BEST And WORST Movies Of 2016

Hey, it's 2017, so what better time to look backward and make a list of The Best And Worst Movies of 2016!

I saw a whopping forty seven movies (!) in the cineplex in 2016, very few of which were actually worth watching. Out of that number there were a scant two or three that I'd actually consider good, tons of mediocre ones, and several that should immediately be shot into the sun.

Last year when I looked back at the Best And Worst Movies Of 2015, I realized I was far too easy on most of the films I reviewed. I vowed to fix that in 2016, and grade them more appropriately and accurately. Overall I think I did a better job in 2016, but in retrospect there were still a few I graded far too generously. 

I believe a big part of my grading problem is time, as I tend to be easier on a film when it's still fresh in my mind. It's not until weeks, or sometimes months later that a movie's many flaws become apparent and I realize it was actually a steaming pile of crap. I will continue to try and improve in this area in the coming year.

OK, on with the list. Needless to say, this is a list of the movies that I saw last year. I have no doubt there were much better and far worse films out there in 2016. And even more needless to say, the following are my opinions, and are completely subjective. Your mileage may vary.

WORST MOVIE OF 2016
As always, there were so many choices, I barely know where to begin. The cineplex was littered with hundreds of awful, awful films last year, but there were several that stood out from the pack.

Blair Witch
It's a remake! It's a sequel! It's a reboot! It's all three in one! And it still sucked!

The original The Blair Witch Project was a bona fide sensation when it premiered way back in 1999, and kicked off the whole detestable found footage genre. It was an interesting experiment, but unfortunately you can only pull off a trick like that once, as the new film so ably demonstrates.

Blair Witch is big, loud and dumb and lacks any of the subtlety that made the original a hit. Everything's cranked up to eleven here, as it even throws time travel into the mix! Stay out of these woods, and go watch the original again. 

I gave this film a well-deserved D+, and I stand by that grade.

Bad Santa 2

The original film became a raunchy Christmas classic back in 2003. Unfortunately this unwanted and unasked-for sequel is nothing more than a sub-par rehash. The uninspired script lacks the spark that made Bad Santa special, resulting in a movie that wants to be shocking, but comes off as mean-spirited. Worst of all, it's just plain not funny.

It's rare for a movie to make me feel genuine anger, but Bad Santa 2 somehow managed it. I really wanted to hurt this movie, and if it had a face I'd punch it.

I gave the film the D+ it so richly deserved.

Morgan
Another entry in the already crowded "A.I. Goes Horribly Wrong" genre.

Take Ex Machina, strip it of all its themes, substance, intelligence, competence and top notch performances and you'll end up with Morgan. It's the drooling man's sci-fi film.

I gave it a middling C grade, but it deserved a C- or D+ at best.

Incarnate
Start with The Exorcist (or any demonic possession film from the past forty years), cross it with Inception and top it with bits and pieces from a dozen other horror films, and you'll have a good idea what you're in for here.

Incarnate was actually filmed back in 2013 and then shelved for three years, which is ALWAYS a bad sign. There's probably an interesting concept deep within the center of the film, but it's buried under an avalanche of poor writing and worse direction.

I gave it a very appropriate D+.

The Darkness

Sigh… another watered-down, PG-13 suburban "horror" film that's as scary as a basket of kittens. 

Every frame of this film is a carbon copy of Poltergeist. There's a family whose house is plagued by strange happenings, a young child who's the only one who can see or communicate with the spirits, and the family even calls a professional spiritual medium to rid their house of evil! 

The Darkness proves that stealing the plot from a classic film doesn't guarantee yours will be a good one. In fact quite the opposite is true here. I gave it a C-, but it deserved a D.

The Huntsman: Winter's War
Somehow this film is both a prequel AND a sequel to Snow White And The Huntsman. It's like the Godfather 2 of fairy tale movies, except it sucks.

The Huntsman had to retcon much of the original film in order to work, which is always the sign of a subpar sequel. Oddly enough there's no Snow White this time, as her character's awkwardly written out at the beginning, replaced by an Elsa clone to cash in on the phenomenal success of Frozen.

I gave it a much too generous C.

