Monday, June 25, 2012

Three Years!

Today's the third anniversary of the day I ditched cable TV. You can read all about the initial ditching and why I decided to do it here, if you're so inclined. I'll warn you now, it's exciting and compelling reading!

It doesn't seem like it's been three years. Seems like only yesterday that I got tired of paying for hundreds of channels full of shows that I never watched and finally cut the cord.

"But Bob," I hear you saying, "think of all the hours of fine quality television you've missed over the past three years! Think of all the shocking cliffhangers and catch phrases you'll never know about!"

You're right about that. I have missed out on quite a lot since I got rid of cable. I've completely missed the boat on the whole Jersey Shore phenomenon that became one of the most important cultural milestones in our nation's history. In years to come the entire nation will remember exactly where they were when they heard the news that Snooki and J. Woww aren't really Italian. I, however, will be forever out of the loop, never understanding the full significance of the life-altering event.

Just think of all the rare and exciting moments of spectacular talent I never witnessed on Dancing With The Stars, America's Got Talent, The Voice, So You Think You Can DanceThe X Factor and American Idol.

Imagine all the untold treasures I never saw unearthed on Pawn Stars, Storage Wars, American Pickers, American Restoration, Auction Kings and Auction Hunters.

Weep openly at all the culinary delights I missed forever on Cake Boss, Ace of Cakes, Cupcake Wars, Amazing Wedding Cakes, DC Cupcakes and Last Cake Standing.

Now that I think about it, I've wasted the past three years of my life. Wasted it, I tell you! How dare I sit in front of my computer illustrating and improving my artistic skills when I could be watching one of the seven different shows about families of little people? How can I possibly justify going for a purposeless walk in the fresh air on the scenic trail that winds through my city when I could be watching meter maids hand out parking tickets on television? Where do I get the gall to sit and simply read a book instead of intently following the daily exploits of America's First Family, the Kardashians? Who the hell do I think I am?

My mind's made up! I'm calling the cable company and re-ordering cable pronto!


  1. "My mind's made up! I'm calling the cable company and re-ordering cable pronto!"

    Thank God you've finally come to your senses!

  2. haha ! this is great. i would, however, watch a reality show entitled "Little Midget Cup-Cake Wars on the Jersey Shore". My tv is doing fine as a radio while i multi-task write draw etc. i toast your bravado and wish you many more anniversaries to come.

  3. More power to you! I ceased my relationship to the cable TV behemoth back in 1993, and I struggled with rabbit ears or the paltry selections in now-defunct video stores. About 2 years ago, I got a Roku box which is the closest thing I can think of to a la carte cable television. There are a ton of free offerings on the box like Sony's Crackle, but what I like is the bizarre public domain and low-rent "channels" available. I was recently watching roller derby matches from 1949 and, God help me, I was watching the blaxploitation, exorcist ripoff "Abby" the other night.


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