yeah, that's not gonna work. 

Computer processors have a clock speed, which determines how fast they can perform tasks. Typing 100,000 words a minute isn't going to make the computer work any faster— it's just gonna make it crash.

• Red Death then creates hundreds of copies of herself (called Sentinels) to patrol the city. Just like Mirror Master/Mistress/Monarch did with her mirror clones in Season 7, and Godspeed with his duplicates in Season 8. That Eric Wallace sure does love his armies of identical villains! And hey, why not? If a plot device works once, why not use it a dozen more times?

By the way, the part of the building the Sentinels are guarding here is played by the Vancouver Art Gallery, in... well, you know where.

Also, that group shot of the Sentinels on the steps reminds me of this one from the 1968 Doctor Who episode The Invasion, in which the Cybermen struck a similar pose.

• Last week Red Death told Iris that she planned to eliminate all crime in her timeline by killing criminals before they broke the law. At the time I wondered just how she intended to do that. Was she a telepath in addition to being a speedster?

Welp, this week we find out she is! In fact she has quite an array of psychic powers! I guess being a bat-themed speedster wasn't enough for her?

At one point Barry & Chester discuss Red Death's Sentinels, and where she got 'em:

Chester: "It looks like they're reservoirs of psychic energy. It's like they're individual manifestations of a single telepathic consciousness."
Barry: "Red Death's getting stronger. But how's she doing this?"
Chester: "Beats me, but in order to create these mental projections, She's gotta be getting a neural boost from some mega powerful psychic source."

So the Sentinels aren't actually real, but psychic projections of Red Death's mind or something. But where's she getting these new powers? From Gorilla Grodd, the telepathic gorilla who clashed with Barry numerous times over the years. As Red Death explains:

Barry: "Ryan, what have you done to him?

Red Death: "Nothing. Like I said, this is your doing, Flash. After your Crisis, the gorillas in Gorilla City lost their sentience and were scattered across your lawless world. Grodd never found his tribe because you left him with little more than a pat on the back, arrogantly thinking that teaching him your hero's way was enough. It wasn't."
Barry: "I didn't know."
Red Death: "Because you didn't care. Which is why your Grodd took my offer to help reunite his tribe in exchange for amplifying my telepathy. All because your lessons of heroism failed him."

This retroactively explains her comment last week about preemptively stopping criminals before they can break the law.

By the way, what the hell was up with actress Javicia Leslie in her Grodd dialogue? She straight up mispronounced at least three words in this little speech. She said "tella-PATHy" instead of "tah-LEPP-athy," "heeero-ism" instead of "hair-o-ism" and "felled" instead of "failed." Meh, she just flubbed an entire page of the script. No need for a retake.

• Barry falls for Red Death's trap, which used Chillblaine as bait. She then captures him and starts monologuing about her Sentinels. Barry dismisses them, saying:

Barry: "They're just psychic manifestations. They can't hurt anyone."
Red Death: "Oh, Flash. When Bashir put Savitar in your mind to stab you in the chest, did that hurt?"

She's talking about Bashir Malik (aka the Still Force), and an incident that happened in Season 7's Fear Me. But... how does Red Death know about that? Did the Four Forces Saga happen in her timeline as well? Or did she use her newfound psychic powers to read Barry's mind?

• All through this episode, whenever Red Death uses her telepathy, we hear the "Cecile's Empathic Powers" sound effect. So I guess that sound is for ANYONE using psychic abilities, and not just Cecile?

• Has that big gap between Barry's cowl and his cheek always been there? If so, I never noticed it before, and it's really bugging me.

• OK, so Red Death used Chillblaine to lure Barry, Hartley & Jaco to her warehouse lair. She knocks out the Good Rogues, then steals Barry's speed and taunts him for a bit, explaining her master plan.

And then we hard cut back to STAR Labs, where Barry & the others are all safe & sound. Wait, what? Did we skip a reel or something?

Why the hell did Red Death let everyone go? She even said Barry had served his purpose in her plan, and was no more use to her. So why didn't she kill him and the others when she had the chance, and make sure they didn't cause any more problems for her? Nothing about this makes any sense.

• The god rays we've been seeing all season return again this week. The cinematographer must really be pumping the sets full of smoke to get the lights to show up like that.

• A couple weeks ago in Hear No Evil, Goldface explained he got out of prison by turning state's evidence against the love of his life, Amunet Black. This week when it looks like Red Death's about to conquer the world, he says, "Guess I'll go to Iron Heights, apologize to Amunet. Maybe she'll forgive me before we all die."

Yeah, what are the odds she's gonna forgive the guy responsible for her being in prison right now?

• After he's rescued, Chillblaine lies in the Medbay in a coma. Khione waltzes in and manages to wake him with a kiss.

For some reason there's a puff of what appears to be super chilled air that appears between the two after she kisses him. It's unclear though if it came from her or him. He'd be the obvious candidate, since he has cold powers, but who knows in this episode? 

Does Khione unknowingly have some kind of life-giving powers?

• Barry stares out the window at all the carnage outside, which the episode can't afford to show us. Joe walks in and gives him an epic Patented The CW Pep Talk®, telling Barry he always brings out the best in people or some such hooey. It then becomes a mutual admiration society, as Barry gives Joe a Patented The CW Pep Talk® of his own, saying his "superpower" is inspiring others.

I gotta say, I will NOT miss these endless maudlin scenes once the show's over.

• During all the chaos caused by the red lightning, we see this hapless looter stealing a TV,

Note the brand name here. According to Google Translate, "Mejenste" is Spanish for "better."

One of the Sentinels appears and fries the guy with its eye beams. Pretty harsh punishment for stealing a lousy TV!

As near as I can tell, this is the one and only fatality caused by Red Death in this entire arc! And it's not even really her doing the killing here! Some villain!

• Last week Red Death forced Barry to power her Cosmic Treadmill, and he ended up running so hard he exhausted all his speed. Amazingly his speed still hasn't regenerated itself in this episode!

I could be totally off base here, but I don't remember that ever happening before on the show. He's exerted himself much harder and longer in the past, and never completely lost his speed before. So why's it happening now? Because the script needs it to happen, that's why.

• Barry goes to see the real Grodd (not one in his mind this time), and gives him a Patented The CW Pep Talk®, telling him to be the hero he knows he can be. Grodd eventually agrees to stop boosting Red Death's psychic powers.

I gotta say, Grodd was looking pretty good in this episode— especially for a TV budget. It's probably telling that I'd much rather we'd have gotten an episode in which a telepathic ape was the Big Bad instead of Red Death.

• Back at STAR, Chester and the others gaze at a display showing that Red Death's Sentinels have spread all across the world. 

It might have been nice to actually see a couple shots of Sentinels in Paris or Beijing, rather than just hearing about them. I guess they blew all their money on Grodd's CGI, and didn't have anything left for any establishing shots.

• Wow, Kramer's definitely the Fastest Captain In Central City! When Grodd cuts off his psychic boost to Red Death, she doubles over in pain. Kramer sees this, and in the space of two tenths of a second she somehow leaps across the room, pulls the grate off a heating duct and dives into it to escape. Impressive!

Did she mimic Red Death's speed here in order to accomplish all that?

• Red Death then zooms into a Central City plaza, where demands the Flash show himself.

The part of the plaza's played by the Vancouver Public Library— which looks a lot like the Parthenon in Rome!

