SPACE FORRRRRRCE!!!

Recently Asshole Race Bannon, er, I mean Vice President Greg Pence held a press conference, in which he reinforced the trump administration's vow to create a sixth branch of the U.S. military, dubbed the Space Force. 

According to Pence, this brand new division will be responsible for "the national security of space activities," whatever that means.

Never mind that the U.S. Air Force already handles this sort of thing. The Air Force Space Command is headquartered in Colorado, and oversees the military's use of satellites, rocket launches and cyberwarfare operations. It also tracks space junk in orbit around the planet, as well as incoming foreign weapons.

Apparently Pence either doesn't know about that or doesn't care, and wants to establish a separate department that does the same thing as one we already have. Because why spend $10 billion when you can milk the taxpayers for $100 billion or more? Instead of Space Force, they should call it Boondoggle Platoon.

Eh, I wouldn't worry too much about it, because it's never gonna happen. For one thing, Pence stated the Space Force would be up and running by 2020. For those of you not good at math, that's less than two years. Just a little over twelve months to create a brand new military branch, based in outer space, that will protect us from enemy space-based weapons, and will require technology that's likely not even invented yet. 

In addition, the president can demand this ill-advised idea all he wants, but he can't create the Space Force without the approval of Congress, which seems unlikely.

But those are all just minor details to be worked out. Pence's press conference was about more monumentally vital matters— namely picking a design for the Space Force's logo! Because that's what's really important right? Forget figuring out how to fund and build dozens of cutting edge spaceships and laser weapons, what we really need is a snappy logo!

Here are the six designs proposed by Pence. Wow. That's quite a collection there, Mike! Let's take a closer look, and mock them in true assholish internet fashion, shall we?

First up is this striking little red number. The colors are nice, even though they don't scream "outer space" to me, and the composition is well done. I'm not a fan of the font though, as it's a little too "1970s Sci-Fi Movie" to ever be taken seriously as a branch of the military.

Still and all, this one's definitely the best of the lot. Turns out there's a very good reason for that, too...

IT'S JUST A SLIGHTLY REWORKED NASA LOGO!

Whoever designed this logo just took the current NASA emblem, swapped out the text, changed the colors and called it a day! It's even got the same sweeping arrowhead wingding in the center! Sadly, the Space Force artist apparently didn't understand how Adobe Illustrator works, and couldn't quite figure out how to get the bottom leg of the arrow to pass in front of the text like it does on the real NASA logo. So he didn't even try.

Verdict: PLAGIARISTIC FAIL!

Yeesh. I don't know where to start with this one. Once again, they've chosen a wacky, happy-go-lucky font that's completely inappropriate for the armed services. And why does the logo look... incomplete? The inside of the oval is filled with stars, but there're only four outside it— like they were added as an afterthought. Did the designer run out of time? Or is drawing stars too much like work and he got bored and just quit?

My biggest problem with the design is the placement of the rocket. See how the tip of it touches the light blue border? That's called a tangent in the design biz. A tangent is when two objects line up or bump against one another, creating a point of tension in a design. 

A tangent inadvertently draws the viewer's eye right to it, and away from what should be the center of attention. It's like they drew a big red arrow pointing at the tip of the rocket. Here's a really good article explaining tangents in further detail and why they're so bad.

I'm also not a fan of the way the rocket's flame is "hollow" and overlaps the border either. 

There are several ways to fix this design. You could shrink the rocket and so the tip and the flame are inside the blue oval. Or make the rocket even bigger, so the tip and flame extend well past the oval. Maybe put a thick white outline around the rocket, to separate it from the background. Or scrap this idea and start all over.

Verdict: TANGENTIAL FAIL!

Once again, someone simply aped the current NASA logo. Same basic shape, same colors and same starry background.

Sadly they picked the ugliest font possible, and then crammed it right up to the edges of the circle, leaving the words with no room to breathe. But hey, at least this guy was able to figure out how to get the red lines to go both behind AND in front of the letters! Impressive!

My favorite aspect of this design are the red lines. I assume they're supposed to be the spaceship's contrail? Unfortunately the way they're laid out makes it look like the rocket's hopelessly lost and out of control, flitting wildly through the void of outer space. And what's with the awkward split in the line under the letter R? Did part of the rocket break off and go flying away on its own trajectory?

Verdict: MAJOR TOM FAIL!

This particular emblem's actually not bad— if you're designing a 1980s videogame console in an arcade.

Once again they've used the exact same font as the NASA ripoff, which does NOT suggest a military organization to me. Seriously, can you imagine a squad of highly trained, tough-as-nails space marines wearing this emblem on the sleeves of their uniforms? They'd be laughed back to Earth by an alien attack force!

Verdict: 8-BIT FAIL!

Seriously? This is legitimately being considered as a logo for a branch of the United States Military? All I see is a giant red & blue nose under the ship.

Verdict: NASAL FAIL!

I'm genuinely puzzled by this logo and what exactly it means. I was under the impression the Space Force was meant to repel threats from above. This design implies the goal's to get to Mars. So which is it, Pence?

I suppose it could be both, but sending a military organization to another planet makes me think we're going there to conquer, not study it.

Also, whoever designed this logo apparently believes Mars is covered in Magic Rocks.

It doesn't matter whether this logo's good or bad, because the odds of us traveling to Mars and setting up a permanent base are the same as Greg Pence dressing up as Dr. Frank N. Furter at a midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Verdict: IRRELEVANT FAIL!

Now I know what you're probably thinking here— you're saying, "Bob, if you're so smart and talented, why don't YOU submit a logo of your own instead of making fun of other people's hard work.

Alright, I will.

I present to you MY design for Mike Pence's Official Space Force Logo. One that truly captures the essence of the whole ill-advised idea.