This Week In Unnecessary Doctor Who Merchandise

This week the BBC once again proved that there's no product they won't license, as they released these photos of a new set of Doctor Who Sonic Screwdriver cutlery. 

Now you can cut your meat the way everyone's favorite 2000 year old Time Lord does! Sonically! No word on whether the sonic utensils are dishwasher safe.

Welp, if nothing else, I know what everyone in my family's going to be buying me this Xmas.

There's also a sonic screwdriver potato peeler, for people who actually have time to peel potatoes, and a sonic dish scrubber. Sure to match any kitchen decor!

Hey, Dune

I found this in a used bookstore a couple of weeks ago-- it's a storybook adaptation of the 1984 Dune movie. For kids.

Even after all these years I'm still amazed at the lengths Universal Studios went to in a flailing attempt to market this movie to children. The movie premiered one year after Return Of The Jedi and the Star Wars marketing juggernaut was still going strong. I assume Universal wanted to get in on some of that sweet merchandising action as well.

Unfortunately the only big budget sci-fi property they had at the time was Dune. So against all reason, common sense and better judgment they did their damnedest to sell a very adult story to children.

There's very little in the Dune novel that would appeal to a child, and even less in David Lynch's weird for weird's sake movie adaptation. There's the sandworms I guess, and... well, that's about it. I can't imagine any child under 14 getting much out of it. For comparison, it would be like DC Comics made a Watchmen storybook for kids. It's a dark and complicated tale about ecology wrapped up in political drama. It's full of assassination, intrigue and Machiavellian plots. Just the type of story kids like to see at the movies!

Some of the other highlights of Dune merchandise:

I can still remember walking into a (sadly now defunct) Hills department store a few months before the movie came out and seeing Dune action figures on the shelf. I was familiar with the book and I couldn't believe someone was actually making toys. Take a good look at the top of the action figure package: it actually says "Ages 4 and up." Yes, what 4 year old wouldn't love playing with a figure of Stilgar, the Fremen who wears a suit that recycles his urine for drinking purposes, and rides on top of a giant phallic sand worm?

There was also a Dune coloring book, full of bizarre images from the movie, including several pages of murdered bodies for kids to color(!). There were several activity books as well, featuring connect-the-dots pages and even recipes!

At least the activity book spared us from this image of Sting and his winged speedo on the cover: