It Came From The Cineplex: Peppermint

Honestly there's not much to say about this movie, so you know what that means! Time for a Micro Review!®

Peppermint was written by Chad St. John and directed by Pierre Morel.

St. John previously wrote London Has Fallen, and that's pretty much it. Morel specializes in action films, as he previously directed District B13, Taken, From Paris With Love and The Gunman.

I was pleasantly surprised by Taken, as it was a brutal, stripped-down little revenge flick that managed to rise above the trappings of its genre. Sadly, director Pierre Morel seems to have forgotten the lessons he learned on that film, as Peppermint is an uninspired and subpar followup.

It's practically a shot for shot remake of the recent Death Wish remake, right down to the main character becoming a folk hero on social media. It adds absolutely nothing new to the genre either, making for a dull viewing experience with zero surprises.

Revenge films have been popular for decades, due to the fact that they're power fantasies. Audiences love seeing a tragic hero deal out justice to those who wronged them. Peppermint doesn't quite seem to understand this. The film's structured very oddly, as the heroine gets her revenge at the beginning of the second act. We don't even get to see her kill them, as she does so offscreen! Who the hell thought THAT was a good idea?

It's great to see Jennifer Garner back on the screen again, kicking ass just like she did back in her Alias days. Garner somehow manages to elevate the material a bit, but even she can't save the film with what she's given to work with.

Audiences apparently agree with me, as so far Peppermint's a box office flop. It's grossed just $29 million against its meager $25 million budget. Since movies need to make around twice their production budget to break even, Peppermint needs to make $50 million or more. That seems unlikely at this point.

Poor STX Entertainment studios! They're having a rough year. In addition to Peppermint flopping, Mile 22's not doing so well, and The Happytime Murders is a complete and utter bomb. I don't know who's greenlighting movies over there, but it's time they "stepped down to spend more time with their family."

SPOILERS, I GUESS.

The Plot:
It's Death Wish with a chick. Goodnight, everyone!

Sigh... OK, I guess I can do a little better than that.

Riley North (played by Jennifer Garner) is a loving wife and mother, who works as a banker in L.A. Her husband Chris owns a failing auto repair shop, and longs to provide a better life for Riley and their daughter Carly. Things get so bad that when a sleazy employee of Chris' tries to talk him into robbing dangerous drug lord Diego Garcia (wow, what an original name), he actually considers it.

Eventually Chris decides it's not worth the risk, and backs out of the scheme. It's too late though, as Garcia magically finds out that Chris so much as thought of crossing him. He orders his men to wipe out Chris and his family, to send a message to any other would-be thieves.

Riley and Chris take Carly to a winter carnival for her birthday. Carly orders peppermint ice cream, giving the movie its stupid-ass title. As Chris and Carly walk ahead, they're brutally gunned down by three of Garcia's men, right in front of Riley's eyes. She's wounded as well, but survives.

A Detective Carmichael visits Riley in the hospital, and vows to help her find the men who killed her family. She goes to the police station and identifies the trio of shooters. Carmichael's partner, Detective Beltran, is reluctant to press charges against them though, as they're members of Garcia's cartel. He warns Riley that Garcia will retaliate. Riley wants justice, and insists on going through with it anyway.

Riley's visited by the thugs' creepy lawyer, who of course is on Garcia's payroll. When he tries to bribe her into dropping the case, she angrily tells him to get the hell out. At the trial, the Creepy Lawyer discredits Riley, claiming her pain medication fogged her recollection of the thugs. Judge Stevens, who's ALSO secretly owned by Garcia, agrees and dismisses the case.

Riley's outraged and lunges at the three thugs. She's wrestled to the ground, tasered and taken to a mental hospital. On the way there she escapes from the ambulance and disappears, going completely off the grid.

Cut to five years later, when Carmichael and Beltran discover Garcia's three men hanging upside down from a Ferris wheel— at the very carnival where Riley's family was gunned down. Welp, that's that, I guess! Apparently Riley got her revenge and everything's all wrapped up. The End!

Wait, what? That's not the end? There's still an hour to go? Then why the hell did the movie just kill off its villains? Has the writer ever seen a revenge movie before?

FBI Agent Inman arrives and joins the case. She tells Carmichael and Beltran that right before Riley North disappeared, she stole a large amount of cash from the bank where she worked. Inman suspects Riley then traveled the world, learning to fight, shoot and kill. Hey, just like Batman!

Inman then produces security footage of Riley robbing a local gun store, proving she's returned. Based on all that circumstantial evidence, Inman is convinced Riley killed the four thugs in revenge. Carmichael and Beltran are skeptical.

Meanwhile, Riley kills Creepy Lawyer, even though we don't actually get to see her do it. Because nothing's more satisfying than an offscreen death in a revenge movie, dontcha know. She then captures crooked old Judge Stevens, ties him to a chair and blows him up inside his house. These events finally convince Carmichael and Beltran that Riley's their man, er, woman.

Social media then gets wind of Riley's exploits, and half the population sees her as a dangerous vigilante, while the other half praise her as a hero. Wow, exactly like in the recent Death Wish remake. 

Inman examines crime patterns in the city, and discovers Skid Row is now the safest place in L.A. From this she deduces Riley's living in a van down by the river parked right out in the open in Skid Row. When she investigates, the homeless people living on the street tell her they consider Riley their guardian angel.

Riley then begins a ruthless campaign against Garcia, destroying his expensive drug shipments and killing dozens of his men. He vows to kill her slowly and painfully. Riley tracks Garcia to his mansion, and manages to wipe out his entire army without taking a single hit, as she's protected by magical plot armor. 