The Boy

An anemic horror film that's a mishmash of many better movies, including the Chucky series, Dead Silence, Magic, The People Under The Stairs, Bad Ronald, Housebound and The House Of The Devil. There's even an abusive boyfriend subplot that's lifted almost shot-for-shot from Sinister 2.

Jesus, is there any movie that The Boy didn't steal from?

For some reason I gave this movie a much too generous C+. This is definitely one of those cases where it took me a while to step back and recognize the film for the turd it was. I should have given it a D+ at best.

The Forest
Here's a great idea– let's take an actual site in Japan known for its shockingly high suicide rate and incorporate it into a mediocre horror film, parading personal tragedy across the screen for the public's entertainment!

My favorite moment in The Forest is when the main character is searching for her IDENTICAL TWIN sister, and shows a photo of her to various people, asking if they've seen her. Um... couldn't she just point at her own face and ask if they've seen anyone who looks like her?

I gave the film a much too high C.

Honorable Mentions:

Batman V. Superman: Dawn Of Justice
When I watch a direct to video film that was made by a tiny studio for next to no money by an unknown director, I kind of expect it to suck. 

Batman V. Superman had none of those problems. It was made by Warner Bros. for frak's sake, cost $250 MILLION* and was helmed by a successful director with a proven track record. Yet despite everything it had going for it, they still managed to screw it up. Badly.

The best I could say about the movie when I wrote my review was that I didn't hate it. High praise indeed! Sadly, that attitude's changed over the past year, as I've had time to process the film. I've grown to actively hate it over the past year, and wish I could somehow un-see it.

I gave it a C+, which feels way too high.

* The official budget is listed at $250 million, but industry insiders insist the cost ballooned to $410 million.

Suicide Squad
It's the same deal as with Batman V. Superman– this movie had a huge budget, the resources of a major studio behind it and a competent director at the helm, so there was absolutely no reason for it to suck. Especially when Marvel Studios have effortlessly pumped out fourteen very good comic book films over the past eight years.

Part of Suicide Squad's problem was studio meddling, as executives panicked over the movie's dark and gritty tone and tried to change it to a quippy, Guardians Of The Galaxy style romp in mid-stream. All this did was result in a muddled, schizophrenic, nonsensical mess of a movie.

I gave it a C, which in retrospect feels a bit high.

AND THE WINNER FOR WORST MOVIE OF 2016:

It was a tough choice, as there were just so, so many contenders. A lot of the movies on the list were low budget horror films, which you kind of expect to be bad. The big budget DC Comic flops were truly awful as well, but they're so bland I don't care enough about them to actively hate them.

Two movies stood out from the pack this year– both were sequels to much better and far more successful films. And unfortunately, both movies sh*t all over the memories and legacies of their predecessors for no good reason, other than to try and make a quick buck.

Therefore in a split decision, I award Worst Movie Of 2016 to both Blair Witch AND Bad Santa 2! Congratulations!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MOST DISAPPOINTING MOVIE OF 2016
Again, it was tough to narrow the choices down to just a few. So many films showed promise early in 2016, only to disappoint audiences nationwide as they limped across the screen and thudded to the ground sacks of sour, damp laundry. I managed to find three that I found particularly disappointing.

Ghostbusters 2016
Who'd have thought the most controversial and divisive movie of 2016 would have been a goddamned Ghostbusters film? Blood was spilled and gigabytes of internet space was wasted on arguments over the new, all female cast, and for what? A horrible comedy about people who hunt ghosts!

For the record I had no problem with the gender of the cast. I just didn't think any of them were the least bit funny. I never expected Ghostbusters 2016 to surpass the original classic, but how the hell could Paul Feig take one of the funniest movies ever made and create a laugh-free version? Talk about disappointing!

I gave it a C, which for once sounds about right.

Independence Day: Resurgence

I get a lot of sh*t for it, but the original Independence Day is one of my favorite movies. I know it's not high art, but it's entertaining, and in the end isn't that a movie's job?

Believe it or not I was actually looking forward to this sequel and seeing all my favorite characters from the original do battle with invading aliens once again. Unfortunately very few of the main cast returned, the plot was a weak retread of the first, and once again we got a sequel that had to retcon the original in order to work. Oy.

