Legends Of Tomorrow Season 2, Episode 11: Turncoat

This week on Legends Of Tomorrow, the team has to save another historical figure played by the blandest actor possible, Steel and Vixen shame themselves irreparably, and we get the full debut of Evil Rip Hunter!

For the first time in weeks, the writers finally remembered that Vixen is supposed to be from the 1940s, and actually wrote her that way. Most of the time she's indistinguishable from a modern woman, so it was nice to see her speak and act in a way appropriate for her era.

That said, her roll in the hay with Steel was gratuitous, cringe-worthy and made me actively hate their characters. I'm guessing this must be Sweeps Week, so the writers felt it was necessary to inject some sex into the show to shore up the ratings. Hope it was worth it, guys, as you just ruined two of your characters.

The Patented The CW Pep Talk™ moves from The Flash and infects Legends this week. At this point in time these scenes of bland and tedious bromides don't even register in my brain anymore. It's like white noise to me.

Kudos this week to actor Arthur Darvill as Evil Rip Hunter. He's obviously having a ball playing a villain, and his enthusiasm shows onscreen. I especially liked the scenes in which he reminisced about his former self's failure to save his wife and child, and why he should care if history burns. There was a lot of uncomfortable truth in those words.

Now that Rip's back, sort of, I'm wondering how the writers will handle his character. There's no way in hell he's going to stay evil from now on. I have no doubt he'll return to his old ineffectual self in the season finale. 

This brings up a potential problem though. When Rip first disappeared, I was afraid his absence would harm the show, but instead it had just the opposite effect. The show's never been better! In fact I like White Canary as the Captain of the Waverider, and thinks shes been a far more effective leader than Rip ever was. 

It would be a mistake to just shoulder her aside and return Rip to his former position, and I really hope that's not where the story's headed. Hopefully they'll keep Canary as Captain and let Rip become second in command, or maybe even kill him off. I'd hate to see him leave the show, but I'd hate to see him become Captain again even more.

SPOILERS!

The Plot:
At the end of last week's episode, Rip Hunter, who's been turned evil by the Legion Of Doom, marched into George Washington's tent and shot him dead on Christmas Day, 1776. 

This week Evil Rip goes back in time a day to December 24, 1776 (when Washington is still alive). He tells Eobard Thawne that the Legends will detect Washington's death on the 25th, and will likely travel to the 24th to prevent it. He'll be waiting for them and kill the Legends the minute they show up and recover the second fragment of the Spear Of Destiny from the Waverider. Thawne congratulates Evil Rip on his convoluted plan.

Evil Rip tells a brigade of British Redcoats that Washington is dead (He's not. At least not yet), but there's still a lot of mopping up to do. He then hands out modern M-16 rifles to the troops.

On the Waverider, Steel and Vixen flirt in the kitchen. Atom complains that the ship's infested with rats, due to Heat Wave's sloppy eating habits. Suddenly a time quake rocks the ship. Gideon says the quake was caused by Washington's death, which will severely alter American history. 

Canary says it's obviously a trap set by the Legion, so they'll have to be careful. Steel says Washington spent Christmas Eve at a party thrown by a wealthy landowner in Pennsylvania. Canary tells Heat Wave he's to pose as a private in the Revolutionary army. Steel and Vixen will pretend to be a married couple at the party (!), Atom will shrink and run reconnaissance, and Professor Stein and Jackson will stay onboard the ship, ready to merge into Firestorm if needed.

At the party, Canary and the others mingle with the guests. Canary runs into Washington, and tells him his life is in danger. Just then the Redcoats burst into the house and attack with their machine guns. The Legends fight them off while Canary tries to get Washington to safety.

Outside the house, Evil Rip sets off an EMP that shuts down all electronics in the area. Heat Wave's gun, Atom's suit and the Waverider all go completely dead. The EMP even affects Stein and Jackson's Quantum Splicer, meaning they can't merge into Firestorm. Evil Rip confronts Canary, Heat Wave and Washington as they try to make their way back to the ship. Evil Rip shoots Canary in the gut and captures Washington and Heat Wave.

Steel and Vixen take Canary and Atom (who's stuck in shrunken mode) back to the ship. Stein struggles to save the wounded Canary, but says she'll die without Gideon's advanced medical help. For some reason, Canary tells Jackson he's now the captain. He tells Steel and Vixen to find Washington and rescue him, while he tries to get the ship running again.

Heat Wave and Washington are being marched along by British troops, who are taking them to General Cornwallis. Steel and Vixen saunter along, casually following their tracks. Vixen asks about dating in the modern world, as the writers suddenly remember she's from the 1940s. Suddenly they're attacked by Hessians, and Steel's knocked off a cliff into a river far below. Vixen summons the power of a seal and jumps after him.

Back on the Waverider, Evil Rip and his men are trying to get in by manually prying open the cargo hold.

Vixen drags a semi-conscious Steel out of the water. They find the Hessians' abandoned tent and enter. Vixen realizes that Steel has hypothermia from the freezing water (it's Christmas Eve in Pennsylvania, remember) so she undresses and lies on top of him to share her body heat. Oy gevalt!

On the Waverider, Stein has no choice but to try to remove the bullet from Canary's gut. Jackson sets up several Home Alone-style traps in the cargo hold. Just then, Evil Rip and his men succeed in prying open the door. The troops enter the cargo hold, set off Kevin's, er I mean Jackson's traps, and are knocked out by some sort of smoke bomb. Evil Rip enters and searches for the Spear fragment.

