Monday, June 6, 2016

The Name Game

In her ongoing effort to become the world's first trillionaire, author J.K. Rowling has written a new play, titled Harry Potter And The Cursed Child

Never mind that when the Harry Potter series finished, Rowling said she had no more stories to tell about everyone's favorite wizard. It's a multi-billionaire's prerogative to change her mind, dammit! 

So why a stage play instead of a new novel? According to a statement by Rowling, she's "Confident that when audiences see the play they will agree that it is the only proper medium for the story." Be sure and look for the film adaptation, coming to theaters in December 2018!

Oddly enough, the play is in two parts, which Rowling says "are designed to be viewed on the same day or consecutively over two evenings." This means each fan will have to shell out for two tickets, which will fill Rowling's Scrooge McDuck-like money bin in half the time.

The play follows the now adult Harry and his friends, as well as their children who are now attending Hogwarts.

Among the characters is Harry's old nemesis Draco Malfoy, and his young son Scorpius. Yep, you read right Draco named his kid Scorpius Malfoy.

Jesus Christ! Do you suppose people in the Wizarding World ever wonder why everyone with sinister names ends up in Slytherin House and becomes a dark wizard? Does it ever occur to them to tone down the Dickensian names a notch or twelve?

Nastero Stabworth sat in his dimly lit study, poring over a book of ancient magical lore. Suddenly an owl began tapping on the study's narrow window. He let it in and read the message tied to its claw. "This is not good," he said aloud.

Nastero left his study and found his wife, who was mixing potions in the kitchen. "Evilene, listen to this. It's a letter from the new Headmaster of Hogwarts. He's complaining about our son Killsbury again. Says he was caught trying to use the Cruciatus Curse on a fellow student."

"This family must be cursed!" said Evilene Stabworth. "How could our little angel Killsbury possibly turn out to be a dark wizard? Where did we go wrong?"

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