• Red Death sees Barry somehow has his mojo, er, I mean speed back, and demands to know how. He explains that years ago he gifted Grodd with a spark of Speed Force energy for reasons, and the giant ape's now given it back to him.

This little revelation goes by so fast that it's easy to miss the fact that it opens up a HUGE can of worms. From this point on Barry need never lose his speed again! All he has to do is store a piece of the Speed Force in everyone he knows— Iris, Joe, Cecile, even Jenna. Then whenever his powers fail, he can just retrieve his speed from one of them and he'll be a speedster again!

• Red Death then shrieks like a banshee, saying, "You took Grodd's mind away from me! You poisoned another Rogue to use against me! Why do you keep ruining my life, Flash?"

Jesus, she's less a villain and more a petulant child here. It's honestly hard to take Red Death seriously when she sounds like a toddler who needs a nap.

I don't know if these histrionics were a choice by the director, or if this is what it sounds like when Javicia Leslie tries to play "crazed."

• Red Death and Flash then have an intense but brief Speed Force battle as they race through downtown Central City. I love how the camera periodically whip-zooms in on them as they duke it out. I don't recall ever seeing that effect on the show before, and it's actually pretty cool.

• The FX team gets creative with the Speed Force lightning again during the battle. At one point Red Death throws Speed Force-charged Batarangs at Barry.

He counters by protecting himself with a hastily-conjured Speed Force shield.

When then get something totally new as Red Death forms a Speed Force grapevine (!), and swings from it like Tarzan to kick Barry into next week! 

I honestly can't decide if this is awesome or the stupidest thing I've ever seen. Maybe a little of both. At this point the speedsters on this show have pretty much become Green Lanterns, able to form anything they can imagine out of their Speed Force Lightning. Wasn't the ability to move incredibly fast enough?

• The Good Rogues then get in on the act by combining forces to attack Red Death. Sadly their battle's all too brief, and she easily knocks 'em out.

• Just as Red Death is about to deliver the killing blow to Barry, her armor's shorted out by a Batarang. 

We're then expected to gasp in awe by the timely appearance of Batwoman, aka the REAL Ryan Wilder.

Note the use of leitmotif here, as every time Batwoman is onscreen we hear the theme from her show. Is she playing that through a speaker in her belt?

So where'd this Ryan that we all know and love (cough) come from?

Last week Ryan 2.0 told Iris that she was from an alternate timeline. At the time I assumed that meant she probably abducted the real Ryan and took her place. I predicted the real Ryan would show up at the end of this Red Death arc. 

Welp, I was kind of right, as she did indeed pop up. But from where? Did Ryan 2.0 really abduct her? Did she somehow escape from wherever she was being held? Or did she take a well-earned vacation and just got back?

Apparently it's none of our goddamned business, as it's never explained. None of it. Not a single word to clue us in as to where she's been. She just appears in this scene, with zero fanfare.

Look, I'm not asking for a detailed account of what happened to her here. But a line of dialogue explaining her whereabouts was definitely in order. Even something as simple as, "Red Death captured me a couple weeks ago, and I just now managed to escape" would have sufficed. 

This is some extremely sloppy storytelling here, and I shouldn't have to write the goddamn script myself.

• Apropos of nothing, note the side of the van there next to Red Death. Apparently there's a heavy metal band in Central City called Sickada, which I assume is a deliberate misspelling of Cicada, the Big Bad of Season 5.

Sickada was actually mentioned once before, back in Memorabilia.

• The two Ryans then duke it out a while, punching & kicking at one another. This was probably pretty easy to film, since Red Death's face is covered by her helmet, eliminating the need for costly "twinning" effects.

• Barry enters the fray and uses his speed to strip Red Death of her helmet and chest plate. This apparently leaves her powerless (?), and Batwoman simply punches her lights out.

And that's it! After five whole episodes of buildup, this allegedly terrifying major villain is defeated with a single punch! Talk about anticlimactic! 

I cannot overemphasize just how underwhelming this ending was. It honestly felt like the writers became bored with this arc and flushed it down the crapper as quickly as possible just to be done with it.

This scene also spotlighted something I didn't realize till now— Red Death apparently got her speed from her armor! 

Last week she told Iris she studied Barry's powers to become a speedster herself. I took that to mean she somehow altered her body to become a speedster, or maybe created an artificial Speed Force that only she could access. It never occurred to me that she built a super fast suit of armor!

I assume this suit somehow protected her from the extreme velocities it generated. It better, otherwise the first time she put it on and zoomed off, she'd end up as chunky salsa on the inside of it.

• The Good Rogues recover and join Flash & Batwoman. She asks them if Central City's always this crazy, and the Rogues grin and reply, "Well... it's a Wednesday!"

Jaysis... I think I just sprained my eyeballs rolling them so hard. The only thing missing after that awful line was a rimshot or a "comedic" musical sting.

• Last week week when Ryan 2.0 revealed herself, she had a large white streak in her hair. I never watched Batwoman, so I didn't know if that's just how Ryan normally looked, or if they added the streak to make the alt-timeline version of her look more evil.

Apparently they did it for evil purposes, because the real Ryan doesn't have the skunk stripe.

• During the wrapup, Barry informs Ryan:

Barry: "ARGUS has the Red Death in custody and they know she was from another timeline, so you and your identity are still safe."

So what? How's that gonna keep her secret identity safe? "Hey ARGUS, here's an evil bat-themed speedster named Ryan Wilder, who's from an alternate timeline. But she's completely unrelated to the Ryan Wilder in our timeline, who's definitely NOT a bat-themed superhero." Even the dimmest of bulbs could put those clues together.

Plus what's to keep Ryan 2.0 from telling everyone at ARGUS about Batwoman's true identity?

Also, as with the Star Labs Secret Super Jail, it appears Ryan 2.0 will likely be incarcerated at ARGUS indefinitely, without the benefit of due process or a trial. Does the law not apply to people from alternate timelines?

• Barry explains what happened to Red Death, but... what about her Bad Rogues? There's absolutely ZERO mention of them from this point on. As far as the episode's concerned, all four of them are still out there somewhere.

OK, I assume Barry probably rounded them all up at superspeed and threw 'em in Iron Heights, but would it have killed the writers to have included a brief line explaining this? Sloppy!

• How about this Batwoman transition? Again, I can't decide if it was cool or idiotic.

• Back in the season premiere, Joe told Cecile he thought it was time they left Central City— much to Cecile's protests. Later she changed her mind and agreed to move. But then Joe recanted and said they should stay, as the two constantly flip-flopped on the matter. 

I predicted they'd drag out this "conflict" for the entire season, resolving it as Joe & Cecile road off into the sunset in the series finale.

Welp, I was wrong about that. Joe changes his mind again this week, and definitively decides to go.

Also, actor Jesse L. Martin officially left the show last season and is only making a handful of guest appearances this year, while Danielle Nicolet is still a regular. I wondered if that meant the producers would split up the happy couple and have them go their separate ways.

Amazingly, I got that one right, as that's exactly what happens in this episode! 

Joe decides to take Jenna and move away, leaving Cecile in Central City to play superhero! He tells Cecile she can come and visit them on the weekends.

Incredibly, Cecile's perfectly fine with this plan, and even seems excited by it! In fact she's downright giddy at the prospect of seeing her family just two days a week.

