What's In A Name?

Are you curious as to what was the most popular boy's name in America in 2013? Eh, me either. Just play along, OK?

The map above shows last year's most popular male name in each state, if you can believe Social Security and The Huffington Post. The most popular name in my home state of Indiana: Liam.

Jesus Christ, are you kidding me? Liam? What century is this? I wasn't aware I'd accidentally time travelled and was living in 10th Century Ireland.

It's not just Indiana that's fallen in love with this archaic moniker. Somehow Liam is the most popular male name in eighteen of the fifty states. 

I can't speak for the entire country, but as far as Indiana goes this is nothing but a load of hogswallop. Based on my own observations (which admittedly may be spotty), the most popular male name in Indiana is Bubbie. 

I hear it spoken (make that screeched) on a daily basis. Everywhere I go it's "C'mon, Bubbie, we gotta git home so's I kin fix Daddy's supper" and "Bubbie! What'd I tell you about whoppin' yer sister?" or "Bubbie! Fetch me my beatin' switch!" and so on. 

Who knew there were so many jews in Indiana?

Hurricane, Schmuricane

Here's something else I've always wondered: Why do they always give hurricanes such bland, everyday names?

For example, right now Hurricane Earl is bearing down on the East coast of America. No offense to any readers out there named Earl, but you've got to admit, that's not a name that strikes fear into people.

If I was sitting in my house and the weatherman came on TV and said, "Run for your lives! Hurricane Earl is heading right for us! Take only what you can carry!" I'd shrug and go on with whatever I was doing.

Maybe more people would have evacuated New Orleans five years ago if Hurricane Katrina hadn't been named after a sexy Russian exchange student.

If they want people to take hurricanes seriously and evacuate the coastlines, they need to stop naming them Otto and Virginie* and start calling them Hurricane DESTRUKTORR or Hurricane EXTERMINUS. Now that would get the population's attention! No one would ignore a hurricane warning like that!

So here you go, National Hurricane Center. I'm sending you a revised list of 21 hurricane names for 2010 to replace your wimpy monikers (spellings are intentional):

· Annihilator
· Blastarr
· Crusher
· Destruktorr
· Exterminus
· Fearasaurus Death
· Ginormitron
· Hellsender
· Implosionator
· Jackal-gnashor
· Killotronn
· Lay-waste-acuss
· Maimakuss
· Neutralizorr
· Oblitoratorr
· Pillaguss
· Ransackulon
· Slaughteratorr
· Terminatus
· Vandalon
· Wreckkorr

Good luck during hurricane season, World!

*Believe it or not, these are actual names on the 2010 hurricane name list.