To paraphrase the movie poster, they had twenty years to write this sequel, and this was the best they could do?

I gave it a very disappointed C+.

The Divergent Series: Allegiant 
Full disclosure– I've never been a fan of this series. Try as it might, it just doesn't have the same stakes as films like The Hunger Games, in which teens are forced to hunt and kill one another to survive. In Divergent, kids are forced to pick one of five Factions in which to work and live. The horror... the horror...

The Divergent Series couldn't even be bothered to stick with this original premise, which was pretty much abandoned in the second film, as the story quickly devolved into a muddled, plotless sci-fi mess.

I paid to see the first movie, so I figured I might as well sit through the rest of the series to find out how it all ended. Sadly, I'll never know. See, Lionsgate Studios got greedy, and tried the old "Let's Turn The Final Book In The Series Into TWO Films So We Can Sell Twice As Many Tickets" trick that worked so well with Twilight and The Hunger Games.

Unfortunately there was barely enough plot in the final book for ONE film, much less two. Allegiant bombed at the box office, and bombed hard. In fact it was such a stinker that Lionsgate has now canceled production on the final movie of the series, claiming they'll film it as a TV movie of some kind. I guarantee you this will never, ever happen. 

So now I'll never know how the ferkakte story ends! I wasted six hours of my life on this sh*tshow for nothing! F*ck you, Lionsgate!

I gave it a well deserved C-.

AND THE WINNER FOR MOST DISAPPOINTING MOVIE OF 2016:

I briefly considered giving the award to Ghostbusters 2016, since I still don't understand how you can make a humorless film based on a classic comedy. But then I realized that I anticipated the movie would suck, and it delivered on those expectations in spades. Hence, I wasn't disappointed. Saddened, sickened and depressed, yes, but not disappointed.

Ultimately I gave the Most Disappointing Movie award to Independence Day: Resurgence. It ramps up the action and destruction to a ridiculous degree, but somehow can't manage to capture the excitement, goofy fun and heart of the original. The absence of most of the characters from the first film (especially Will Smith) and the substitution of bland brand new ones didn't help either. Congrats!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BEST MOVIE OF 2015
Sadly, there weren't a lot of contenders for this title.

The Hateful Eight

I know, I know, this actually came on Xmas day of 2015. But I didn't get around to seeing it until January of 2016, so as far as I'm concerned it's from last year.

Like all of Tarantino's works, The Hateful Eight is a slow-burning, talky, big budget grindhouse movie, filled with the director's trademark "protracted takes" and punctuated here and there with short bursts of over the top, violent action. It's also a well-acted character study that draws you in and demands your attention, making you wonder just what'll happen next.

If you're a fan of Tarantino's works you'll find a lot to enjoy here. If you're not enthralled by his films, then this one's not likely to change your mind.

I liked the film but didn't love it, and gave it a B+.

Arrival

A rare treat at the cineplex these days– a well written, thinking man's hard sci-fi film that contains actual ideas and concepts, instead of explosions and CGI disaster porn.

Unfortunately the general public doesn't want to think when they see a movie, and Arrival struggled mightily just to barely break even at the box office (the goddamned Trolls movie actually beat it– badly!).

I liked the movie quite a bit, even though I guessed the big reveal in the third act. I gave it a well deserved A-.

Hacksaw Ridge
One of the best films I saw all year, which I will admit is damning it with faint praise. It's a well written and acted film based on the real life story of a true American hero. Even if you're not a fan of war films, you'll find something to like in this tale of a man who stuck to his principles in the face of overwhelming odds.

I gave it an A-.

Honorable Mention:

Captain America: Civil War
The film that Batman V. Superman SHOULD have been.

I liked the film quite a bit when I saw it in back in May, but something about it just seemed a bit... off to me somehow. I recently watched it again, and was amazed at how much more I liked it this time around. It's a very well written story, as each scene flows effortlessly into the next, with absolutely no filler. It's a film first, and a comic book movie second. Well done, Marvel!

I gave it a B+, but should have given it an A- at least.

