I Scream, You Scream...

Saw these in the grocery store this week. Interesting to see that the Magnum condom people are branching out into the ice cream treat business.

A word of advice to their Marketing Department though— No one's gonna buy a Magnum "mini" product, if you know what I mean...

There're also not gonna buy six popsiclse for $5.99! Jesus Christ, are the fillings made of unicorn tears?

Scaping The Bottom Of the Star Wars Barrel

From 1978 to 1985, the Kenner toy company produced hundreds of Star Wars action figures based on the original trilogy. Then after a long dry spell, Hasbro, which had acquired Kenner, brought the figures back in 1995. Boy, did they bring them back. They've made hundreds, maybe even thousands of different figures from the movies, and they're still pumping them out 15 years later.

Every major character has been immortalized in plastic, some many times over. There are at least 50 different versions of Luke Skywalker. I once joked to a toy collecting friend that it wouldn't be long until they made a figure of Luke in his diaper from the beginning of The Empire Strikes Back. A month later, Hasbro came out with Luke Skywalker in his diaper, complete with his healing Bacta Tank accessory.

But all good things must eventually come to an end, and we may be nearing the end of the line for Star Wars figures. They're dangerously close to running out of new characters to make. Virtually every character that had even a few frames of screen time has had a figure made of them. Don't believe me? Then take a look at one Mr. Willrow Hood.

Yes, it's the exciting Willrow Hood figure, from The Empire Strikes Back. Don't feel bad if you don't recognize his name. It was never uttered in the movie, nor is it in the credits. Mr. Hood lives in Cloud City, and according to the back of the card, he works for the gas mining company on Bespin. So basically they made a figure of a guy who works for the gas company. Fun!

Here's a closeup of Willrow, decked out in his trademark orange jumpsuit, complete with doughy physique. The back of the card says that the white object he's holding is a computer memory core full of sensitive information that he's trying to keep from the Empire. In reality, many sharp-eyed fans of the Trilogy have recognized the "core" prop as a plain old terrestrial ice cream maker! Yep, as Willrow ran for his life from Cloud City, the only thing he took with him was his sweet, sweet ice cream maker. For many years, he was known in fan circles as "Ice Cream Guy." His popularity among fan boys (who must really love ice cream) grew until Hasbro decided to make a figure of him.

So it's come to this. No offense to Mr. Hood, but with the advent of his figure, we've officially scraped the bottom of the Star Wars action figure barrel.

By the way, if you're still scratching your head trying to figure out where Willrow appears in the movie, it's right after Lando Calrissian makes an announcement to Cloud City, telling the citizens that the Empire has taken control and if they're smart, they'll... I don't know, jump off the edge of the city or something. Willrow then appears for exactly 1.5 seconds as he runs past the camera, clutching his precious ice cream maker. That's right, 1.5 seconds is all the screen time it takes to warrant your own action figure.

Just for fun, here's a shot of my own Star Wars figure display. Note that these are only a fraction of the figures Hasbro has made over the years. They've made hundreds of Prequel figures, which I do not collect, seeing as how those movies... oh, what's the word... sucked. By the way, these figures and more are on display in a spare bedroom of my house that's become an official toy room. I try to keep the action figures confined to one room so that it looks like a grown up lives in my house.