Heat Wave and Washington are handed over to General Cornwallis, who says they'll be hanged for treason in the morning. Merry Christmas, everyone!

Steel wakes up in the tent and sees he's naked, much to his embarrassment. Vixen waits outside drying their clothes over a fire. Steel sweet talks her into coming back in. Amazingly she does, and even more amazingly, she falls into his arms and they have sex. That's right, folks, even though they're supposed to be out rescuing George Washington and restoring the future of our country, they'd rather stay in a tent and screw. Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen!

Evil Rip chases Jackson through the incredibly spacious Waverider, which I am now 100% convinced is much bigger on the inside, just like the Doctor's TARDIS. Jackson fiddles around with some tech and repairs the ship's damaged circuits, but the main power switch still needs to be turned on. Evil Rip shouts to Jackson, trying to temp him into handing over the Spear Of Destiny. Evil Rip says that with it, he could rewrite reality and prevent the death of Jackson's father. Fortunately Jackson refuses to take him up on his offer, and Evil Rip shoots him in the arm.

Heat Wave tells Washington they need to find a way to escape. Washington says that wouldn't be the noble thing to do, and he'd rather die like a gentleman. Heat Wave gives him a lecture on the "American Way," saying we're a country of misfits and outcasts who never give up. Well, unless there's something good on TV.

Evil Rip follows Jackson's trail of blood to the infirmary, where Stein has just finished performing surgery on Canary. Evil Rip knocks out Stein, and puts his hand around Canary's throat. He orders Jackson to tell him where the Spear fragment is, or he'll kill Canary. Jackson says it's hidden in an old telescope in Rip's office. Evil Rip thanks him and breaks Canary's neck anyway (!). Merry Christmas, everyone! Evil Rip finds the Spear fragment and leaves.

Stein wakes up and tells Atom, who's still shrunken and has been wandering around the ship's air ducts all episode, to turn the power back on. Unfortunately, Atom's a bit busy, being chased through the ducts by a giant (to him) rat. He eventually escapes it and makes it to the power switch. He turns it on and the Waverider powers up. Gideon comes back online and uses the medbay to repair Canary's fatal injuries (!). 

Just as Washington's about to be executed, Heat Wave rescues him. The two fight the Redcoats (who luckily aren't carrying M-16s). Just then, Steel and Vixen, who are apparently done f*cking, arrive and defeat the troops.

Meanwhile, Evil Rip walks back to his Time Sphere, carrying the Spear fragment. Jackson catches up, intent on shooting and killing him. Evil Rip gives him the old, "If you're going to kill me, do it already" villain speech. Just as Jackson's about to pull the trigger, the now fully-healed Canary (!) appears and talks him out of it. For some reason Jackson and Canary just stand and glare at Evil Rip as he saunters away with the Spear fragment!

Heat Wave and Washington toast their victory, and Steel and Vixen retrieve the M-16s to keep them from polluting history any further. Gideon reports that the timeline has been restored, which makes no sense, since Evil Rip already killed Washington tomorrow (it's hard to write coherent sentences about time travel).

The Legends then celebrate Christmas in February. Atom gives Heat Wave the rat that almost killed him, and Steel gives Vixen a replicated pair of ruby slippers from The Wizard Of Oz. She tells him that what happened in the tent when they were supposed to be rescuing Washington was nice, but she'd rather keep things casual. Ouch!

Canary then makes a toast, saying even though they lost horribly in this episode, they'll defeat the Legion because the Legends are "family." Hey, Canary! Dominic Toretto called and wants his catchphrase back!

Thoughts:
• This week, for the first time ever, Heat Wave does the opening narration, and it is hilarious. It actually made me laugh out loud, which is rare these days. Here's the full narration:

"Seriously, you idiots haven't figured this out by now? It all started when we blew up the time pigs, the Time Masters. Now history's all screwed up, and it's up to us to unscrew it up. Half the time, we screw things up even worse. So don't call us heroes, we're something else. We're legends. Who writes this crap anyway?"

• Odd that they did a Christmas episode in February. I guess they're time travelers, so they can have celebrate the holidays any time they want.

I almost suspect this episode was meant to air at Christmas/ By now though the producers have to know there's going to be a months-long break in the middle of the season, and this episode would never air anywhere near December. 

• I'm having trouble understanding the timeline in this episode, which is fine, because I think the writers did as well. OK, Evil Rip goes back in time and kills Washington on Christmas Day, 1776. He knows this event will attract the Legends, who will likely time travel to Christmas Eve, 1776 to prevent Washington's death. Evil Rip then goes back in time to Christmas Eve himself, to wait for the Legends arrival. So far so good.

Then at the end of the episode, Gideon reports that Washington no longer dies and history is restored. But how? Evil Rip has ALREADY killed Washington! See what I mean? He killed him on the 25th, then went to the 24th and stole the Spear and got away. The 25th arrives, and for some reason Gideon says Washington's now OK. Shouldn't Evil Rip still appear and kill him?

I guess they somehow stopped Evil Rip from killing Washington on the 25th when we weren't looking? Or maybe Evil Rip went back in time a day and changed his own past?

• Canary tells Steel and Vixen to infiltrate the party of a wealthy Pennsylvania landowner and pose as a wealthy newlywed couple sympathetic to the Revolution. 

