Saturday, April 25, 2020

Trump Vs. The Insane Clown Posse

I haven't posted much about the Embarrassment In Chief lately, because frankly it's just too depressing, and I don't need to deal with him on top of everything else that's going on right now. But I had to say something about this.

Warning: I've taken the filters off this post, so be advised.

For a month or so mow, trump's been holding daily coronavirus press briefings. The idea of the briefings is to ostensibly provide accurate information, guidance and comfort to a worried nation. Much like Roosevelt's fireside chats in the 1930s and 1940s.

Of course trump isn't capable of that kind of leadership, and has spent most of the briefings refusing to take responsibility for his mismanagement, blaming others for the state of the country and of course, spewing utter and transparent lies.

These briefings reaches a milestone on Thursday, April 23, 2020. Write down that date, kids, as someday it'll be in the history books alongside December 7, 1941 and September 11, 2001.

In the Thursday briefing, trump parroted info he'd overheard from his medical advisors, who claimed the coronavirus doesn't do well in hot, humid environments or direct sunlight. This apparently sparked an idea in trump's lizard brain, prompting him to say the following:

"So supposing we hit the body with a tremendous— whether it's ultraviolet or just a very powerful light— and I think you said that hasn't been checked because of the testing. And then I said, supposing you brought the light inside the body, which you can do either through the skin or some other way, and I think you said you're going to test that, too."

So because he heard the virus can be killed by UV radiation, he somehow thinks a person could be cured by... shining a light down their throat, I guess? Putting them in a tanning booth and turning it up to eleven? Who the fuck knows.

Oh, but it gets better.

The "president" then went on to say:

"And then I see the disinfectant, where it knocks it out in a minute. One minute. And is there a way we can do something like that, by injection inside or almost a cleaning. Because you see it gets in the lungs and it does a tremendous number on the lungs. So it would be interesting to check that. So, that, you’re going to have to use medical doctors with. But it sounds, it sounds interesting to me.”

Jesus Motherfucking Jetskiing Christ On A Pony.

I fucking give up. I just can't do this anymore. And by this I mean live. I'm going to go lie down in the middle of the Lloyd Expressway.

The leader of the free world just asked if it would be possible to inject disinfectants into the human body to kill the coronavirus. A fucking six year old would know better than that!

Immediately after the briefing, actual medical professionals were quick to jump in and warn the public not to pay any attention to the orange man. 

Dr. Vin Gupta, a pulmonologist and global health policy expert, said, “This notion of injecting or ingesting any type of cleansing product into the body is irresponsible and it’s dangerous. It’s a common method that people utilize when they want to kill themselves (!)."

The makers of Lysol also hurriedly issued a statement, warning people not to drink or spray their product down their throats.

trump's ridiculous comments launched a flurry of news reports, along with a barrage of internet poss (like this one!) mocking his ill-advised and downright dangerous suggestions.

The fallout from his asinine ideas became so intense that the next day, he did what he does best and outright lied, claimed he wasn't serious about suggesting people drink bleach, but was instead being sarcastic.

"I was asking a question sarcastically to reporters just like you, just to see what would happen," Trump said on Friday during a bill signing for the coronavirus aid package. "I was asking a sarcastic and a very sarcastic question to the reporters in the room about disinfectant on the inside. But it does kill it and it would kill it on the hands, and it would make things much better."

A couple things here. First of all, it's abundantly clear to anyone who saw the video of the briefing that there was no note of sarcasm whatsoever in his voice. Plus he repeatedly addressed his medical advisors as he asked them if chugging Windex would cure the virus. At no time did he ever speak to any reporters.

Secondly, even if he was telling the truth for once in his life here— why the holy fuck was he being sarcastic during a press briefing concerning a disease that's killed over 50,000 Americans to date? There's a time and place for sarcasm, and this ain't it.

Meanwhile, hip-hop/horrorcore group The Insane Clown Posse announced they were cancelling their annual "Gathering Of The Juggalos" festival this year, due to the viral apocalypse.

Band members Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope tweeted, "The bottom line is that we REFUSE to risk even ONE Juggalo life by hosting a Gathering during these troubling times."

Jesus wept, a pair of rappers in clown makeup are officially more rational and compassionate than the leader of the country. Congratulations, Universe! You win! 

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