Saturday, March 31, 2012


I was in Toys R Us (sorry, I can't figure out how to type a backwards "R") earlier this week and while looking around I wandered into the CSI aisle. Yeah, I said CSI. I gotta say, I was a bit surprised. Do kids even know what CSI is? Do they actually watch the myriad CSI shows?

Heck, I'm an adult and I don't even watch them. I can't imagine a graphic scientific police procedural show would have much to offer a kid. I know the playsets probably contain fun little experiments, but it just seems a bit iffy to tie them in with a show that's clearly aimed at adults. Like having a Desperate Housewives Dollhouse or a Sopranos Board Game.

It reminds me of when the R-rated ALIEN movie came out in 1979 and Kenner Toys produced an action figure of the titular extraterrestrial. It was a cool toy, but probably not a good idea given the adult subject matter of the film.

Appropriateness aside, here are a few of the playsets they had for sale:

The Official CSI DNA Laboratory. Hey kids, ever wonder if maybe you were adopted? Or have you noticed that you look more like Daddy's best friend than you do Daddy? Now you clear up any pesky questions about your parentage by performing your very own DNA analysis!

The instruction book on how to obtain DNA samples ought to be interesting reading...

The Official CSI Fingerprint Analysis Kit. Kids, when you come home from school does your room look a little off, like things have been moved slightly, but you can't quite tell for sure? Now you can find out who's been rifling through your crap while you're gone with the CSI Fingerprint Analysis Kit.

Simply dust your room for prints, then when you confront Mom about reading your diary and she denies it, you can yell, "AHA!!!" and fling the cold, hard scientific proof right at her lying face.

The Official CSI Impression Kit. Gals, are you tired of old Mr. Feeney from down the block always peeping in your bedroom window? Tired of not being taken seriously when you tell an adult about it?

Take matters into your own hands! Next time that old perv slobbers outside your window, wait until he leaves and then make a plaster cast of his footprints. Now you've got hard evidence to show the authorities and that skeev Feeney will be making new friends in Cell Block H!

The Official CSI Field Investigation Kit. Yeah, that's a pair of handcuffs there in the box. Expect these to keep "mysteriously" turning up in Mom and Dad's room.

The Official CSI Junior Investigation Kit. Wow, look at all the stuff you get in this playset! Police tape to drape across the front door, to give Mrs. Kravitz next door something to talk about. Evidence bags and tags, and rubber gloves with which to handle any hair or skin samples left at the crime scene . It says it even comes with an "alternate light source." You know what that means, kids! That's right! Blacklight semen detector!

The Official CSI Forensic Facial Reconstruction Kit. I think this might be my favorite playset of all. Remember that hooker that Daddy killed and buried in the back yard? Now you can dig up her skull and reconstruct her face, so the police can finally put a name to this Jane Doe case and close the file for good! Of course Daddy may have to go away for twenty years or so, but hey, justice must be served!

Look at this playset! Dear Lord, it even comes with the little erasers you place on the skull, just like the real thing!


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