Are you F*CKING kidding me?

What kind of a monster would willingly abandon her (common law) husband and child— and with a smile on her face yet? It's inevitable that this arrangement's gonna strain her relationship with Joe and cause the two of them to drift apart. And think of all the major milestones she's gonna miss out on in her young child's life.

Note that this isn't a case of Cecile desperately needing to stay and keep her job to support her family. She's an attorney, and as such would be able to find another well-paying job anywhere in the country. No, she's staying solely for the most selfish reason possible— so she can play superhero with Barry and the rest of Team Flash.

This plan doesn't do Cecile any favors, and makes her look like the most narcissistic asshole possible. Did the show's writers really think this was a good idea for her character?

I couldn't help but wonder what the actors thought about this ghastly scene. Were they horrified by it too, but had no choice but to be professional and say the awful lines?

There was a much simpler and infinitely more satisfying way to handle this situation. Just have Joe & Jenna stay put in Central City, but never show them— till maybe the series finale. All they had to do was have Cecile talk to Joe on the phone now and then to remind us he still exists, and that'd give the illusion he was still around. It's not rocket science, writers! If a schlub from Indiana like me could figure it out, surely big shot Hollywood talent oughta be able to!

• Last week Red Death released a massive EMP that knocked out the power all over Central City. I noted that it'd do far more than that, as it would fry any electronic device that wasn't properly shielded— permanently. 

It'd be a disaster for the city, causing millions, if not billions in damage. It'd take months or even years to repair the catastrophic damage and fully restore power. That said, I predicted that come next episode, everything would be back to normal like it never happened.

Guess what? The next episode's here, and everything's back to normal like it never happened! As evidenced by this establishing shot of the city.

As always, the part of Central CIty is played by Portland, Oregon.

• Team Flash then throws a going away party for Joe & Jenna. Several things here:

First off, Joe gives a heartfelt speech telling everyone how much he'll miss them. It looks like actor Jesse L. Martin is actually getting emotional for real here. I'm sure he was, as he's saying goodbye to the people he's worked with for the past nine years.

Second, Joe blathers on about how they're all family, coming perilously close to channeling Dom Toretto from the Fast & FUrious franchise— and then immediately tells everyone he's leaving town. Sure, why not.

Lastly, I wonder if they'll keep the West house here in Central City for Cecile to live in? Can Joe & Cecile really afford two houses? Eh, possibly. He's a retired cop with a presumably healthy pension, and she's allegedly an attorney, even though we never see her doing any actual attorneying, so they're probably doing just fine.

Martin officially left the show last year, but agreed to make five guest appearances in this final season. This week is his fourth. So look for him to pop up in the series finale.

• At the party, Chester and Allegra kiss, finally acting like normal people in their thirties (which they both are) instead of awkward, lovesick teens. Hopefully now that they've officially hooked up, the writers will forget about their relationship and we can finally stop hearing about it. I don't see that happening through.

By the way, everyone goggles at them when they kiss, and Barry asks, "When did this happen?" Iris replies, "I think a better question is what took so long?"

Yeah, that was definitely a dig at fans like me, who've been complaining about Chester & Allegra's "relationship" and how long the writers have dragged it out.

• Iris then stumbles and almost passes out, causing Barry to worry that her time sickness is back. Turns out that's not true, as Khione announces that Iris is pregnant. 

Does Khione have some kind of precog powers, in addition to being able to bring people back to life? Eh, I don't think so. It seems more like she's just in tune with nature and life, and sensed changes in Iris' body. Or not. I honestly have no idea what's going on with this character.

• Heavy Duty Nitpicking Time! So Iris finds out she's finally pregnant. This comes as a shock to Barry, since according to his Map Book from Wednesday Ever After, she wasn't supposed to get preggers for another three months. The two of them are excited though, as they can't wait to see their daughter Nora— who regularly visits them from the future.

But will they really see her?

OK, there are two possibilities here: A. The Map Book was wrong, and Iris was destined to get pregnant on this date, or B. The Book was right, and Barry & Iris changed the timeline somehow, resulting in a much earlier pregnancy.

If it's A and Iris was meant to be pregnant now, then there's no problem. They'll have a baby girl who'll grow up to be the Nora they've already met.

But if B's true and Iris is pregnant way early, then that changes everything. Thanks to numerous biological variables, scientists calculate the odds of a specific person being born are around 1 in 400 TRILLION (!). If my parents had conceived me three months earlier, I'd be a completely different person than I am now. Heck, even a delay of an hour would have been enough to result in a different me!

So the odds of them conceiving the child they've already met are astronomical, to say the least.

Do I really expect the show's writers to strictly adhere to basic science like this? Of course not. Even I'M not that nitpicky. I just thought it was worth a mention, and I'll allow it.

The Orville Season 3, Episode 5: A Tale Of Two Topas

This week on The Orville, we get hands down the best episode of the series (so far!), all about Bortus & Klyden's son Topa and his struggles with his true identity.

A Tale Of Two Topas continues the story arc which started all the way back in Season 1's About A Girl. Once again, Season 3 continues the trend of leaning heavily into the show's lore, requiring the audience to be up to date and familiar with the series.

While this is great for longtime fans, I fear that new viewers are gonna be completely lost here— to the point where they may just give up and change the channel. In fact I'm starting to wonder if this constant navel-gazing is such a good idea or not.

Elsewhere, this episode features some absolutely amazing acting, especially by Peter Macon and Chad Coleman. They both delivered incredible performances, which is all the more surprising considering they're both covered in pounds of heavy prosthetic makeup.

Newcomer Imani Pullum's did a stellar job as Topa as well, giving him an aching sadness and vulnerability that practically leaped off the screen. Heck, Adrianne Palicki knocked it out of the park too! Kudos all 'round!

A Tale Of Two Topas was written and directed by Seth MacFarlane, who also penned About A Girl. It's very much like a typical episode of old school Star Trek, as it examines a relevant hot-button issue by wrapping it in sci-fi trappings. 

Even better, MacFarlane managed to tell the story without preaching or moralizing. The script is clearly a metaphor for trans rights, but is framed in such a way that both sides of the topic feel valid. Liberals can claim Topa's confusion proves gender identity is mental, not biological. Conservatives will say the opposite, pointing out that Topa should never have been altered in the first place. Heck, I'm not even sure which side's right!

It's an impressive feat, one which MacFarlane pulled off by simply presenting the issue, looking at all sides and letting the audience make up their own minds about it..

Back when About A Girl first aired, it received near universal praise for tacking the subject of gender identity. There were a handful of vocal critics though, who called it the worst episode of the series (?). One such review said:

"Episode 3, without spoilers, may be one of the most tone-deaf and offensive discussions of gender ever seen on screen, especially in an era when many people have come to embrace the idea that gender is a concept that goes beyond biology to personal identity. The episode is an allegory meant to invoke memories of Star Trek tackling social issues in the 1960s and beyond, but it’s so clueless in its approach that it probably sets back real understanding of the issue to, well, the 1960s."

OK, that one was WAY over the top. But I wonder... was MacFarlane stung by reviews like this, and wrote A Tale Of Two Topas as a do-over, to "fix" the situation? Or was he planning on reverting Topa to her original form all along? We may never know.

