Saturday, August 11, 2012

Hey Jenna, You're Not Helping

This week, retired porn star Jenna Jameson held a press conference to announce her official support for GOP presidential candidate Willard Mitt Romney.

Finally! The nation can stop holding its collective breath in anticipation! Ms. Jameson's endorsement is welcome news indeed, ending months of speculation as to which way she'd swing and informing us all as to the right choice to make come November.

"I'm very looking forward to a Republican being back in office," stated Jameson, recognized on Capitol hill as a seasoned political pundit. She then got down on all fours, arched her back, pursed her lips and moaned, "When you're rich, you want a Republican in office."

Upon hearing of the endorsement, Romney had no comment, although his face reportedly took on a bright red hue as he stuck his index finger between his shirt collar and neck, tugging at it in an effort to release excess body heat. He then fanned himself for several minutes with a copy of his speech, alternating between blowing air out of his mouth with an exaggerating "shee-ew!" sound and giggling uncontrollably. When shown an actual photo of Jameson, Romney's eyes allegedly popped out of their sockets and he began panting. He then grabbed a large mallet and began repeatedly beating himself on top of the head with it.

Jameson's announcement is all well and good, but personally I'm waiting to see who the highly influential Tina Yothers endorses before I make up my mind.

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