Sunday, February 23, 2014

This Week In Ideas That Need Quashed With Extreme Prejudice

This week Paramount is re-releasing a special R-rated version of Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues to theaters for one week. This new version is no doubt raunchier than the original PG-13 one and promises 763 additional jokes (although I'm pretty sure that in itself is one of the jokes).

I don't think I like this idea. This is supposedly a better version of the film, right? So why didn't they release this version last December, instead of the inferior initial version?* Now I feel like an idiot for wasting money on the original. Actually I feel like an idiot for spending money on any version of it at all, but you get what I mean.

"But Bob," I hear you saying. "Why are you so upset? Isn't this the same thing as a "director's cut" on DVD?" Well, not exactly. By now everyone knows that a lot of movies get a regular and director's cut on home video. You can make an informed decision as to whether you want to buy the theatrical version or wait for the souped up, extended cut. 

This doesn't usually happen with movies that are still in theaters. No one had any idea that a better version would be coming to the cineplex a scant two months later.

This is nothing more than a blatant cash grab by Paramount, plain and simple. One designed to vacuum another ten bucks from the wallets of fans. 

This is just like when you call your cable company and tell them you're cutting the cord, and they tell you they'll knock $20 a month off your bill if you stay. Then you realize that you could have been paying $240 less per year for cable all along, but they never told you about it. In other words, it's a scam, one that I hope dies a quick and very painful death.

*When I reviewed the original version back in December 2013, one of my complaints was that there were vast stretches of screen time with little or no laughs. Now I know why. They were saving all the jokes for this R-rated version. 

Also, the original version clocked in at 119 minutes, which is unusually long for a comedy. Now it's gonna be even longer? Comedies need to be short, because it's tough to keep an audience laughing for a prolonged period of time. Less is more!

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