An interracial couple. In 1776. Riiiiight. The second they walked in together she'd likely have been hanged and he'd have been flogged to within an inch of his life. Hey writers, it's great that you guys don't "see colors" and all, but you've got to take the historical era into account here.

• When Canary spots George Washington at the party, they have the following exchange:

Canary: "You're George Washington.
Washington: "At your service. Now tell me, from which of our thirteen fair colonies do you hail from?"
Canary: "The first one."

Hmmm. Virginia was the first colony, and where Washington was born. I don't know if Canary knew that or not though. She kind of sounds like she's just guessing. If she did know, then why not just say "Virginia" instead of "the first one?" 

If she was just bluffing, she lucked out and gave him an inadvertently correct response.

• Evil Rip sets off an EMP device to fry all electronics in the area, including the Waverider. Later in the episode Jackson restores power to the ship, and it works fine. Is that really possible?

Eh, it depends. As I understand it, an EMP will permanently overload and incapacitate any electronics within a certain radius. The only way to fix an affected device after the pulse is to replace its damaged components.

If an electronic device is shielded or "hardened" against an EMP, it'll be disabled for the duration of the attack. Once it's over, the device should work again.

It's likely that a futuristic ship like the Waverider would be hardened against EMPs. Same goes for advanced tech like Atom's suit. Heat Wave's heat gun will probably need some serious repair before it'll work again though.

• After the EMP blast, Stein and Jackson try to form Firestorm, but can't. Jackson says, "Whatever fried the ship must've done the same thing to our Quantum Splicer."

I guess I forgot that Stein and Jackson have a "Quantum Splicer." I thought their merging ability was organic, not electronic.

• Why are the historical figures on this show so consistently awful? In this episode, George Washington was about a bland, vanilla cipher who couldn't act his way out of a wet paper bag. The same thing happened earlier this season when the Legends met a similarly dull General Ulysses S. Grant.

Is this part of a joke I don't get? Are they trying to show us that these larger-than-life historical figures are just normal everyday people like you and me? Or is the acting pool in Vancouver (where the series is filmed) reeeeally shallow?

• In addition to being incredibly bland, the George Washington we see in this episode speaks with a normal, everyday American accent. Shouldn't he have at least a bit of a British accent?

I looked it up, and no one knows for sure. In the early years of colonization, American and British accents were basically the same. Gradually the American accent diverged from the British, but it took many decades.

Washington was born in Virginia, and most scholars believe the accent there remained extremely close to British through the 1740s. So in 1776, Washington most likely would have had an accent that was very similar to a British one.

• This week Vixen tells Steel that she's from the Zambesi tribe. Has she ever mentioned that before, or is this new info?

• This week when Vixen activates her animal power, she says she "summoned the 'ashe' of a seal." 

I've never heard the word ashe (rhymes with "sashay") before, so I looked it up. Turns out "ashe" is an African philosophical concept through which the Yoruba people of Nigeria summon the power to make things happen or cause change. And that's one to grow on!

• In the right light, Steel looks somewhat like a young Brad Pitt.

• Man, Steel and Vixen are the absolute worst. Jackson sends them on a mission to rescue George Washington, but instead they decide it'd be more fun to f*ck in a tent. Are you freakin' kidding me? These two are supposed to be superheroes?

The scene in which Steel's freezing to death and Vixen strips off her clothes and lays on him to warm him up was positively cringe-worthy. There was absolutely no point to this interlude, and it didn't advance the plot one inch. The only reason this scene exists is so the producers could inject some skin and sex into the episode. Trouble was, it wasn't cute, it wasn't romantic and it wasn't the least bit sexy. I thought it was sickening. It gave new meaning to the word "gratuitous."

The whole thing reminded me of the early episodes of Enterprise, in which the crew would return from an away mission and then have to strip to their underwear and rub blue disinfectant gel on one another's bodies so they didn't infect the ship with an alien bug. Yes, that really happened on that series; look it up.

Even worse, minutes earlier, Vixen's telling Steel about how people "courted" in the 1940s, and how it reserved and formal it was. Then a few scenes later she throws all her social mores out the window as she ruts like a horny teen with a man she barely knows. 

They both really pissed me off this week and I hope they're kicked off the team.

• So Steel falls in a freezing cold river and has hypothermia. What if he switched to his metallic form? Surely he couldn't feel the cold then? I guess maybe he was too shaken up to transform?

• Early in the episode, Evil Rip outfits a squad of Redcoats with modern M-16 rifles. Later on, Heat Wave and Washington are captured by a different group of Redcoats. Heat Wave and Washington start punching them and escape. 

Fortunately for them, this particular group of soldiers is armed with muskets, which take forever to load, allowing them to easily escape. Good thing Evil Rip didn't arm ALL the Redcoats with machine guns!

• Professor Stein gets in a Star Trek reference in this episode. When Jackson tells him he's going to have to operate on Canary, Stein says, "Damn it, Jefferson, I'm a physicist, not a doctor!"

• Stein's forced to operate on Canary by candlelight. Boy, there sure are a lot of candles on the Waverider. Hundreds of them. Maybe even thousands. Where the hell'd they get so many candles?

We know there's a Star Trek replicator on board, but it couldn't have made them, as it's currently inoperable like everything on the ship. That means the Legends had to have hundreds of candles lying around before the EMP pulse knocked out everything.