Lastly, I'd like to point out something I've noticed this season, regarding Seth MacFarlane. Even though he's the ostensible star of the series, lately he's been stepping back and letting his co-stars shine. Heck, he's barely even in this episode, as the lion's share of the work goes to Macon, Coleman and Palicki. 

Of course his lack of screentime here may be due to the fact that he directed the episode and simply didn't have time to stand in front of the camera. Whatever the reason, it's appreciated!

SPOILERS!

The Plot:
The Orville's orbiting a deserted planet, where the crew's exploring a large, ancient Hemblicite tomb. Kelly sees Mercer on the surface, diligently tapping away on his space iPad. He sheepishly admits he's writing letters to his daughter Anaya, in case he ever sees her again.

For some reason Charly's on the archaeological team, and leads Mercer and Kelly into the tomb. She warns them there are numerous booby traps inside, and Isaac safely triggers and diffuses them. Inside they see a vast vault full of ancient treasure.

Back on the ship, the crew studies the Hemblicite relics, which date back 70,000 years. Don't worry too much about this subplot, as it turns out it has absolutely nothing to do with anything this week.

Elsewhere, Bortus & Klyden's son Topa is in the Holodeck, er, I mean Environmental Simulator, pretending he's captain of a Moclan ship. He battles a Kaylon fleet, but ultimately destroy his ship.

Just then Kelly enters, and Topa apologizes for going over his scheduled time. She says it's fine, and is impressed he was trying out the Kaylon simulation. He tells her he's practicing because he'd like to take the Union Point exam some day. She says if he's really serious, she'll let him shadow her for a few days to get a sense of what it's like be a Union officer. He happily agrees.

The next day Topa tags along with Kelly on her daily rounds of the ship, as she handles various crew members' problems.

Topa asks why she joined the Union, and she says she likes being a leader and helping others. She asks why he's interested in becoming an officer, and he says he's always felt incomplete, and hopes to discover who he is out among the stars. He then confesses he's never felt happy with himself. Kelly reacts as if stung, as she instantly realizes what's wrong with him.

Later Kelly talks with Mercer and Claire about Topa, saying she thinks he's starting to figure out the truth about his birth. Mercer says maybe it's time to talk with Bortus about it.

That night, Kelly goes to Bortus and Klyden's quarters. She asks if they've told Topa he was born female, and Klyden lashes out, saying of course not. She says maybe they should consider it. Klyden demands that Kelly leave.

After she leaves, Bortus admits Kelly may be right. Klyden dismisses her, saying she's a lowly female who doesn't understand Moclan culture. He says he wishes he'd never found out he was born female, and is intent on sparring Topa the same pain.

The next day Topa tells Kelly that he can't shadow her anymore, as Klyden's forbidden it. Kelly looks stricken as he sadly walks away.

Topa wanders into a Lab, where Charly shows him a holographic reconstruction of a long-dead Hemblicite she created from their ancient DNA. He sees Isaac working, and asks him what it felt like when he deactivated himself a few episodes ago. Isaac says he experienced nothing, and wonders why he's asking. Topa says he was just curious and leaves.

Later on, Isaac goes to Kelly's quarters and reports that Topa was asking questions about suicide.

Worried, Kelly finds Topa in the Mess Hall, and asks if he's OK. He says he's fine, and that he shouldn't be speaking to her. Kelly says whenever she's depressed, she enjoys Kimbok (a type of Moclan cake). She cryptically says there are numerous recipes on file, and he should try one.

Topa goes to his quarters and asks the computer for Kimbok recipes. He then asks if there are any other files labeled "kimbok." The computer displays one called "Kimbok33," but it's password protected. He orders a piece of cake from the synthesizer, and suddenly the password appears on his screen. He enters it, unlocks the Kimbok33 file and reads it.

Bortus and Klyden return home, where Topa demands to know if he was born female. Klyden tries to lie, but Bortus admits it. Klyden then says Topa was born deformed, and they simply had him "corrected." Topa says no medical procedure can change who he is on the inside.

Sometime later Klyden bursts into Kelly's office, accusing her of going behind his back to tell Topa the truth. She says she steered him toward the Kimbok33 file, but didn't give him the password. Klyden accuses her of lying and lunges at her. She slams him against the wall and says she may have overstepped her bounds, but Topa clearly needs help. She then kicks him out of her office.

That night Bortus comes to Kelly's quarters and says Topa's not speaking to him. Kelly apologizes for getting involved, but Bortus says it's not her fault. He says the computer notified him that someone was trying to access the Kimbok33 file, and when he saw it was Topa, HE sent the password to him. He says he doesn't know how to help his son.

The next day Topa asks Kelly if she knew his secret. She admits she did, but says she didn't say anything because she didn't think it was her place. Topa says he wishes he could meet a Moclan female to talk to. Kelly says she can help with that.

Kelly takes Topa to the Environmental Simulator. There, she recreates the Tribunal that decided Topa's fate back in Season 1— including the surprise testimony of Heveena, the famed Moclan writer who was secretly female. Heveena gives her rousing speech, as Topa gazes in wonder and awe. Afterward, Topa visits Claire and proudly declares, "I am female."

Sometime later, Mercer, Kelly and Claire meet with Bortus and Klyden, to discuss what to do about Topa— who wants her procedure reversed. Klyden absolutely refuses to allow it, but Bortus is more open minded, and says it's up to Topa. Klyden threatens to leave Bortus if he approves it.

Mercer and the others then have a conference call with Admiral Howland. She says performing the procedure on Topa would humiliate the Moclans and jeopardize the Union's relationship with them— something they can't afford with the current Kaylon threat. She forbids Claire or any other crew member from operating on Topa onboard a Union vessel.

Bortus and Kelly inform Topa, who says it's not fair. They assure her they'll fight the decision and find a way around it.

Back on the Hemblicite planet, the crew's wrapping up their investigation of the ruins and waiting for a science ship to arrive and take over. Claire feels so strongly about the Topa situation that she offers to resign her commission to perform the procedure. Mercer says that's noble of her, but it would mean the end of her career. Claire says she'll be fine, and wants to do it.

Just then Isaac pipes up and reminds them he's not a Union officer, and could do it instead of Claire— all he has to do is upload the appropriate medical files. Mercer says it could work, but they'd have to be careful about it. He officially orders Isaac not to interfere, and says if he does so, he's doing it all on his own. Isaac says he understands.

The officers come up with a plan to hold a concert in the Shuttlebay, in order to distract the entire crew while Isaac performs the procedure. Bortus then sings a selection of songs, accompanied on the piano by Ty Finn.

Meanwhile in Sickbay, Isaac preps Topa. Just then Klyden bursts in, demanding he stop this abomination. Isaac easily overpowers Klyden and throws him out.

Sometime later, Topa— now female again— wakes and looks at herself in a mirror.

Admiral Howland finds out about the operation, and tears Mercer and Kelly a new one. She says they endangered the entire Union for one person, but fortunately the Moclans decided not to walk, as the Kaylon are a threat to them as well. She warns them not to step out of line ever again, or their careers will be over.

Howland then changes her demeanor and says to give her best wishes to the Moclan girl.

Elsewhere, Klyden makes good on his threat and packs his bags. Topa begs him not to leave, saying she loves him. He hisses, "I wish you were never born" and storms out. Bortus puts his hand on Topa's shoulder and says, "Listen very closely to me. You are perfect."

Later, Claire goes to Isaac's Lab to thank him for what he did. He says he didn't do it for Topa's sake, but to improve his standing among the crew. She admires his honesty and asks him to diner.

Kelly orders Topa to the Bridge. When she arrives, Mercer lets her sit in the captain's chair. The crew reports all systems are ready for departure, and Topa says, "Engage quantum drive.

Thoughts:

• Hey look, it's a scene from the upcoming Avatar 2: The Na'vi Go Hollywood sequel that no one asked for!

• The crew discovers an ancient Hemblicite pyramid on a deserted planet and begins investigating it. For some insane reason, Charly of all people heads this scientific excavation. Wait, what?

Why in the name of Spock's Mighty Bowl Cut is SHE in charge of this dig? She's the ship's navigator, for corn's sake! Surely they have actual trained archeologists on board?

Like this guy, for example. Although I don't think he ever gets a name in the episode, it's clear from his green uniform that he's a science officer, and most likely the ship's resident archeologist. I'd be royally pissed if I devoted my life to that field, but then when there was a major find on an alien world they placed freakin' Charly in charge of it!

Obviously the writers were struggling to find a way to feature Charly in this episode, and quickly cooked up this previously unmentioned interest in archeology to give her something to do. They try to cover for this by having her mention it's her hobby. Big deal! My hobby's illustration, but that doesn't mean I should be running the goddamned Louvre!

• Back on the ship, the crew examines a table full of ancient Hemblicite relics. Gordon casually grabs one of the fragile objects and asks what it is. 

Jesus, what is it with this guy? He did the same thing back in Lasting Impressions, when the crew discovered a time capsule from the 2000s. He manhandled a bunch of the priceless four hundred year old relics then too! These incredibly rare items are literally part of history and completely irreplaceable— stop touching them already!

Anyway, Charly tells Gordon, "It's called a jiktal. It's a razor for facial grooming."

How the hell does she know that? This race— and their language— died out 70,000 years ago. Did she discover an ancient magazine in the tomb that featured an ad for the jiktal and what it was used for?

• After checking out the Hemblicite haul, Kelly says she's at the end of a twelve hour shift and is gonna go relax. Holy crap! The command staff works twelve hour days? Maybe the future of The Orville isn't so great after all!

• We then see Topa playing "Moclans Vs Kaylons" in the Holodeck, er, I mean Environmental Simulator, as he pits his virtual ship against a fleet of Spheres. He does pretty well for a kid, but ultimately loses.

The legacy of videogames: Even in a deadly serious 25th Century simulation like this, there's still a "Game Over" screen when you die!

• Topa gets so pissed at losing the simulation that he slams his fists down on the holographic navigation console— causing a shard of glass to become embedded in his palm! 

Just like Star Trek's Holodeck, the Environmental Simulator supposedly has a safety setting that prevents users from actually getting hurt. Apparently Topa must have turned the safties off before entering. Not a good idea, and definitely not something a kid should be able to disable!

• The second I heard Topa speak, I knew exactly what was gonna happen in this episode. He was clearly now being played by a girl, and would end up reverting to her original female form in the third act.

How'd I know that? Because they very obviously lowered his voice electronically to sound like a male. Well, sort of. It was VERY unconvincing, as he sounded more like a robot than an adolescent Moclan. They spent millions on this episode, but then completely dropped the ball with Topa's voice.

How much trouble would it have been to dub actress Imani Pullum's lines with a male actor instead of using a cheap iPhone audio filter on them?

• Topa expresses interest in becoming a Union commander some day, so Kelly lets him shadow her on her daily rounds. As they walk around the ship, they're greeted by this crewman.

Man, wouldn't it be cool to live in a future like this and serve with so many interesting alien species? I wish it wasn't so expensive for them to realize characters like this, as I'd love to see this guy become one of the regulars!

• As part of her duties, Kelly has to deal with Ensign Bolobar, whose Belkarian religion requires him to be naked on the first day of each month.

Welp, there's something I never expected to see on this show— naked alien ass cheeks!

Kelly reaches a compromise with Bolobar by asking him to put on some pants. She missed the better and most obvious solution though— if he can't wear clothes on the first of the month, just give him that day off from now on. Then he could sit naked in his quarters to his heart's content, and no one would have to see his alien peen! Win-win!

• Kelly and Topa pay a visit to Engineering, where they're greeted by the entire staff— including Lt. Turco.

Jenny Turco first appeared in Mad Idolatry, where she was a lowly ensign. She was also clearly in a sexual relationship with John at that time, although they've apparently split up since. I guess the Orville doesn't have rules about officers banging their subordinates? That seems like a bad idea. What's to stop someone from accusing Turco of sleeping with John for a promotion?

Maybe people in the 25th Century are more mature about such things.

• The perpetually cheery Lt. Brosk is there in Engineering as well. I love how everyone just automatically understands his odd language, which seems to be a staple on this show.

So does the crew really understand Brosk, or is there some sort of Trekkian Universal Translator that's interpreting his language for them, and we in the audience just can't hear it?

• As they patrol the ship, Kelly asks Topa why he wants to join the Union. He then shares his secret with her:

Topa: "Ever since I was a young child, I have always felt... incomplete. As if the person I am today is a bookmark. A placeholder, until I discover who I am. I have not found the answer at home, so perhaps it is out among the stars."

Kelly: "You've... felt this way for some time?"

Topa: "I once heard Doctor Finn say that if you wake up in the middle of the night and there is nothing to keep you from falling asleep again, it means you are happy. I think that maybe... I am not happy."

Kelly: "You don't sleep well?"

Topa: "I always feel as if... there is something wrong with me. But I cannot tell what. Lieutenant Malloy says many people my age feel this way. Perhaps it is normal."

Kelly looks so absolutely heartbroken when she realizes that Topa's beginning to sense that he's been altered. Kudos to Adrianne Palicki here for a subtle little bit of acting here.

• By the way, when Topa tells Kelly, "Ever since I was a young child," I couldn't help but think, "You mean last year?"

Somehow this kid grew from an infant to an adolescent in less than three years! I know alien species probably age at different rates, but this is ridiculous!

• Kelly tells Bortus and Klyden that Topa's hurt and struggling. Bortus thinks it may be time to tell him he was born female, but of course Klyden forbids it.

Klyden's meant to be the ostensible villain of this episode, but it's not that simple.

Remember Klyden was born a female, just like Topa was. He was forced to have corrective surgery with no say in the matter, and as such has secretly been miserable his entire life. He even subconsciously admits that when he tells Bortus that "all children are unhappy."

Now he sees his child has the opportunity to have the life he was denied, and everyone around him's all for it. Not only that, but Topa's handling the situation with more grace and maturity than he could ever hope to have.

As a result, he feels he's suffered his entire life for nothing. Is it any wonder he's filled with seething resentment and hate here?

This also explains why he hates females like Kelly so much— which also fuels his own self-loathing.

This all gives his seemingly one-note character an incredible depth and reality. And it actually makes me feel somewhat sorry for Klyden, which is something I never thought I'd say. Well done to the writers here!

• Topa tells Kelly that his father's forbidden him from shadowing her anymore. I love how Kelly didn't have to ask WHICH father he's talking about here, as it was obviously Klyden. 

A visibly angered Kelly then replies, "As much as I hate him... as much as I hate his answer... he's your father." 

Whoops! She slipped a little bit there, but managed to cover... sort of.

