It's Pretty Big... I Guess

Yesterday astronomers around the world were all in a tizzy over the so-called "Super Moon," the brightest one in sixty eight years.

See, due to our moon's elliptical orbit, its distance from the Earth varies, from 221,500 miles at perigee, to 252,700 miles at apogee.

Occasionally the moon will be in its full phase during its closest approach, which results in the Super Moon. The last such occurrence was in 1948, and it won't happen again until 2034.

NASA was positively beside itself all week, trumpeting that this would be the most amazing celestial phenomenon in the history of astronomy. They went on and on about how Sunday night the moon would appear a whopping 14% larger in the sky, and a jaw-dropping 30% brighter.

The way they and every other news outlet went on about it, you'd think the moon was going to swell to the size of Jupiter and fill up half the sky as it loomed ominously over us. Unfortunately that wasn't the case. When you actually go outside and look at it, you quickly realize that a 14% increase is barely perceptible to the naked eye, and isn't all that impressive. It's certainly not worth freezing your ass off to gaze at it in the cold night air.

And 30% brighter? Meh. That's even less remarkable. Apparently astronomers are an easily impressed lot.

As always, the Simpsons summed up the situation best.

This Week In Ridiculous Astronomical Theories

This week scientists announced new research indicating that our entire universe may be nothing more than a hologram.

The Holographic Principle was first proposed in 1993 by theoretical physicists Gerard't Hooft and Leonard Susskind. New research from scientists at the Vienna University of Technology seemingly confirms their claim.

Basically the Holographic Principle states that our three dimensional reality is a projection of info stored on a distant, two dimensional surface. Much like the holographic emblem on your credit card. This two dimensional surface holds all the info necessary to describe a three dimensional object, which in this case is the entire universe.

Despite the fact that the whole thing sounds like nothing more than the deranged rantings of an opium addict to the average citizen, the scientific community is actually taking the theory seriously.

The theory also has many disturbing theological implications, mainly that "God" may well be nothing more than a bored, pimply-faced alien teen who cobbled together a simulated universe with the computer in his bedroom.

The Holographic Principle could also pose a threat to our very existence. Now that we've figured out that our universe is a hologram, we may inadvertently spook whoever's running it, causing them to pull the plug on the ex

Why Do They Call Them Comics: Snuffy Smith

Once again on the comics page we see Snuffy Smith displaying an advanced knowledge of the universe and man's place within, despite the fact that he's a backward hillbilly who can probably barely scratch out an X as a placeholder for a signature.

This happened back in April too, when Snuffy revealed his familiarity with the Many Worlds Theory Of Quantum Mechanics. Mind your words, Snuffy! Folks in Hootin' Holler don't take kindly to such book learnin' and them that gits above their raisin.' People have been lynched for less.

I'm starting to believe that Snuffy Smith artist/writer John Rose is really a pen name for pop astrophysicist Neil Degrasse Tyson. How else to explain the sudden surge in cosmic-themed strips?

Bonus Round Nitpicking: why is the title of the strip Snuffy Smith, but all the characters pronounce his name as "Smif?" Shouldn't the names match?

Look, Up In The Sky! It's A Bird! It's A Plane! It's A Venus/Jupiter Alignment!

If you can, try to pry yourself away from the computer screen on the evening of March 13 and take a gander outside (that is, take a look outside, don't actually take a male goose out into the yard). If you gaze to the west just after sunset, you'll see something rare and beautiful: the alignment of the planets Venus and Jupiter.

There'll be no mistaking them, as they'll be the brightest (and probably only) objects visible in the sky at that time. On the 13th the two planets will appear just three degrees apart, which means nothing whatsoever to me but appears to be some kind of unit of sky measurement that's got scientist all excited. It's an uncommon sight that won't be repeated until 2036, which is too bad since the world's ending later this year and no one will be around to see it.

Venus of course was named after the Roman Goddess of Love, which is fitting for a planet who's temperature is a scalding 872 degrees and is covered by clouds of sulfuric acid. Jupiter is famous as being the largest planet in the solar system and possesses a gargantuan red cold sore on its lower equator.

Don't fret if you miss the show tonight; the two planets will still be unnaturally close all through the month.