AND THE WINNER FOR BEST MOVIE OF 2016:

This was a tough decision. I enjoyed The Hateful Eight, but I'd be OK with never seeing it again the rest of my life. Hacksaw Ridge was the most emotionally satisfying movie I saw, but again, there's not a lot of repeat value there.

That leaves Arrival by default. It's smart and well made, but I have to be honest– I admire the film more than I love it.

So congratulations to Arrival for being the Best Movie I saw in 2016, which sadly, isn't saying all that much. Let's hope there are more contenders in 2017!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For the record, here are the movies I saw in 2016 (in reverse order, for some reason). If you want to read any reviews you might have missed, you'll have to search for 'em. I ain't got time to add links to forty seven movies!

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
Incarnate
Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them
Bad Santa 2
Hacksaw Ridge
Arrival
Doctor Strange
Masterminds
Ouija: Origin Of Evil
Deepwater Horizon

Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children
The Magnificent Seven
Blair Witch
Lights Out
Morgan
Don't Breathe
Sausage Party
Suicide Squad
Star Trek Beyond
Ghostbusters (2016)

The Purge: Election Year
The Legend Of Tarzan
Independence Day: Resurgence
The Shallows
Warcraft
The Conjuring 2
The Nice Guys
X-Men: Apocalypse
The Jungle Book
The Darkness

Captain America: Civil War
The Huntsman: Winter's War
Criminal
Hardcore Henry
Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice
The Divergent Series: Allegiant
10 Cloverfield Lane
London Has Fallen
Gods Of Egypt
Deadpool

Pride And Prejudice And Zombies
The Witch
The 5th Wave
The Revenant
The Boy
The Forest
The Hateful Eight

It Came From The Cineplex: Doctor Strange

Doctor Strange was written by Jon Spaihts, C. Robert Cargill and Scott Derrickson. It was also directed by Scott Derickson.

Spaihts previously co-wrote The Darkest Hour and Prometheus. Wow. Now that's a bad resume! Cargill is a former contributor to the Ain't It Cool internet movie news website, where he went by the pseudonym Massawyrm. He previously wrote Sinister and Sinister 2, both of which were barely acceptable little horror films.

Derrickson previously directed Urban Legends: Final Cut, Hellraiser: Inferno, The Exorcism Of Emily Rose, The Day The Earth Stood Still (2008), Sinister, Devil's Knot, Deliver Us From Evil and Sinister 2.

Jesus, with a pedigree like that, it's a wonder Doctor Strange even stuck to the film. Somehow, despite the dubious "talent" behind the scenes, this film turned out reasonably well.

This is Marvel Studios' fourteenth film. Wow, seems like just eight years ago I was sitting in the theater watching Iron Man.

Doctor Strange is slickly produced, well-made, well-acted and visually spectacular. That said, somehow it just didn't connect with me the way Marvel films like Guardians Of The Galaxy and Ant-Man did. Something just felt... off somehow.

I'm not sure why the movie didn't click with me. Maybe it has something to do with Benedict Cumberbatch's cold, steely demeanor. Maybe it's the fact that I've never been a big fan of the Doctor Strange character. Or maybe it's that, after fourteen films, I'm finally starting to develop "Marvel Fatigue." I hope not, but it's a possibility.

As I said, the special effects are amazing, but they just didn't engage me the way they should have. All the stuff with the warping buildings should have wowed me, but they left me cold. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I was kind of bored by it all. While watching I kept thinking of all the errands I needed to run after the movie was over.

If Doctor Strange had come out prior to Inception, all the scenes of twisting cityscapes would have made my jaw hit the floor. But here in 2016, all I could think was, "Seen it!" Sure, the scenes here were a bit different and more elaborate, but not by much.

In the past few years I've noticed that it's becoming harder and harder for special effects to wow me. I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out why, and have never come up with a positive answer.

I think it might be because with current CGI technology, it's now possible to put ANYTHING up on the screen. Somehow when you can do anything, then nothing is "special" anymore. 

For example: Back in 1980 I was positively gobsmacked when I saw the Battle Of Hoth in The Empire Strikes Back. The scenes of the snowspeeders battling the massive AT-ATs just blew me away. I couldn't believe what I was seeing up on the screen, and I even went back and saw the film six or seven times that summer. 