• Sometime later Topa visits Charly and the Alien Archeologist in the Lab. This raises an interesting question— can kids on the Orville just wander into any area of the ship whenever they want? That seems like another bad idea. Maybe since Topa was shadowing Kelly, she gave him some sort of limited clearance?

• Charly shows Topa her newest project— using DNA scraped from the Hemblicite artifacts to create a holographic image of what the long-dead race looked like. 

It's cool and all, but again, why the hell is SHE doing this? It wasn't enough that she suddenly switched from navigator to ship's archeologist, now she's a freakin' forensic scientist!

Also, take a look at that alien. Did these people really need to use a razor to shave their faces with a jiktal, like Charly said?

• So what the hell was the point of this whole Hemblicite arc? I kept waiting for it to somehow tie in with Topa's storyline, but it never did. In fact nothing ever came of it at all!

I have to assume it's setup for a plot that'll end up paying off later in the season. If not, then why is any of this here? To give Charly more screentime?

Back when it was announced that the show was moving to Hulu, Seth MacFarlane bragged that the episodes wouldn't be constrained by network runtimes, and could be as long as needed. Is this how he's extending them? By padding them out with superfluous filler like this?

• Topa spots Isaac in the Lab and asks him what it was like to be dead after he committed "suicide." After Topa leaves, Isaac stares after him with what appears to be a look of concern on his blank face.

You can't tell me that Isaac isn't starting to develop actual emotions!

• We've seen in the past that Mercer has two story personal quarters, but apparently Kelly does as well! I'm starting to suspect the inside of the Orville is far bigger than the outside. There's no way all these vast, spacious crew quarters could possibly fit in it.

• In a subtle attempt to point Topa toward his origin, Kelly mentions Kimbok— also known as Moclan Oppsada Cake.

We learned about Oppsada back in Mad Idolatry, when Klyden described it to Mercer:

Klyden: "You are welcome to join us for a glass of Oppsada.

Mercer: "Whatever that is, sounds great. Thanks."

Klyden: "It is aged nine years.The perfect duration for good Oppsada."

Mercer: "Man, if it, uh, looks like this going in, I'm afraid of what it looks like coming out."

Klyden: "Oppsada does not come out. It grows into a parasite within the body. The sensation is intensely pleasurable."

Deliberately drinking a parasitic-infested beverage. Sounds delicious!

So... I guess Oppsada is like rum, and can be both a drink and an ingredient in cake.

• Topa finds a password protected file called Kimbok33, which contains the truth about his origin. According to the computer, the file's dated "Union Standard 7352417."

I assume Union Standard is the equivalent of Star Trek's stardates. But how do they work? The last four digits could be a year, as the show's set in the 25th Century. Could the last four digits represent the current year? 

Unfortunately no. Old Wounds, the very first episode, took place in 2419, and Topa was born just a couple months later. Ooooh, so close! As of this point, I have no idea how these dates are supposed to work.

• More Runtime Padding! We then see Gordon visiting Sickbay after having a horrible allergic reaction to eating a Baliddian Tart. As far as I can see this is yet another superfluous scene that serves no purpose whatsoever.

Claire then hands Gordon a medical doodad, tells him to run it over his face for three minutes and goes off to chat with Kelly.

I've started noticing that most of Claire's "doctoring" seems to consist solely of shining a blue laser on her patients for a few seconds. Do they even need a doctor for that? Couldn't someone just stand in front of some sort of wall unit that scans them and tells 'em to wave the blue laser over their injury themselves?

• Klyden worries when Topa doesn't show up for their game of Grand Latchkum.

We saw Latchkum once before back in Mad Idolatry, when Bortus and Klyden introduced Mercer to the game. No idea what GRAND Latchkum might be though. Maybe it's played with more than one "egg?" Or on some special field?

• Thanks to the Kimbok33 file, Topa finds out that he was born a female and then physically altered without his consent. This infuriates Klyden, who barges into Kelly's office and threatens her.

Kylden: "My son is in emotional ruin because of you."

Kelly: "I told him to have a slice of Kimbok. That's all I said."

Klyden: "You gave him the password for the trial records!"

Kelly: "No, I didn't."

Klyden: "You are a liar!"

Kelly: "I pointed him in the right direction, yes, but..."

Klyden: "Who are you to decide what is best for my child?"

Kelly: "Somebody has to!"

Klyden: "My son was content!"

Kelly: "Your son was miserable! You wrecked that kid the second you walked into that courtroom, so do not try to pin this bullshit on me!"

Klyden: "I remember when we were in the Kandar system. You were worshiped as a god by the planet's inhabitants. Perhaps you still believe it yourself. Perhaps that is why you chose to play god with my family."

Kelly: "I played god? Klyden, that kid has been crying out for help, and you've been burying your fat head in the sand because the truth doesn't fit in with your backward worldview! Now, I may have overstepped, but somebody needed to start paying attention. Because that child is in trouble!"

I love this exchange because it's so well written, and hits a little too close to home for both of them. Kelly DID overstep her authority by getting involved in Topa's life. And when Klyden brings up the fact that an entire world thought she was a god, you can tell that was a really good shot at her, as she's still stinging from the strife she caused a primitive civilization. 

Kelly's right too though, as Klyden clearly doesn't want to acknowledge Topa's mental state, because he's too concerned about the traditions of his society.

Just really well done writing all around. Kudos!

• Klyden becomes so incensed at Kelly that he lunges at her. She easily dodges his attack and slams him agains the wall. 

OK, I know Kelly's likely had Union space judo training and she's really mad here, but I still have a hard time believing she could pin a three hundred pound tank like Klyden!

• Bortus visits Kelly and tearfully tells her he doesn't know how to help his son Topa. It's a powerful and heartbreaking moment. Especially seeing the typically stoic Bortus break down in anguish at his feelings of utter helplessness. How this show's changed since it began!

Man, Peter Macon and Chad Coleman both absolutely killed it in this episode. If this show doesn't win an Emmy for best acting, then the entire award ceremony should be scrapped!

• Struggling to find his identity, Topa says he wishes he could speak with or even see a Moclan female. Kelly says she has an idea, and uses the Environmental Simulator to recreate the historic trial from About A Girl— which introduced reclusive Moclan female Heveena as well as deciding Topa's fate.

Obviously they didn't go to the trouble and expense of rebuilding the set, digging out the old uniforms, hiring a bunch of Moclan extras and bringing back Rena Owen as Heveena for one five minute scene. 

Instead it appears they took relevant footage from the original episode, reframed it a bit and greenscreened Topa into it.

Note Alara standing there in the background, along with the Season 1 uniforms.

Same thing here— they clearly took a shot from the trial scene and digitally inserted Topa and Kelly into it. This results in Kelly watching her old self— complete with her Season 1 hairstyle! 

It looks like they color graded the shot for this new scene too. Overall they did a great job of integrating the new characters into this old footage. If I didn't know better, I'd think they just shot a courtroom trial for this episode so that Topa could see an example of a Moclan female.

I went through all the courtroom scenes in About A Girl, but couldn't find any exact matches for these two shots. I'm assuming these must be alternate camera angles or unused takes from the original episode.

• When Kelly tells Topa about Heveena, she describes her as, "The writer the Moclans knew as Gondus Elden, before she revealed she was female."