• Since this was a Christmas episode, where Jackson's hasitly-rigged traps supposed to remind us of Home Alone? And was Atom running through the air vents a subtle reference to Die Hard (which is also technically a Christmas movie)?

• Credit where credit's due: the "Tiny Atom Vs The Rat" scenes were VERY well done. The CGI rat looked absolutely real to me. In fact, all the shrunken Atom scenes in this episode wouldn't have looked out of place in Ant-Man.

• Here's some heavy-duty nitpicking for you— Atom is miniaturized when Rip sets off his EMP. The pulse then fries Atom's suit, rendering it inoperable.

Shouldn't Atom automatically revert to normal size once his suit's kaput? I don't know exactly how it works, but it seems like it's probably actively shrinking him, and once it stops he should grow again.

Does this mean that if Atom shrinks and takes off the suit, he'd still be six inches tall? Weird.

• Some more heavy duty nitpicking— this episode features a subplot about rats infesting the Waverider. You'd think a ship with a futuristic medbay that can regrow a patient's limbs, repair a broken neck and bring a person back to life would have some automatic way of killing rats or other vermin.

• In order to save Canary, Jackson tells Rip there's a piece of the Staff Of Ra Spear Of Destiny hidden in his telescope. Um... did we know there was more than one piece of the Spear before this episode? A few weeks back we saw Rip lift a floor panel and remove a piece of the Spear, but I don't remember any mention of there being a second piece onboard the ship.

• This week we find out that Gideon can bring a person back to life after their neck's been broken. I guess that's not completely out of the question, since she did once regrow Captain Cold's hand, but it's still pretty surprising.

• During the climax, Jackson points a gun at Evil Rip, who's making off with the Spear fragment. Canary appears and talks Jackson out of killing him. Evil Rip then casually strolls off with the Spear fragment.

Can anyone explain to me why Jackson and Canary seemed powerless to stop Evil Rip from getting away? They both stand rock still, glowering at him as he saunters off. Neither one lifts so much as a finger to stop him. Jesus Christ, tackle him or something. Throw a rock at his head at least! He's stealing an artifact that can alter reality for poop's sake!

• At the end of the episode, Steel and Vixen take time out from screwing long enough to collect the M-16's that Evil Rip passed out to the Redcoats, to keep history from being altered even further. 

It's way too late for that! Sure, they were right to take back the guns, but the soldiers have already seen them, and no doubt examined them. How long before one with a talent for mechanical engineering figures out how to build a crude machine gun a couple hundred hears early?

Also, at one point General Cornwallis refers to Evil Rip, saying he's "ahead of his time." That implies that Cornwallis knows Evil Rip's a time traveler. How's that little kernel of knowledge going to alter the future?

• This week's best lines:

Evil Rip: (giving machine guns to Hessian soldiers) "Grab yourselves a rifle, lads. After all, it's Christmas."

Stein: "You wish to speak, Mr. Rory? I noticed the death of our forefather hasn't diminished your appetite."
Heat Wave: "Mm, Washington's a punk."

Heat Wave: "If Washington's so cool, why his he on the one dollar bill and Franklin's on the hundred dollar bill? Now he's cool."

There was a little running joke this week, involving Heat Wave:
Stein: "We must save Washington."
Canary: "And Rory."
Stein: "That was implied."

Steel: "Saving a nation, a president and Christmas."
Vixen: "And Rory."
Steel: "That was implied."

Heat Wave: (to Washington) "Now I know why Franklin's on the hundred dollar bill. I bet you one hundred yous you're wrong."

Steel: "We are not in Kansas anymore."
Vixen: "Wait, I know that one. That's from a movie called The Wizard of Oz."
That had to be a little shoutout to The Avengers, in which Captain America said almost the exact same line.

Washington: "Lieutenant General Cornwallis. I would've preferred to meet you on the field of battle."
Cornwallis: (referring to Evil Rip here) "I must give credit where credit is due. I have a new colonel who's most impressive. One might say he's ahead of his time."

Heat Wave: (to Washington) "Listen, you fop."
I'm honestly surprised that Heat Wave knows what a "fop" is.

Washington: "The British may be dishonorable, but I am not. By my death, I will prove to the Crown what it means to be an American."
Heat Wave: "You don't know the first thing about being an American. We're misfits, outcasts, and we're proud of it. If they attack in formation, we pop them off from the trees. If they challenge you to a duel, you raid their camp at night. And if they're gonna hang you, you fight dirty and you never, ever give up. That's the American way."

Jackson: "You're Captain Rip Hunter."
Evil Rip: "The man who recruited a bunch of reject super heroes to not save his family? Don't tell me you miss that self-righteous idiot."
Jackson: "This isn't you. Whatever the Legion's done to turn you into their puppet, you— "
Evil Rip: "Captain Rip Hunter was the puppet! First of the Time Masters, and then to some misguided duty to protect history. Can't you see, Jax? My new allies, they freed me!"

Evil Rip: "History is war and slavery and holding your dead son in your arms. There's no point in protecting history, so we might as well just burn it all down."
Atom: (seeing a giant— to him— rat in the air duct) "Oh, rats."

Legends Of Tomorrow Season 1, Episode 12: Last Refuge

It was inevitable that Legends Of Tomorrow would eventually get around to doing their own version of The Terminator franchise. Unfortunately The Terminator and its sequels handled the whole "Killing A Person In The Past To Erase Them In The Present" thing much, much better, not to mention more coherently. 

The time travel in The Terminator was well thought out, internally consistent and actually made sense. On Legends Of Tomorrow the rules of time travel change from week to week (sometimes in the same episode!) depending on the needs of the script. It's hard to use time travel as a dramatic device when there are no boundaries and literally anything can happen for any reason. I understand it would be limiting, but this show really needs to lay down some ground rules about time travel and then stick with them.

The series has done its best to set up the Time Masters as secondary villains, to be the Big Bad when Savage isn't around. But the thing is, they're not inherently evil. Savage just wants to watch the world burn. The Time Masters are simply trying to keep the timeline safe from Rip Hunter and his blundering Legends, whose constant, clumsy meddling threatens all of reality. I can understand their point. Their methods may be extreme, but... they're not villains!

I could have sworn I read that Season 1 of Legends would consist of just thirteen episodes, but now I'm seeing it's actually sixteen. Chalk it up to my faulty memory, I guess.

SPOILERS!

The Plot:
The Time Lords, er, I mean Time Masters sentence space pirate Kaylex Druzan to death by the Omega Protocol. They send The Pilgrim to kill him at some point in the past, which kills him in the present. Don't think too hard about that; just roll with it. They give The Pilgrim her next assignment— eliminating the Legends by killing their younger selves.

In Central City in 1990, a young Heat Wave watches his home burn, with his parents inside (yikes!). The Pilgrim sneaks up behind him and draws her blaster. At the last second Atom appears and blasts her, saving Young Heat Wave. They bring him onboard the Waverider for safe keeping.

Their next stop is Starling City in 2007, to rescue younger White Canary. Her father, Sgt. Quentin Lance, has brought her to the police station as part of "Bring Your Daughter To Work Day." The Pilgrim appears and Present Canary and Heat Wave stop her. They bring Young Canary onto the Waverider and toss her in with Young Heat Wave, which seems like a bad idea.

Gideon then announces she's lost The Pilgrim's trail, and has no idea where she'll strike next. Atom suddenly collapses, and develops internal injuries. Gideon detects a temporal anomaly two years in the past. Apparently The Pilgrim's trying to kill Atom in 2014. Hunter and Firestorm arrive at Palmer Tech in 2014, and blast The Pilgrim out of the building, saving Atom just in time.

OK, let's just plow through this and get it over with. After his near death experience, Atom proposes to Hawkgirl and gives her the engagement ring he bought when they were stuck in the 1950s. She hems and haws through most of the episode, he realizes it was a mistake and tries to take back the proposal, and in the end she agrees to marry him. Yawn.

To prevent a repeat of Atom's near-death, Hunter decides to abduct Captain Cold, Professor Stein and Jackson shortly after they're born, to prevent The Pilgrim from finding them. He says it's a risky move, as leaving them out of the timestream for two long can cause their friends and families to forget they ever existed.

Hawkgirl and Canary steal Baby Cold, while Hunter and Heat Wave take Baby Stein. Atom and Stein go to take Baby Jackson. Stein sees Jackson's father, a soldier who was killed in action two weeks after his son's birth. He brazenly flaunts the rules of time travel by fetching Jackson so he can talk to his father. Jackson does so, but seems more upset than happy to meet the father he never knew.

Hunter then takes all the Legends' younger selves to "The Refuge," the Time Master orphanage where he grew up. It's run by a stern headmistress, who's Hunter's adoptive mother. She says her loyalty is to the children under her care, not the Time Masters, which makes one wonder how she's kept her job all these years. She gladly takes in all the kids.

The Pilgrim sends a message to Hunter. She says since he's prevented her from killing the Legends' younger selves, she's abducted their various loved ones, including Sgt. Lance, Stein's wife, Cold's sister and Jackson's father. She says she'll execute Jackson's father first, unless they hand over their younger selves. Hunter makes her a counter offer— he'll turn himself over to The Pilgrim, which will prevent the team from ever being formed.

Hunter sets up a meeting in an abandoned Time Masters outpost. His "mother" brings Young Hunter (who was one of the kids we saw at the orphanage) to the meeting. The Pilgrim arrives and hands over Jackson's father, as Hunter hands over his younger self. Atom has been secretly hiding on Young Hunter's back, and flies out and attacks The Pilgrim. The rest of the Legends then appear and attack. The Pilgrim uses her time-stopping ability to freeze them all— and their various energy blasts— in midair. She promises to kill all their loved ones as revenge, but forgets about Young Hunter, who repeatedly stabs her in the gut with a knife. Her concentration broken, the Legends are unfrozen and fry The Pilgrim into oblivion. 

At the orphanage, Hunter's mom says she'll keep the young Legends safe. Hunter gives the Legends' various loved ones amnesia pills before returning them to their respective times. Professor Stein notes that his wife doesn't recognize him even before the pill. Hunter says due to their younger selves being absent from the timeline for so long, they're fading from existence. He says they need to hurry and kill Vandal Savage once and for all before it's too late. They now have to go to the one time they know he exists—  the year 2166, when he's at the one place in time where they'll know he'll be: 2166 at the height of his powers. And thus the stage is set for the season finale.

Thoughts:

• As is typical for this series, the rules and mechanics of time and time travel are wildly inconsistent and make no logical sense. The Time Masters sentence Kaylex Druzan to death. He's standing right there before them. The Pilgrim then kills him at some point in the past, which erases him from existence in the present.