I think the reason that scene was so amazing to me was because it was real. A squad of effects men actually constructed detailed models of the ships with their bare hands. They painted a realistic sky backdrop, as well as building a miniature set. They then placed the AT-AT models on their snowy set and painstakingly animated them one frame at a time. There was craftsmanship and skill involved. Even if I wasn't consciously aware of all this, my mind was, and on a subconscious level I knew I was looking at something tangible.

Compare that to Doctor Strange, in which absolutely nothing is real. Sure, someone had to build a virtual New York City in a computer, and write a program that would warp and twist the buildings. But then they hit the "render" button and sat back and let the computer do all the work. It's just not the same. There's no human element involved. It's all too slick and polished, which I think is why it failed to engage me. All those scenes of New York twisting and warping was literally like watching a computer masturbate onto the screen.

There's also a lot of odd, out of place humor in the film, much of which feels tacked on. Doctor Strange has never struck me as a particularly funny character— in fact I've always thought he was a bit of a jerk. Here he's joking and riffing one minute, and being an ass the next, as the filmmakers do their best to turn him into a magical version of Tony Stark. 

The problem is, Robert Downey Jr. has a sort of "bad boy" quality to him and can effortlessly pull off the "charming asshole" bit. Cumberbatch, not so much. He can do the asshole part perfectly, but can't seem to manage the charming part.

I can't prove it, but I have a feeling that Strange was initially a much more serious character. Then a Marvel executive saw a rough cut of the film, said, "Why's Doctor Strange such a bastard? We can't have a hero who's a jerk! Put some jokes in the movie! The kids love jokes!" and the director shot a bunch of humorous scenes during pickups and shoehorned them into the movie.

Once again we get another Marvel movie with a lame, underdeveloped villain in Kaecilius. It's pretty much par for the course at this point. Heck, Dormammu was more interesting than Kaecilius, and he was just a big floating CGI head!

SPOILERS!

The Plot:
As the film opens, an evil sorcerer named Kaecilius (played by Mads Mikkelsen) enters the library of the secret mystical compound known as Kamar-Taj. Yeah, get ready to deal with lots of bizarre names like this. Kaecelius and his goons kill the librarian and rip out a couple of pages from an ancient and dangerous book of magic. They teleport to what appears to be New York City, where they're confronted by a mysterious cloaked figure called the Ancient One (played by Tilda Swinton). She demands Kaecilius return the pages, but he goes all Inception on her ass and starts bending reality (and the city's skyscrapers) to disorient her while he escapes.

We're then introduced to Tony Stark Doctor Steven Strange (played by Benedict Cumberbatch), in a scene designed to demonstrate that he's a brilliant surgeon as well as a world-class asshole (and yes, his name is really "Strange"). We're also introduced to his old flame Dr. Christine Palmer (played by Rachel McAdams), who's sole function in the film is to prove to the audience that the superhero with the flowing red cape doesn't have teh gays. Strange performs a delicate brain surgery on a patient, which sets up the fact that he has excellent manual dexterity, I guess.

That night Strange speeds away in his Lamborghini to an awards dinner. He reviews potential patients as he drives, which distracts him long enough to fly his car off a cliff. It flips end over end and lands in the river. Serves him right for texting while driving!

He wakes in a hospital bed, and is horrified to see his hands, which were crushed in the accident, are now useless for surgery. This predictably sends him into a spiral of self-doubt and depression, and he even pushes Christine away. He exhausts his considerable fortune seeking a way to heal his shattered hands, but nothing works. He hears about a man named Jonathan Pangborn, a paraplegic who somehow learned to walk again. Strange tracks down Pangborn at a basketball court, and asks him his secret. Pangborn implies he healed himself with magic, and tells Strange he'll find the answers he seeks in Kamar-Taj.

Strange travels to Nepal and wanders through Kathmandu. He's attacked by muggers in an alley, but saved in the nick of time by a man named Mordo (played by Chiwetel Ejiofor). Mordo takes him to Kamar-Taj, where he meets the Ancient One. Being an asshole, Strange is dismissive of her until she punches him in the chest and knocks his astral form out of his physical body. That'll show him! She shows him various other planes and dimensions, until he begs her to teach him.