It just now occurred to me that Gondus Elden had two names. Does that go for ALL Moclans? Do Bortus and Klyden both have surnames we don't know about?

• The senior staff meets with Bortus and Klyden to discuss Topa wanting to become female again. Mercer asks Bortus what he thinks about the situation. As he rises, he performs the Picard Manuever!

• When Bortus considers approving Topa's surgery, Klyden tells him, "If you do this I will leave you. I swear it. And I will not even give you the dignity of the sword!"

Kudos to the writers for remembering that Moclan divorce involves killing one's mate! In fact Klyden already tried divorcing him once before by killing him, in Season 2's Primal Urges.

• Somehow the Union Council gets wind of Topa's intent to become female again (maybe Klyden squealed to them?) and Admiral Howland contacts Mercer and forbids the operation. There's a lot of dialogue to sift through here, but bear with me as it's relevant:

Howland: "You should know that this is not something we take lightly. The Union council conferred with the Admiralty for no less than nine hours on the subject. But it is abundantly clear that this would deeply imperil our relationship with the Moclans. With the Krill treaty in ruins and the Kaylon waiting at our doorstep, we just can't take the risk. Therefore, Doctor Finn, it is my unhappy duty to order you not to perform this procedure."

Claire: "What?"

Kelly: "Excuse me, sir. We have checked every legal box. Topa has requested it. Bortus has consented. Everyone involved is within their legal rights."

Howland: "Civil law permits it, you are correct. But you're on a Fleet ship with a Fleet doctor. We can't allow it."

Mercer: "Sir, I understand the danger, but... how the hell much longer are we going to let this go on? I mean, you are basically allowing the Moclans to dictate human rights policy for the Union."

Howland: "I don't want this to drag on any more than you do, Captain. You don't think I hate making this call? But we're desperately trying to save lives here. Without the Moclans, we become utterly vulnerable to the Kaylon. This procedure won't help Topa if she's dead."

Mercer: "Can we speak to Rechik?"

Howland: "Rechik wanted to be in this meeting along with the two other Moclan councilmen. I told him no. Trust me, I'm doing you a favor. This issue is a lightning rod for the Moclans. The trial was a defining moment that, to them, reinforced their cultural foundations. I'm telling you, I have been doing this job a long time. If we defy their custom and invalidate that verdict by allowing a Union medical officer to do this, the Moclans will be humiliated, and trust me, they will walk, and billions could die as a result."

Kelly: "Would the Moclans really want to cut ties and face the Kaylon alone?"

Howland: "Want is irrelevant. They'd have no way to save face if they didn't."

Claire: "Admiral. You have children, don't you?"

Howland: "Yes."

Claire: "If Topa was your child, how would you explain this to her? That we're forcing her to spend the rest of her days living a lie to protect the political status quo?"

Howland: "If Topa wants to leave the ship and have the procedure done elsewhere, we have no jurisdiction."

Bortus: "She would not succeed."

Mercer: "The Moclans would pounce on her without Union protection. She'd be captured and sent to prison in a heartbeat."

Howland: "Captain, I empathize with all of you. Please believe me. But our hands are tied. I'm very sorry."

Welp, the writers did their best to cover all the bases and made a good case for why they can't perform the operation. But I still think it's a stretch that the Moclans would consider withdrawing from the Union over one little kid!

I guess the idea is the Moclans are a race of stubborn, hot-heated males who'd happily cut off their noses to spite their collective faces?

• So why are there no alien Admirals in the Union? They have an extraterrestrial president and senior senator, but so far every admiral we've seen is human. Racist!

• Back on the planet, we see Charly's accidentally slashed her leg while exploring the Hemblicite ruins. A couple things here:

First off, once again Claire waves her blue flashlight at a cut to heal it— which seems like something Charly could have done herself.

Second, what the hell was the point of this scene? Is this more setup for a future episode? Is Charly gonna become infected and possessed by a dead Hemblicite? If not, then once again, why the hell does this shot exist?

• Claire offers to quit the Union in order to perform the reassignment surgery on Topa. Mercer and Kelly remind her that if she does so, her Union career will be over and she'll have to leave the Orville. She says she's fine with that, as she thinks Topa's worth it.

That's very selfless and noble of Claire to sacrifice her career over one little girl. It bothers me greatly though that she doesn't once mention her OWN two kids, and how this monumental decision would affect them! It's almost like she conveniently forgot about them all of a sudden.

• Isaac steps up and says he can perform the operation because he's an emissary, and not an official Union Officer. Hmm. Seems like a reasonable loophole, right?

Wrong! Unfortunately, back in Old Wounds, Mercer introduced Isaac as the ship's Science and Engineering Officer. Whoops!

I guess we could cut them some slack here and say his ranks were honorary ones, but it still seems iffy to me.

• When the others question whether Isaac's skilled enough to perform such a delicate operation, he replies, "I am quite capable. All required medical data is available from the ship's computer. I could upload it to my core memory, along with any additional specifications you may wish to include."

Good on the writers for properly using the term "upload." So many people mistakenly say download instead.

• In order to distract the crew long enough for Isaac to perform Topa's operation, Bortus volunteers to perform a concert in the Shuttlebay.

As Mercer makes the ship-wide announcement, we see a group of crewmembers listening in the Shuttlebay. Sigh... Once again, that goddamned Pteradon fighter's parked right smack in the middle of the doorway— where any incoming shuttle will run into it! We see it, guys! We know it's a thing by now! You can stop showing it to us every week.

• Talla then receives a list of RSVPs from the crew, reserving their seats for the recital.

The second I saw this shot, I wondered if they used the names of the production crew for the list. I did a little digging, and that's exactly what they did! B. Fayette is Brandon Fayette, the digital effects supervisor, J Macias is Jorge Macias, a visual effects artist, and A Rothstein is Adam Rothstein, another effects artist. They inserted a few obviously alien names too.

Note that Yaphit's reserved a seat as well!

• We then see a huge parade of people all heading down to Bortus' concert. Several things here:

It's clear we're supposed to believe that the ENTIRE crew piled into the Shuttlebay. But if that's true, then who's minding the store? Surely EVERYONE can't just up and leave their posts for an hour or two. Someone's gotta stay behind to run the ship.

We then get a shot of the makeshift concert hall in the Shuttlebay. Note that there are two sections consisting of ten rows of nine seats. That only adds up to 180 people. Supposedly there are 300 people onboard. Either 120 of them didn't show, or the producers want us to think all 300 were here and hoped some jackanape like me didn't start counting chairs.

One last thing about the audience before I move on— when Talla received the crew reservations, they picked the seats they wanted. Several of them reserved a place in Row 10. As we can see here, there are indeed ten rows of seats available! Well done!

• Hey, Marcus is actually in this episode! Unfortunately he doesn't have a single line and we only see this very fleeing glimpse of him behind Claire.

• Bortus then takes the stage and performs a selection of songs for the crew. Lots to talk about here:

First off, I'm VERY surprised we actually got to hear Bortus sing this week. Way back in Cupid's Dagger he almost sang during Karaoke Night, but was cut off at the last second by a call from Admiral Halsey. 

I thought for sure this would become a running joke on the show, as he'd constantly be interrupted every time he opened his mouth to sing. And if he ever did actually do it, I imagined he'd have a comedically high pitched angelic voice that was totally incongruous to his character. 