But if he was killed when he was ten years old, then how the hell could he be standing in front of the Time Masters as a thirty year old man? See what I mean? Kaylex Druzan ceased to exist at age ten. There's no way he could have grown to adulthood and took up pirating for a living.

The writers attempt to smooth over this anomaly by having Rip Hunter say that it takes a while for time to "cement" and adjust itself after a major change. Nice try, guys, but I ain't buying it.

This is one of those time where we should probably stop trying to figure it out, and just follow Basil Exposition's advice in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me, where he says, "I suggest you don't worry about those things and just enjoy yourself. (To audience) That goes for you all, too."

• At the beginning of the episode, the Time Masters execute a space pirate named Kaylex Druzan. That's such a specifically bizarre name that I was sure it was a shoutout to a character from the comics, but as near as I can tell he was made up for the show.

• Good news for Apple, Inc.! Apparently iPads will still exist in the 22nd Century, as the Time Masters hand one to The Pilgrim and she swipes left through her targets, like a deadly version of Tinder.

• In 1990, Atom uses his Iron Man blasters to knock The Pilgrim on her ass, saving Young Heat Wave. Why didn't he just go ahead and kill her while he had the chance? I get that that's not very heroic, and we're straying into Dark Knight V Hopeman territory here, but... she's trying to wipe out the entire team by murdering them when they were defenseless children. Doesn't that justify deadly force this one time?

OK, so they don't want to kill her. So then why not grab her while she's knocked out and throw her into the brig? Then drop her off someplace in the Jurassic era, where she'll no longer be a threat. Problem solved. 

Of course if they did that then this episode would have lasted about ten minutes, so... the writers are no doubt hoping the audience doesn't think too much about this.

• After saving Young Heat Wave from The Pilgrim, Atom asks what's to stop her from going back in time a day or two earlier and killing him then? Good question! Hunter and Heat Wave (who, after becoming Chronos, is now also an expert on the Time Masters) explain:

Hunter: "'Cause the Omega Protocol calls for precision. Multiple attempts from The Pilgrim could do irreparable temporal damage."

Heat Wave: "Which means she's only got one shot at killing each and every one of us."

Hunter: And we only have one shot to extract your younger selves from the timeline before she pulls the trigger."

Wow. That is a glorious example of technobabble bullsh*t that makes absolutely zero sense, but at least shows the writers realized there was a plot hole in their script and they tried their best to plug it. I'm willing to give them this one.

• This episode establishes the age of several of the Legends.

They pick up Heat Wave's younger self in 1990. That was twenty six years ago, and Young Heat Wave looks to be about fifteen. That would make him forty one years old in 2016, which seems about right. Actor Dominic Purcell, who plays Heat Wave, is currently forty six.

Next they rescue White Canary's younger self, "circa 2007." That was nine years ago, and she appears to be around fifteen or sixteen. That would make Canary around twenty five now. Actress Caity Lotz is currently twenty nine.

Captain Cold was born in 1972, which makes him forty four. For some reason I assumed he was younger than that, but I'll take the show's word for it. Actor Wentworth Miller is currently forty three.

Professor Stein was born in Ivy Town in 1950, which makes him sixty six. Actor Victor Garber is currently sixty seven.

Jefferson Jackson was born in 1993, making him twenty three. Actor Franz Drameh is also twenty three.

• Arrow has a long running tradition of featuring some of the most god-awful, unconvincing wigs in the history of TV hairpieces. That said, Sgt. Lance's wig looks pretty darned good in this episode (at least to my eyes). It's definitely better than that dead possum Stephen Amell wears on his head during the Arrow island flashbacks.

• Actress Caity Lotz plays a very convincing younger version of herself in this episode. Somehow she even sounded younger!

• Apparently Rip Hunter's a fan of discontinued breakfast cereals. At one point we see Atom eating a bowl of Fruit Brute cereal that he got from Hunter's secret stash.

I have to assume this means Hunter is actually using his time machine to buy cereal in the past (!). Just think about how he's trampling on the timeline by doing so. How many kids from the 1970s were denied their boxes of Fruit Brute because a grown-ass adult from the future bought the last box in their local store?

• Was Young Heat Wave's outfit an homage to Marty McFly in Back To The Future Part II?

• For some reason The Pilgrim attacks the adult version of Atom from two years ago, instead of his younger self. I have a feeling that was due to budget restrictions, so they didn't have to hire a child actor who resembled Brandon Routh.

• At The Refuge, Hunter's "mom" says his first name is Michael.

In the comics, Rip Hunter's father is Michael John Carter, aka Booster Gold. Carter was born in the 25th Century, and went back in time to 1986, where he became a superhero.
I'm betting the TV version of Rip Hunter was named after his famous father.

• Cold's sister Lisa was apparently kidnapped by The Pilgrim, but once again, there must not have been room in the budget for one more speaking part, because we were told rather than shown that she's been taken.

• At one point we see Professor Stein standing near a locker, with a couple of helmets stacked on top.

I don't know whose helmet's on the right, but the one on the left that looks like a kettle belongs to Ma Hunkel, who was the Red Tornado in the comics. Note that she was the Golden Age version of the character, not to be confused with the Red Tornado who appeared in Season 1 of Supergirl. I assume this means we'll see the Red Tornado before the season's over?

• Jackson travelling back in time and interacting with his late father was very reminiscent of Agent J doing the same thing in Men In Black 3. And not just because the characters are all black.

