Wednesday, December 2, 2015

What Are Americans Outraged About This Week? Reese's Xmas Tree Candy

Welcome to What Are People Outraged About This Week? Where every now and then I'll take a look at various so-called atrocities that are vexing the Offended States Of America, and causing the general public to overreact.

So what are people outraged about this week?
This week people seem to be outraged by Reese's Peanut Butter Christmas Trees. Ever since 1993 Reese's has made a special holiday edition of their peanut butter cups that resembles a Christmas tree.

But this year the easily-offended public is charging that the candies look less like traditional fir trees and more like "turds."

Sigh. Here we go again. Yet another professionally offended American expressing mock outrage over nothing. OK, fine. Let's have a look at this so-called "turd" can-

Holy crap! Yep, that's a turd.

OK, so this time the public has a point. These candies don't look the least bit like Christmas trees. But you know what? I think that's actually a good thing.

Look at what would happen if you started shaving off hunks of the candy turd to make it resemble a tree. Sure, now it looks more like a traditional symbol of Christmas, but take a gander at all that delicious chocolate and peanut butter you're being denied.

Do you really want 33% less mass just so your candy looks like a stinkin' tree? I know I don't! The more chocolate and peanut butter the better! Bring on the Candied Christmas Turds!

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