The Ancient One is reluctant to teach Strange, saying he reminds her of Kaecilius, a pupil of hers until he turned to evil (Hmmm... where have I heard that line before?). Eventually she relents. Through the power of a montage, Strange begins learning and practicing magic. He catches on quickly (way too quickly, if you ask me), learning how to create magical defensive shields and open doorways to any point on the planet. Mordo, who wields a magical weapon, and tells Strange that someday a weapon will choose him.

Strange meets Wong, Karmar-Taj's new librarian, who shows him there are three Sanctums— in New York City, London and Hong Kong— that form a barrier protecting Earth from interdimensional threats. It's the job of sorcerers like Mordo and Wong protect the Sanctums. Strange, who, if you haven't figured it out by now, is a jerk, and says he's only there to find a way to heal his hands, and has no interest in Sanctums or threats.

Later Strange enters the library alone and uses the Eye Of Agamotto, which has time-bending powers, to see the pages Kaecilius stole from the forbidden book. He's caught by Mordo, who warns him against using time spells, as they can upset the natural order and destroy the universe.

Meanwhile, Kaecilius deciphers the pages he stole and declares he'll use them to summon Dormammu, an all-powerful, gigantic CGI demon who controls the Dark Dimension. Kaecilius attacks the London Sanctum. Mordo teleports there to help, and send Strange to New York to protect its Sanctum. Strange wanders around the New York Sanctum, looking at various artifacts. He passes a glass case containing a red cloak of levitation, which reacts to his presence.

Suddenly Kaecilius and his acolytes attack the New York Sanctum. Strange defends it, managing to toss two of the zealots through a dimensional gate. The cloak breaks out of its case and captures Kaecilius. Strange restrains him with a spell, and the cape releases him. It then settles around Strange's shoulders, apparently "choosing" him. Kaecilius warns Strange not to trust the Ancient One, as she isn't as pure as she lets on, claiming she's using power from the Dark Dimension to fuel her immortality. Suddenly one of the zealots returns and stabs Strange in the side, allowing Kaecilius to escape. Strange teleports to his former hospital and asks Christine for help. She works on his body while his astral self fights the zealot, eventually killing him. Christine heals Strange's body, he thanks her and leaves her stunned and bewildered.

The Ancient One and Mordo arrive in New York and join Strange. Kaecilius arrives with more zealots, and they all engage in a massive, magical set piece battle, bending reality as they warp various buildings in an effort to disorient one another. The Ancient One is mortally wounded, as Kaecilius an his followers teleport away. Strange takes her to Christine's hospital. While she's on the operating table, her astral form talks with Strange. She says this is her time, and confirms that she used forbidden Dark Dimension magic to live this long. She tells Strange it's sometimes necessary to bend the rules a bit. Her astral form then dissipates as her body dies.

Strange and Mordo realize Kaecilius is attacking the Hong Kong Sanctum, and teleport there. Unfortunately they're too late, as the Sanctum has been destroyed and the city is in ruins. Kaecilius stands in the center of the city, and magically opens a portal to let Domammu through. Jesus, again with the portals opening over a city. Strange uses the Eye Of Agamotto to begin reversing the destruction. He flies into Kaecilius' portal into the Dark Dimension.

Inside the Dark Dimension, Strange the Eye Of Agamotto to conjure a powerful time spell to trap him in a loop. He then confronts the massive Dormammu, who instantly kills him. The loop resets, and Strange confronts him again. Lather, rinse, repeat. No matter how many times Dormammu kills Strange, he always pops back up, thanks to the time loop. Strange tells Dormammu that he's caught in the loop as well, which infuriates the demon. He finally makes a deal with Strange, promising to leave Earth alone in exchange for freeing him from the loop.

Strange returns to Hong Kong, and flings Kaecilius and his followers into the Dark Dimension just before the portal closes. Thanks to his powers, the city is now restored. Back at the Sanctum, Mordo is upset with Strange for breaking the rules by altering time. He says there'll be a reckoning, takes his ball and leaves. Strange becomes the new protector of the New York Sanctum.

In the mid credits scene, Strange meets with Thor and offers to help him find his brother Loki and purge him from Earth.