Their scenes together were pretty well done, but they'd have been even better if this wasn't the first time we'd ever heard of Jackson's father. He'd never been mentioned even once before this week. Maybe if Jackson had ever wistfully mentioned him before now, their meet-up would have been even more poignant.

• Looks like someone on the writing staff really likes Kylo Ren from Star Wars: The Force Awakens. The Pilgrim is able to use "temporal micro-manipulation" to freeze the various Legends' blasts in mid air, allowing her to waltz away unharmed.

• By the way, this does not seem like a wise tactical move on the part of the Legends. All The Pilgrim has to do is duck, and they'll end up frying one another.

• Professor Stein gets the best line of the episode. Seconds after he's born in 1950 (in a car, yet!), Hunter and Heat Wave show up in an ambulance, claiming to be from the hospital. They take Baby Stein with them and vanish. Stein says, "It's somewhat disconcerting that my father would give me up so willingly to two complete strangers."

• At the end of the episode, Hunter says have to act quickly and destroy Savage before the Legends are erased from history. The only way to do that is to go to the one time in which they're certain he exists— 2166, when he's at the height of his power, and the most dangerous.

Um... why not just take a page from the Time Masters Handbook and kill Savage as a child? Hawkgirl could probably come up with a pretty good guess as to when he was born. Just go back five thousand years or so to ancient Eqypt, kill him in his wooden crib and be done with it.

I suppose that might alter the timeline quite a bit, since Savage has played a part in many key moments in history, but so what? For all his blustering, Hunter's never seemed all that worried about it before. I guess they might also be reluctant to implement this plan because it would involve killing a baby or a kid, which they all went through a couple weeks ago. Still, if they're serious about eliminating Savage, that seems like the way to go to me.

The Flash Season 1, Episode 10: Revenge Of The Rogues

The Flash is back from Xmas vacation! Huzzah! I am not a fan of these mid-season breaks, but at least this show was only off for a month. Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. won't be back until freakin' March, and Doctor Who is gone until late fall (!). 

There's a lot going on this week, as the general public finally gets its first real look at the Flash, Iris moves in with Eddie, and we get our first super villain team up as Captain Cold joins forces with his pal Heat Wave. 

SPOILERS!

The Plot:

Still smarting from his defeat by the Reverse Flash, Barry trains to improve his speed. Captain Cold, aka Leonard Snart, returns to Central City with his partner Heat Wave, aka Mick Rory. They fake a robbery in order to set a trap for the Flash, but he's too busy training to show.

Dr. Wells tells Barry that if he ignores Captain Cold, he'll get bored and go away. Seems like sound advice to me! Barry tells Joe that he's going to concentrate on his speed, so he and the police force will have to deal with Cold themselves. This makes Joe unhappy. Cisco comes up with a special art deco shield to help protect the police.

Meanwhile in non-Flash related subplots,  and Iris moves out and into Eddie's apartment, much to Joe's chagrin. Caitlin talks to a colleague of her late fiancé Ronnie. She discovers that "Firestorm," the last thing Ronnie said to her, is not a name, but an acronym for the transmutation project he was working on with a Dr. Martin Stein.

Cold and Heat Wave kidnap Caitlin to draw out the Flash. Dr. Wells and Cisco theorize that if Barry can get the Rogues's respective guns to cross streams, they'll cancel each other out. And by cancel out, they mean "create a big-ass explosion." Dr. Wells admits this is just like Ghostbusters.

Joe and Cisco rescue Caitlin, while Barry battles Cold and Heat Wave in full view of the Central City police force. He eventually gets them to cross the streams, they blow up, and the public now knows the Flash is real and not an urban legend.

After Iris moves out of Joe's house, Barry decides to move back in. As the Rogues are being transported to prison, their van is hijacked by Snart's sister, who's most likely Golden Glider. 

Thoughts:

• Barry's opening narration is changed this week, as he says, "My name is Barry Allen, and I'm NOT the fastest man alive," reflecting his run-in (HA!) with the Reverse Flash.

• The STAR Labs Gang helps Barry train by chasing him with flying drones. Drones that are equipped with live ammo, by the way, including missiles! Yikes! Hopefully Barry doesn't ever trip!

• As one of the training missiles bears down on Barry, Dr. Wells comes this close to jumping out of his wheelchair and revealing himself for the fraud he is. Fortunately for him (I guess), Barry rallies and saves himself, and Dr. Wells sits back down.

• I believe this episode set the record for the most times the name "Snart" has ever been said in a single televised hour. I have to admit I snicker a little every time I hear the name "Snart." Do the writers really think that moniker is any less silly than saying Captain Cold?

• By the way, did you notice that Captain Cold has a calm, icy demeanor while Heat Wave is a raging hothead? Subtle!

• The Rathaways, the wealthiest family in Central City, buy a valuable painting for a cool $25 million. The Rogues show up and steal it from them.

A few things about this little interlude. First of all, the painting is called Fire And Ice. It's an abstract work; one side is white, while the other side is red because of course it is.

Second, as he exits his private jet, Mr. Rathaway hands his driver the painting and tells him to be careful with it. Amazingly this $25 million dollar painting isn't inside a crate or any kind of protective packaging! The fragile canvas is totally exposed to the elements, spilled drinks and sharp corners. They didn't even bother to throw a tarp over it! "Yass, DO be careful Jeeves, and don't put your foot through my priceless painting!"

