Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Now With The Fresh Taste Of Chocolate!

This week industry giant Crest announced it's planning to release a new line of "adventurous" toothpastes (whatever the hell that means) in various oddball flavors, including chocolate. Yeah, I said chocolate.

Because when I want my mouth to have that just brushed fresh feeling, the first thing I reach for is a candy bar.

In addition to Chocolate Mint, Crest is also releasing Lime Spearmint Zest and Vanilla Mint Spark flavors. 

Novelty flavored toothpastes are nothing new, but so far they've been offered only to kids. I believe this is the first time they've been marketed to adults.

Proter & Gamble, the parent company of Crest, is banking on these uppity new toothpastes to bring in fresh customers and bolster their shaky bottom line.

First of all, the home dental care industry seems like a low-growth market to me. I'd bet that pretty much everyone who's interested in brushing their teeth is already doing so. People who don't brush probably don't have teeth. So it's not like there's much of a demographic left to shoot for, chocolate flavoring or not.

Second... call me old and set in my ways, but chocolate toothpaste? Has it really come to this? Have we Americans grown so fat and sedentary that the only way to get us to brush our damn teeth is to bribe us with chocolate?

We're very near the end of civilization.

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