In the after credits scene, Mordo is apparently so pissed that Strange broke the rules that he's turned evil. He visits Pangborn and removes his magic, paralyzing him again. He says there are two many irresponsible sorcerers on Earth.

Thoughts:
• Before the movie premiered, there was much whining and rending of garments over the fact that the Ancient One, a character who was an Asian man in the comics, was being played by British actress Tilda Swinton.

I have a feeling this was a "Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don't" scenario. Marvel Studios claims that the comic book version of the Ancient One was an offensive "Fu Manchu" stereotype, and Asians would have been offended by the character. That's the "Damned If You Do" part. 

So Marvel then decided to change the Ancient One into a woman. Fair enough. But then they pulled the boneheaded move of casting the whitest woman possible in the role. This is the "Damned If You Don't Part."

I really don't get their thinking here. There's no earthly reason why they couldn't have cast an Asian woman in the part. They can't even use the old "Box Office Draw" excuse that studios always dredged up to justify their whitewashing. Tilda Swinton's a fine actress, but it's not like she's a household name.

I generally think people whine way too much about all this so-called whitewashing crap, but in this case I think it's justified.

• Ever since the Doctor Strange trailer premiered, I've been puzzled by the movie version of Mordo. See, in the comics, Baron Mordo was one of Doctor Strange's most powerful and persistent enemies. He was the Moriarty to Strange's Sherlock Holmes. Yet in this film they're inexplicably allies, and even pals.

Now that I've seen the movie, all is clear. Mordo starts out as an ally, but becomes disillusioned and turns to the dark side.

I kind of like the little story arc he had in the film. It'll give him a nice backstory when he shows up in the inevitable sequel. Who knows, Mordo may turn out to be the first villain since Loki who's not an underdeveloped washout.

One last thing about Mordo— in the comics he's a white man who hails from Transylvania. Here he's played by black actor Chiwetel Ejiofor. Given the over-reactive nature of the internet, I'm surprised no one's complained that the only black character in the film turns out to be a bad guy.

• Right before Doctor Strange's fateful car wreck, he's going over a list of potential patients. One is described as a thirty five year old Marine colonel "who's crushed his lower spine in some kind of experimental armor." I thought, "Ah, that's a reference to Rhodey in Captain America: Civil War." I'm betting most viewers thought the same thing.

After the film was over though, I realized they couldn't be talking about James Rhodes. First of all, Rhodey's an Air Force colonel, not a Marine. Secondly, actor Don Cheadle (who plays Rhodey) is many things, but thirty five years old is not one of them. Cheadle's currently fifty one— surely they don't expect us to believe Rhodey's in his thirties?

So even though this line seems like a little Marvel Cinematic Universe Easter Egg, it's can't be. Unless the writers just really, really don't know their Marvel history.

In the same scene, Strange reviews the case of a woman in her twenties who was struck by lightning, and also has an implant in her brain to control schizophrenia. Some fans believe this is a reference to Captain Marvel, who has her own movie scheduled in the far off year of 2019.

Obviously this isn't how the comic book version of Captain Marvel got her powers. There she became a superhero after an explosion fused her DNA with that of her boyfriend, an alien Kree warrior who went by the name of Mar-Vell. I could definitely see them jettisoning that complicated origin for the movie, and going with the lightning thing. We'll find out in three years!

• In Captain America: The Winter Soldier, S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent Jasper Sitwell rattles off a list of high-risk suspects that are on a HYDRA watch list. One of the people on this list is Stephen Strange.

Winter Soldier came out in 2014, which was long before Strange became a sorcerer. So why would he be on a list that contained other dangerous suspects such as Bruce Banner?

I'm guessing it's because either there wasn't a Doctor Strange movie on the schedule when that scene was written, or more likely, the Marvel Cinematic Universe isn't as cohesive and fleshed-out as the fans think it is. In other words, it was a mistake.

• I know all too well that Marvel Studios executives who are in charge of the films don't give a single sh*t about the TV shows. But over on Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D., they're currently in the middle of a storyline involving the Darkhold, an ancient book of forbidden knowledge. How hard would it have been for them to have shown the Darkhold sitting in the restricted section of Wong's library? Just a little glimpse of it would have been so cool, and would have neatly tied the movie and TV universes together.

