Saturday, August 23, 2014

That's Unpossible! Twelve Other Things You Could Do In The Time It Would Take To Watch The Simpsons Marathon

On Thursday, August 29, the FXXX Network, whatever the hell that is, will be running an epic marathon of all 552 episodes of The Simpsons. Oy gevalt! That works out to about 276 hours, or 16,560 minutes. That's almost TWELVE days!

If you decide to watch, and frankly, what the hell else do have going on, be sure and have someone come in and turn you periodically to avoid bedsores.

Any way you put it, 276 hours is a lot of time. Here are Twelve Other Things You Could Do In The Time It Would Take You To Watch The Simpsons Marathon:

• Boil 5,520 three minute eggs.

• Run 662 twenty minute miles (let's face it, no one reading this is capable of running a four minute mile).

• Play Chopin's The Minute Waltz 16,560 times (or alternately, listen to John Cage's experimental composition Four Minutes, Thirty Three Seconds 3,824 times).

• Watch 75% of the Doctor Who Marathon (to date there are approximately 372 hours of Doctor Who).

• Drive between Indianapolis and Terre Haute, Indiana 276 times (highway and traffic conditions permitting).

• Watch ten straight hours of Mama's Family, then sit on the edge of your bed and stare at the floor for 266 hours, wondering where your life went wrong.

• Wait for your wife or girlfriend to finish getting ready for a night out after she says it'll just be "another fifteen minutes."
• Download a single episode of Game Of Thrones (Time Warner Cable customers only).

• Watch Nicholas Sparks' The Notebook once. What's that? It only lasts 124 minutes? That can't be right. Seriously? I guess it just seemed like it lasted twelve days.

• Fill out the IRS 1040-EZ Form four times. "E-Z" my ass!

• Watch Aunt Irma and Uncle Ira's slideshow of their trip to Eastern Schenectady. 

• Stand in line to renew your driver's license at the BMV. BOOYA! IN YOUR FACE, STATE GOVERNMENT! (drops microphone and walks out)

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