Eh, You Had A Pretty Good Run, English Language

I realize this is a little late, but I just saw that the fine people over at Merriam-Webster released their list of new words for 2021. Amazingly they managed to add a whopping 520 of them to their dictionary! Jesus Christ! That seems a bit excessive. Were there really that many words worthy of adding?

Anyway, here are a few of the standouts:

• Amirite

A slang term meaning, "Am I right?" As in, "Boy, this Covid-19's really something, amirite?"

I admit I'm guilty of using this one. In my slight defense, I generally do it for comedic effect, and don't use it in everyday conversation.

• Because

Yes, this word's been around as long as English has, but not in this context. They've added the new use of it, which means "by reason of." As in, "The vaccine works because science."

I've used this one in my writing as well.

• Super-spreader

The first of many pandemic related terms, meaning an event or gathering in which a large number of unvaccinated people congregate and become infected. 

You know, like my neighbors down the street who invite their friends and family over every Monday to watch football or play poker or participate in religious snake handling or whatever the hell it is they do. All unmasked, of course.

• Vaccine passport

This one means a document proving one's been vaccinated against Covid. Considering the perpetual restrictions against worldwide travel, this is likely the only passport most of us will ever see again.

• Copypasta

A block of text or an image which has been copied and shared numerous times over the internet.

It's fine I guess, but did it really need an official entry in the dictionary?

• Air fryer

An appliance that cooks food quickly by means of air convection currents.

Again, nothing wrong with the term, except it seems like the definition's pretty obvious. If you need to look up what "air fryer" means, then maybe it's time you threw away your "vaccine passport" and went to a "super spreader" event.

• Fourth trimester

The period AFTER a woman gives birth, in which she recovers and adjusts to caring for her child.

Cute. Incredibly stupid, but cute. We used to just call this "taking care of your baby."

• Faux-hawk

A hairstyle resembling a Mohawk, except the sides of the head aren't shaved.

I've been hearing this term for a good twenty years now, so I'm not sure why it's just now an entry. Probably because whoever submitted it was embarrassed to do so before now.

• Dad bod

A middle-aged man who's slightly overweight and not particularly muscular.

Thank the gods this mysterious term's finally been added, so at long last we can all understand what it means. Note that there's no "mom-bod" to be found in the dictionary, because that would be anti-feminist and insensitive. Tables would have to be flipped and cultures canceled.

• Cancel culture

Hey, speak of the devil. The act of ruining a person's life when their views and comments don't conform to the rigid guidelines laid down by "woke" segments of society. Also a good reason to stay off of Twitter and most other forms of social media.

• Flex

The act of bragging or showing off. So... couldn't you just say that instead?

• Crowdfunding

To obtain money for expenses by begging for donations from strangers online.

Also, the only way Covid survivors can ever hope to pay off their massive, crippling intensive care bills.

• Gig worker

A person who works temporary jobs as an independent contractor or freelancer. And the way many people eke out a living after losing their jobs due to the pandemic.

• BIPOC

An abbreviation meaning Black, Indigenous, People Of Color.

Every time I see this word I read it as "biopic," as in a biographical movie. Do better, abbreviators!

• Folx

A term used to include groups that are commonly marginalized.

Oh for frak's sake! You're just making sh*t up now! I've never heard this even once in my life.

• ASMR

An acronym meaning Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. Basically the pleasant tingling sensation one gets on the back of the scalp in response to pleasant stimuli.

Is... is this really a thing? I guess I'm some kind of android, because this doesn't happen to me.

• Reaction GIF

An image posted in reply to a text, which expresses the sender's feelings or response.

Fine, but again, does this need to be in the dictionary? Can we not look at these two words and piece together what they mean?

• Sapiosexual

One who's attracted to highly intelligent people.

Um, shouldn't everyone be attracted to smart people, and not dumbasses? Why is this not the norm?

• Long Hauler
One final pandemic term. This one means a person who experiences one or more long-term side effects after recovering from Covid.

And here I thought it meant someone who drives a semi truck across the country.

Ah well. English had a pretty good run, but like all things in this world it eventually has to die.