Riley corners Garcia, but just as she's about to kill him, his young daughter runs in and embraces him. This triggers a flashback, as Riley sees a vision of her own daughter. She hesitates long enough for Garcia to wound her and escape.

Inman calls Carmichael to Skid Row, in order to set a trap for Riley. Unfortunately Carmichael's also on Garcia's payroll (SINCE WHEN?), and coldly and dispassionately shoots Inman in the head. He calls Garcia and tells him where Riley's headed.

Right on cue, Riley shows up at Skid Row, which is now crawling with Garcia's men (where the hell does he keep getting these hundreds of fresh troops?). A huge setpiece battle erupts, as Riley kills dozens more of Garcia's men. Riley's shot, but is able to shake off the injury in true revenge movie fashion, but wrapping her wound with duct tape. She finds Inman's body and uses her phone to live stream the battle, inviting the media and the LAPD to Skid Row.

In the confusion, Garcia kills Carmichael for some reason. Riley then confronts Garcia and beats him senseless. She points her gun at him again and just as she's finally about to pull the trigger, she's surrounded by the police. Beltran begs her to stand down, but Riley shoots Garcia in the head anyway. Somehow she manages to escape the hundreds of police who've formed a circle around her.

Beltran knows exactly where Riley's headed, and finds her, dying and bleeding, crouched at the foot of her family's gravestone.

Riley wakes in the hospital, handcuffed to her bed. She receives a visit from Beltran, who tells her there're a lot of people who agree with what she did— even some in the police department. He squeezes her hand, wishes her good luck and leaves. Riley looks down and sees Beltran slipped her the key to her handcuffs.

Thoughts:

• As a general rule I don't pay much attention to movie titles, and couldn't care less what they're called. That said, Peppermint may go down as one of the worst titles in film history.

My main beef with it is that it tells you absolutely nothing about the movie you're about to see. Is it a light-hearted family movie about a sunny young moppet with a taste for candy? An animated Disney feature set in a magical land? A film about a lovable mutt who brings a shy kid out of his shell? Or is it a brutal and violent revenge film filled with over the top gore? Who the hell knows?

I predicted "Peppermint" was probably the nickname of Riley's daughter, and her death drove her to revenge. While that would have been a hackneyed and cliched explanation, but at least it would have made sense.

But no, it's not anybody's nickname. Instead, the movie gets its title from Riley's daughter's favorite flavor of ice cream. No, strike that— it's not even her favorite. After she asks for peppermint ice cream, Riley asks if she can have a taste. That implies Casey's never even had it before!

To make it even worse, there's no significance to the title. Casey doesn't utter "Peppermint" with her dying breath like a pint-sized Charles Foster Kane. Riley doesn't keep her daughter's ice cream-stained jumper as a memento. She doesn't scrawl "Peppermint" in blood on the foreheads of her victims. 

The word has no bearing on the plot whatsoever, and is absolutely meaningless. They might as well have called it Rocky Road, Cookies And Creme or Spumoni.

• In addition to this movie being a carbon copy of Death Wish, Riley has the exact same origin story as Batman— particularly the Christopher Nolan version. She sees her family gunned down before her. She then leaves her old life behind and travels the world, learning to fight and become a deadly fighting machine. Heck, I half expected her to face off against Ra's Al Ghul!! She then returns to her home and begins fighting crime. 

About the only difference between her and Bruce Wayne is she doesn't wear a costume. She even has a sympathetic friend on the police force who helps her out! And a secret headquarters! Sure, it's just a crappy van parked in Skid Row, but it's still her house, clinic and storage facility.
I suppose technically she has the exact same origin and story arc as the Punisher as well.

• I know Skid Row is a real place in L.A., but every time I heard it in this movie, all I could think about was the musical version of Little Shop Of Horrors.

The appeal of the Revenge Film comes from seeing the main character exact justice on the criminal or criminals who wronged them. Since this epic comeuppance is the entire point of the movie, it generally comes in the final minutes.

Apparently Peppermint doesn't understand how its own genre works. Riley gets her revenge at the beginning of the second act, when Detectives Carmichael and Beltran discover the bodies of the three men who killed Riley's family hanging from a Ferris wheel.

The instant I saw that I thought, "Welp, that's that, I guess! Let's go eat!" 

But it turns out that scene wasn't the end, and the movie had another hour to go. What. The. Hell? Why would anyone resolve a major plotline like this a third of the way into the movie? It pretty much takes the wind out of anything else that happens.

Even worse, she kills the three men OFFSCREEN, robbing the audience of the chance to see them get their just desserts. Have the filmmakers ever seen a revenge movie before?

• Agent Inman realizes Riley's the vigilante after she sees security footage of her robbing a gun store. I guess when she was overseas training to be a vigilante, she must have skipped the part on "How To Hide Your Identity From CCTV And Avoid Getting Caught."

Seriously, why wouldn't she cover her face during the break-in? Wouldn't constantly having to dodge the police impede her revenge plot?

• Several times in the movie we're told (not shown) that Riley's become both a folk heroto the people of Skid Row. This despite the fact that we never actually see her do anything to earn this title. In fact we never see her interacting with any of them at all.

Same goes for the two homeless kids who worship and admire her, despite the fact that Riley seems unaware of their existence.

Peppermint is a stale and uninspired Death Wish clone, that adds absolutely nothing new to the already crowded revenge film genre. It's also an oddly structured movie, as the heroine kills the ones who wronged her at the half hour mark— offscreen! Jennifer Garner practically pulls a hamstring straining to elevate the material, but even she can't save it. I give it a C.