Hot Gun!

Last month I told you about a Wheel Of Fortune contestant named Kevin, who, when confronted with this puzzle, guessed the letter "K."

Ah, yes, it's Tennessee Williams' most famous and beloved play, A Streetcar Naked Desire!

Welp, something similar happened this week on Jeopardy! (Um, just so you know, I wasn't shouting there. The makers of Jeopardy! insist on spelling it with an exclamation mark at the end).

 The category was "Three Plus Three," meaning the answers (or I guess since this is Jeopardy!, the questions) are two words of three letters each. This particular answer was "A Hired Killer."

A contestant named Kevin (Jesus, what is it with that name?), who had a score of $0, thought for a second, then confidently blurted out "HOT GUN!"

Needless to say, that was not the right answer. Question! I mean question!

Yep, whenever I want someone killed, I always hire myself a Hot Gun!

The Naked And The Streetcar

Next time you're feeling a bit down, you can always console yourself with the fact that at least you're not the poor schlub named "Kevin," who, on a recent episode of Wheel Of Fortune, guessed a "K" at this point in the game.

Yes, it's Tennessee Williams' most famous and beloved play, A Streetcar Naked Desire!

The American Educational System at work, ladies and gentlemen!

Wheel Unfortunate

This week, perennial game show host Pat Sajak admitted that he's occasionally hosted TVs Wheel of Fortune while drunk.

Dear God, who could blame him?

I feel like I'd need to get hammered just to watch an entire episode of that show. How he's managed to bear hosting it week in and week out for the past 30 years is beyond my comprehension. I honestly cannot conceive of a worse hell. If anything he deserves the country's utmost pity and compassion.

Think about the amount of pure willpower it must take him to force his feet to shuffle into that studio once a week for three decades. Imagine the sheer inner strength he has to muster in order to feign interest in whether a soccer mom from Sheboygan wins or loses. Try to imagine how grating it has to be for him to hear the phrase, "I'd like to buy a vowel" for the 100,000th time. Think of the seething, red hot fury that must build inside him when a mouth-breathing contestant can't guess a puzzle like "CATS AND D_GS."

How this man has kept from climbing to the top of a clock tower with a high powered rifle and going on a shooting spree, I have no idea.

Some may say he has one of the best jobs in the world. He works one day a week and is no doubt a millionaire many times over. There are some things though that just aren't worth any amount of money.

I can't fathom what abominable sin could he could possibly have committed to deserve such a curse. Just remember as you go to bed tonight, thank whatever deity you may worship that you weren't born Mr. Pat Sajak.