• Speaking of the library— in contains a restricted section where the most dangerous spell books are locked down with chains, to prevent anyone from removing them from the shelf. When Doctor Strange enters this section, he spots an interesting-looking book, reaches up, undoes the chain with a quick flip of one hand and takes the book down from the shelf. Wha....?

What the hell's the point of stringing a chain across a book if it's not even locked? And why even have a restricted section at all if anyone can waltz into it and grab any forbidden book they please?

• I liked the film's depiction of magic, as visible rings of glowing sigils.

Too bad Warcraft beat 'em to the punch by six months though.

So just how do Strange and all the other sorcerers perform this film's particular brand of magic? They don't use any instruments like wands, and they I don't think they ever utter any spells. They just sort of... do it somehow.

Is it the training? Can anyone perform magic if they know the procedure? Is it a matter of willpower? If a person concentrates hard enough, can they conjure a glowing magical shield? Is there something inside certain people that makes them adept at using magic, like "magic-chlorians? Your guess is as good as mine, because there's never an attempt at an explanation.

• One big complaint I have about the film— Doctor Strange masters the use of magic wayyyyyy too quickly and easily.

When we first see him practicing, it's all he can do to cause a couple of fitful sparks to appear before him. Then we're treated to a Rocky III-style training montage, and suddenly he's casting powerful protective shields and attacking Kaecilius' minions with magical blasts.

How the hell did he learn all that so quickly, and so well? It all seemed way too easy for him. The movie rushes through his learning process so quickly that his skills don't seem earned. Or deserved. He's much too smug about his new-found abilities as well.

• During Strange's training, Mordo wields a weapon he calls the Staff Of The Living Tribunal. In the comics, the Living Tribunal was a powerful cosmic entity, who oversees and maintains the balance of the multiverse.

Was this a bit of foreshadowing, implying we'll eventually see the Living Tribunal in a sequel? Or was it just namedropping for the fanboys?

• In the obligatory Stan Lee cameo, he's seen laughing hysterically at a copy of Aldous Huxley's The Doors Of Perception. In it, Huxley recounts his experiences taking mescaline and other mind-altering drugs, and his thoughts on his altered sense of perception. Based on the film, it's a fitting read for Stan.

• The Eye Of Agamotto that Strange wears in the film is another one of the Infinity Gems. It's the Time Gem, and is the fifth one we've seen so far. 

We saw the Space Gem (aka the Tesseract) in Captain America: The First Avenger, the Reality Gem (aka the Aether) in Thor: The Dark World, the Power Gem (aka the Orb) in Guardians Of The Galaxy and the Mind Gem (Vision's power source) in Avengers: Age Of Ultron. One more to go!

• Here's some really hardcore nitpicking for you. When Strange is wounded, he teleports to the hospital and asks Christine for help. In one scene, we see she's wearing blue nail polish.

In reality, surgeons aren't allowed to wear nail polish as it's considered an infection risk.

• When Christine is treating Strange in the hospital, his heart stops. Of course she gets out the defibrillator paddles and shocks his ticker back into working order.

Sigh... It's an old, old refrain here at Bob Canada's BlogWorld, but here we go again— defibrillator units DO NOT work like this. You CANNOT shock a stopped heart into beating again like you're jump starting a car battery.

It's a dream of mine that one day someone will make a movie in which defib paddles are used correctly. I have no idea how this dangerously erroneous trope ever got started, but I wish it'd die a quick death.

• In the mid credits scene, Thor says he's searching for his evil brother Loki on Earth, and Strange offers to help him. Don't we already know where Loki is? I'm pretty sure last time we saw him, he was impersonating his father Odin at the end of Thor: The Dark World. So why would he be here on Earth? Did Loki's status change while we weren't looking?

Doctor Strange is the latest slickly-produced and well made entry in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but it just didn't connect with me the way their other movies have. Somehow it manages to look amazing and be boring at the same time. I also found it hard to warm up to the Doctor, possibly due to Benedict Cumberbatch's icy demeanor. Your mileage may vary of course, but I give it a B-.