Oh, For Pete's Sake!

If you're a regular reader of my blog, as millions are, you know of my highly publicized feud with the National Hurricane Center (it was in all the papers) over their insistence of handing out insipid names to deadly hurricanes and destructive tropical storms.

For example, last month Florida was menaced by the terrifying Hurricane Debbie. Right now the East Coast is in the path of... Hurricane Fabio.

Yep, you read right, Fabio. The beefy, golden-tressed Adonis who's adorned a thousand romance novel covers. 

Who would be afraid of such a storm? What's Hurricane Fabio going to do, come flex and pose on my lawn? Few people are going to take such a storm seriously.

Why can't they give the storms appropriately frightening names? Hurricane DeathStorm or Destructorr (the extra "r" is intentional, to make it even more frightening), that sort of thing. I'd be much more likely to flee for my life from such aptly-named storms than I would the meekly-named Debbie and Fabio.

According the Hurricane Center's list, for the remainder of the year we can look forward to storms such as Kristy, Norman, Patty, Sandy and Zeke (!). I'm trembling already.

Why don't they just name the storms Herbert Noodlemeyer and get it over with already?

My Annual Plea For The National Weather Service To Stop Giving Hurricanes Stupid Names

Once again, as I do every year, I am imploring the National Weather Service to do something about the less than impressive names it assigns to tropical storms and hurricanes.

As we speak, Tropical Storm Debbie is ravaging the Florida peninsula. Yeah, I said Debbie.

It's bad enough that people are losing their homes, property and even lives, but to lose them to Tropical Storm Debbie... It's embarrassing. These people have suffered enough, they don't need to be mortified on top of everything else.

Plus, think of the people in the storm's path who are being ordered to evacuate their homes. Nobody's going to evacuate because Debbie's heading their way. Who could blame them? "What's that you say, Mr. Civil Defense Worker? You want I should drop everything and leave my home because Tropical Storm Debbie's coming this way? Who's this Debbie anyway? How much trouble could she cause? I'll take my chances, thanks. Come back when Hurricane Death Scythe is bearing down on me, then maybe we'll talk."

Death Storm 2012. Now there's a name that'll get people's attention!

Hurricane, Schmuricane Redux

I posted this blog entry just about this time last year, when the meekly named Hurricane Earl was bearing down on the East Coast. With the equally blandly-named Hurricane Irene now threatening the East Coast this year, I thought it was worth repeating.

Here's something else I've always wondered: Why do they always give hurricanes such bland, everyday names?

For example, right now Hurricane Earl is bearing down on the East coast of America. No offense to any readers out there named Earl, but you've got to admit, that's not a name that strikes fear into people.

If I was sitting in my house and the weatherman came on TV and said, "Run for your lives! Hurricane Earl is heading right for us! Take only what you can carry!" I'd shrug and go on with whatever I was doing.

Maybe more people would have evacuated New Orleans five years ago if Hurricane Katrina hadn't been named after a sexy Russian exchange student.

If they want people to take hurricanes seriously and evacuate the coastlines, they need to stop naming them Otto and Virginie* and start calling them Hurricane DESTRUKTORR or Hurricane EXTERMINUS. Now that would get the population's attention! No one would ignore a hurricane warning like that!

So here you go, National Hurricane Center. I'm sending you a revised list of 21 hurricane names for 2010 to replace your wimpy monikers (spellings are intentional):

· Annihilator
· Blastarr
· Crusher
· Destruktorr
· Exterminus
· Fearasaurus Death
· Ginormitron
· Hellsender
· Implosionator
· Jackal-gnashor
· Killotronn
· Lay-waste-acuss
· Maimakuss
· Neutralizorr
· Oblitoratorr
· Pillaguss
· Ransackulon
· Slaughteratorr
· Terminatus
· Vandalon
· Wreckkorr

Good luck during hurricane season, World (note that I am not trying to make light of recent hurricane victims and the extensive damage, rather I'm mocking the National Weather Service for what I consider a stupid naming system).

*Believe it or not, these are actual names on the 2010 hurricane name list.

Hurricane, Schmuricane

Here's something else I've always wondered: Why do they always give hurricanes such bland, everyday names?

For example, right now Hurricane Earl is bearing down on the East coast of America. No offense to any readers out there named Earl, but you've got to admit, that's not a name that strikes fear into people.

If I was sitting in my house and the weatherman came on TV and said, "Run for your lives! Hurricane Earl is heading right for us! Take only what you can carry!" I'd shrug and go on with whatever I was doing.

Maybe more people would have evacuated New Orleans five years ago if Hurricane Katrina hadn't been named after a sexy Russian exchange student.

If they want people to take hurricanes seriously and evacuate the coastlines, they need to stop naming them Otto and Virginie* and start calling them Hurricane DESTRUKTORR or Hurricane EXTERMINUS. Now that would get the population's attention! No one would ignore a hurricane warning like that!

So here you go, National Hurricane Center. I'm sending you a revised list of 21 hurricane names for 2010 to replace your wimpy monikers (spellings are intentional):

· Annihilator
· Blastarr
· Crusher
· Destruktorr
· Exterminus
· Fearasaurus Death
· Ginormitron
· Hellsender
· Implosionator
· Jackal-gnashor
· Killotronn
· Lay-waste-acuss
· Maimakuss
· Neutralizorr
· Oblitoratorr
· Pillaguss
· Ransackulon
· Slaughteratorr
· Terminatus
· Vandalon
· Wreckkorr

Good luck during hurricane season, World!

*Believe it or not, these are actual names on the 2010 hurricane name list.