What Are You Trying To Say, Amazon?

Like most rational adult humans, I did all my Xmas shopping online this year. Why fight my way through traffic and inclement weather to make it to a crowded store like a common peasant, only to find out they're out of the item I want? I'll shop in the comfort of my own home and have someone bring the merchandise to me, thanks.

So a couple weeks ago I got such a delivery from online retail behemoth Amazon. Look closely at the shipping label that was affixed firmly to the box. Is it me, or does that label very prominently say "CORN?"

Surely, Amazon, this four letter code wasn't just a coincidence? Do you expect me to believe that your computers spit out four letter codes completely at random, and this one just happened to coincide with my backward state's largest export? I ain't buying it. 

What other stereotypical regional codes do you have in your database, Amazon? Do you use "HICK" for customers in Arkansas? "RUDE" for New Yorkers? "BLOW" for packages sent to Hollywood?

I get it, Amazon. I live in Indiana. Home of vast fields of flat terrain covered by endless corn fields. One of those boring, "fly-over" or "drive-thru" states that you only pass through when you're on your way to someplace more exciting and cosmopolitan.

You made your point loud and clear. I'm a rube, a bumpkin, a hayseed, a yokel. But you don't have to rub my face in it.

That Ain't Right Part Two

Recently I blogged about the highly inappropriate Sexy Sesame Street Halloween costumes, and predicted that at our current rate of Sluttification, our society would soon run out of pop culture subjects to sluttify. I worried that by 2016 we'd be reduced to creating costumes such as Sexy Blender and Sexy Ball Peen Hammer.

I'm afraid it's worse than I thought. It's already happened. We have definitely run out of sexy character fodder and have begun using inanimate objects.

Case in point:

The Sexy Corn costume.

I... I don't even know how to respond to this. I need to go lie down for a while. Perhaps volunteer to read to the blind or something.