In their super secret villain lair, Heat Wave accuses Cold of being obsessed with killing the Flash and says they should just sell the painting and enjoy their newfound wealth. Um... where exactly do you sell a painting? Especially one that the whole art world knows is stolen? At the local pawn shop? They bicker for a bit and Heat Wave eventually comes around to Cold's point of view, agreeing to kill the Flash. He then torches the painting, just for kicks.

Well, that was all certainly meaningless! What the hell was the point of this whole "painting theft" scene, other than to eat up a few minutes of the run time?

• When Caitlin is discussing Ronnie with Barry, she says the last time she saw him, he muttered "Firestorm" and then flew away. She then says, "My dead fiance can fly. Haven't broken that to my parents yet." HA!

The two of them then figure out that "Firestorm" isn't a name or word, but an acronym for a project that Ronnie and his colleague Jason Rusch were working on. It stands for Fusion, Ignition, Research Experiment and Science of Transmutation Originating RNA and Molecular Structures. Phew! To paraphrase Grant Ward over on Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D., "Somebody really wanted that to spell 'Firestorm."

This is significant, because in the comics Firestorm could not only fly, but had the power to transmute objects. That's a relief, because I was afraid they were going to turn him into a lame Human Torch clone.

By the way, in the comics, Jason Rusch is a rebooted, alternate version of Firestorm. I doubt he's going to turn into a superhero; I'm betting they just threw him in to make the fanboys swoon.

• Caitlin finds Ronnie's F.I.R.E.S.T.O.R.M. paper online, but balks at reading it because it's 800 pages long. Barry reads it in just a few seconds.

Apparently Barry's cognitive abilities also have super speed, if he's able to comprehend such a massive amount of info so quickly. This actually makes sense. The ability to run 500 miles an hour would be useless if you couldn't see an object in your path and be able to avoid it in time.

• Cisco whips up some special heated art deco shields for the police. They use them when Captain Cold attacks, and whaddya know, they actually work. Unfortunately for the cops though, the shields leave their legs exposed. Fortunately for the cops it never occurs to Cold to aim below the shields.

• The Rogues kidnap Caitlin in an effort to draw out the Flash. In their secret super villain lair, Heat Wave ties her to a booby-trapped chair with an incendiary device attached to a trip wire. As a finishing touch he places a gag in her mouth so she can't warn anyone who rushes in to rescue her.

Here's a fun little experiment. Take a handkerchief and place it across your open mouth. Now pull it as tight as you can around your face. Have you done so yet? OK, now try to speak. Can you still talk? Of course you can! Sure, your voice is a little muffled, but you can still speak at least as clearly as the average ventriloquist!

I can't really blame The Flash writers too much for this idiocy. This "mouth gag" er, gag has been going on since the earliest day of cinema.

• The Rogues then send a "ransom message" to the Flash over the TV airwaves. Despite the fact that it's playing on a hi-def TV, the video is very low res and has visible scan lines. Funny how we still have to use these scan lines to indicate we're watching a video, despite the fact that TVs no longer display them.

• Dr. Wells, Cisco and Barry discuss how to neutralize Cold and Heat Wave's guns. Apparently Cold's gun fires an absolute zero ray— absolute zero being the coldest anything can possibly be. It's around −459ºF. That's pretty darned cold. 

Heat Wave's gun emits an absolute hot beam. I'd never heard this term before, and assumed it was just comic book science made up for the show. Apparently it's a real thing. It's the highest attainable temperature of matter, called the Planck temperature. It's 1.416 x 10(32)K. I have no idea what that means, but it's got like thirty two zeros in it and sounds really, really hot. Hot enough to melt not only Barry's suit, but probably the entire city as well.

• The entire time Barry's zipping up and down the street trying to get the Rogues to cross their streams, the police stand motionless like statues, seemingly powerless to do anything but gape at them. I guess the Central City Police Force doesn't have any snipers who could have picked off the villains from a rooftop? Maybe they all had the night off.

The only one who moves a muscle to help is Eddie, and even then he doesn't fire his weapon, but covers the Flash with a heat shield.

• By the way, I defy anyone on the audience to watch Captain Cold and Heat Wave firing their weapons and not thing of these two.

• As Iris is packing, she finds Barry's old backpack from his high school days. Of course it's red and yellow.

• Now that the entire police force has seen the Flash in person and knows he's real, does that mean Iris can shut down her stupid blog? Please?

• Biggest laugh of the night: As Iris is moving out, Joe is visibly upset. Eddie tells him he's welcome to visit anytime, but to give them "a few minutes notice." Joe doesn't find this amusing. Ha!

• At the end of the episode, Captain Cold and Heat Wave are being transported to Iron Heights Prison, when their convoy is attacked. They're freed by Cold's unseen sister. So... do you think this would this count as a... prison break? Eh? Get it? 

Wentworth Miller and Dominic Purcell both starred in Prison Break a few seasons ago.

• In the comics, Cold's sister is Golden Glider. I assume the same applies here. She has a pair of hi-tech skates that allow her to "glide" on any surface, and even through the air.

• For everyone who watched the episode live, how about that Subaru commerical with the dogs driving the car? Did you catch the disclaimer that said, "Dramatization. Professional driver on closed course. Do not attempt. Always secure your pets."

Seriously? I'm assuming that disclaimer was a joke, right? Please tell me it was a joke, and the general public doesn't really believe dogs can drive. Please?