We Ain't Found Sh*t!

Just a reminder that in Spaceballs, President Skroob orders his troops to comb the desert till they find Princess Vespa. Naturally, his soldiers take him literally. Com-O-Dee!

Of course there's also a group of black soldiers combing the sands with an oversized afro pick! Borderline Racist Com-O-Dee That'll Get You Canceled Here In Ultrasensitive 2021!

When Dark Helmet asks if they've located the Princess, one of the pick soldiers says, "We ain't found sh*t!"

Turns out the "Sh*t Soldier" was played by a young Tim Russ, aka Tuvok from Star Trek: Voayger!

Because Knowing Is Half The Battle!

Dark Helmet Approves!

If you're like me, you work in a noisy office full of women that sounds not unlike the set of The View. The din from my coworkers often makes it hard to concentrate on my own work.

Introducing the Tomako, the world's first portable, noise-filtering privacy helmet for office use. With the Tomako, you'll be immersed in a wonderful, noiseless world where you'll actually be able to hear your own thoughts for once, without being interrupted by non-stop recaps of The Voice or The Bachelor or whatever excuses they have for TV shows these days.

Best of all, with its sleek design and practical functionality, you won't look like the office weirdo and be silently judged by your peers when you wear it! Available wherever fine hipster products are sold.

Somewhere in the galaxy, Dark Helmet gazes at the Tomako with envious eyes...