Instead he just has Peter Macon's regular singing voice. He's a decent vocalist, but... I gotta say I was a little disappointed that they ruined a perfectly good joke as we finally got to hear him.

Secondly, the two songs we hear him sing are Nature Boy (originally sung by Nat King Cole) and You'll Never Walk Alone (made famous by the Jerry Lewis telethons). Both are particularly apt for this episode.

The Nature Boy lyrics are: 

There was a boy
A very strange enchanted boy
They say he wandered very far, very far
Over land and sea
A little shy
And sad of eye
But very wise was he
And then one day
A magic day he passed my way
And while we spoken of many things
Fools and kings
This he said to me
The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return
The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return

The You'll Never Walk Alone lyrics:

Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone

As I said, both are perfect choices, as they thoroughly capture Topa's situation.. I'm assuming MacFarlane— who's a big musical guy— was responsible for picking these two songs. Well done!

Third, I love Bortus' little clasped hands singing gesture, as it looks like something a child would do at a recital.

Lastly, Ty plays a Steinway piano. I wonder if it was replicated, or if the Steinway company is still in business in the 25th Century?

• We then get a series of shots of empty corridors and departments, reinforcing the notion that the ENTIRE crew is supposed to be in the Shuttlebay. I don't have anything interesting to say about these images— I'm including them here because they're clean plates to use as wallpaper or for Photoshopping yourself into the scenes.

Here's a standard corridor.

The spiral staircase. You don't see a lot of those on sci-fi spaceships!

The Mess Hall.

The Armory.

And Engineering.

• Klyden bursts into Sickbay to try to stop the procedure, but he's stopped by Isaac, who tells him, "I surmise your capacity to reason has been compromised by your cultural indoctrination. This is to be expected. Please depart."

Man, this just isn't Klyden's week. First he's physically bested by a lowly human female, then he gets tossed out of Sickbay by a Kaylon! I guess he can at least make the excuse that Isaac's far stronger than him.

• After the procedure, Topa inspects herself in a mirror and is pleased by what she sees. Kudos to The Orville's makeup department, for the subtle way they altered Topa's prosthetic makeup after the operation (on the right). She's obviously the same person, but her features are now softer and more feminine. Well done!

• I was wondering if "Topa" is a gender-neutral name (like "Pat" or "Leslie" on Earth), since she doesn't change it after her procedure. But then I realized she likely couldn't pick another one, as there probably aren't any feminine Moclan names!

• Admiral Howland then comes aboard and screams at Mercer and Kelly for allowing the procedure and jeopardizing the Union.

First of all, Admiral HOWLand is right! What an amazingly apt moniker. Who named this character, Charles Dickens?

Second, the Admiral needs a tailor, stat! For some reason her uniform is very ill-fitting, making her look strangely unkempt and dumpy. Maybe she had to travel a really long way to shriek at Mercer and didn't have time to freshen up first.

Lastly, Howland unexpectedly shows her compassionate side when she tells them to give Topa her regards. It was a nice way to humanize her character a bit.

• True to his word, once Klyden sees Topa had the procedure he starts packing his bags. We all knew he'd leave Bortus some day, but I didn't think it'd be over this!

Bortus then tries talking sense into Klyden:

Bortus: "Have you no room in your heart for tolerance? What inner fulfillment are you enjoying from this devotion to tradition that is so potent it drives you from your family?"

Goddamn, that is one amazing line! I wish I'd written it!

• As Klyden walks out, he hisses to Topa, "I wish you were never born." 

Yikes! That had to hurt. Sadly, I bet a lot of trans kids have heard that from one or both of their parents.

Once again, Chad Coleman absolutely kills it here. He perfectly plays Klyden as an irredeemable villain, but gives him just a microscopic touch of tragedy— which surely isn't easy to do. As a result we end up feeling pity for Klyden as much as we hate him.

I wonder... does this mean Klyden's gone forever? Or is this the start of a big redemption arc for the character?

• In the final scene, Kelly calls Topa to the Bridge. Once there, Mercer lets her sit in the "big chair" and take the ship to quantum— over the strains of You'll Never Walk Alone.

It's an amazingly emotional scene that's both sad and hopeful at the same time, and if you didn't get at least a tiny bit teary-eyed, you're already dead.

That said, I can't help but feel they botched the scene a bit. As filmed, Kelly contacts Topa and says, "We're about to leave orbit. I was wondering if you'd like to sit in the command chair for departure." Topa then walks onto the Bridge, where she sees the crew beaming at her and Mercer tells her to sit in his chair.

WHY? Why telegraph the final shot like that and ruin its impact? They should have had Kelly just tell Topa to report to the Bridge— but keep quiet as to why. THEN she'd walk onto the Bridge and be surprised by Mercer offering her the Captain's chair and telling her to take the ship out. 

That would have been ten times better in my opinion, and just as emotional. 

• This Week's Incongruous 21st Century (And Earlier!) References:

Really only one I noticed this week. When Kelly takes Topa with her on her rounds, Yaphit says, "Good one, Commander. Hey, I just want you to know we always enjoy your visits down here." Kelly then tells Topa, "Just for your own education, that's called ass kissing."

Apparently sucking up to one's boss to get ahead is still a thing in the 25th Century.

I suppose the crew enjoying 500 year old songs would probably count as well!

• This Week's Star Trek Swipes:

Not a lot of them here, thankfully. 

The only episode I can think of that comes remotely close would be TNG's The Outcast. In that story, the crew encountered the J'naii— a single gender species (sounds familiar!). A J'naii named Soren took a liking to Commander Riker, and realized they were experiencing female thoughts and tendencies. Of course this wasn't allowed in their society, so Soren was forced to undergo corrective conditioning and make them gender neutral again.

The only other thing I noticed was when Isaac used this hi-tech medical contraption to perform the reassignment surgery on Topa.

Doctor McCoy had a nearly identical device all the way back in The Original Series.

As did Doctor Crusher on TNG. Various models showed up on DS9 and Voyager as well.

I'm assuming there's supposed to be robotic surgery equipment inside these boxes, as well as plasma, anesthetics and other life support material. They also help hide the grisly surgical procedure from the camera too!

• This Week's Best Lines:

(Bortus and Klyden discuss Kelly's meddling in Topa's situation.)

Bortus: "She could be correct."

Klyden: "She is a female! With no understanding of our culture!"

Bortus: "If Topa is struggling..."

Klyden: "If he is struggling, it is insignificant compared to the struggle he would face if he were to learn the truth!"

Bortus: "It occurs to me... that in all the time we have been together, I have never once known you to be uncertain. Of anything. Tell me, what is it like to be so wise?"

Klyden: "You are mocking me."

Bortus: "You invite it!"

Klyden: "Topa may never be happy. But unhappiness is better than despair."

(Klyden attempts to stop Topa's operation.)

Klyden: "Get out of my way, Kaylon."

Isaac: "I am afraid that will not be possible. I will not permit you to disrupt the procedure."

Klyden: "I forbid you to do this! You will destroy him!"

Isaac: "That is inaccurate. He will be altered physically, but he will remain a fully functioning biological organism."

Klyden: "He will be a monstrosity!"

Isaac: "That is also inaccurate."

Claire: "You know, you did a good thing, Isaac."

Isaac: "I am aware of that."

Claire: "Topa is very grateful. Maybe that means something to you?"

Isaac: "It does not."

Claire: "Of course."