Private Screening

The never-ending Covid pandemic hit the world economy hard last year, causing billions in lost sales and forcing numerous businesses to close for good.

Movie theaters in particular were dealt a near fatal blow, as they were shuttered for nearly a year. Since their entire business model depends on people leaving the house and showing up in person, this was a huge problem. Even after finally reopening, audiences still haven't returned to pre-Covid levels.

In a desperate attempt to remind the public that they still exist, the AMC theater chain has recently begun airing TV commercials featuring Nicole Kidman. In them, the former Mrs. Cruise strolls wistfully through a movie theater, gushing about the shared audience experience or something, and how awesome it is to watch a film on the big screen.

Eh, I dunno... Say, AMC— I'm not a marketing expert or anything, but if you're trying to convince people that cineplexes are so amazing, maybe show Nicole Kidman sitting in a packed house, rather than wandering through a cavernous, completely EMPTY theater. 

Seriously, what addle-brained executive thought this commercial was a good idea? It looks like a trailer for an end of the world pic, featuring Kidman as the sole survivor of a pandemic as she visits places she used to love, that are now empty and silent save for the sound of the howling wind scouring the deserted landscape.

There Goes The Neighborhood!

I typically see a movie in the theater every weekend of the year. Normally I go to the small cineplex that's just a couple of blocks from my house, as it's less crowded and there aren't quite as many seat-kicking adults, texting teens or shrieking babies there.

This past weekend however, I'd already seen everything at the local theater, so I went to the BIG cineplex way over on the other side of town.

Something I've noticed at that place— the quality of a particular movie is inversely proportional to its distance from the front entrance.

For example: Big budget summer blockbuster films will ALWAYS play on one of the screens ten feet from the lobby, next to the concession stand. Always, without fail. 

But if there's a watered down PG-13 "horror" film, a fart comedy or a slow moving Oscar-bait drama playing, then it'll be on Screen 16, which is LITERALLY as far back into the building as you can possibly walk. When I realize it's taking me two minutes to walk to a particular theater inside the cineplex, I know I probably should have picked a different film to see. 

It's almost like there's a "bad neighborhood" inside the cineplex, where they dump all the terrible or unpopular films!

Choose Wisely!

I went to my local cineplexery this past weekend, and saw this: they're playing Disney/Pixar's Finding Dory right next door to the horror-survival shark flick The Shallows.*

I'd be lying if I said the sadist in me isn't hoping that some harried, inattentive parent gets confused and takes their precious snowflake into the wrong theater!

*Apologies for the lousy photo quality. Stupid phone camera!