It's All In The Title

I've been seeing the trailer for Tom Cruise's latest scifi opus for what seems like a year now. It looks OK I suppose, and it's got an interesting, if derivative, premise. But that title…

Edge Of Tomorrow. Egad. That's the title? That's what Warner Bros. has decided to call their $110 million science fiction extravaganza? Jesus, I could come up with a better title by throwing those magnetic word tiles at my refrigerator door and writing down what sticks.

The movie's based on an acclaimed manga (or comic book, as they're known in America) called All You Need Is Kill. Warner Bros. inexplicably decided to ditch that title and substitute the blandest one humanly possible.

I'm not sure what was wrong with All You Need Is Kill as a title. Sure it's semi-nonsensical and probably not grammatically correct, but you've got to admit it's memorable. Plus it sounds like some kind of lost, twisted Beatles song or a James Bond film.

Edge Of Tomorrow is the dullest title they could have possibly come up with. It sounds like a 1970s soap opera. In fact back in the day my mom used to watch a soap called The Edge Of Night. Every time I see the trailer for the Cruise film that's all I can think about.

In addition to being incredibly bland, it tells you absolutely nothing about the film. Which do you think of when you hear Edge Of Tomorrow? A tear jerker in which one or both characters is dying? Or a futuristic action movie about a time-travelling soldier? I know which one I'd pick.

This is reminding me of the whole John Carter debacle from a few years ago. I'm still convinced that the massive box office failure of that film was due to its uninspired and lackluster title. I have a feeling we may see a repeat of that here.

Maybe they could have called it Groundhog Day In Space? Run, Cruise, Run? How about Lather, Rinse, Repeat?

Linkin' Lincoln

Today Yahoo posted an illuminating article explaining the cryptic titles of this year's Oscar nominated films.

Take for example, the 2012 film Lincoln. Did you know that its baffling title actually refers to the 16th president of the United States and the movie is about his life and times? Finally! I've been puzzling over that title for weeks now. Thank you, Yahoo!

We're very near the end of civilization...

It's All In The Title

This week NBC announced they're canceling their new medical drama Do No Harm after just two extremely low-rated episodes. The series premiere could only manage an anemic rating of .9 (which somehow adds up to just 3.1 million viewers), making it the lowest rated season opener in the history of network television. Congratulations!

If you ask me, what torpedoed this series wasn't poor writing or mediocre acting. It was the title. The extremely misleading and uninformative title. When I say Do No Harm, which of the following do you think of?

A.  A series about an idealistic young female doctor who travels to the big city to become a resident and learns that healing the soul is just as important as healing the body.

B.  A show about a former soldier of fortune who turns over a new leaf and travels the world trying to right the wrongs he's committed.

C.  The story of a neurosurgeon who, every night at precisely 8:25 pm, transforms into an evil personality in a modern take on the Jekyll and Hyde story.

If you picked A or B then you're a reasonable person with an ordered and logical mind. You're also dead wrong. Believe it or not Do No Harm was about a mild-mannered doctor who transforms into a Mr. Hyde type character.

Who would ever look at that title and think, "Ah, Do No Harm. That's obviously a modern Jekyll and Hyde tale. I'm intrigued!" No one, that's who! No wonder nobody watched the poor show. I might have actually been interested in a (well-written) Jekyll and Hyde series, but I'd never know one existed if I saw that title in the listings. Whoever came up with that cockamamie title needs a good firing. Stat!

Surely there was something, anything else they could have named the thing. Heck, here's a list of better titles just off the top of my head:

• Dr. Jekyll, I Presume
• Paging Dr. Jekyll
• Dr. Jekyll, MD.  Mr. Hyde, er, not MD
• Two Doctors, One Body

• Doctor Jekyll, Medicine Woman

• I'm Jekyll, He's Finster

• Dr. Kill-Dare

• EMERGENCY! (may already be taken)

• J*E*K*Y*L*L

• Diagnosis: Supernatural Schizophrenia

• Wait Till You Get My Bill!

See? It's not rocket science, guys!